|
|
Reviews For Building Bridges
Between this first chapter and the title, this tale is already looking very promising - can't wait to see where you go with it! Author's Response: Thank you! I'm so glad you approve so far... misundersnape...
Author's Response: Thank you! I don't think harry thought of the Knight Bus. Perhaps because he doesn't really know where he ought to go for help... and all he intended to do was get far enough away from Privet Drive to send a patronus - he wasn't really 'leaving'. misundersnape...
Author's Response: Thanks for the review! There's more already... :D misundersnape...
Author's Response: Thanks for this review! Again, could you be more specific about what and how you thought the beginning was awkward... Glad you liked it. misundersnape...
Alright, onto the actual review. The beginning felt a little awkward. There were a few grammatical and spelling errors – site when it should have been sight but nothing that detracts too much from the story. But as it went on the awkwardness went away, and it got more and more exciting. When Uncle Vernon handed him the pot it reached full stride and I sped through to the end, needing to know what happened next. I really like the idea and your portrayal of the Dursleys. They seem to remain more true to their book personalities – meaning not overly abusive (though that element is not bad either). It’s just interesting, and I love Harry’s desire to have food, the necessities as it were, is what finally pushed him over the edge. Personally I would have had Uncle Vernon toss him out of the kitchen, and I would have given him a stomach wound. Wouldn’t have nicked anything of course, but there’s something more serious when you’re slugged in the gut. But, using his wand arm… could make for some really fun plot issues later on…. Hm… For how much he was bleeding, I’m not sure about the likelihood of him reawaking on the street. That was the only real thing that bugged me. The way you described it, it seemed as though his uncle had nicked an artery – nicked, not severed – and as it seemed his attempts to stop the flow were rather fruitless… he would have bleed out. Perhaps sending the patronus and then passing out would have been better. Author's Response: Hi! Thanks for this review! I'm not really sure what you meant by the beginning feels awkward... I re-read that part with your comment in mind, but I still am not sure what you meant, it seemed okay to me. So, if you could be more specific, I'll be happy to reassess that part. Yes, the odd typo and mistake will be expected - i don't use a beta and I have a couple of versions of this - and sometimes an error might be fixed on one version, but not the other... and words like site versus sight are particularly difficult to catch, as spell check is of no use there lol. ;) Anyway, one day I'll get to catching them all. I tried to go for a realistic approach and view of all the characters, so I'm glad you found them believable and true to canon. However, I think it's Harry's desire for 'luxuries' that he isn't getting, that he sees Dudley in particular getting, that finally pushes him over the edge. He's getting fed, housed, clothed already, so his necessities are being catered to. I didn't go for a more serious wound because I wanted Harry to take his time getting help. I wanted him to think he had time to avoid alerting the ministry etc... so could walk away. Plus there are a variety of plot reason I wanted him away for the Dursleys. Vernon's knife wound is fairly superficial. Deep, but it hasn't hit anything major. Harry bleeds quite a lot, but not life threatening... though because it is a clean cut it does have trouble clotting properly - especially when he exerts the limb the bleeding does recommence. So I think passing out, then re-awakening is possible, and for plot reasons I wanted it that way. I did put thought into it when I wrote it, with the ideas your brought up in mind actually, but in the end I decided quite deliberately that this is the way I wanted it. So thanks for your comments, they were appreciated and valid nonetheless. Thanks so much for your review! misundersnape...
Author's Response: Thanks so much! Severus' reaction coming up - just waiting for validation. :D misundersnape...
Author's Response: Thank you. I have submitted chap 2... jsut waiting for validation. I hope you'll like what's to come. :D misundersnape...
Author's Response: Looking forward to it... :D
|
|
Powered by eFiction 3.5 |