1996

“Where’s Harry?” Ginny asked Hermione as soon as she came over to where her friend and brother were sitting at the Gryffindor table.

“Snape threw him out of Potions class,” Ron spat, the irritation on his face clear.

“We haven’t seen him since,” Hermione added, her own face, alight with concern.

Ginny narrowed her eyes, her temper igniting as she swung around to face the Head Table, finding Snape staring at the three of them, with what seemed almost to be concern on his harsh features. She had no idea what had transpired in Potions class, but if Snape had dismissed Harry from class and he had subsequently secluded himself somewhere, there was little hope that things had gone as planned.

With a final furious glower at Snape, Ginny snapped to Ron, “You could have told me Harry was missing.” And then, not waiting for an answer, she said tersely, “I’m going to find him.” With that, Ginny turned and stomped out of the Great Hall, her anger guiding her through the corridors of the castle.

She had spent the hours after her own afternoon classes had ended, in the Gryffindor common room, studying with the other fifth years. She had wondered briefly as the dinner hour drew closer why Harry hadn’t come to the Tower, but she had figured that he was occupied either with Lupin or in the library with Ron and Hermione, since they hadn’t made any specific plans to meet. As soon as Ginny had seen Ron and Hermione without Harry in the Great Hall however, she knew immediately that something wasn’t right.

Damn Snape anyway, she fumed as she made her way outside, knowing it was the most likely place for Harry to sequester himself if he was upset. Why couldn’t the impossible man just stop playing with Harry’s feelings? Didn’t Snape even care how much he was hurting him? He’d made him so upset this time that he’d actually run off, for Merlin’s sake.

Maybe he had gone to Hagrid’s she thought briefly but decided it was unlikely, as Hagrid had been at dinner. Ginny's annoyance was beginning to expand to Harry as well as she stormed through the huge Entrance doors. Why was his first predilection always flight when he was troubled? Harry should have found her or at least Lupin if he’d been angry enough to leave the castle.

Ginny’s anger evaporated though as she spotted Harry’s dejected form, sitting just out of reach of the Whomping Willow. It was not lost on Ginny that Harry had chosen to escape to the same place where he and Sirius had been when his godfather had invited him to live with him more than two years ago.

Ginny continued toward Harry, her heart heavy. When she reached him, she slid down next to him on the ground, reaching her fingers out to caress his cheek gently. Harry brought his troubled eyes up to meet her gaze. “What happened?” Ginny asked softly.

“I’m not sure,” Harry mumbled as he shook his head. “I don’t think I was ready to just act as if nothing had happened. Snape didn’t seem to have the same problem.” Harry’s face darkened, his tone turning bitter. Ginny scooted closer to him and took his hand.

“What did he say?”

Harry shrugged as he answered, “Called me incompetent, took points…the usual.”

Ginny hesitated before asking the obvious question, “But, wasn’t that what he was supposed to do?”

Harry chuckled darkly, leaning forward to pluck up a blade of grass. “Yep. It wasn’t hard for him at all. He acted exactly like he has been for five years…five years of hating me. He didn’t even hate my mother after he thought she had slept with James,” he finished, angrily flicking the little green blade from his fingers.

Ah. Ginny frowned in sudden understanding. This wasn’t really about Potions class today or even any insults Snape had so casually thrown at Harry. Harry was upset that Snape, his own father had hated him for so many years. Harry had witnessed how much the Professor had once loved him and with one simple lie, that love seemed to have been washed away. If Harry hadn’t found that Pensieve, Snape would hate him still.

Ginny knew that Harry had been keeping these worries firmly at bay, concentrating instead on the new Snape he was getting to know. At various times in the past few weeks, she had sensed similar feelings bubbling at the surface but Harry had squelched them every time they tried to break free, the reaction purely unconscious. Harry, she was realizing, was a master at hiding from unpleasant truths, although Ginny couldn’t be exactly sure what the truth was here.

“Harry, it’s okay for you to be angry about the way Snape treated you,” she tried and the attempt earned her a small smile.

Harry began tracing circles along the inside of her arm with his index finger; the delicate motion sent shivers up Ginny’s spine. Harry smiled at her reaction, letting himself become distracted for a moment and he leaned in to kiss her. Ginny obliged but then pulled back firmly and chided, “You can’t ignore this anymore, Harry. Not if it bothers so much that you had to run away.”

“I didn’t run away, Gin,” Harry sighed, pulling her closer. Ginny gave him a skeptical look and he chuckled. “Okay, fine, I did run away. I didn’t know what else to do, I guess.”

“You could have found me…or Lupin. Ron and Hermione are worried about you, you know. You could have talked to any of us.” Ginny hadn’t mean to sound hurt that Harry hadn’t come to her, but the remorseful look that crossed his face was indication enough that she had.

“I wasn’t trying to shut you out, Ginny. All of you were in class,” he tried to explain and Ginny nodded, not wanting to add to Harry’s guilt. She felt him relax a little against her.

“Well next time, just wait for one of us, okay? You shouldn’t be wandering around on your own anyway, especially if the Slytherins are spying on you.” Her voice had taken on a firm edge and Harry smiled again. Ginny frowned at him.

“All right,” he promised as she continued to glower at him. He laughed and added, “You’re even stricter than Snape.” Ginny laughed as well.

“I doubt that. You’re just lucky he didn’t find you first,” she teased, her cheeks flushing slightly as Harry’s smile grew warmer, his emerald eyes lighting as he watched her.

“Hmmm,” he murmured and leaned in again toward her. He pressed his lips to hers. Ginny, forgetting all about Snape for the moment, wrapped her arms around Harry and lost herself in his embrace.

------

Damn, Severus cursed silently as he navigated the deserted corridors. With simple deduction, it was obvious that Harry wasn’t in the castle anymore. The other Gryffindors would have seen him had he been in any of the likely places. That left only the grounds of Hogwarts to search. Only. What in Merlin’s name had the boy been thinking, leaving the castle proper, all alone? Hadn’t Severus made it plain that such an act was utterly foolish right now? He only hoped Harry hadn’t been stupid enough to actually leave the grounds.

Severus made his way through the great entrance doors and down the steps, his agitation growing with each step. No matter how upset Harry had been, there was simply no excuse for reckless behavior. But his son had been nothing if not reckless over the past five years and the Headmaster had encouraged that particular trait of Harry’s every step of the way. Not for the first time, Severus wished he could wring the jovial Headmaster’s neck.

Now where the hell would Harry go? Severus’ initial inclination was that the boy would go to the gamekeeper’s hut, but Hagrid had been in the Great Hall, and even the overgrown imbecile would surely have brought Harry back to the castle with him. If Harry had bothered to listen, that is.

Growling quietly, Severus continued on, his pace quickening as he began to explore the very real possibility that Harry had ventured into the Forbidden Forest. If his son had done something that irresponsible, the boy would bloody well be scrubbing cauldrons for the next month, Severus vowed to himself recklessly as his mounting anxiety took his mind toward the ridiculous.

Just as various scenarios, each one depicting a more grisly death than the first for Harry, began to run through his mind, Severus was brought up short. He had no idea how he’d even gotten to the Whomping Willow, but there, only a few feet from him was his son, with his arms wrapped around the Weasley girl, their lips firmly locked together.

Harry spotted Severus a second later and the boy hastily untangled his limbs from Ms. Weasley’s and scrambled to his feet, his face scarlet. Ms. Weasley took her time standing, her cheeks red as well but the girl seemed more angry than embarrassed.

The three of them stared at each other for a moment before Severus finally erected the most complex Privacy Spells he knew and then barked out, all his worry turning solidly to fury, “Explain yourself!”

Harry took an involuntary step back, while Ms. Weasley folded her arms across her chest and rapped out, “It’s called kissing.”

Severus clenched his fists and leaned in toward Ms. Weasley. Harry immediately stepped in between them, his stance purely protective. “Leave her alone,” Harry warned calmly and Severus drew back, uncomfortably reminded of his own protectiveness toward Lily.

Severus Occluded his mind, willing himself to reign in his emotions as they threatened to spin wildly out of control. Harry was watching him, his eyes brightly lit in challenge. As if the boy was taunting him. “You have no business being out of the castle alone,” Severus said, trying to keep his voice even.

“Ginny’s with me,” Harry corrected.

Severus’ jaw worked in agitation at Harry’s attempted misdirection. “And I am aware of exactly how long Ms. Weasley has been with you,” he bit out caustically.

Ms. Weasley pursed her lips. “If you hadn’t thrown Harry out of class, he wouldn’t even be wandering around alone, Professor,” the girl retorted, stepping around Harry, most likely so she could glare more easily.

Severus glared down at the girl, though he was careful not to move toward her. “I do not believe your presence is required here, Ms. Weasley.”

Harry bristled, his back straightening. “Then, we’ll both just go.”

“You will stay here,” Severus snapped. Harry narrowed his eyes, clearly going over his options in his head. Perhaps it would not be so easy to smooth things over with the boy.

“Then Ginny stays too,” he informed Severus stubbornly.

Severus considered demanding that the girl leave, but decided such a step would only serve to widen the divide between him and his son. “Fine,” he acceded through clenched teeth. Harry smirked at him and Severus finally lost his temper at Harry’s insolence. “It seems it was a wise decision to give you detention tonight, as you obviously need an incentive to learn some respect,” Severus spat, not pausing to consider his words.

It was a poor choice of words, indeed. Harry exploded, “Me?” the boy raged, his voice ringing absurdly through the sparse cover of foliage above their heads.

“Lower your voice,” Severus reprimanded automatically, forgetting for an instant that no one could possibly hear or even see them.

“No,” Harry refused, his voice not lessening in volume in the least and then the boy sagged a little around the shoulders. He shook his head. “I’m tired of this,” Harry said quietly. “You don’t have to do this anymore, all right? You can just start hating me again. You already did it once.” The boy’s voice was a mere whisper now and Severus’ heart jumped into his throat at the unexpected words.

Rendered speechless, the Potions Master watched his son take Ms. Weasley’s hand in his own and turn away from him. And somehow Severus knew that if he let Harry walk away now, he would never get him back.

“Harry…” Severus breathed coarsely. “…wait…”

Harry stopped, his back still turned to the Professor. Ms. Weasley, standing firmly next to his son, turned her head so that she was looking right into Severus’ dark eyes. Her own brown eyes were beseeching, begging him to fix this, to finally be Harry’s father again.

With every thought turned to the woman he still loved and the son she had given him, Severus drew a deep breath, and said the impossible words, “I do not wish to forget that you are my son. Not again.”

Harry turned around, his face filled with pain. “But you did. I know you still love my mum. How could have just stopped loving me?” Harry’s voice broke and sorrow filled Severus’ mind.

“I-” he faltered, but the words would not come. How could he explain to his son what he had gone through the night that Lily had told him that Harry was not his son? How could he explain the pain that had severed him when he’d learned that Lily had died? That he had mourned the death of a son that night as well? He could not. Not with words.

Slowly, his voice faltering with renewed grief, Severus whispered, “I do not think I can explain.” Harry’s face crumpled and he started to turn away again. “I can show you…if you will allow me,” Severus offered tentatively and his son’s emerald eyes shone with undisguised hope. “I will need to enter your mind,” Severus clarified, wanting Harry to understand before he made his decision. But Harry didn’t waste any time in thought. He nodded quickly.

Severus barely noticed as Ms. Weasley quietly slipped outside the boundaries of the Privacy Spell and the Potions Master felt a moment of gratitude toward the girl before gesturing Harry to come closer. His son moved forward.

Severus took a few steps toward his son until they were standing quite close. Severus held up his hands, indicating to Harry that he would need to touch him, not trusting himself to speak. Harry nodded jerkily. As gently as he could, the Potions Master brought both of his hands to cradle either side of Harry’s face, his thumbs resting on the boy’s cheek bones.

Harry’s eyes were wide as Severus angled his head slightly. As it was in Albus’ office and later in the Potions classroom, this joining of minds would be done without aid of a wand. Severus gazed deep into Harry’s green eyes as he slowly drew the caged memories from the wells of his own mind.

“Severus…please.” Severus finally looked up from the complex potion he was brewing as Albus’ voice became a desperate plea.

“What is it, Albus?” Severus asked impatiently, wanting to get back to his favorite distraction.

“Can you step through to my office?” Severus frowned and opened his mouth to argue with the Headmaster but Albus interrupted, “Just for a moment…please.” There was something off in the old wizard’s tone and feeling slightly wary, Severus placed a Stasis Charm over the temperamental potion and finally acquiesced to the Headmaster’s wishes; he stepped through the Floo and found himself a second later in Albus’ office at Hogwarts. Albus was alone.

“Sit, if you would Severus.” The grave tone had not left Albus’ voice. Severus, his apprehension heightening, sat in one of the chairs in front of the fireplace. Albus sat across from him and folded his aged hands in his lap. “Severus,” he began, not wasting any more time, “Voldemort attacked your house tonight…James and Lily are dead.”

Severus grasped the arms of the chair, as he felt himself reeling, the waves of dizziness beginning to overtake him. Lily. “No,” Severus whispered, unwilling to believe this; the roiling nausea threatened to overwhelm him. The Potions Master felt his hand patted gently and heard someone whispering something from somewhere, very distantly. Something about Harry. His son? But no, his Harry was gone, as dead as Lily now was.

Lily and Harry were gone. Severus’ vision began to darken, until there was nothing but black and Severus was no longer aware of himself. There was only blistering waves of burning fire, fire so hot, it consumed him, burned through him in a raging inferno; Severus gave in to the beckoning flames as they buried him. Buried his beloved wife and son…

And there they lay, beneath the fiery depths for ten years.

Severus watched the new batch of first years disinterestedly as Minerva paraded them into the Great Hall. He paid little attention to the sea of young faces, nodding discreetly to young Malfoy, after the boy was sorted into Slytherin House. Severus’ long and forced association with the Malfoys was still as tiresome as it always had been. It was necessary though as he continued in his feigned role as a spy for the Dark Lord and so Severus played his part, pretending mild affection for Draco and friendship toward Draco’s loathsome father.

“Potter, Harry.” Severus’ eyes flashed up at the innocuous call. A boy with a mop of messy black hair walked nervously toward the Sorting Hat. Harry. Severus had known of course that the boy would be starting at Hogwarts this term. He had thought he had prepared himself. But, as Severus’ gut squirmed spasmodically with remembered pain, he knew he had not really been ready to see the boy he had buried ten years ago.

“Gryffindor!” the Hat shouted after a long debate and something inside Severus shriveled. Potter’s son seemed to sigh in relief as he jumped down off the stool. He sauntered, just as his bastard father had always done, over to his new House table amidst the asinine cheering of half the Great Hall.

After Albus had uttered his inanities and the night’s festivities were underway, Severus forced his thoughts back to the details of his duties for the rest of the night and on into tomorrow. He would need to greet his Slytherins tonight in the common room after dinner. Severus scanned the Great Hall watching the students as they dug, without adequate manners, into their meal.

Without warning, a pair of familiar emerald eyes was gazing into Severus’ own. Lily.

But these eyes did not belong to his beloved Lily. They were the eyes of her son…hers and Potter’s. And in that instant, all the feelings of disgust and self-loathing broke through the Potions Master’s carefully erected shields and all Severus’ hatred toward the Gryffindor traitor who had stolen his family, twisted in unfair revulsion against this boy.

Severus glared at the creature, at the child who had usurped his family and replaced his Harry, the boy he still loved as fiercely as he loved Lily. And Severus wished he had never vowed to protect Potter’s son.

------

Forgive me.

Harry knew he was crying, the sobs shaking him violently as Snape’s memories dissipated from his mind. And, as his thoughts cleared, Harry realized that the tremors were not coming solely from him; his father’s rough hands were trembling on Harry’s cheeks and when Harry focused on the Potions Master’s angular face, he saw tears glimmering in his eyes.

Harry closed his eyes and froze beneath Snape’s grasp, not wanting to invade on such a private moment, but then Harry was pulled unceremoniously into Snape’s chest and he felt strong hands grabbing at him, clutching him as though the man was desperately drawing strength from him.

It was much more than Harry could have expected. Snape had opened himself up to him, made himself vulnerable and Harry knew now how much the Professor had wanted him to understand. And, in a way, Harry did understand. Snape had never stopped loving him…not really. The man had allowed his hatred of James to warp him until the feelings transferred themselves onto the boy he thought was James’ son, having effectively buried the little boy from the Pensieve years before.

Snape had offered him the memories as an explanation, as a plea to understand. The memories couldn’t take away the hurt that Harry still felt so sharply, but they did help. His father’s arms around him helped even more.

Tentatively, feeling more afraid than he ever had, Harry brought his arms up and slowly put them around Snape, applying cautious pressure until he felt his father’s hand on his head, the fingers gently weaving themselves into Harry’s hair and Harry felt himself relax, except his arms as they tightened their hold around the Professor.

Harry had no idea how long they stayed that way but when he could no longer stand the feelings of guilt that were swirling inside him, he finally blurted into Snape’s chest, “I’m sorry for what I said…about the Death Eaters.” He had tried and succeeded fairly well to keep his voice steady as he apologized.

In the last few hours, he had gone over and over their exchange in Potions class and had wished each time that he had not said those words. Harry knew that it was not his father’s choosing to associate with the dark witches and wizards of Voldemort’s inner circle and he felt terrible for having implied anything of the sort.

As the apology left his mouth, Snape stiffened and Harry felt a moment of panic that his father would push him away. Instead, the arm around Harry tightened briefly and Snape said softly, “I should not have provoked you. It was foolish to think you would not be affected by my taunting…I-” Snape’s voice faltered before he continued stiffly, “I did not mean the things I said.”

“I think I knew that,” Harry murmured as he nodded. He felt Snape shaking his head.

“Even so, it was not a wise course of action. Your feelings toward me are not strong enough to withstand such testing.” Stunned at the naked hurt in the Professor’s voice, Harry reared back from his father.

“That’s not true,” Harry objected fiercely.

Snape looked down at him, his black eyes filled with regret. “I do not expect you to feel as I do.”

Harry swallowed. “How do you feel?” he asked timidly, fearing he was overstepping some invisible line. But Snape held his gaze.

“You are my son.” They were the same words Snape had uttered after the Filial Potion had proved them to be true, but the meaning this time was clear this time and the shadowed warmth in his father’s eyes was unmistakable.

“And, you’re my father,” Harry returned, hoping Snape would understand his meaning just as well. But, just in case the stubborn man couldn’t, he added, “I care about you too.” Pleased surprise flared in his father’s eyes for an instant and Harry grinned at the subtle reaction. Basking in the moment, Harry asked with a grin, “Do I still have detention tonight?”

Harry was sure the man almost smiled as he answered, “We do have to keep up appearances. I believe however that we can find something less unpleasant than the usual removal of frog innards, for you to do.”

Harry made a face at the image that conjured in his head. “Good,” he approved. Snape shook his head, clearly amused by Harry’s reaction to the idea of gutting frogs. Harry shrugged. “It’s disgusting,” he explained.

“Indeed,” Snape agreed. “That is most likely why I use it as a punishment, instead of a reward,” the man added sardonically.

Harry smiled again. “At least it’s not as bad as cleaning toilets for Filch.”

“I’ll keep that in mind,” Snape promised and Harry laughed.

“As long as you don’t keep it in mind for me.”

His father narrowed his eyes slightly. “You have plans to earn yourself further detentions?” he questioned, his voice coated in curious amusement.

Harry grinned. “You never know, Professor,” he said with a shrug. Snape stiffened suddenly and Harry quickly amended, “I was only kidding, sir,” having no idea how he could have upset the man. And then with sudden insight, as his thoughts flashed back to his and Ginny’s conversation in the common room and back further to Hermione’s declaration in the Great Hall, Harry flushed.

Snape’s reaction had obviously been in response to being called ‘Professor’. But, how could Harry call the stern man anything other than Professor…or sir? Snape surely wouldn’t want him to address him any other way…would he?

With a start, Harry realized that his father was watching him as he tried to organize his thoughts. His father. He had already said the words aloud to Snape once and the Professor had not corrected him. Harry realized too that he had been referring to Snape that way in his head, since even before the man had hugged him.

Before Harry could make any sort of decision, Snape commented, “You need not do anything that makes you uncomfortable.”

Harry blinked in surprise. Were his thoughts really so transparent? “I’m not sure what to call you anymore,” he admitted.

His father averted his eyes. “I would prefer you not address me as ‘Snape’; otherwise the choice is yours.”

Hearing the Professor using his own family name made Harry realize how hard it must have been for Snape to give his only son a name that was not his own. Wanting to change the subject from the uncomfortable one they had stumbled upon, Harry asked, “Is my last name really Potter?”

Snape’s eyes snapped back to look at Harry and his lips twitched; Harry knew his father recognized his pathetic tactic. “It is.”

Harry nodded, slowly thinking about the other question that had plagued him relentlessly over the past few weeks. He was sure he already knew the answer, but he asked anyway, “Did my mum use a Charm to change the way I really look?”

“Not precisely,” Snape told him. When Harry tilted his head in confusion, Snape continued, “Before you were even born, your mother devised a Charm to weave some of James’ genes with your own, so that your appearance would combine James’ features with Lily’s and mine.”

“You manipulated my genes?” Harry asked, incredulous.

His father nodded. “The ones affecting your appearance, yes.”

“So, I really look like this, then?”

Snape nodded again. “That is your true appearance.”

“Mum was bloody brilliant,” Harry breathed and that time, Snape really did smile, though on anyone else, it would have been termed a frown.

“She was,” his father agreed.

Harry had to admit, he was relieved that he would not have to worry about suddenly changing into a new person. It was a strange feeling however to realize that he should perhaps have looked like someone else...maybe like Snape.

“It is late,” the Professor interrupted Harry’s rapidly wandering thoughts.

Harry nodded. “Should I just come to your classroom then…instead of Flooing to your quarters?” he asked, remembering that he still had to pretend to have detention.

Snape nodded. “I will inform Lupin of our change in plans.” Harry nodded and then his father added, “I am going to place a Disillusionment Charm on myself. We should not be seen walking the grounds together.”

Harry watched as Snape disappeared, grinning at the sight. “Brilliant,” he enthused.

“I will walk with you back to the castle. You really should not be alone on the grounds, Harry.” The slightly stern rebuke made Harry’s ears burn and he was glad he could not see the Professor as the man was probably glaring at him.

“Yes, sir,” he mumbled, not really sure where to look so that he wouldn’t be facing his father. He looked straight up though, in surprise, as he felt the light squeeze of a hand on his shoulder.

“We should go,” Snape’s disembodied voice suggested, the tone almost gentle and Harry nodded.

With a few quick words, the Privacy Spell dissolved and Harry and his father walked away from the Whomping Willow. They didn’t talk as they climbed the hill back to the castle, but that was okay with Harry, as his mind was spinning with everything that had passed between them.

When the pair reached the bottom of the stairs leading into Hogwarts, Harry stopped. Remus was sitting on the bottom step, gazing toward the Whomping Willow. His friend stood as soon as he spotted Harry.

“Is everything all right, Harry?” Remus asked and Harry’s stomach clenched painfully as he waited for Snape’s angry retort. But Remus’ question was greeted with silence.

Harry nodded his friend, disappointment washing through him as he realized Snape had probably continued on up the steps. But then Harry felt a hand press against his back, urging him to move and Harry couldn’t help smiling at Snape’s silent demand. Harry started moving again, and Remus walked with him.

“I met Ginny out here a little while ago,” Remus told him as they walked up the stairs. “She wanted to wait for you but I sent her inside.”

Harry nodded, understanding both of the messages his friend was giving him. He smiled at the thought of Ginny. “How long did it take you to convince her to go?” Harry asked.

Remus chuckled. “Ron and Hermione finally dragged her inside. Otherwise, I don’t think she would have gone.”

“Ron and Hermione were out here as well?” Harry asked, surprised.

“Mmm,” Remus affirmed. “It seems they were worried about where you’d gotten to,” he explained, giving his young friend a rather pointed look.

Harry sighed. “I know, I know. I’ve already been reprimanded twice tonight.”

“Twice?” Remus echoed, glancing over at Harry.

“Yeah…Ginny wasn’t too thrilled with me, either,” Harry admitted, grinning sheepishly.

Remus chuckled. “She’s just like Molly, that one.”

“Yeah,” Harry agreed, thinking fondly of Mrs. Weasley’s formidable temper and realizing how much he appreciated her daughter’s strength. “Did Ginny tell you I have detention tonight?” he asked, figuring he might as well tell Remus himself.

Remus nodded. “She also told me to tell you that you’d best find your way to the common room as soon as Professor Snape lets you out.” Remus looked very much like he was trying not to laugh.

Harry’s cheeks warmed as they passed through the big doors. He and Remus continued on toward the dungeons, and Harry wondered briefly why his friend was escorting him to his ‘detention’. Perhaps there had really been something to Snape’s seemingly hysterical anger that he had been outside the castle alone.