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Reviews For I Need You
Author's Response: Thank you, I've just corrected it.
I noticed that a lot of your quotations are missing end punction. For example: "...I hope someone could see that I’m not my father” “So, you are an animagus” Harry continued. They should be written as such: "...I hope someone could see that I’m not my father.” “So, you are an animagus,” Harry continued. Otherwise the writing was good. :) I'm interested to see what happens next. PLease continue!
I liked seeing Harry's thoughts about his situation, and how it compares to Ron's. I felt like the end of this chapter was a little rushed. The explanations of where Harry got the potions doesn't fit in where it is. The explanation needed to been earlier, when potions are first mentioned. Otherwise we are all wondering and hanging, in a state of anxiety until it is explained. So I think maybe around here: " together with a little syringe to put the water and the potions in the cat’s mouth. " Add immediately after that he got the potions from school, using his invisibility cloak to nick them from the hospital wing. Good start with the first chapter. Poor Harry, he goes through a lot in the summer. I did like how you mentioned the Marge incident, and how now the Dursley's will only visit her. I did edit your formatting in the story, and censored the profanity (bad words) in two places. I added profanity as a warning to your story. please don't use the "f bomb" lightly as it will make the rating of your story have to go up to 16+. The letters now look different from the rest of the story, I used block quotes so that they would stand out. Author's Response: I’ve tried to improve the things you’ve told me. Thank you so much for your help, you’re great. |
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