1996

It looked like Severus was deciding between simply taking Harry back to their quarters or telling Sirius he would be without a throat if he ever spoke to Harry again. Remus was having a hard time restraining himself from rounding on Sirius himself. He didn’t know what Sirius had said to Harry, but whatever it was, Harry was still trembling from it.

“Severus, I’d like a word with you,” Poppy was saying quietly as she leaned in toward Severus.

Severus barely restrained a snarl. “I do not wish to discuss my sleep habits, Poppy.”

Poppy frowned at him. “I would like to speak with you about Harry,” she told him icily, though she had lowered her voice. “He almost lost control of his magic a moment ago.”

Harry’s fists tensed at his sides at the Mediwitch’s statement. “I did not.” The quiet denial was laced with anger. Ginny came to stand next to Harry. She put a comforting hand on his arm; he didn’t seem to notice.

“Harry, my potions were vibrating in the cupboard across the room,” Poppy said gently. And indeed, a few vials were shattered, their contents dripping languidly onto the floor.

“It was my fault…I’m sorry, Harry.” Harry tensed at Sirius’ strained apology; Remus glanced over at Sirius in surprise.

Severus turned slowly; his eyes narrowed dangerously. Instinctively, he had moved as soon as he’d heard Sirius’ words, so that he was standing protectively in front of Harry. He faced Sirius, who was standing to the side of his bed now.

“What did you do to him?” Severus’ voice was like a whip; Sirius continued to stare at Harry, but he did flinch slightly at Severus’ harsh tone. Remus stepped forward, intending to forestall a confrontation.

“Severus-”

“This does not concern you, Remus,” Severus snapped; Remus fell silent, mostly out of surprise that Severus had so easily used his first name.

“I didn’t mean to upset you, Harry,” Sirius continued on; he was moving slowly toward Harry. “I just wanted to understand…” Severus took a menacing step forward. Sirius halted his forward motion.

“Understand what?” Severus growled.

“It’s nothing,” Harry interjected in a high voice, stepping around Severus. “It doesn’t matter.”

“Severus, perhaps this isn’t the best time-”

Severus pivoted around, leveling the Mediwitch with a fierce glare. “This does not concern you either, Poppy. You had no right to allow Harry to come up here without my permission.” Poppy stared at him, suitably flummoxed by the sharp reprimand.

“Since when does Harry need anyone’s permission to see me?” Sirius demanded mulishly, and Remus wanted to tell Sirius to shut up. For his own health—and certainly for Harry’s.

Severus spun back around to face Sirius. “Since you obviously cannot be around Harry without causing him to unleash accidental magic,” he spat.

“I didn’t mean to do that!” Sirius retorted, his face flushing with anger.

“Then perhaps you need to learn to control yourself better,” Severus snapped. Sirius’ fisted hands jumped at his sides.

“I should learn better control?” he echoed incredulously. “Up until a few months ago, you couldn’t be around Harry without trying to make him pay for James’ mistakes. But you actually were in control then, weren’t you?” Sirius demanded venomously. The cords along Severus’ neck began to pulse.

“Is this why you wanted to speak with Harry? To make him relive each of my sins?”

Sirius went right on, as though Severus hadn’t even spoken, “You were trying to torture him. You were just as abusive toward him as the Dursleys.”

Remus took a step back as Severus advanced on Sirius; his face was purple with rage. “Do you honestly believe I do not realize this? That I do not hate myself every day for what I’ve done to my son?” Faces cringed all around the Infirmary as Severus roared; if possible, Harry’s tremors intensified at his father’s livid shout; he shook off Ginny’s hand as a wave of nervous anger trembled through his body.

Instead of mollifying Sirius, Severus’ words only seemed to fuel his fury. “You should hate yourself!” he shouted as he leaned toward Severus; a flask of purple potion flew from the shelves and Remus had to duck to avoid its erratic flight path. “It was because of you that he was abused by the Dursleys in the first place You abandoned him without a second thought. Even after Lily and James died, even then you didn’t go back for him! You let him rot there. You have no right to call yourself Harry’s father!”

“I know that!” The words were almost incoherent with rage. Several empty glasses popped along a high shelf on a nearby wall.

“Then stop messing him around!” Sirius screamed before Severus could continue, not understanding the depth of hurt or even the meaning behind Severus’ words. More sounds of broken glass ricocheted around the room. “Stop acting as though you can give a damn about a boy you hated for five years—a helpless child that you abandoned as though he was nothing!” Remus reached a hand out to pull Sirius away from Severus, his head spinning with anger at both of them, but Sirius shoved him away roughly. Remus stumbled, unable to catch himself, and was sent sprawling to the floor. “You’ve messed him up so badly, that he actually believes you love him!” Sirius shouted.

Incensed, Severus grabbed Sirius’ arm. “I do love him,” he hissed. “Is that what you told him, Black? That I could not love him?” Severus shook Sirius hard enough to rattle the other man’s teeth. “How dare you? He is my son!”

“And you abandoned him once already!” Sirius’ loud, derisive words were rattled all over the room, but then with a start, Remus realized that it was the room that was shaking.

Harry was still standing behind Severus and Sirius, his entire frame trembling dangerously. There was a wide empty space surrounding him—Ginny was no longer beside him, and Remus could see the air vibrating around his young friend. Ginny and Poppy seemed to be trying to enter the space around Harry, but they couldn’t, even though Poppy had her wand out and was chanting some sort of counter spell. Ron’s and Hermione’s eyes were riveted on Severus and Sirius.

“No,” Harry whispered; Sirius was forced roughly away from Severus’ grip. Both men snarled, each assuming the other had done it; even Harry didn’t seem to be aware that he had thrown the two men apart.

“Harry!” Remus shouted in alarm as objects within Harry’s magical circle began to swirl in a whirlwind around Harry’s head.

It did the trick; Severus spun around, forgetting that he was only seconds away from snapping Black’s neck. The anger immediately drained from his body as he saw his son standing in a circle of flying objects.

Severus could feel the crackle of Harry’s magic dampening the air. What was left of Poppy’s potions vials were rattling sharply on the shelves behind him. Several of the metal bed frames were bent or had fallen to the stone floor. Everything that was still on the ground within Harry’s magical boundary was jumping violently.

Severus felt Black moving past him, in an attempt to reach Harry. He was bounced unceremoniously backward before he could cross the invisible magical shield. Severus could almost see it.

Severus lifted his hands upward, his palms facing outward. Harry’s wisp was quaking with rage again amongst Severus’ flames. Severus softened the flames so that they radiated easy warmth.

“Harry,” he said quietly, pitching his voice to be low and soothing. Harry’s eyes focused on Severus. Severus felt Harry’s magic washing over him as he passed through the shield and crossed into Harry’s magical space.

Harry was glaring at him, with his fists clenched at his sides. It looked like it was taking all of his effort to keep them there.

I understand. Severus waited for a second, letting Harry know that he understood his need to unleash this pent-up anger that had been building for some time now—possibly for months, or even years. And Severus understood that a considerable amount of that anger was directed at him.

Harry’s fists continued to quiver and then his face contorted with a plethora of emotions, so many that Severus lost count. But the last one was anguish.

Harry flung himself away from his father.

He strode forward and with so much force that it should have broken his bones, Harry slammed his knuckles into the unyielding stone wall. The pain radiated up his arms almost immediately; Harry sucked in a breath. The wild magic needed no more encouragement. It shot up from his core and through his body. The round bubbled aura of his magic exploded—leaving him empty. A moment of vertigo assaulted him and he had to rest his forehead against the craggy wall for support.

He stood there, simply trying to breathe.

He drew in a ragged breath as he felt familiar hands on his shoulders. He was turned carefully around and then Harry found himself wrapped in his father’s arms. He stood there, rigid and still shaking. But he didn’t resist the embrace.

Harry’s teeth were chattering and he was still trembling, but this time it was from the release of both his anger and his magic. Severus tightened his arms reassuringly. “Breathe,” he commanded quietly. Harry immediately complied, as if he suddenly realized he was supposed to be doing that already. Severus felt him sag a little; he leaned his forehead against Severus’ chest.

Nobody else said a word as they stood there. But Severus didn’t even attempt to move; Harry’s breathing was evening out, his wisp calming slowly as the minutes crawled by. Uneasy silence echoed all around them.

“Can we go home now?”

The mumbled words startled Severus, but when he concentrated, he could feel embarrassment beginning to seep over Harry’s exhaustion. “Of course,” he murmured. He squeezed Harry’s shoulders before he pivoted so that he had only one arm around Harry’s shoulder; he wasn’t certain his son wouldn’t fall over. Harry leaned into the support before glancing up. They were surrounded by concerned eyes.

Harry grimaced as he spotted Ginny looking worried and confused—and maybe even hurt. He wanted to tell her they could talk later, but he honestly didn’t know if he’d be able to—or even if he wanted to. All of this was just too much. He didn’t think he could muddle through a conversation about how Sirius hadn’t been inside his head when he’d touched her. He tried to smile a little; her lips lifted in a sad smile of her own. Harry turned his eyes to the floor before Ron or Hermione could make eye contact.

“Harry…”

Severus and Harry had made it to the hearth rug. Harry closed his eyes as he reached out and gripped the edge of the fireplace for support. “I can’t, Sirius.” Sirius’ eyes were searching his, almost pleading with him and Harry had to turn away. He was too angry even to attempt an apology. He stepped silently into the fireplace with his father by his side.

“Snape quarters, Hogwarts.” With Severus’ command, and a flash of powder, Harry and Severus flooed away, with Harry still leaning into Severus’ side.

--

Sirius was certain his heart was being dragged away with the green flames. “Damn it,” he said harshly, to no one in particular. He smacked his palm against the rough stones, feeling like his own guilt was going to crush him. Five pairs of eyes glared at him in accusation. All of them except Poppy looked downright murderous.

Remus spoke first. “You told Harry that Severus couldn’t love him?” Sirius winced at the wrath embedded in Remus’ soft words.

“I wasn’t-”

“Don’t,” Remus warned, his voice lowering considerably. “Don’t tell me you weren’t thinking,” he snapped. His chest was beginning to rise and fall rapidly and Sirius easily recognized his burgeoning anger—an emotion which Remus rarely allowed himself. “Did you see what you did to your godson? How could you say anything like to him? To Harry of all people?” Sirius swallowed. Thank Merlin that Remus didn’t know the extent of what he’d said earlier.

“Harry already believes that he doesn’t deserve to have anyone care for him,” Hermione spoke up, her lips turned down firmly in disapproval.

“Yeah,” Ron agreed with a scowl. “And he’s already gone mental enough times this year. He doesn’t need you making things worse.”

Ginny didn’t say anything, and Sirius figured she was too angry. She should be angry.

But he hadn’t been trying to make this worse for Harry. And he had been thinking—he’d been trying to think about Harry. Sirius closed his eyes. To him, it had been only yesterday that Harry had hated Snape. He had only wanted to understand… And all he’d done was hurt his godson. Harry had looked at him with such a pained expression. Sirius had made him look like that.

“I didn’t mean to hurt him,” he whispered, lowering his head as the shame stabbed at him.

“Well you did,” Remus told him in a hard tone, unrelenting.

“I know.” Sirius fingered the parchment that Albus had given him. He hadn’t even had a chance to tell Harry the good news. He was a free man. He had waited for this day for two years, and now it was here. And Harry wasn’t here to share it. It barely even meant anything anymore, even to Sirius. “Do you think he’ll be able to forgive me?”

“I think you’ll be lucky if Severus even allows you to see Harry long enough for you to apologize,” Remus said flatly.

Sirius wanted to be angry at the words, but he couldn’t be. Whatever Snape had been, and no matter how much Sirius loathed him, he would have had to be blind in the past fifteen minutes, not to see that Snape cared about Harry. None of them, not even Ginny, had been allowed through the magical shield Harry had erected.

Except Snape.

And yet Sirius had seen the way Harry had glared at Snape. He wasn’t exactly sure why Harry would have been angry with Snape, but he’d still allowed Snape to hug him. He’d leaned into the man for support without reservation. As though he’d done it many times before. Sirius sagged with the realization. Snape did love Harry. And Harry clearly loved Snape.

Harry didn’t need him anymore.

The parchment in his pocket wrinkled as Sirius’ fingers curled around it. “Albus came earlier. They’ve cleared my name.” Silence permeated the room around him. Sirius knew they were thinking of Harry, and what that news would have meant to him once. Not even Remus seemed to be able to spare a smile over the news.

Sirius felt like he was drowning in his grief. He would take Scrimgeour’s offer. Harry’s godfather, the note had stated clearly, will always be welcome at the Ministry. They probably wouldn’t be so eager if they’d known what he’d just done to his godson.

“I’m a bastard,” he said quietly. No one contradicted him.

Poppy finally broke the silence.

“Sirius you should lie down,” she said in her clipped, professional tones. He shook his head.

“I’m going to Grimmauld Place. I’ll stay there until I can get a flat, I suppose.” He shrugged at Poppy’s look of concern. “I’ll be all right.”

Remus sighed. “I’ll go with you. Help you get settled.” He didn’t sound angry any longer, though Sirius wasn’t daft enough to believe he wasn’t. He was offering out of obligation, but Sirius wasn’t feeling up to being alone at the moment, so he simply nodded.

“I’ll need to get you some potions,” Poppy said as she looked helplessly around the Infirmary. She sighed as she realized exactly how much destruction Harry’s and Severus’ anger—and Sirius’ thoughtlessness had done to her sanctuary.