His first thought was that that had been one fucked-up dream.

“Here, Harry,” he heard a female say and his glasses were dangled in front of his face. He put them on and Ginny Weasley came into view.

“Are you feeling better?” asked Ginny.

“Yeah,” said Harry. “Except I just had this really strange dream.”

“What was it about?” asked Ginny. “If you want to tell me, of course,” she quickly added.

“It was just… Voldemort. He wanted to make a deal with me… I mean, I don’t know why it was so strange, maybe it was the fact that I’ve never dreamed about him before.” Harry sighed and tugged at his hair. "I just don't know. I'm so confused."

Ginny gently patted his leg. "It'll be all right, Harry."

"I don't think so," said Harry slowly. "It felt too real, like he was actually there with me."

Ginny laughed nervously. "You-Know-Who can't get in here; you're perfectly safe."

"Yes, I know he can't get in here, but isn't anything possible in a dream?"

"Don't be silly, Harry," said Ginny. The door opening interrupted their conversation and Lupin entered carrying a small wooden box.

"Our mysterious friend has sent more potions; it seems he's quite a master at brewing potions," said Lupin.

Potions Master. Where had he heard that term before? Damn, why couldn't he remember?

Shrugging it off, he asked, “What did he send?”

“It’s just a variety of medicinal potions, ones no one here could brew,” said Lupin. “I’ll just leave them here in case you need any of them. They’re all labeled, so you can find whatever you need.”

“Okay,” said Harry.

Lupin left, leaving Harry and Ginny alone once more. Harry found that Ginny’s comforting touch had moved on to his hand and wrist.

He resisted the urge to rip his wrist out her hands and instead he said, “Ginny, I still can’t be with you. I can’t let anything get in the way of defeating Voldemort.”

“Harry, you can’t go through life without love. You need something to live for.”

“I’ll have plenty to live for once Voldemort’s gone,” said Harry.

“But what about now? What if someone… dies and you don’t get a chance to tell them how much you love them?”

“I can’t promise that I won’t end up dead, but I sure as hell won’t let him kill any of my friends,” said Harry fiercely.

“We won’t let you get killed either,” said Ginny. “So don’t you dare talk about leaving us.”

Harry shrugged. What would happen would happen.

“Why don’t we go downstairs?” suggested Ginny.

“Sure,” said Harry, anxious to get out of their discussion. He climbed out of bed and walked downstairs with Ginny. They went into the basement kitchen, where Ron and Hermione were sitting at the table while Tonks hovered near the fire.

“Hi,” he said tentatively. He wasn’t sure how they felt about his outburst earlier. No one mentioned the incident, and Lupin soon entered the kitchen and they settled down to dinner, Ron and Tonks chattering animatedly about Quidditch.

When dinner ended, Harry returned to his room alone and sat down on his bed. He wasn’t sure how he was going to handle Ginny, and he didn’t know whether Ron and Hermione hated him for what he’d said to them. They were trying to help him and all he’d done was act like a prat.

He deserved their anger, though. He was the reason that Sirius and Dumbledore were dead. It didn’t matter who had fired the curses that had sent each to their deaths, he had been the one to lead them to their deaths, and that made him responsible.

He sighed in frustration. He needed an outlet for all his emotions. Then his eyes found the partially healed flesh of his wrist. He did have an outlet.

Harry opened his trunk and found the glass and the bloody t-shirt. He locked the door to his room and sat in front of it. His eyes flickered from the glass to his wrist and he made his decision.

He put the tip of the glass to his wrist and slid it slowly across, reopening and deepening the cut. Blood rushed from the now stinging cut and he cut again, adding a new wound to his wrist. He leaned his head against the door as blood flowed from his wrist and onto the t-shirt. He felt better, knowing that they couldn't take this away from him.

~*~*~

Several days later, he noticed that Ron, Hermione, Ginny, and Lupin were always disappearing together. He hoped they weren't going on with the Sirius thing. They were only going to end up disappointed. He wasn't going to allow himself to get involved and be disappointed too. Dumbledore had told him there was no spell to bring back the dead and Dumbledore was usually right.

~*~*~

More time passed, and Harry was starting to feel sick again, though he didn't mention it to anyone. Even if he had wanted to tell anyone, they were nowhere to be found. Even Tonks, who had been around all the time, had vanished.

Then, one morning at breakfast, he and Lupin were sitting at the table, everyone else nowhere to be seen, when Hermione came running into the kitchen and whispered something to Lupin. He could swear that he'd heard her say, "It's time."

Time for what, he wondered as Lupin hastily excused himself from the table and left the kitchen with Hermione.

Harry spent the next several hours aimlessly wandering the house, wanting to lay down, but not wanting to stay still very long. He ended up sprawled on a couch in the living room when he heard someone run into the room. He sat up to see Hermione, her bushy hair everywhere and a huge smile on her face.

"What do you want?" he asked wearily.

"Harry, you've got to come with me," said Hermione, grabbing his hands and pulling him off the couch. She dragged him upstairs and into a room he'd never entered before. Ron, Ginny, Lupin and Tonks were standing there, next to a man Harry had thought he'd never see again.