| Title: Rude Awakening
| 24 Apr 2006 2:52 pm
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| Reviewer: maur4mee (Anonymous)
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The misspellings in your summary may steer potential readers away from your story. I suggest getting a pro to fix all spelling and grammatical errors. Good luck.
Nice beginning, I always like stories where Snape has to collect Harry from his relatives. "Potter won't like this," Severus said. Haha! That was a GREAT line, I could totally hear it! You should keep writing!
| Title: Rude Awakening
| 09 Dec 2005 11:54 pm
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| Reviewer: Kitsena (Anonymous)
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Hmm... This story was very short. I suppose you`re not finished with it, but the chapter was also short. But the story is probably alright. Can`t say much more than that since it was so short. But never mind that. Just keep up the good work, I think the story will turn out alright. I liked the idea of it!
| Title: Rude Awakening
| 21 Oct 2005 8:29 am
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| Reviewer: fyrefawkes (Anonymous)
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Well it is an interesting start so far. The only sugestion that I have is to remember that when someone is talking and the sentence ends you DO NOT need quotation marks again. Such as:
"Becca and Emily are going to the mall." "I hope I can go with them"
Your story is very common, and this chapter was very short. I think that you should try to do some new unique twists along the way. Also what bothered be was this: “Why pray tell would you have me do such a task?” “They boy and I can’t be around each other for very long and you know that.”. If the same person is speaking in both sentences you should have it this way: "Why pray tell would you have me do such a task? The boy and I can't be around each other for very long and you know that." You don't need two seperate quotes. I find your Snape to be tricky I don't know if the real Snape would question Dumbledore or not about being sent to fetch Harry. If Dumbledore didn't feel like it was safe for Harry to be on privet drive then why didn't he go get Harry himself, instead of wasting time to get Snape to do it? (Because it was obviously urgent if Dumbledore woke Snape up do go get Harry.) I felt that should have been in your story. Sorry if this all seems negative but I think that its better if you thought about these comments in the begining of your story, while your just starting. The two things that I found wrong with spelling and grammar were 'Sneared' is 'Sneered'. And 'They boy' Should really be 'The boy'. Hope to see an update soon.
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