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Reviews For Backwards
I can hardly wait to see what little Siri did. :-)
"As soon as they dup sat down, Severus crawled out of the chair that his father had placed him in and then climbed into Harry’s lap, one let on each side of Harry with his stomach against his, and laid his head on his Daddy’s chest." In the first sentence you have the word "dup". I think you might have meant "had". You also have "let" instead of "leg". Anyway I don't mean to be picky; ignore me if you wish ;) just thought I'd bring them to your attention Author's Response: Lol no you are not being picky... And since you were so accurate and actually showed menwhere it was, it will be much easier to fix. So, thanks! =)Also, thanks for the review!
Poor Sirius, is he going to end on the naughty list? Anyway, I love this fic so much that I made a picture of little Sevy with his snake, would you like to see it? If you wish i could send it via email. Let me know. Your fan number one, Elena Author's Response: I would LOVE to see it! Thanks for the review!
It would also be nice to see some brotherly interaction between all the boys. As of now, I don't feel like they interact all that much. They sort of seem like they go to their separate places during the day and play or get into mischief, and little kids don't quite do that. They tend to want to play with each other. I know Severus is younger than Sirius, but Sirius isn't old enough to think that playing with Severus is "lame"... I think Harry wouldn't be quite so strict all the time. His personality is a bit wooden. There isn't anything about his mannerisms or what he says that makes him unique or humorous or worried, etc. He just sort of goes through the motions. I would imagine if Harry is so happy that Severus is calling him "Daddy" that he would show affection towards Severus without being prompted by, say, Severus wanting to sit by him, etc. It would be nice (and realistic) to see Harry take the initiative and show fatherly affection to Sirius or Severus, or his own kids, even. The fact that he's hesitant to pick Severus up and even asks Severus "is that okay?" is kind of odd, considering he had no qualms about spanking him for doing something dangerous, which, in my opinion, shows that he cares about Severus very much. Again, give Harry some personality... relax the dialogue...think about how people *really* talk to each other. Give us something to connect to. Just a few suggestions to give the story more character. I think this is a good premise for a story, and the plot and characters have potential. Good luck! Author's Response: Thanks for your review. As for Harry, he definitely is having some issues right now. Mainly because he doesn't always know how to act with the two boys that were oncce adults in his life. No worried, he is getting there, and I will definitely take what you have said, especially with the dialogue, and go with it. Again, thanks for the review=)
Author's Response: Haha no worries, the next chapter will be up in a few days. Thanks for the review! |
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