Reviews For Sanguinem Domus
Poor Draco. He must of had a really tough life, and didn’t deserve what came to him. It’s going to be terrible, trying to come to grips over this. Harry too. He’s just seen too much, and been through too much for this to be easy on him.
I wonder if the werewolf and vampire curses can sort of cancel each other out if a person has more than one of them.
How will Severus be able to handle his vampirism? He’s got to have some sort of mentor to teach him the vampire ways, right?
This story will be very interesting, I can already tell. Great start. Thanks for writing and sharing it! Please update when you can!
For improvements, try to double check for run on sentences (or sentences that are overly complicated). Those are distracting because readers have to do extra mental work to follow the text. It tends to make it harder to be completely engrossed in the story.
Also, watch out when referring to third persons and make sure the subject of each paragraph matches the last third person’s name. A couple places it seemed to switch to a different person’s perspective which was really confusing.
For example: This should start with “Voldemort,” instead of “he;” Otherwise we think the paragraph is referring to Snape, since he was the last “he” referred to:
“He sat back within his throne, lacing his fingers together before him as he contemplated what he had seen. “
Hands is referred to twice here: “... allowed said object to pass into the hands of the Weasley daughter's hands...”
In this next one, Who is “he?” Severus or Draco? “Severus turned and leveled his wand at Fenrir, only for a spell to fly from the Dark Lord's wand that he barely caught out of the corner of his eye, hearing his godfather fall to the floor...” it started in Severus’ perspective, then moved to Draco’s in the same sentence.
I really enjoyed the first chapter!! I would like to learn more of where this story is going next. Why do Harry and Draco have to be deaged? I can’t wait to find out.
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