Potions and Snitches
Snape and Harry Gen Fanfiction Archive

Title: The Beloved Severus Snape 21 Dec 2013 10:48 am
Reviewer: Whitetail (Signed) [Report This]
    Oh Luna ... haha, nice touch! Yes, I definitely got a chuckle from this one. The style flowed quite well, and I liked the idea of Snape taking a "sick" day. It made him more human! On another note, I noticed a few small errors. I much prefer to hear from people if I have missed something in my own writing, so I can learn from it. So: "he answered with a grim marred his angular face." confused me a bit. Grim? Did you mean a grin? Although a grin wouldn't necessarily mar someone's face unless it was an unpleasant grin. Then, "Lately it has reached its peak." Has should be had - what with the story being in past tense. Working with different tenses can be so finicky - I still catch myself doing the same if I'm not thinking! Lastly: "Lucius and her paid him a visit" This might be a stylistic thing, but "She and Lucius", or "Lucius and Narcissa" sounds a bit more proper, and flows better. Anyway ... Hope you don't mind a few little tips. On to the fun things! Your story definitely made me chuckle! I absolutely loved Minerva's comment about Severus waiting a few years! Although I wouldn't be surprised if Dumbledore bribed the students to write him letters, haha, or at least Harry! You should really keep writing, because this was quite funny (hence the ten), and your stories will only get better if you keep at it! Cheers, and thanks for the laughs. :)

    Author's Response: Thank you so much for reading and giving meaningful review, White, and pointing my mistakes. I wrote it as a challenge for myself too, to write in English. It's the first English fanfic after a long long time and wasn't beta-ed. I'm glad that finally I know which part I should revise :) Your review is encouraging. Thanks again. I'll keep writing. Lol, about taking a sick day, I did it. And the response I got was beyond my imagination. Sometimes you get unexpected things, from unexpected people :D That inspired this fanfic.

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