Severus stared longingly at the jar of biscuits that were on the counter far above his head, too far to reach even if he stood on tiptoes. But he was getting hungry and his mummy wasn't home yet and his daddy was behaving strangely again, drinking that funny yellow drink out of the brown bottle. Sev didn't like how that drink smelled or tasted, he'd sneaked a tiny sip one time when his daddy was using the potty. It had tasted disgusting! He couldn't understand how his daddy could like it or why he kept drinking it.

Unless it was some kind of medicine. Once, when he'd been sick, his mum had fed him some kind of icky yellow syrup and it had tasted almost as bad as the stuff in the brown bottle. Maybe that's why his daddy was so grouchy and cross all the time now. Because he was sick and the medicine he was taking tasted gross. Yes, that would explain why he'd yelled at Sev today for playing in the den, or asking him a question about the new TV Tobias had bought.

It was the first time Sev had ever seen one, and he had wanted to know how it worked, but Tobias (Toby was what Mummy called his dad sometimes, unless she was mad), had growled at him to go away and quit pestering him and had given him a look that scared him. So Sev had obeyed and done what his dad had told him, going to play with his toy broom and stuffed puppy.

But now he was hungry and he was afraid to bother his dad again, he hated it when his dad got all loud and scary. Sev scowled up at the biscuit tin, then remembered that sometimes his mum got stuff by standing on a chair.

So he pulled and tugged on the chair and just managed to push it up against the counter. Then he could get the oatmeal biscuits his mummy had baked yesterday. He took two of them and jumped off the chair and pushed it back under the table.

Too late he remembered that he usually had a glass of milk with his oatmeal biscuits. He went to the fridge and took out the carton of milk, it was just low enough for him to reach and not too heavy. The four-year-old carried it to the table and then he went back to the counter where the biscuit jar was. Above it was the cabinet with the glasses, but Sev knew he could never get them by himself. Or even with the chair, they were too far away.

Now what? His only other option was to ask his dad for help. So he sighed and crept back into the den. His dad was sitting in the recliner, one hand holding a brown bottle of that nasty medicine. His eyes were closed and he was snoring softly.

Sev put out a hand, intending to shake his father awake, then remembered his mummy telling him that daddy never wanted to be woken up like that. He groaned. Why did his dad have to fall asleep now? He wished his mummy hadn't gotten that new job, she was always working now and Sev barely saw her, except late at night, when she would come in to kiss him goodnight.

"Daddy?" he whispered, very quietly.

Tobias kept right on snoring.

Severus decided to try and get the glass himself. Maybe if he climbed on the counter he could reach the cabinet?

But when he got back in the kitchen, he discovered his arms were too tired to drag the heavy chair all the way over to the counter again, and so he had no way to get a glass, which made him very angry and upset. He needed milk with the oatmeal biscuits, they always made his throat a little dry.

I wish I was big, then I could get the glass myself. I wish I was big like Daddy, then I could just reach up and grab it. I hate being little! I need that glass. I can't eat my snack without milk, I ALWAYS have milk with my biscuits. He stamped his little foot on the floor. I wish I could just get a glass down, RIGHT NOW!

He felt something flare inside of him, something hot and swirly and all of a sudden the cabinet flew open and a glass floated down into his hand. "Wow! I got a glass by myself!" he cried, amazed. "I think I did wish magic, like Mum does."

Before he knew it, the uncontrolled magic had also summoned seven or eight other glasses as well, only these flew off the shelf and crashed onto the floor about his feet, since he wasn't fast enough to catch them. Severus's eyes widened in horror at the mess he had made.

There were eight broken glasses all over the floor and the child stepped back so as to avoid stepping on the broken fragments glittering on the floor. He put a hand to his mouth. Uh oh. Did I do that? I didn't mean to. Daddy's gonna be so mad, but it wasn't my fault. All I wanted was one glass. Sev bit his lip nervously. I know! I'll tell him it was an accident, it was really, I didn't know my magic was gonna do that, and he never gets mad if it was an accident.

The little boy had dropped things before and it had never been any big deal, his mum had always mended the broken object with a quick repairing charm, or his dad had simply thrown the broken cup or whatever away.

So Sev had no reason to fear his father coming to investigate the huge crash in the kitchen, right?

Yet, for some odd reason, he was uneasy, perhaps because his dad had been acting so strange lately, cross and yelling at his son for no reason sometimes.

"What the bloody hell have you done, Severus?" Tobias snarled, striding into the kitchen, holding his head, his eyes bloodshot and as angry as a grizzly woken up early from winter hibernation.

"I-It was an accident, Dad!" whimpered Sev, scared of the way his daddy was eying him. He'd never seen Tobias look like that before. "I-I wanted to get a glass of milk, but I couldn't reach the shelf, so I-I wished them down."

Tobias's eyes narrowed. "You wished them down? You used magic?"

"Uh-huh. But I didn't know I did, Dad." Severus said in a small voice, looking down at his feet. "It just happened. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make all the glasses break."

"Well, you did, you destructive little brat! Look at the damn mess you made!" Tobias roared, his blue eyes flashing like indigo lightning. "I've had it with you, boy! All you do is cause trouble!"

Severus sniffled. "I'm sorry! I didn't mean to!" Tears welled in his eyes.

"Didn't mean to! You're a bloody destructive little snot, mister, and I'm sick and tired of you thinking you can do whatever you damn well please and not pay the price. C'mere!"

Severus shrank away from him, but Tobias was like a striking cobra, he moved quicker than Sev could run and the next thing Severus knew was he was being held in a rough grip and his dad was removing the belt he wore.

It came free with a soft hiss and swooping motion.

Severus was trembling, why was his father taking off his belt?

"Daddy, I'm sorry! It was an accident!" he wailed, but his pathetic statement had no effect on Tobias, who was deep in a drunken rage.

The next thing Severus knew was he was face down over his father's lap and the belt he'd wondered about was hissing through the air to land with terrific force on his unprotected bottom.

Severus howled, it hurt so much, it was the very worst thing. He began to cry hysterically, not understanding why his dad was so very angry over a few broken glasses or why he was punishing him like this.

He sobbed and sobbed, but Tobias ignored his wails and laid the belt on again and again, giving the child a total of ten wallops before stopping and standing him up and saying, "Next time keep your damn hands where they belong, understand?"

Choking on his sobs, the four-year-old stammered, "S-sorry, s-sir! M'sorry!"

"Quit that crying, you little baby! Now go, get out of my sight!"

Sev turned and ran, or tried to, but his poor backside hurt so much he could only manage a fast walk. But he walked as quickly as he could out of the kitchen and up the stairs to his room, where he threw himself on his bed, sobbing hysterically into his pillow. His bottom smarted and stung like a thousand bees had attacked him and all he could think of was that his dad had suddenly turned from a fun and loving person into a cold hard and terrifying stranger, one who had hurt him horribly for an accident.

Mum, I need you! I want you to come home! I'm afraid and-and Daddy's become a-a monster! He thought, still weeping, half the pillow stuffed into his mouth to muffle his sobs.

Little did he know that one taste of Tobias's belt was only the beginning.

* * * * * *

Tobias gasped and jerked as the memory he had absorbed ended. But the spell was still active, and no sooner had that memory released him, than the white mist swirled over him again and whisked him away to yet another time, when a six-year-old Severus sat on the couch one sunny Saturday, watching cartoons, grateful for once that his father was not at home, having gone somewhere to look for work, and had not yet returned.

Severus hoped he was gone a good long time, for when Tobias was home, he did nothing but drink, swear, and yell at Severus for everything. He had the boy out weeding the flowerbeds this morning and then sweeping the porch. Eileen was still asleep, she'd worked the graveyard shift at St. Mungos the previous night. Sev wasn't about to wake her, so he had quickly fixed himself a bowl of cold cereal and a glass of juice before going out to finish the sweeping.

Now he could watch TV until his father came home, but once Tobias arrived he wouldn't be able to watch anything fun, only his dad's endless sports and variety shows. Severus couldn't stand them, he thought they were boring and stupid and he wished they could afford another TV, because then he could watch it and not get kicked off all the time.

He was watching one of his favorite cartoons, Batman, when he heard the screen door slam and his father's familiar footsteps in the hall. Sev groaned and wished Tobias could've stayed away for just twenty minutes longer. Now he wouldn't be able to watch the end of Batman, and he really wanted to find out if the Joker got caught this time.

He continued watching, praying that his dad was in a good mood and all had gone well.

No such luck.

"Goddamn lazy good-for-nothing kid!" he heard Tobias muttering, and he felt his stomach clench in dread. Oh God, what was the matter now? Severus tried frantically to recall why his dad would be mad at him, but couldn't come up with a reason. He'd done all the chores and he hadn't forgotten to put away the hose like last time, after he'd watered the flowers.

"Severus! Get your lazy arse over here now, boy!"

Gulping, the little boy slipped off the couch and went slowly towards his parent, who was standing in the hallway, holding a pair of muddy work boots by their laces. "Yes sir?"

"Didn't I tell you I wanted these clean by the time I came home?" demanded Tobias, scowling at his son in a way that made Severus's heart turn cold.

"No, Daddy," Sev answered honestly. "You never told me that."

"Don't lie to me, boy!" Tobias snapped, lifting a hand and smacking his son on the ear.

Severus flinched, but clamped his lips shut at the yelp that wanted to escape. Don't cry, Sev. Don't cry. He hates boys who cry. He repeated that over and over. Then he said in a soft voice, "I'm not lying, Dad. Honest. Y-you told me to weed and to sweep, but you never said nothin' ‘bout your boots."

"You weren't paying attention!" insisted Tobias. "I told you I needed those boots cleaned for tomorrow and here they are, still dirty! Don't you understand English, brat? You're supposed to be so smart and yet you can't follow simple directions."

"I-I didn't know, sir!" protested Severus, his lower lip trembling in spite of himself. There was a sick feeling in his stomach now, for Tobias had that Look in his eye again, and he could smell the taint of beer on his father's breath.

"Don't answer me back, boy!"

"I'm not, sir! I-I'm sorry!" he apologized frantically, for answering back Tobias was a terrible thing and one that would guarantee him a thrashing.

"Sorry for what? What did you do?"

"Nothing, sir!"

"Exactly! Nothing! You're a lazy little brat, Severus, just like every other kid today, all you want to do is sit on your bum and watch TV. Well, from now on the TV is off limits and as soon as I'm done walloping your lazy arse, you can clean my boots." His hands went to unbuckle his belt.

Severus backed away, his hands moving to cover his bottom. "No, Daddy, please! I'll clean them now, promise! I don't wanna get spanked, please!"

"Quit whining and get over here. You're going to learn one way or the other to listen when I tell you to do something, boy. And if I have to bust your arse ten times in one day, I'll do it. Now quit sniveling and take your licking like a man."

Knowing it was useless to resist, but longing to run away and hide under the bed, Severus walked over to his father, head down to hide the tears he dared not shed. It wasn't fair! But he knew even then that fair had nothing to do with Tobias Snape's punishments.

Tobias bent him under his arm, bared his bottom, and lifted the belt.

Five minutes later, Severus stood on the porch, one hand covering his mouth to stifle his whimpers, slowly scrubbing at the pair of dirt encrusted boots, his backside throbbing from the latest whipping. He knew he shouldn't have talked back, knew he should've just kept his mouth shut, because then Tobias wouldn't have lost it and given him an extra five besides. Don't cry, Sev! Boys don't cry!

But in spite of himself, tears mingled with the soapy water , as he scrubbed the cracked leather over and over with the scrub brush. Why was it that everything he did was wrong? Maybe he really was a good-for-nothing brat, the way his dad always insisted. Otherwise why would his daddy keep punishing him this way?

Next time I'll have to pay attention. And don't talk back and don't argue. Then maybe he won't get mad like this and whip my arse. I hope. Owww! Severus sniffled, bringing up a hand to swipe at his nose, trying his best to ignore the awful stinging pain, wondering if he'd be able to sit down for dinner.

* * * * * *

Tobias came up out of the memory gasping and wincing, for a part of him could still feel the stinging pain of the welts he had left on his son's bottom. But before he could so much as gather his thoughts, the white mist surrounded him again and he fell into yet another memory. . .

Nine-year-old Sev fidgeted as Eileen straightened his small red tie and adjusted his jacket. "Hold still, imp!" she ordered, running a comb one last time through his ebony locks. "There! You look very handsome and so grown-up." She kissed his cheek.

"Aww, Mum! That's for girls!" he pretended to wipe it off, but he was smiling. The truth was, he loved Eileen's kisses and hugs, even now when he was supposed to be too old for such mushy stuff.

"Nonsense, young man," she scolded gently. "A mother can always kiss her son, no matter how old you are, you're never too old for a kiss from your mum. Especially when you've made me so very proud, Sev, by winning the science award and getting a First in your class in natural science too!"

Severus shrugged, embarrassed. "Aww, it wasn't that hard, Mum. I like to learn about anatomy and animals and all that. It's interesting." He tugged irritably at his tie.

"Sev, leave it alone," Eileen batted his hand down.

"It itches, Mum! Why do I have to wear it?"

"Because you have to look presentable, dear. Muggles set great store by it and I won't have people whispering that my son doesn't dress like a gentleman, especially on the night of his award ceremony." She waved her wand and the tie suddenly quit itching and fit perfectly. "There! Now quit wriggling, child. I'm sorry I won't be able to be there, Sev. I really wanted to, but Mr. Crabtree, he insisted I work and finish up those Invisibility Potions before tomorrow morning. I'm really sorry, Sev, if we didn't need the money, I'd tell Crabtree to go jump off a bridge."

Eileen looked so downcast that Severus hugged her and whispered, "It's okay, Mum. We gotta eat, and you're the one who brings home the Galleons, so . . ."

She stroked his hair and whispered, "Oh, Sev! You're a dear, love! But your father will be there in my place."

"He will? He said he'd come?" Severus lifted his face from his mother's soft lavender blouse. Tobias had never attended any school function that Severus could remember, even though he insisted his son go to a Muggle primary school. It was always Eileen who was there to cheer him on or to applaud when he took a First in some subject and received a certificate or a trophy. Never Tobias.

But that didn't stop Severus from hoping that someday his father would manage to make it to an award banquet or a ceremony and see for himself that his son was a brilliant scholar, and say he was proud of him. Now that day was finally here.

"Yes. He promised me he would make sure he left the hardware store early, so he could make it to the school on time. So you'll still have someone there when the Headmaster presents the award, Sev."

"Good," Severus said feelingly. He'd been afraid that he would be left with no family members to watch him receive his award, but now his father would be there. Sev hoped he'd be proud when he saw his son go up and accept the small brass beaker and the certificate he'd won by being the best science student in the school, as well as his class.

Eileen gave him the once over before Apparating him to his school, then telling him to go into the cafeteria, which was where all those who were supposed to receive awards that night were gathered.

Severus tried not squirm in his chair as he peered out into the audience, searching for one particular face among the dozens seated there. Tobias had promised he'd be there, but it was almost time for the awards to be presented, and Severus couldn't see him anywhere. He fought back the urge to stand up and shout, "Dad? You out there somewhere?" Or to start biting his nails to shreds. Tobias would come. He had promised his mum, and he never lied to her.

Calm down, Sev. He'll be here, don't worry. He probably couldn't get off of work until now. But he'll be here. I just know it.

He scanned the sea of faces again, but still Tobias was absent.

He tapped his foot nervously, only ceasing when another student sitting next to him snapped, "Quit it, Snape! You're making me batty."

Now the Headmaster was ascending to the podium, microphone in hand, to read off the list of those who had won Firsts in their class to start. Severus was on that list, of course, but his name was at the end of the alphabet, so he had time to sit and watch the others' name being called as well as continue looking for Tobias.

Now the Headmaster was reading off the names. "Brian Ashbourne, a First in history. Congratulations, Brian!"

Everyone clapped as Brian rose to accept his reward, his proud parents waving and cheering and snapping his picture.

Severus kept looking for his dad.

But Tobias was nowhere.

Severus bit his lip hard.

Now the Head was announcing the R's. Once he got to S, Severus would have to go up and get the little certificate that said he was First in his class in natural science.

He didn't really care if Tobias missed that, it wasn't the important one. The important one was the natural science award, which the best student in the whole school won.

He heard the Headmaster announce his name and he stood up to get his certificate.

The Headmaster shook Sev's hand and gave him the certificate, Severus smiled and thanked him politely. Then he went to sit down, holding the certificate crumpled in his hand.

Come on, Dad. What's taking you so long? You promised Mum you'd be here, so where the blazes are you? They're gonna announce the awards for the best academic students in the school soon.

Once more he looked hard at the many faces watching. Once more he tried to imagine the look on Tobias's face when he saw his son get the award. Then maybe Tobias would be proud of him, and not call him a stuck-up bookworm.

All the other parents in the audience were standing and clapping for Charles Manning now, he'd took the mathematics award, getting a point or two higher than Severus.

Severus was near to biting his lip in a frenzy.

Still no Tobias.

He has to be here. He just has to! Or else I'm going to be the only one without a parent or a family member here to watch them. What's keeping you, Dad? Please tell me you didn't forget. Or that you're not down at Sal's Bar, playing a hand and having a few for the road. Please, Dad.

He swallowed the lump in his throat and looked down at his hands, still clutching the heavy yellow paper with his name on it. He carefully wiped his palms on the knees of his good pants and carefully folded the certificate into thirds and stuck it in the pocket of his jacket.

Now they were calling Susan Brown to receive the Literature Prize, a certificate and a set of novels by Jane Austen.

Susan's dad was standing up and yelling and pumping his arm up and down like he was at a rugby match, much to his wife's mortification. But Susan was grinning and waving to him.

Severus watched enviously. He wished his dad were like Susan's. But he'd be lucky if Tobias showed up, much less cheered on his son so enthusiastically. He looked towards the door of the cafeteria, hoping against hope to see a familiar tall blond-haired man enter and sit down in the back, where all the late parents had to sit.

But the door remained shut and Tobias did not come.

Severus glanced up at the clock. It was eight forty-five, they only had fifteen more minutes before the award ceremony was over and Tobias had missed nearly all of it. He squeezed his eyes shut and prayed hard. Please, please, please, let him come in time.

But five minutes went by and then he heard the Head say, "And now, ladies and gentlemen, I am presenting the Natural Science Award, a very prestigious honor, won by Mr. Severus Snape. Mr. Snape, come up here if you would."

Severus had no choice but to climb to his feet and go over to the podium. He walked as slowly as he could and tried not to look out into the audience.

He knew what he would see.

A sea of strangers and no Tobias.

Well, did you really think he'd come, Sev? He's probably too busy playing cards or drinking himself senseless to care about his son's award ceremony.

He felt his eyes sting with tears that he furiously blinked away, the disappointment settling in his chest like a stone.

"Congratulations, Mr. Snape!" the Headmaster was saying, shaking Severus's hand and giving him the certificate and the brass beaker. "Your parents must be very proud of you. Why don't you give them a wave?"

Severus wanted to sink into the floor. "Uh, they-they couldn't make it, sir. But thank you anyway." He quickly made his escape from the podium, before he looked up and saw the flash of pity in the Headmaster's eyes for the only child with no family members present.

I should've known better than to expect he'd come for me. He doesn't care about anything I do, unless I do something wrong. It's never gonna change, so I might as well accept it, he thought bitterly, hurt beyond words at Tobias's absence, but too proud to show it. Guess I know how much your promise means to me, huh, Dad? Absolutely nothing!

* * * * * *

The white mist grasped Tobias one final time, as Severus sent forth the last memory he wished his father to see, one of the worst ones of all. It had occurred a year after the missed award ceremony, on a lazy Friday afternoon.

Severus had been outside, playing ball with a kid named Ryan that lived a few houses down, when he realized it was time for supper and had gone home. He crept carefully into the house, trying to determine if Tobias was inside. His truck was there in the drive, which meant he was home from the pub. But if Sev were lucky, Tobias was sleeping off his latest binge and not awake and looking for someone to blame his latest failed interview on.

He peeked around the doorframe of the den, trying to see if Tobias was sitting in the recliner, watching the TV, beer in hand. The TV was going full blast and his father was dozing, several empty bottles lined up next to him on the end table, next to a bowl of pretzels.

Severus debated on whether or not to try and sneak past him to the kitchen to get a drink. He was awfully thirsty after running in the muggy heat. Tobias was snoring softly, which usually meant he was passed out, and that meant he wouldn't notice if a brass band and a circus came through the house.

Severus slipped off his shoes, padding lightly across the worn wooden floorboards in the den. Tobias remained asleep. The boy crept swiftly past the big man and into the kitchen, where he poured himself a glass of iced tea and drank it down. Then he poured himself a second glass, drank that one more slowly, and rinsed the glass off in the sink.

Now he had to finish up his homework and then maybe he could start reading the new potions text his mother had borrowed from the hospital library.

Severus started back across the den, confident that his father was still submerged in his beer-soaked dreams.

"And where do you think you're going, boy?"

Sev froze, like a deer caught in headlights. Merlin, no! Why now? He turned slowly about to face his father. "To do homework, Dad."

"Really?" sneered his father, raking him with one of those cold glares that never failed to make Severus's blood chill. "You look like you're up to something, boy. What've you been doing?"

"Nothing, sir. Just playing ball with some kid." Severus tried to edge backwards out of the room.

"That so? Then why d'you have a guilty look on your face? Like you've been getting into trouble on the sly?"

Severus did his best to look puzzled and totally innocent. "What look, sir?"

"The one you're wearing right now, you lying little bugger. I know you, Severus. You can't go for more than a day without sticking your nose somewhere it doesn't belong. What've you done now, boy?"

"Nothing, sir." Sev shifted uneasily. "May I go now?" When Tobias was in this type of mood, he knew discretion was the better part of valor.

"Not so fast, boy! If you aren't in trouble now, you probably will be later," growled his father. "You're always in trouble."

"I'm not in any kind of trouble, sir!" protested Sev.

"You are now for talking back to me, young man." Tobias was on his feet, a nasty gleam in his eyes. "You know I don't tolerate no backtalk from you, boy."

"I-I wasn't!"

"Like hell you weren't! You were smirking at me, you disrespectful little brat!"

"No . . ." Severus cried, knowing all the while it would do no good.

"You're overdue for a licking anyhow, boy. Come here."

Sev backed away, furious and defiant. "No! I didn't do anything. Why should I get whipped for nothing?"

Tobias's eyes narrowed. "Boy, I'm warning you. Come here now, or else."

Severus glared at him, his own temper rearing its head. He shook his head stubbornly.

Tobias snarled wordlessly and lunged at him. Sev ducked and tried to run, but his father was deadly quick when he wished to be, and he snagged his son by the shoulder, dragging him over to the couch.

"When I tell you to come here, you do it!" he rasped, pushing the boy face down on the couch and slipping his belt free. Severus struggled, but he was no match for Tobias's strength, and all he could do was grit his teeth as Tobias whipped him.

That was the worst whipping he'd ever gotten, the one that left the most scars later on, and the ironic thing was that he had been beaten for having a guilty look on his face and for no other reason. The elder Snape had walloped him until he had howled, then had shoved him away and stalked out of the house, leaving his son bruised and battered, sobbing in a fit of despair and helplessness and betrayal.

That had been the first time Sev had ever wished he could use his magic to hex his father until he begged for mercy. Or that he'd been born to someone, anyone else, because anybody was a better father than Tobias, who seemed to use any excuse to hurt his son, who was nothing to him but a disappointment and a freak.

He wept himself hoarse, from pain and humiliation, and he hated his father and at the same time longed for Tobias to treat him the way other fathers treated their sons, with love and kindness. Other kids had that, why couldn't he? He wondered bitterly, as tears tracked a salty river down his face. Why don't you love me, Dad? Why?

* * * * * *

The white mist abandoned Tobias with a shocking snap, and he blinked and came back to himself. His mind reeled with all that he had witnessed, all the emotional turmoil his son had felt, until he feared he would go mad. The images were burned into his brain, in vivid Technicolor, and for the first time in his life, Tobias could not escape the results of his drinking, nor make excuses for himself that he had only been disciplining his son.

"Now do you understand?" he demanded softly.

Tobias nodded, not looking at his son. "Bloody hell, but I've become my father!" he whispered brokenly. "The man I hated and feared and swore I'd never become. I always . . .always blamed my temper on the drink or you, but it was me. It was always me."

He looked at Severus then, and in his eyes was self-loathing and regret and a terrible empathy. "I treated you the way my father treated me. The very same." He shut his eyes, trying to shut out the memories rising in his head, the bitter tear-drenched memories of a broken childhood, his own and his son's, of innocence lost never to be regained, and found that they would not leave. The guilt and shame clawed at him remorselessly, until he gasped and whispered, "I'm sorry, Sev! So damn sorry!"

"And so you ought to be," came his son's silky sharp rejoinder.

But that bit of sarcastic sharpness was all Severus could manage, for he too was raw and hurting after reliving those memories. He glanced away from Tobias, trying desperately to compose himself, for he'd be damned if he'd cry in front of his father now.

At least now he was sure Tobias comprehended the depth of anguish he had suffered for all those years, though those four memories were by no means all the trauma he'd endured, simply the most vivid. He took a deep breath, willing the tears pressing on his eyelids to go away.

Then he heard it.

A soft choked sound.

He jerked his head around, startled, and his eyes widened.

His father, the indomitable, harder than iron, sergeant of the Royal Marines, was crying.

Hunched over, his face buried in his hands, Tobias Snape, the demon of his childhood was crying, tears dripping through his clasped hands to fall upon the scarred tabletop.

For one moment, Severus just stared. Could this be? Could the man who had hurt him worst of all actually feel remorse and pain for him?

Tobias's shoulders shook, he trembled violently, like a leaf blown about in a gale, as the pent-up tears of a lifetime suddenly surged up within him, and his control shattered to pieces. Gut-wrenching sobs tore through him, inexorable as the tide, and he cried for Severus, and for himself and for Harry, for all of the harm he had caused, knowing and unknowing, that now had come back to haunt him.

He had been blind, but now he saw. Saw true and clear and he hated what he had become.

Severus watched, mouth agape, and for one moment the selfish part of him hissed, Good. He deserves to cry for what he's done. But then something broke in him as well, and he was no longer ambivalent to his father's pain. They had shared too much in that hour he had cast the Legilimens Memorium, he had opened himself up wide and now he could not help but respond to the astonishing and yet awful sight of his father sobbing like a lost and hurt child.

He reached out a hand, touched Tobias lightly, and said softly, "Dad, don't. Please."

It felt so terribly awkward, seeing the man he had once worshipped for his strength and feared for his temper reduced to nothing more than a little child, sobbing alone in the dark because no one cared.

Except . . .except someone did care, the Master Healer realized.

He cared.

He had waited all of his life for his father to admit he had been wrong, to apologize for all of the hurtful words, for all of the unjust whippings, for never being there, and now that it had happened, he felt somehow hollow, and his victory was not at all what he had expected.

He did not know how or why he felt compassion for this man, yet he did and he could not deny it. His Healer's soul was crying out for solace, urging him to reach out to the man who had been at once his son's nemesis and his own worst enemy.

He rested a hand on the lean shoulder and Tobias jerked his head up and said hoarsely, "Severus, can you ever forgive me? God knows I don't deserve it, not after . . .but maybe someday . . .I see now . . .through your eyes, child, I see . . ."

It was too much.

He dissolved into tears again, only this time he found his head resting on a broad shoulder, and he realized that his son was holding him, the little boy he had hurt and belittled was comforting him. He held tightly to Severus and knew that the impossible had occurred, that the child he had caused so much anguish had forgiven him, at least somewhat.

He turned his head and gazed at his child, who was honest and true and compassionate and whom he did not deserve at all, and saw that Severus's eyes were wet too, with tears he stubbornly refused to let fall. Clumsily, for he had never learned how to be demonstrative, he reached up and patted his son on the back. "It's okay, Sev. It's okay, son."

As if those words were a trigger, Severus began to cry too, and the two wounded spirits clung to each other and found, for the first time, comfort and solace in the other's embrace.