Harry had woken before dawn, sweating and shaking life a leaf. He didn’t get a wink of sleep after that, leaving him drained and exhausted. He spent the rest of the early morning reading one of his schoolbooks, unwilling to go back to bed. It wasn’t until he heard his father rummaging around in the kitchen later that morning that he allowed himself to relax and go take a shower.

Today, Severus was allowing Harry another escape up to Gryffindor Tower, but this time it was for a study session. And Harry suspected his father was being more lenient with him considering how hectic his life had become lately. He had no intention of turning down a day with his friends, even if it was just to study for a Transfiguration test. So, after an early breakfast with his father, Severus had let him go on up to the tower. He grabbed his bag and ran out the door.

It was still pretty early, earlier than most of his friends would be up, especially on a Saturday. He whispered the password and the Fat Lady’s portrait instantly swung open to allow him entrance. As he suspected, the Common Room was pretty much deserted. Everyone was still upstairs in his or her dormitories sleeping soundly away, he thought.

“Harry?” asked a sleepy voice from behind him. Turning around, he watched as Fred Weasley sleepily made his way down the last few stairs. “What are you doing up so early?”

“I could ask the same of you,” he said, not wanting to reveal the reason he really was up this early, or that he’d been up for quite a while before this.

Fred shrugged his shoulders before making his way over to one of the armchairs in front of the now burning fire. “Couldn’t sleep is all. Are you alright? I thought you were supposed to be down with Professor Snape until you’re ungrounded.”

“I am, but my dad let me out for a little while today to study with Ron and Hermione. We’ve got that big test coming up in Transfiguration. I’ll take whatever I can get.” He said at Fred’s incredulous look at the word study.

“And Ron agreed to this?” he asked, laughing. Harry joined him.

“I guess. Maybe he just misses me,” he replied jokingly. He didn’t think so highly of himself that Ron would be desperately missing him after just a few days away from him, or Hermione either, for that matter. He never told either of them, but he sometimes felt like a third wheel in their little group. He knew the two of them were growing closer, more than friends. If they ever became a couple, Harry didn’t know what he’d do without them. They wouldn’t want him around all the time, that’s for sure.

“He does miss you when you’re not around, you know,” said Fred, as if reading Harry’s mind.

Harry shrugged. “I guess.”

“Of course he does. He’s your best friend. He’s constantly griping when you’re not around. He thinks Professor Snape went too far with your punishment. He’s always talking about going down to the dungeons and kidnapping you. I’m serious,” he said, as Harry was looking skeptical. “You know how Ron gets when he thinks someone is being mean to you. You’re lucky he hasn’t gone down there.”

Harry stared at his friend disbelievingly. “Really?” he asked.

“Yes, really.” Fred motioned to the chair beside him. “Sit,” he ordered.

Harry grinned. “Yes, sir.”

“Shut up,” Fred laughed, and when Harry apparently was too slow in getting into the seat, Fred grabbed his arm and tripped him, making Harry fall into the seat rather ungracefully.

“You prat!” Harry yelled, lightly punching him in the arm, once he was in an upright position.

“Why, yes, yes I am.”

“George still asleep?” asked Harry.

“Yeah, he stayed up late working on one of our newest inventions that shall remain nameless,” he said, smiling wickedly. Harry wasn’t sure if he even wanted to know what their ‘newest invention’ even was, if that smile was any indication. “What about you? You look completely drained,” he said, now looking closer at his friend. “Is there something you need to tell me, Harry?”

Harry started fiddling with an invisible piece of lint on his pants, a nervous habit he realized he had. “It wasn’t a vision or anything, if that’s what you’re thinking,” he was quick to reassure the twin. Fred had been in the Infirmary with his mum after their house had exploded. He knew all about his visions now, as did all of the Weasley’s. He wished they didn’t, but it couldn’t be helped.

“Then what was it?”

Flicking the invisible lint off of his pants, Harry sat up more rigidly in his chair. “Nothing, really, just a bit of insomnia. It was nothing,” he said again, hoping Fred wouldn’t ask any more questions.

“Harry.”

He knew the redhead was waiting for him to look up, but Harry didn’t want to. The second he did, Fred would know he was lying. Which, of course, was exactly why Fred wanted him to look up.

“Harry, look at me.”

“It’s nothing, Fred. Just drop it,” he said angrily. He quickly stood from the chair and tried to go towards the stairway to the boy’s dorms. He would just sit on his bed until Ron woke up. He wasn’t going to tell Fred about the horrible nightmare he’d had. He just wasn’t going to do it.

But, obviously, Fred had other ideas, for suddenly there was a fierce grip on his arm and he was spun around to face the taller teen. “You’re lying,” said Fred.

Harry gritted his teeth in anger. “It’s none of your business how I feel, now would you let me go!” he yelled, trying to yank his arm out of Fred’s grip, but the older teen held strong.

“No, something is wrong with you, and I want to know what. What’s going on, Harry?” he asked, looking genuinely concerned. “We hardly ever see you, except for classes, before you disappear down to the dungeons again. Is something going on with you and Professor Snape?” he asked, gripping Harry’s arm more tightly. “What exactly is your punishment, besides the grounding, I mean.”

“Homework! That’s all I do. And a few chores, but otherwise it’s a relatively normal grounding, I suppose. What did you think was going on?” asked Harry, knowing for a while they had thought Severus was abusing him. It had been unfounded concerns, however, as the bruises had been from earlier that summer while he and Severus were in the company of an unsavory character, who incidentally, beat the hell out of Harry.

“I think you know what I was thinking,” he said. “I didn’t think he was hurting you or anything, but he might be doing something that is making you uncomfortable. You’re unused to a normal punishment. I’m sure he knows what he’s doing though. I’m sorry I even thought it.”

Harry failed to mention that he was uncomfortable with some parts of the grounding. He didn’t want Fred to worry, and honestly, it wasn’t that big of a deal. He could handle it.

“Alright, so we’ve knocked that thought out of the running. Now I want you to tell me what’s really wrong, Harry. And don’t try to get around it. We will sit here for the rest of the day if we have to. I won’t let you deal with this by yourself. I’m your friend, Harry, you’re brother even. You can trust me.”

Harry sighed and slouched back over to the abandoned chair before crumpling into it. “I just had a nightmare,” he said, feeling weak, all of this commotion for a stupid nightmare. “I told you, it’s nothing.”

“If it were nothing, you wouldn’t be looking dead on your feet and ready to collapse. What happened in your nightmare?” he asked gently, doing his best to persuade Harry into having the conversation.

Harry felt his heart speed up in remembrance of the nightmare. He knew it wasn’t real, but it was something he feared above all others. He was beginning to wonder what a boggart would turn into now, as he didn’t think it would be a dementor any longer. Sinking even deeper into the chair, Harry pulled his knees up to his chest, his eyes studying the flickering flames in the fireplace intently. He felt rather than saw Fred come up behind him and place a hand on his shoulder.

“He took everyone from me,” he said; as if it wasn’t the most devastating thing that could ever happen to him, his voice quiet, and his eyes dull.

Fred squeezed his shoulder. “What do you mean? Who?” asked Fred gently.

“He did,” said Harry, hands gesturing wildly. “Voldemort. He took you all from me, all of you!” he gasped. “What am I going to do? He’ll take you all. I know he will. He’ll kill everyone I care about and I’ll be left all alone. He won’t let me be happy. I’ll never be able to be happy,” he said, deadened.

Fred abandoned his position behind the chair in favor of kneeling down in front of the younger boy. “Harry, that’s not true. That’s not going to happen. Are you sure You-Know-Who didn’t send you that as a vision to hurt you?” he asked, resting his hands on the armrests around Harry.

Harry shrugged desperately. “I don’t know. I can’t tell anymore! They’re all blending together. But that doesn’t matter, because it’s true. No matter whether it’s a vision or just a nightmare, it will still come true. He can get to any of you at any time. What happened with your mum proves it! And last night with my father, he almost died!” he moaned anxiously.

“No, Harry, what happened with my mum and Professor Snape proves he can’t get us whenever he wants. Because you saved them, remember? Not everything is carved in stone,” he said, now gripping Harry’s forearms. “He won’t get to us, nothing will happen, I promise. We’re well equipped to take care of ourselves, Harry.”

“I don’t know what I’d do if I lost any of you. What if I can’t save them next time?” he asked tiredly. “I won’t always be there. I almost didn’t save Severus last night. If I had waited a few more seconds, he would have drunk the poison.” He leaned forward in his chair, clutching the armrests above Fred’s hands despairingly. He couldn’t place his finger on it, but he had the distinct feeling that something bad was going to happen.

Fred sighed despairingly, because he was beginning to realize that Harry was speaking the truth. He was the one who had saved both his mum and Professor Snape. And Harry wouldn’t always be around to save the day. What would happen then?

“I guess we’ll just have to save ourselves,” he said seriously. “Not meaning to sound mean or anything, but not everything depends on you. I hope you don’t think that you have to save us all just because of who you are, what happened when you were a baby. Not everyone can be saved and those of us who know and love you don’t expect you to. If something were to happen to any of us, don’t you dare blame yourself,” he trailed off, not sure how else to explain his thoughts. He just didn’t want Harry to feel as if the world was resting on his shoulders alone.

Harry took in a shuddering breath and exhaled slowly. “I know that, I just…I wish things were different, but they aren’t. Voldemort’s alive and he’s going to screw with my life no matter what.”

Fred sighed and leaned forward to give him a quick hug. “We’re always here for you, Harry. I’m always here for you. If you need to talk, you know where to find me. And if not, ask George,” he said jokingly, trying to lighten the mood. He could tell that Harry was done talking and there really wasn’t anymore to say. But, somehow, he didn’t feel like he’d really resolved anything with Harry. His friend would still have nightmares, there was always the possibility of one of them dying, and Voldemort wasn’t dead. How could things be any worse?

………………………….

Studying with Ron and Hermione wasn’t all that Harry had hoped it would be. His two friends could sense that something was bothering him and kept giving him worried looks, wanting to ask, but not willing to further upset their friend by doing so. Harry spent most of the study time sitting by himself, his mind drifting to his dreams more often than not. Transfiguration was the farthest from his mind.

Hermione tried to talk to him once, but he shot her down before she even really got started. He couldn’t handle another stressful conversation this morning. He felt better for having talked with Fred, but life in general still seemed bleak to Harry.

In the end, he cut out early on the studying session and went back down to Severus’ private quarters. He wasn’t there when he walked in, which was just as good to Harry. He didn’t want to have a conversation with him, either. He sat down on the couch, his thoughts in disarray. He couldn’t help but feel like something was wrong or something was going to happen. He had felt the same way while talking with Fred in the Gryffindor Common Room. He brushed it off as the residual after affects of his nightmares making him paranoid.

He spent the rest of the afternoon trying to read his Transfiguration notes in a last ditch attempt at studying, since he didn’t get anything done earlier. Of course, it proved fruitless, as he couldn’t concentrate for anything. He threw his notes across the room in agitation when he’d read the same paragraph five times and still didn’t know what the hell it said.

“This is pointless.” He said out loud, and stood up from the couch. He paced the room a few times and found himself wondering where Severus had gone off to. He glanced at the clock. It was growing late in the day, in fact, Malfoy would be showing up soon to serve his grounding. It just so happened to be Malfoy’s last day of grounding, much to Harry’s annoyance. He still thought the Slytherin should have gotten a longer sentence.

He sighed before going over to pick up the papers he had left strewn all over the living room floor. It would do no good for his father to come home to a messy home or Malfoy to show up and think he’d gone off his rocker. He shoved all the papers into a semblance of order and put them in his bag before throwing said bag into his bedroom, where it landed on his bed.

It was time for supper, but Harry didn’t have much of an appetite at all. He again wondered where his father was, considering he was never late for supper. He was almost always in before now, but Harry wasn’t too worried. He knew Severus had a meeting with Dumbledore today and there was no telling how long they could last.

Just as he was done tidying up the portrait swung open and Malfoy stepped in.

“Potter,” he greeted.

Harry nodded in return. “Have you had dinner yet?” he asked, even though he wasn’t hungry. He didn’t plan on making the other boy starve if he hadn’t eaten yet.

“Yes.”

“Good, I wasn’t planning on eating myself, so that works out,” he mumbled more for something to say than anything else. “Got any homework?” he asked.

“Yes. Where’s Severus?” he asked, looking around the room and not spotting the Professor.

“I’m not sure. He wasn’t here when I got back earlier. He had a meeting with Headmaster Dumbledore, so I’m sure he just got caught up with the Professor about something.” He said, trying to reassure not only himself, but Malfoy as well when he suddenly looked concerned.

“Oh, well that’s understandable, I suppose,” Malfoy tossed his own school bag onto the floor in front of the couch. “I brought Quidditch Weekly just in case,” he said suddenly, smirking slyly. “What Snape doesn’t know can’t hurt him.”

Harry laughed for the first time that day. “Okay.”

The two sat on the couch together and perused through the pages, reading the different articles, and making rude comments about certain teams featured throughout the magazine. They paused at one point to get a snack, as the two had suddenly grown hungry. Harry had a few different sweets hidden in his trunk. He used to keep them there for when he went to the Dursley’s, in case they weren’t feeling particularly generous to him and attempted to starve him… which had been quite common.

Harry was currently snacking on a chocolate frog and tossed Draco one as well. “These are my favorites,” he informed the other boy before settling back onto the couch and pulling the magazine towards himself.

“Hey, don’t horde it!” yelled Malfoy, indignant, but grinning.

“Oh, shut it, Malfoy,” said Harry, but he grinned just in case the Slytherin boy didn’t realize he was just playing.

It was now nearing ten o’clock at night and there was still no sign of Severus.

“Do you think something’s happened?” asked Harry when the two had finally gotten tired of reading the different various magazines Malfoy had brought.

“Like what?” asked Malfoy, chewing thoughtfully on the last on his chocolate frog.

“Well, I don’t know, something. There’s really no telling with the way things have been going lately.”

Malfoy nodded. “Well, I suppose that is true,” he drawled. “But, I highly doubt anything has happened to Severus…he’s Severus.” As if that explained it all in a nutshell.

Harry nodded distractedly. “Yeah, I guess, but seriously, the way things have been going lately, and knowing my luck, something horrible happened.”

Draco crossed his arms and raised an eyebrow. “I think you’re being a bit too dramatic about the whole thing.”

Harry glared at the Slytherin boy. As he was about to say a scathing remark in return the portrait swung open. Severus entered looking like death warmed over.

“I told you something happened!” said Harry, instantly standing and going to his father. “Are you alright?” he asked, trying to steer the older man towards the couch. “Maybe you should sit down.”

“No, leave me, Harry. I’m fine,” he said, but his voice said something else. It looked as if the man had been in some kind of fight, to tell the truth. And he seemed completely wrung out, as if he’d just lost something very valuable to him. Harry glanced at Malfoy in concern but didn’t know what to do to help his father.

“Dad?” he tried again, pulling on Severus’ arm, but his father yanked his arm out of Harry’s grasp and pushed the smaller boy away.

“I said leave me!” he yelled, pointing severely in the direction of Harry’s room. “Just go,” he stalked haltingly towards his bedroom when he caught sight of Draco Malfoy standing uncertainly in front of the couch and also noticed all the Quidditch magazines lying haphazardly on the table. He stopped then and rubbed harshly at his temples, as if trying to stem an oncoming headache. He grabbed the magazines and tossed them into the trash bin.

“Hey!” said Draco, but he didn’t put as much effort into the exclamation as he would have, considering Severus looked angrier than either boy had ever seen him before.

Severus gave both boys a hard glare and Harry shrank away from the awful look coming from his father. Something was definitely wrong here and Harry was feeling distinctly frightened of Severus, really frightened, for the first time since he’d been adopted. This was not the way his father acted, even when Harry had done something wrong.

“What part of ‘no Quidditch magazines’ did you not understand, Mr. Malfoy?” Severus asked scathingly.

Draco looked between Harry and Severus and back to Harry again. Harry didn’t know what to tell him so remained silent. “I’m sorry, sir. It won’t happen again,” the blonde said quickly.

“Be sure that it doesn’t. Now leave.” he demanded, eyeing the door pointedly. Draco quickly gave Harry a sympathetic look and rushed out the door after grabbing his bag.

Harry watched on anxiously as the door slowly shut after the Slytherin boy had left. He looked at his father to see that the man was pacing the room angrily. What the hell was going on?

Throwing caution to the wind, he slowly approached his father and placed a gentle hand on his arm. “Is something wrong?” he asked quietly.

Severus spun around, once more knocking the boy’s arm off. “I can’t discuss this right now, Harry. Please, just go to your room like I asked you to.” He said, more harshly than Harry would have liked.

But, despite the harsh tone, Harry continued to try. “No, something is wrong and you’re really starting to worry me. Please, just tell me what’s going on. Maybe I can help,” he said quietly once more.

Severus was breaking down, Harry could tell. Something horrible had happened this night, but for some reason, he refused to tell Harry. Instead of telling Harry what was happening, he grabbed the boy’s arm and marched him to his bedroom. Throwing open the door, he slightly pushed the boy inside. “Goodnight,” he said, eyes blazing with something Harry had never seen before. If Harry didn’t know better, he’d say it was raw grief.

As the door began to close Harry quickly placed his foot in between the door and the doorframe. Harry was seriously concerned now, he’d never seen his father this close to coming undone. “Tell me what happened!” he demanded.

Severus spun around, glaring. “I can’t do this right now!” he yelled. As Harry was keeping the door open with his body, Severus unthinkingly shoved the boy out of the way, hard. Harry hit the ground, stunned, and right as the door slammed shut in front of him. His already wide eyes grew impossibly large as the implications set in. Pushing himself to his feet, he ran to the door and tried the knob. The knob turned, but the door wouldn’t open. He tried the knob again, thinking he had just turned it the wrong way. There was no way Severus would lock him inside, he knew how much it terrified Harry to be locked inside. He turned the knob again…and again. It still wouldn’t open.

Taking deep breaths, Harry pressed his ear against the door.

There was no response from the other man and Harry’s breath caught in his throat as his eyes began to burn. He turned the knob again and pulled fiercely. “Please, don’t leave me in here,” he whispered. Once again, Harry felt betrayed by his father’s actions. He had trusted Severus to never do this to him again. Severus knew from past experience how he despised being locked inside a room, no matter how large or small. And he was right on the other side of the door, listening to him. He slapped his hand against the wooden door, stinging his hand. “Let me out!” he yelled.

And still there was no answer from the other side; no noise to detect the man had even heard him. “What’s wrong?” he asked brokenly, as the tears he tried to hold at bay cascaded down his cheeks. “Why are you doing this?”

At the continued silence from the other side, Harry’s tears turned into sobs. He didn’t understand why Severus wouldn’t answer him or what was going on. He must have done something to make Severus treat him like this. Maybe he’d changed his mind about the grounding, since he’d tried to go after Voldemort, even though Severus had said he wouldn’t do anything more about it.

“Please, dad!” he sobbed brokenly, “What did I do? Please tell me so I can fix it. Please? Just let me out! I promise I’ll be good. I’ll never disobey you again! I promise! Please don’t leave me in here!” Harry sank down against the door, hand still gripping the doorknob so tightly his knuckles had turned white. The room suddenly seemed so much smaller, as if it were closing in around him. He couldn’t take this; Severus had to let him out. He slammed his free hand against the door again before letting it drop limply to his side. “I’ll be good,” he whimpered desperately.

He heard movement on the other side of the door and sat up expectantly, watching the door with eager eyes, knowing that his father had heard him and would open the door now. There had been some kind of mistake, but Severus was okay now and he wouldn’t leave Harry in here any longer. He scrubbed harshly at his eyes with the sleeve of his shirt, knowing any second now he’d be let out. But, the door never opened and he could hear his father’s deadened tread move down the hall. Harry’s face crumpled into devastated tears as his heart simultaneously broke apart.

“No, no no no, don’t go. Don’t leave me in here!” he screamed, pulling at the knob frantically. “Daddy!” he screamed, his voice breaking.

Suddenly the door was slung open and Severus stood there looking dazed but horrified. “Harry?” he asked. “Oh my God, Harry, I didn’t realize.” He gasped, hand slowly moving up to his mouth. “What was I doing?” he asked himself, stunned.

Harry slowly stood up from the ground and hesitantly stepped out of the room, thinking it was all a trick and Severus would shove him back inside at any moment. His steps were jerky and uncoordinated, as if all the energy had been drained from his body. Severus was watching him carefully, looking more and more appalled with each passing second.

“I’m so sorry, Harry,” Snape, said slowly, inching his way towards the frightened boy.

Harry nodded dejectedly. “I’m sorry,” he mumbled. “I’m sorry I was bad…I didn’t know I did something wrong,” he said, tears still flowing unchecked down his cheeks. “What did I do?” Harry’s voice alone was breaking Severus’ heart.

“Nothing, Harry.” Severus closed his eyes, wishing he’d never stepped foot into his quarters until he’d calmed down. What the hell kind of father was he? The child honestly thought it was him who had done something wrong. Did he think he deserved to be shut in his room, to be locked in? He had to tell him. The one thing he had tried to avoid, he now had to do. He gently placed a hand on Harry’s back, but the boy flinched away as if he’d been burned. Harry’s face looked uncertain and scared, as if he thought Severus would throw him back into his now dreaded room. Severus knew he had done more damage to his child in one night than the Dursley’s had ever done in all the years the boy had been in their care, because Harry trusted him.

“Come sit with me on the couch,” he asked the boy. Severus walked across the room and could sense the boy following him slowly. He sat down upon the couch and patiently waited for his son to feel comfortable enough to join him. Harry stood at the edge of the couch, as far away from his father as he could get without disobeying the man’s wishes. Watching Severus warily, he slipped onto the other end of the couch, huddling into the armrest.

Severus hated himself. He didn’t deserve to have Harry as a son. He had tried to protect the boy from the news he had, but had done the exact opposite of that, had done worse than that. Had he been thinking straight, he never would have put Harry in his room. He never would have locked the boy away, something the boy feared, and he had known that…but he still locked the door. He didn’t know how to fix the enormous mistake he had made tonight.

“I can’t tell you how much I regret what I just did, Harry. I wasn’t in the right mind when I came home tonight,” he said, trying to keep the emotion out of his voice. He was stronger than this. “I fear I have bad news that won’t make this night any easier.”

Harry looked up at him in alarm. “What?” he asked.

Severus sighed and took in a deep breath. “There was an attack tonight,” he said, turning to fully face his son.

Harry was instantly on the alert, beginning to look mortified. “Where? Is everyone okay?” he asked. “It wasn’t the Weasley’s, was it?” he asked, worried that something exactly like this would happen.

“No, Harry, the Weasley’s are fine. It was…” how could he tell him this? Harry had loved the woman like a grandmother. “Cross Island was attacked tonight, Harry. Deliverance was at home with a friend when the attack began. She contacted me and I came as soon as I could, but it was already too late,” he said sadly. “They had already breached Del’s home.”

Harry was shocked. Deliverance was gone? “She…she’s dead?” he asked, tears of grief now forming in his eyes. Could this night get any worse?

Severus shook his head. “No, she’s not dead, but we don’t think she’ll survive the night, Harry. It was a vicious attack.”

“But, I thought she was…she was so old…I didn’t think she could die,” he said sadly. Harry had just assumed that the woman couldn’t die, almost like Nicholas Flammel. He didn’t know why he thought this, but he always thought he’d be seeing her again, and now it was possible that he would never see her alive ever again.

“She’s lived a long life, Harry, but she’s not invincible, she can still be killed,” he said. Severus stared at a space on the wall, unable to handle the thought of losing the last person in his family to more Death Eater violence, but she wasn’t the only family he had left anymore. He had been devastated when he’d arrived at the Bed and Breakfast only to discover his cousin and another woman lying prone on the floor, the entire house slowly being consumed by flames. The entire street had looked the same when he stepped outside. Most of the island dwellers had been killed or taken captive. Deliverance was barely breathing and he had rushed her back to Hogwarts, the only safe place in his mind. But, it wasn’t likely that she would survive the curse put on her. The curse was slowly eating away at her insides, liquefying them. It would be an extremely painful death, something he didn’t want Harry to witness, and something he didn’t want to witness himself. He’d stayed with her through the beginning stages, not able to leave her to her pained suffering.

But, now she was unconscious, induced into a coma-like state to save her from the endless suffering she was enduring, and Severus couldn’t sit with the old woman and watch her as she slowly drifted away. The night had taken a toll, and he had gone straight to his rooms afterwards, a mistake if he ever made one. Being in such an unstable state of mind, he had been unable to handle his son, hadn’t even been rational, as he’d entered his rooms. And he had done the one thing to Harry that could have broken him. What if he’d left him in there all night?

“Harry, I’m so sorry,” he said once more, knowing he could never apologize enough to make up for the wrongdoing he had subjected upon his young son. “I can’t even begin to describe what I was feeling when I entered these rooms tonight. I was upset and I hadn’t wanted you to discover the entirety of what was happening to Deliverance,” he told the boy quietly.

Harry could now better understand why his father had reacted the way he did, but he still couldn’t seem to make himself move closer to the man. He was still scared and with good reason. The man had absolutely terrified him only a few minutes ago. But, he did understand how grief could make a person act unlike themselves.

“Can I see her?” he asked quietly.

Severus shook his head. “I’m not sure that would be a wise decision, Harry. She’s in an extreme amount of pain and she’s unconscious. She…she’s in a horrible state,” he said sadly. “I’m not sure if you would want to see her like this. She wouldn’t want you to remember her as she is now.”

More tears seeped out of Harry’s eyes. “I want to see her,” he said more forcefully.

Severus turned to his son. “No. You may not understand right now, but believe me, it’s best if you not see her,” he said, knowing that Deliverance looked worse than death, knowing her body was actually looking more as if she was drowning in her own blood. Harry couldn’t see that, it would scar him for life seeing someone like that. He’d have nightmares. No, the boy couldn’t see her. It was for the best.

Harry shook his head fervently. “No, if she’s not going to make it, I want to see her!” he yelled, standing up from his end of the couch.

Severus was instantly on his feet and took hold of Harry’s arm, pulling him around to face him. “I said no.” he said sternly. He was unprepared for the reaction from Harry. The boy yanked his arm out of his hold, fear prominent in his eyes, and stumbled backwards, falling to the floor.

Severus stood silently watching his son cower from him. He slowly knelt down in front of the boy, letting all the feelings he felt for the child show in his eyes. He’d messed up in the biggest and most horrible way possible. It was only fair that the boy saw how he truly felt for him in his eyes. He’d known the boy had been questioning him lately, and now Harry probably thought his uncertainty had been warranted.

“Harry, I’m more sorry than I could ever put into words,” he said slowly. “I never should have done that to you, I was distraught and wasn’t thinking clearly, but that’s no excuse for what I did. I’ll never forgive myself for hurting you in such a way, but I ask for your forgiveness. You mean the world to me, Harry. I love you so much,” he said, sincerity shining in his eyes.

It wasn’t often that Harry heard those words from his father, and when he did it melted his heart. He could tell just by looking in his father’s eyes that he deeply regretted what he’d done and that he was telling the truth.

Harry nodded and slowly crept into his father’s open arms, still feeling uncertain, but knowing his father loved him helped immensely. “Just…don’t do that again, okay?” he asked, his voice small and vulnerable. Severus gripped him tighter.

“I won’t,” he promised.