It was five days after the picnic and still Severus had delayed speaking to his wife. He had spent much of his time in between patients reading up on the symptoms and treatment of lupus, discovering that the disease could also attack many major organs, like the liver, spleen, kidneys, heart, and brain, as well as the immune system. Lupus patients were prone to photosensitivity and some developed skin rashes and lesions or arthritis as well as being fatigued and in chronic pain. The early warning signs of the disease often had to do with fatigue and flu-like symptoms, one reason why it was sometimes difficult to diagnose.

But Severus knew the blood test was accurate, and now he had to deal with the results and treat Lily as best he could. He considered his options. There were potions he could brew to combat fatigue, pain, nausea, Blood Replenishers to combat the loss of red blood cells, and Nutrient potions to give Lily the vitamins and minerals she needed to stay relatively healthy. Severus knew spells to fix damaged heart muscles and liver and spleen deterioration. He could repair malfunctioning kidneys as well, but all those spells would work only a finite number of times. Two or three at the most, because each repair, though done with magic, put stress on the organ in question.

There were no potions or charms to restore a damaged immune system, and Severus was currently working on trying to invent one, if it were at all possible. He was using several key elements of the Wolfsbane Potion, since that particular potion halted a curse that was similar to a disease. Even so, it was difficult, and he spent nearly all of his free time in his lab when not at work, researching and experimenting.

He knew Lily was wondering what project he was working on, but having seen him in obsessive mode before, did not want to ask. He was also trying to invent an elixir that could restore magical energy, so Lily didn't burn herself out trying to fight the disease magically, which was what occurred nine times out of ten in similar cases. So far, however, he wasn't having much success. But he refused to abandon all hope.

Matthew's contact in the world of Muggle medicine had given him the names of some drugs to try that might help slow the advancement of the disease, but the prognosis was eventual death-organ failure, seizures, the patient could live for five to maybe ten years if the lupus were kept controlled, or could die within a year if the lupus flared rampant and induced a stroke or heart or renal failure. The only thing the Muggle Dr. Reinhart could say was to try and keep the patient comfortable and pray the disease didn't progress quickly, treat symptoms as they arose, and hope for the best.

Finally, on the evening of the fifth day, Lily knocked on the door to Severus's private lab at home and said, "Sev, you've been in there all day, hon. Don't you want to take a break and see your son and me before you collapse from exhaustion?"

Severus opened the door and beckoned her inside, wiping his hands on a damp cloth. He was stiff and sore from bending over a cauldron for over six hours and his eyes burned from all the meticulous documentation he'd been doing as he brewed each series of test samples. His throat was dry as dust and his stomach in knots, but he managed to give her a smile anyway.

"Sorry, I just forgot about the time. You know how I get when I'm brewing sometimes."

Lily nodded, looking around the lab with interest. "Ah, the mystery elixir. Care to tell me what it is? Are you trying to invent something to be nominated Master Healer of the Year again?"

"No, I wish I was." He drew her gently over to a comfortable chair that he kept in his lab to sit in while he waited for potions to steep, since some drafts couldn't be left unattended. "Sit down, Lil."

She obeyed, looking up at him with a puzzled expression. "Sev, what's going on? There's something bothering you, I can tell. What is it? You can tell me."

Severus coughed, drank some water he had in a goblet on his lab table, cleared his throat, then managed to say in a somewhat professional manner, "Remember that day you came in to get checked out because you wondered why you couldn't conceive?"

"Yes, and you said there was no reason why I shouldn't be able to."

"Remember when I said I wanted to do additional tests-Muggle tests-on your blood?"

"Yes. Why? Did you get the results?"

Severus nodded. "They weren't very promising, I'm afraid."

Lily went pale and put a hand to her heart. "Don't tell me, dear God, I have cancer. Leukemia, right?"

"No. You have systemic lupus, an auto-immune deficiency disease." Severus replied.

"Can you cure it, Sev?"

"Right now, no. But I'm trying, Lily. I can treat symptoms as they occur."

"What symptoms?"

He told her, trying to break it to her as gently as possible. It took forever to get the words out, they stuck in his throat like a lodged chicken bone, and he needed to use all his professional demeanor and hard-won emotional control to speak the words, "Inevitably fatal."

Lily stared at him, uncomprehending. "What . . .what are you saying? That I'm going to die? That there is no cure . . .no hope at all, Severus?"

"No . . .never say that. I'm working on one, I promise you, Lily! I can halt some of the symptoms and slow the disease, put you on a regimen of potions for now that can help you feel less tired and rundown."

Lily's hands clenched into white-knuckled fists. She heard what he did not, could not, bring himself to say. That her days on earth were numbered, that unless he came up with a miracle, she would die. "How long?"

"I . . .don't know."

"You don't know?" she half-wailed, her composure giving way all at once. "You're a bloody Master Healer and you can't tell me that? Why the hell not?"

He knelt in front of her, taking her hands in his own. "Lily, please . . .it depends on the person and how fast the lupus progresses. There are so many factors . . .but I can tell you that the best case scenario, without magical intervention to restore your immune system or arrest the course of the lupus, ten years. The worst . . . maybe a year or more."

She remained silent for a moment. A year or ten years to live. Was that all the time she had left? It seemed impossible. Only yesterday she had joked around with Alice about grandchildren. Now she didn't even know if she would see Harry attend Hogwarts. She looked up at Severus and whispered, "That's why . . .I couldn't conceive, isn't it?"

"Yes. Women with lupus have difficulty ovulating and carrying a fetus full-term."

She felt his words slam into her like a dagger to the heart. She swallowed hard. "Then I can never . . .have your baby, Sev. I wanted so much . . .to give you a child of your own . . .a little girl . . ."

"I have Harry, Lil. He's enough for me." Severus began, trying to make her feel better.

"It's not the same . . .she would have been yours . . .I'm so sorry, Severus!"

She crumpled then, tears running down her cheeks, and he drew her to him and held her, silent sobs shaking her frame. "It doesn't matter, Lily. I don't need a child of my blood. All I want is you. That's all I'll ever need."

She was shaking her head. "Not enough . . .I wanted . . .oh God, Sev . . .I'm scared . . ."

She gripped his shoulders so tightly it hurt, and he winced, but he said nothing. "I know, love . . .Hold me, I'm here for you . . .always . . .Together we can beat this . . .I won't give up . . .Just stay with me, Lily. . . " He rocked her back and forth, giving her what poor comfort he could, while his own tears fell upon her hair, unnoticed by either of them.

He held her for a long time, absorbing what pain and fear he could from her through the bond they shared as a married couple. He stroked her hair and she curled up in his lap like a little child, reminding him of Harry after a nightmare. Only this was one nightmare that would not be banished by awakening ever, and all he could do was be there for her, and send her reassurance that he loved her and would never leave her.

She clung to him, he was the rock amidst the raging sea and the only thing keeping her afloat, the steady beat of his heart anchored her to reality and the feel of his arms about her, so protective and gentle, kept her from falling to pieces. She knew that as long as he were there, she was safe. He would keep the dark at bay. Severus would find a cure . . .she trusted him. If there were any hope at all, he would find it. Save me, Severus. You're the only one who can.

I know. He replied silently. He buried his face in her hair, breathing in the scent of limes and kiwi, ignoring the tears that fell like a torrent into the bright strands. Crying solves nothing, boy, the specter of Tobias mocked him from a corner of his mind. He snarled, lashing out, and the specter vanished. Maybe not, but I feel a hell of a lot better now than before, even if . . .He sniffed hard, trying to compose himself, but it was useless. So he stopped trying, and allowed himself the release of tears, and together they wept for the death of all their dreams and the fear of what the future might bring.

Lily had no idea how long she remained there, sobbing hopelessly into Severus's shirt, but eventually there were no more tears and she just lay there against him, listening to his heartbeat, feeling his soft breath along her ear, drained and numb. She felt weak and exhausted, much the same way as she had when she received the news that James had been killed.

Then, from some wellspring of inner strength she had never tapped before, she felt a tendril of courage lift its head and whisper, Will you give in to this . . .this faceless thing so easily as all that, Lily Ann Snape? You're a fighter, not a quitter. You've got the best Master Healer in all of Britain, not to mention the best damn husband, on your side. So fight! With this newfound resolve and determination flowing through her, she lifted her head and said quietly, "I will fight this damn disease to my last breath, Sev, before I travel the starry path to the realm where shadows go. My wizard's oath upon it." She reached up a hand, and traced the track of a tear down his cheek. "Please don't cry, Sev."

"I'm not," he said automatically.

"Evidence says otherwise, Master Healer," she teased lightly, showing him her finger, wet with the tears he refused to acknowledge. He sighed ruefully. "I can bear anything but that, you know. I love you so much, Sev. I want my life back, dammit!"

"I'll get it back," he swore fervently, then his mouth captured hers, and in the flicker of an instant all their sorrow turned to passion, and they kissed, fierce and wild, denying the specter hovering in the corner. Go away, I defeated you once, and I shall do it again. Severus vowed, and for the second time that day he allowed his passion to rule him, and kissed his wife as if there were no tomorrow.

When at last they broke apart, Lily said, breathless, "You are incredible, Sev!"

He shook his head. "No, that's you, little flower."

He rose to his feet, drawing her up with him, and she spotted his still simmering cauldron and gave a little gasp.

"Merlin, I hope I didn't make you ruin your potion."

"It's all right. It's experimental, I can start over, and will, probably."

Lily nodded, then recalled something else. "Sev, my mother invited us for dinner tonight. Do you feel like going?"

"I ought to be asking you that," he reminded gently. "I'll go, so long as you feel up to it."

"I do. And after . . .we can tell them about the test results."

"Yes. And then we can tell the rest of our friends as well."

"What about Harry? How can we make him understand?"

"Let's cross that bridge when we come to it, Lil. One thing at a time, love." He glanced over at the potion and then at the timer he'd set earlier. "Almost done."

"Go tend your cauldron, Potions Master," she ordered, stepping back and giving him a playful swat on the bottom. "Meantime, I'll go and tend our son, who ought to be waking up from his nap right around now."

"Are you sure you're all right?"

"Yes. Now go watch your elixir, before it's ruined, Mr. Snape."

"Yes, ma'am, Professor," he replied, then ducked her second swat, smirking, and returned to his cauldron, examining the contents and stirring it with a long wooden stirrer.

Lily departed, going to wake Harry and get him changed, a hollow ache in the pit of her stomach at the thought of telling this unwelcome and unexpected news to her parents. I had hoped to be telling them I was expecting their newest grandchild, and instead I get to tell them I'm infected with a deadly disease. It never rains but it pours.