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Reviews For Me, Myself and I
Author's Response: Well, I was just going to do one chapter a day, but maybe I'll pick it up a little, just for you ;)
When Harry switched after Ron mentioned Sirius, I was a little confused as to who he switched to as because it seemed like he switched to himself, Harry. Haha I loved how Snape first thought of the situation and that he couldn't explain to Harry what was going on but then went "If he wasn’t faking. Which he was. That’s what Potters did.". That was a great line. I love how Harry/Tom came to Snape's office demanding that Snape take the amulet off. I had to assume that there was something that made it so that Harry couldn't. I love the "What say you." line Snape said when he compromised about seeing the nurse. That was very in character, very older British sounding and not many authors do stuff like that. And it was cute when Foster said he wanted a pudding. :) I loved how Snape walked Tom to the hospital, how he stategically walked behind him to make sure he didn't walk away. I liked how Snape had Poppy take a break to talk to Tom- that he noticed that tom wasn't holding up well and the switch to Danny. The introduction of that side was done really well- great past refrences tied in smoothly. They really added to the quality of the chapter. It was interesting that you capitalized 'Flying', that give a title to it and shows that Snape recognizes that it is something meaningful to Harry. Did you do it on purpose? I loved how when Harry came back at the end that he looked at his watch and then made up an excuse and Snape's reaction to that. I'm glad that you told this part from Snape's POV. Last nitpicking thing: You forgot the ending quotation mark on “Sorry, sir. I didn’t realize it was after curfew, I was just going for a walk. This chapter and your writing is very flowing and it really moves- I get easily sucked into it which isn't something that all, maybe not even most authors can do. I'm really enjoying this story. Thanks for posting it here! Author's Response: Hmmm, I see what you mean about the 'We' stuff. And I would be deeply in your debt if you would fix my italics. Again, thanks for the little correction with the quotes, I've fixed both those problems on the main file now. Ta!
For a nitpicking detail, you missed a u in this line: "He hated it, it scared him and left him feeling helpless and Harry would even suffer working with Severs Snape, Potions Master of Hogwarts and Greasy Git extraordinaire, if it meant getting rid of them." I LOVE the scene where Snape first meets Tom. The second time around it's even better. You ended the chapter on a really good spot. I guess I'll end on something I said before, that it might look better if you made the written parts italics. :) Author's Response: Thanks for the correction, I never catch stuff like that. And it's good to know that this is even better the second time around ;)
Author's Response: Oh, good. I was afraid there wouldn't be an audience for this here. I'll post the other chapters now. Thanks for reviewing! |
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