You certainly have a talent for creating a beautiful if not sorrowful mental image. I did find the form a bit weird and the inconsistent rhyming a bit distracting from what you were trying to say. I don't know whether there was some specific purpose to that but I think it would improve if you stuck to the form - although I know that can feel limitating. Over all a nice sweet poem with some powerful imagery! Keep it up!
Author's Response: Thanks for your great, detalied review :)
I am glad you like my poem and find the imagery powerful and beautiful :) Thanks for your advice in regards to the form. I know that the rhyming is a bit inconsistent, there was no specific purpose to that, it was simply how the poem turned out. To me, the form was not the main thing, but the feeling of the poem, but thanks for your advice, I will take that into consideration :)
There is also a version of this poem on fanfiction.net, and on there the poem is centre formatted, maybe that gives a bit different impression, if you would like to check it out. Thanks again for your review! :)
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