“Harry, it’s time to get up.” Pause. “Harry.” Pause. “Potter.” Pause. “POTTER!”

“Mmmrglph.” Harry burrowed deeper into his soft pillow, wishing the annoying voice would go away and leave him in peace.

“Potter, get up this instant!” A smack fell on his backside, but the thick comforter attenuated all force, and Harry merely wiggled his bum in sleepy protest.

“Harry, if you do not get up right now, I will go to the Forbidden Forest without you,” a soft, silky voice spoke directly into his ear, and Harry grumbled back.

“Fine,” he slurred. “G’wan without –“ then his brain actually processed what was happening, and he sat bolt upright with a yell. “NO! WAIT! I’M UP!” he shrieked, scrabbling about wildly for his glasses. His professor hadn’t gone without him, had he?

No. Whew! Professor Snape was still there, glaring furiously as he braced himself against Harry’s night table with one hand pressed against his heart.

“There is no need to emulate a banshee, Potter!” Snape said severely, willing his hammering heart to slow. Who expected the brat to go from an apparent deep coma to full screaming hysteria in the blink of an eye?

Harry blushed. “I just din’ want you to leave me behind,” he explained, hopping out of bed. He tried his best to flatten his hair which was, of course, sticking up in all directions.

“Put on your shoes and wash up,” Snape instructed. “Dinner is already on the table.”

“Cool!” Harry stuffed his feet into his shoes and bolted down the corridor, oblivious to Snape’s scowl.

Honestly! Pre-teen boys were a mass of contradictions – protesting naps with a vehemence most adults reserved for active torture, then falling deeply asleep even as they insisted they’d never be able to so much as doze.

“So what’s our secret mission?” Harry asked eagerly after they were seated in Snape’s small kitchen.

“Don’t talk with your mouth full,” Snape admonished automatically.

“Sorry.” Harry swallowed and repeated himself.

“We are going into the Forest in search of snakes.”

Harry blinked. “Y’mean like Slytherins?” he asked, finding it hard to imagine any member of Snape’s House would be foolhardy enough to sneak into the Forest. If their Prefects didn’t get them, their Head of House surely would.

“No, no, you foolish child. Real snakes. I expect you to speak with them and enlist their assistance.”

Harry’s chest swelled with pride. Wow! He was a really important part of this operation! His father must really trust him. “Okay,” he agreed quickly. “What do we want them to do?”

“When Pettigrew is revealed, I will do my best to keep him contained, but in the event that he is able to return to his animagus form, it is critical to ensure he is unable to escape. This castle is old and has many cracks and crevasses down which a rat can disappear. The snakes will be present to prevent this from happening.”

“Ooooh.” Harry looked at his guardian with admiration. What a great plan! “So if he tries to get away as a rat, the snakes’ll eat him?”

“Exactly. I suspect that Pettigrew will revert to his human form rather than allow that to happen, but then he will be unable to slip away.”

“That’s a brilliant idea!” Harry said sincerely. “So I just explain what we need the snakes t’do?”

“Precisely. I understand from Hagrid that there are many magical snakes in the Forest who remain active all winter long. I suspect that if a Parselmouth ventures into the Forest in the dead of night, calling them, they will come out to investigate.”

“Cool! Erm, what time is it, anyway?”

“Nearly two in the morning. It is obviously important that we remain unseen during this activity. Finish your meal and we will go. It is very cold out, so dress well, and I will put a warming charm on you before we leave the castle.”

Just before dawn, a tired but immensely pleased eleven year old reentered the castle. Behind him, Snape carried a large basket that was hissing suspiciously.

“I bet we've got thirty snakes in there,” Harry whispered happily to his guardian as they made their way down the dark hallways.

“Indeed,” Snape replied, trying hard not to think of the several dozen snakes he was carrying mere inches from his person. The Forest had positively come alive with serpents after Harry started hissing, and Snape had been hard pressed not to scramble up the nearest tree in a panic as the snakes, in their excitement, slithered over his feet in their haste to reach Harry. It was just as well he hadn’t, as a moment later more snakes started dropping from above. He shuddered at the memory of how one serpent, as thick around as his leg, had used his body as a way to leave the tree more hastily.

Whatever the boy had said to them had won their instant cooperation, and Snape had been able to pick and choose from a wide variety of volunteers. He was confident that within the basket were snakes that were small enough be able to pursue Pettigrew’s rat form no matter where he went, yet were still large enough to be able to dispatch and consume him. He permitted himself a small smile of pure malice at the thought of what lay ahead for the traitor.

At his side, Harry yawned. “C’n I take a nap before breakfast?” he asked beseechingly. “Please?”

Snape rolled his eyes at the inconsistency of children. “Very well,” he told the brat. “But if you do not wake up when I call you, be prepared for Aguamenti.”

Harry nodded sleepily and leaned comfortably against his guardian, smiling as the man reached down and draped a strong arm around his shoulders.

Little pest, Snape sniffed, guiding the half-asleep child through the corridors. I’m surprised he doesn’t expect me to carry him the rest of the way.

Sure enough, no sooner had they entered Snape’s quarters, then Harry went directly to the couch and fell upon it, face down and asleep before his head touched the cushions. Snape huffed and put down the basket, then lifted the boy in his arms.

“Da,” Harry mumbled and wrapped himself around his guardian, resting his head against the man’s neck. Snape stood stock still, a bolt of pure happiness jolting through his body. He closed his eyes, tightening his grip around the boy and wishing that this moment could last forever: Harry safe and content in his arms, all threats and dangers far away.

But then the hissing of the snakes roused him and he shook himself. Sentimental fool! he scolded, carrying the child into his room. He laid Harry on his bed, giving the slumbering brat a quick swat on the bottom for being such a nuisance. The boy didn’t even stir, but the light slap did much to restore Snape’s sense of self. See? I’m still an Evil Bat, smacking poor innocent children. I’m not a maudlin, doting parent, overcome by the mere scent of my child’s hair.

By the time he roused the boy three hours later, Harry was fully restored, while Snape was feeling increasingly haggard after his sleepless night. As a result, the refusal of the house elves to provide him with a pot of coffee brought him to new heights of invective.

“What’s the matter?” Harry demanded, entering the kitchen with his hands over his ears and staring at where his father was shouting at an unmoved house elf.

“No, naughty Master Potion Professor, you is not to be having no coffee,” the house elf scolded. “Coffee is only making Master Potion Professor more cranky. You is not having no coffee today, naughty Master Potion Professor!”

Before Snape could hex the horrible little creature, Harry intervened. “Why?” he asked the elf innocently. “What did he do?”

Snape forced himself to put his wand down while the child was in the line of fire. “Naughty Master Potion Professor was being horrid to poor Master Harry Potter Sir,” the revolting little creature turned a sickening gaze of adoration upon the brat. “The house elves is deciding that naughty Master Potion Professor is not to be having any coffee until he is being not so grumpy with poor Master Harry Potter Sir.”

Harry blinked. “Well,” he said slowly, “you know that Pr’fessor Snape’s my guardian now, right?”

The little elf nodded vigorously. “Oh yes, we is knowing that! We is seeing how happy Master Harry Potter Sir is!”

“An’ you saw what I did in the Hall the other day, right?”

“Ooooh, yes. Master Harry Potter Sir was flying his broom inside the castle and making a very big mess! Naughty Master Harry Potter Sir!” To Snape’s great irritation, the elf waggled an almost playful finger at the brat. Unlike the tone of denunciation the elf had used when referring to Snape, his tone was one of amused indulgence when he spoke to the boy.

“Yeah,” Harry agreed. “I really shouldn’t’ve done that, right?” The elf nodded. “An’ so I had t’be punished, yeah?” The elf nodded again, though it was with a little less assurance than before. “An’ so that’s what my Da did.”

“Is Master Harry Potter Sir not being angry with Master Potion Professor?” the elf asked in surprise. “Even though naughty Master Potion Professor smacked poor Master Harry Potter Sir so hard that poor Master Harry Potter Sir couldn’t sit down at breakfast yesterday?”

“Erm, well,” Harry blushed. “I might have been exaggerating a little,” he admitted.

The elf frowned. “But if Master Harry Potter Sir wasn’t so sore, then he should not have been making the elves so angry with Master Potion Professor!”

“I didn’t know you’d be mad at him,” Harry protested. “It’s not like I asked you to punish him.”

“Naughty Master Harry Potter Sir!” the elf repeated, a lot less indulgently. “Now the house elves has been being mean to poor Master Potion Professor for no reason! We is now having to go and punish ourselves for being so wicked!”

“Da!” Harry looked over at Professor Snape in a panic.

Snape growled. Although he wouldn’t have minded seeing the little creatures bang their heads against the castle in penance for daring to withhold his morning coffee, the noise would probably echo in his dungeons and disrupt his classes. And it would upset Harry no end. “No, you are not to punish yourselves,” he ordered sharply. “I appreciate how much you care for my ward, even if he is a naughty brat who deserves many more smacks on the backside,” he added, looking pointedly at a sheepish Harry. “Bring me my coffee and our breakfast and we will say no more of this.”

Except of course the house elves were wholly incapable of saying no more, and a procession of what felt like every house elf in the castle followed, each with a lengthy and tearful apology, coupled with paeans of praise to Master Potion Professor’s kindness and forebearance. Snape felt nauseous by the end, while Harry happily munched his way through all the little delicacies and treats the penitent house elves brought to make amends.

Snape forced himself to look on the bright side. Not only was Harry ensuring that he didn’t have to eat the numerous goodies, but also it was clear that the house elves held no grudge against the child. In the eventual conflict against Voldemort, it was obvious that the house elves would ally themselves with Harry, and while the little creatures were often overlooked, there was no denying they possessed a powerful magic all their own. Snape was certain he could find ways to use that to Harry’s benefit.

“Mmm, that was great!” Harry said at long last, producing happy twitters among the remaining house elves. “I’m stuffed!”

“And so you should be, considering what you ate,” Snape said severely. “No pudding for you tonight.”

Harry nodded philosophically. His da was pretty fierce about not allowing him too many sweets, so the stricture came as no great surprise. “I’ve got Quidditch practice this afternoon – can I study in the library with the others before then?”

“Yes, but you are not to –“

“-go into Gryffindor Tower. I know, Da!” Harry rolled his eyes. Grown ups!

“Very well then, be off with you.”

Harry grinned and left, snatching up his bookbag on his way out the door. Snape finished his coffee then made his way to his storage cupboard and downed a Pepper Up Potion. He had little hope of making it through his classes without magical assistance.

“Ah, Severus!” Dumbledore came into his classroom just before his first class. “I have excellent news. Aurors Moody and Shacklebolt will be coming on Friday, along with Miss Skeeter of the Daily Prophet.”

Snape frowned. “And Amelia Bones?”

Dumbledore spread his hands. “Madame Bones expressed her regrets but said she was too busy to attend. But sending two of her top Aurors…” Snape tuned out as the Headmaster prattled on. His plan could succeed even without Madame Bones’ presence, but it would go a lot more smoothly if she were there. On the other hand, her refusal was a reassuring demonstration that the entire Ministry and Wizengamot were not under Dumbledore’s thumb. That could be very good news if the day ever came when he and the Headmaster had a serious difference of opinion regarding Harry.

Hmmm. No, he decided, his plan really did need Bones’ presence. He would simply have to turn to his back-up method to compel her attendance.

“Thank you, Albus,” he interrupted the older wizard politely. “I very much appreciate your assistance and I look forward to seeing the Aurors and Miss Skeeter on Friday. But now, if you will excuse me, I must prepare for my class of first year Hufflepuffs and Ravenclaws.”

Dumbledore smiled, relieved that Snape was taking Bones’ rebuff so well. “Of course, my boy, of course.”

Soon thereafter, the first years all but tiptoed into the dungeon classroom, Snape’s terrifying rage of the other day fresh in their minds. Fortunately for them, he appeared to be his usual snarky self, cold and sarcastic rather than furious and scary.

Class started off in a fairly unremarkable fashion, with the usual review of the homework assignment. “And what is the third ingredient in burn salve?” Snape asked. “Miss Bones?”

“Pickled newts’ eyes,” Susan responded promptly, glad that she had spent extra time on her essay.

“I beg your pardon?” Snape slowly rose from his chair.

“P-pickled newts’ eyes?” Susan repeated, her voice faltering at the expression on the professor’s face.

“Did you say pickled newts’ eyes?” Snape demanded incredulously, swooping down in front of the now terrified girl.

“Y-yes, sir,” Susan managed to squeak.

“Pickled. Newts’. Eyes.” Snape rolled his eyes to the heavens. “Tell me, Miss Bones, while I am aware that your House is not noted for intellectual ability, does it not perturb you in the slightest to ensure that your House becomes known for academic incompetence?” he demanded. Ignoring the girl’s whimper, he leaned close and demanded silkily, “Did you even bother to purchase the assigned textbook, Miss Bones? I only ask because it is apparent that you have never bothered to read the tome, and so I wondered if you at least had the common decency to spare your family the expense of the book.”

“B-but, sir, I did the reading,” Susan tearfully protested. “I really did!”

Snape snorted in loud disbelief. “Spare me the mendacious protestations, Miss Bones! I am aware that your disrespect towards both me and my topic is a mere reflection of your elders’ contempt for this topic.”

Susan gaped at him in utter confusion. “Wh-what? Sir?”

“Your aunt, Miss Bones,” Snape dropped his voice to a menacing hiss, “has made her contempt for this course abundantly plain. She has rejected an overture from me, signaling to all and sundry just how little regard she has for the study of Potions. And your behavior has made it equally plain that you wish to follow in her footsteps and scorn both my instruction and my coursework.”

“No, sir! No!” Susan pleaded, shaking her head in horror.

Snape ignored her protests. “Let me make it clear to you, Miss Bones, that your aunt’s disrespect will cost you dearly. You may atone for your outrageous insolence in not bothering to read the material by copying – before our next class – the first two textbook chapters in their entirety. I am certain one of your classmates will be able to lend you their book. If your copy is not legible, you will spend your winter holiday copying the entire textbook. If you do not complete that exercise in the allotted time, we will see if spending the first week of the new term in detention will teach you better time management skills. Do you understand, Miss Bones? Or do you require additional encouragement to refrain from displaying your family’s distaste for Potions quite so obviously?”

“Yes, sir! I mean, no, sir! I mean…” Susan broke down into terrified tears. Snape gave her a disdainful look.

“How pathetic. A hysterical Hufflepuff,” he commented snidely. “You are dismissed, Miss Bones. Do try to compose yourself before our next class.”

Susan bolted from the room. At Snape’s nod, Hannah Abbott rushed after her, eventually finding her friend weeping in Moaning Myrtle’s lavatory.

“Oooooh, Susan, I’m so sorry! That Snape is just horrid!” Hannah raged, wrapping the other girl in a hug.

“What am I going to do, Hannah? You heard him! I’m doomed!” Susan sobbed. “I don’t even know what it is that Aunt Amelia did to him, but he’s going to hold it against me for the next seven years! I don’t want to have to copy out the Potions textbook – it’s six inches thick!” she ended with a wail of distress.

Hannah thought furiously. “Well, if it’s your aunt’s fault that you’re in this mess, then maybe she can get you out of it. Let’s go talk to Professor Sprout. If you tell her it’s an emergency, maybe she’ll let you floo your aunt and you can tell her she’s just got to do what Professor Snape wants.”

And so it was that her niece’s hysterical tears accomplished what no amount of manipulative blandishments from the Chief Warlock of the Wizengamot could. On Friday, a seething Amelia Bones stepped out of the floo beside Kingsley Shacklebolt and Alastor Moody.

“Madame Bones!” Dumbledore’s eyebrows rose. “I wasn’t expecting you!”

“My schedule unexpectedly opened up,” Bones said from between gritted teeth. She might have lost this battle with Snape, but she had no intention of leaving the campus without having it out with the hook-nosed Death Eating bastard. He might be able to frighten little girls, but he’d quickly find out that trying to blackmail the head of the MLE was a very different matter indeed.

The floo roared to life behind them, and Rita Skeeter daintily picked her way out of the fireplace.

“Well, now that we’re all here, perhaps we should go down to the dungeons,” the Headmaster invited, offering Madame Bones his arm. She grudgingly accepted it, and he smilingly led the others out of his office.

Shacklebolt and Moody obligingly fell into step behind the Headmaster and Madame Bones. Neither was particularly happy at the thought of wasting a day watching a bunch of spotty adolescents brew up smelly concoctions, but their loyalty to Dumbledore was high, and besides Madame Bones had ordered it.

Neither was certain why their chief was in such a foul mood, but both were doing their utmost to stay out of her way. Amelia Bones was a powerful witch under everyday circumstances. In a towering rage, she could give even Dumbedore a run for his money, and in her current state of mind – well, Moody was seriously contemplating a long trip to Greenland. “Constant vigilance” was all well and good, but it didn’t help much when your boss was in the mood to chew someone’s arse off.

Behind them, Rita Skeeter wondered if she might be able to dig up some dirt during her stay here. Even some “behind the scenes” snaps of Potter might do in a pinch. Normally she wouldn’t have been sent to cover some piddling little prize giving, but so much had gone on at Hogwarts over the past few months that when Dumbledore contacted her editor, she had made no demur at the assignment. Who knew what could happen? Murderous brawls, trolls strolling the hallways, resurrected Dark Lords, the Child of the Light being handed over to a Death Eater to raise… Great Merlin, she wouldn’t have turned down an invitation to Hogwarts for all the Quick Quotes Quills in the UK! She would have come even if the offer had been to watch that dimwitted giant dig up another pumpkin. She licked her lips, wondering what might be in store for her today… and whether she'd need to give matters a little nudge to get them started.

“Here we are, Professor Snape,” the Headmaster led the way into the empty Potion classroom, and the dark haired wizard glanced up from his desk.

“Excellent. I’m glad to see all of you could make it,” Snape said, the merest hint of a smirk in his expression as he glanced at Bones. The Head Auror clenched her fists and promised herself that she would make him pay before the day was out.

“I believe that you will find it instructive to see how Potions is taught here at Hogwarts,” Snape announced. “You will witness how the Aurors you hire learn Potion lore, and this will provide you with insight into how hard the OWLS and NEWTS students have studied. The class that will soon be joining us is a group of first years, doing a basic potion, and –“

“You expect us to sit here all day and watch your students at their lessons?” Bones demanded, her voice brittle with fury. It was bad enough to be pressed into service to hand some idiotic teenager a school medal, but now she was expected to stand around and watch Snape preen and posture in front of his classes all day long?

“Why, Madame Bones, if you find the topic uninteresting, I am certain you are under no obligation to stay,” Snape replied silkily.

She clenched her jaw until she was certain she'd cracked a tooth, but she managed to prevent herself from responding.

“As the little dunderheads would doubtless find your presence distracting, thus leading to the melting of several cauldrons, I have decided that it would be best for you to remain behind an invisibility ward. You will see, but not be seen. Headmaster, if you would be so kind as to ask the castle to expand the front corner of the room and then set up the invisibility ward? In this way, the children will be unaware of your presence.”

Dumbledore did as he was requested, and soon the visitors were settled on chairs in the newly expanded corner, shielded from the sight of those in the room.

Skeeter watched with interest as Snape opened the classroom door and children started filing in. That kid with the red hair had to be a Weasley, and she was pretty certain that the sharp-featured blond was a mini-Malfoy. And… yes! She hugged herself in glee. There was Potter! She knew she had been right to take the assignment. With this cast of characters, something big was sure to happen…