|
|
Reviews For The Day he was Pushed too Far
I'm a bad person, I suppose, for feeling glad that Umbridge is gone... Not that vigilante justice is acceptable, but she ultimately did get what she deserved for what she did to Harry and what we can presume she did to other people in her quest for power. I liked Severus here. Normally I don't care for the "Ohmigosh! I've been treating Potter like cr*ap for 4 years, and I finally remembered he's Lily's boy!" epiphanies, but the situation here is one that can't help but have people make drastic changes in the way they think. The only thing that marred this chapter was Snape using "wanna" in his dialogue. I've just always seen him as such a precise person that I can't imagine him not being precise in his speech and enunciation. But thanks to the energy and tension in the rest of the chapter, it wasn't as annoying as I normally would have found it. On to the next chapter to see what happens next!
Once again you have an excellently crafted chapter. BTW I love Neville. A bit of constructive crit- In your "5th" paragraph you write: Neville looked down at the hand he was holding, though he never envisioned using a gun like Harry, he himself had thought about it too. You may want to restructure this sentence. It might flow better if you were to write something along the lines of: Neville looked down where he was still holding Pansy's hand and thought about their situation. Although he never envisioned using a gun, like Harry had, he had thought about ending things as well. Your original sentence seems to contradict itself when you are not specific enough at the end of the sentence. Looking forward to your next update. Good luck on your finals. V. Author's Response: Cool...Thanks for that, I've corrected it. and I'm glad you liked it I love Neville too he was always so adorable lol
Author's Response: Thanks so much as well, I'm glad you liked it
Like your story, though even though Albus aggravates me (as usual). Are you going to have Harry mull things over while unconscious? I always enjoy having Harry do a heart to heart with his parents, when its done right. I was a little disappointsed that Ron or his other dorm mates weren't on Harry's "list". I would have taken their betrayal much worse, though perhaps Harry decided "he deserved it, or didn't 'deserve' loyalty". Anyhow - good work, hope you update soon. Author's Response: Your right, Albus I have a love/hate relationship with him. How could someone so smart not be aware of something so small( I mean in Canon..Harry was neglected at the least) Anyways before I get off topic lol Not at the moment, I like it when it does right as well, but Harry isnt in the "im ok' stage yet. Hes in the "why cant I just die' phase you know? He wouldnt listen to them if they spoke to him, those Severus had saved him he got him when he was really vunerable and yearning for someone to care. Does that make any sense? He has actually, he loved Ron like abrother and Hermione like a sister, but he doesnt want them dead. He took theur betrayal the worse, he was just hiding it inside...like when he snapped at Hermione.. I'm glad you liked it, and I will
Author's Response: I thought about it as well...numerous times, so I understand what you mean. I'm glad I was able to get the message across and I'm glad that you like it, thanks for reviewing I appreciate it.
good chapter! Author's Response: Dont we all? Thanks for reading and reviewing, i'm glad you liked it
and neville ittakes guts to admit that you have wanted to kill yourself but it shows the stregth of character neville is can't wait to read more Author's Response: Draco is....he doesnt think for himself, he never did. He always listened to his father, so he will come around, he will see what he did eventually but not right now. Since he was Harry's rival. Thanks so much, and I agree Neville was a very strong person, even though it took him so long to realize it himself. |
|
Powered by eFiction 3.5 |