| Title: Chapter 3
| 30 Apr 2011 4:08 am
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| Reviewer: Rana (Anonymous)
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hahaa i loved the letters. it reminded me of when i was checking my 6yr old cousins homework he spelled swallowed sualoed , grrandma granma..it was cute
| Title: Chapter 2
| 29 Apr 2011 9:42 am
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| Reviewer: heartstar (Anonymous)
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lol OH My LOL poor Sev! forced intoacting like a first year!lol
I really like your writing style! Your ideas are really unique, and I am very much looking forward to more! As for pointers ... I must say is that there are a few little errors here an there (both in chapter 1 and 2) that were obviously just little things that got looked over. Perhaps go back and read the two chapters aloud so you catch those slippery little buggers. ;) Another thing was that I noticed your dialogue was formatted incorrectly on occasion. For example "Did I not just say so?" He spat. The he should not be capitalized (I know, it seems odd, right) so it should be "Did I not just say so?" he spat. Anyways, the best thing for you to do probably (I know this helped me a lot) would be to look up formatting dialogue on the internet. I just thought I would mention the dialogue because nobody told me I was making mistakes with it for a really long time and then I had to go back an fix stuff, which took ages. Hopefully this was helpful, and please write more of this story because you had me swept away before the end of the first chapter! Thank you for the lovely story, and sorry if I annoyed you at all with the whole punctuation police thing! :)
Awesome beginning. Looking forward to more
| Title: Chapter 1
| 29 Apr 2011 2:19 am
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| Reviewer: Morgana (Anonymous)
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Great first chapter. I love how you used the concept of a 'family tree' project to introduce us to the abuse/neglect Harry's suffering and your use of Lucy to highlight how the Dursleys have warped Harry's conception of normal family relationships- very believable and very poignant. Well written dialogue and very evokative descriptions. Great job but be careful about Americanisms- I don't know whether, at 7, I'd have known what 'oatmeal' was lol!
I love it so far! Great beginning. Keep it up!
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