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Reviews For Through a Glass, Darkly
Author's Response: Thank you! I'm glad you like Draco and Hermione as Harry's new friends.
Author's Response: Harry may surprise Snape yet... thank you for the chocolate :)!
Author's Response: I'm glad you like them; they are fun to write! Thank you for reviewing!
And I dunno. I'm sorry =[ Author's Response: Please don't worry about it, I really appreciate concrit :)! Like I said, it's very helpful.
Me again. I liked the awkward, tenseness of the conversation between Snape and Dumbledore at te beginning of this chapter, it helped to add character to them, as well as too the subject they were discussing. In regards to some of the wording not flowing, an example is "“What’s this?” Potter wanted to know, pointing at a glass filled with thick, purple liquid." I think perhaps you are stating everything too clearly, rather than allowing the idea to form in the readers head, you are forcing it in there. In this example, perhaps you could say something like "Potter eyed off the thick purple liquid, "What's this?"" That way it introduces the potion and show's Harry's suspicion of unknown substances with less word-iness. Also, in some places you could mix the order of sentences, etc, to get he point across more fluently. Take for example "The medi-witch smiled. “No, but you need to put some meat on your bones. And there’s a rule in this infirmary that patients who drink their potions without complaining get to choose their own pudding.” “Treacle tart?” Potter asked. “Potion first,” Pomfrey replied. The witch certainly knew how to deal with her Slytherin patients." Perhaps mention that Pomfrey had a rather Slytherin way of dealing with her patients after she talks in the first part of the quote, and leave it off the end? I'm sorry if I come across as rude or something, because I don't mean to be. I do enjoy this story. =] I look forward to the next chapter. Author's Response: Don't worry about coming across as rude, you don't - and I really appreciate the constructive criticism! As for your examples: I see what you mean about allowing the reader to form his/her own ideas by not giving too much information. I'm not sure I agree about the particular example you gave; it might be sort of confusing if I just mentioned "the thick purple liquid" out of the blue - Poppy has just come over with the dinner trays, so it might not be quite clear where the thick purple liquid is, or why Harry has noticed it. That aside, I do agree that I explain too much sometimes, and I'll try to work on that. As for the second example, I definitely see what you mean - the exchange between the two would come across as a lot more "snappy" if there wasn't another (explaining :)!) sentence tagged to it. Thank you very much for taking the time to explain what you meant - I'll admit that I was quite worried after your last review, but now it's a lot clearer to me, and I know what to look out for when I edit my chapters. I'm glad you're enjoying the story!
Author's Response: Thank you, I'm glad you're enjoying the story! Yes, Harry's injuries and his being possessed are definitely connected... more will be revealed soon! Thank you for letting me know what you think!
Author's Response: Thank you!
Another excellent chapter. Author's Response: You're right, *Harry* did... (and again I'm trying hard not to give spoilers). Thank you for sharing your thoughts!
awesome chapter you can feel Snape's concernc for Harry Author's Response: More chocolate, yay! Thank you for reviewing, I'm glad you liked the interaction between Harry and Snape! |
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