“I had a lot to think about when your mother left me that evening. I chose to put a good deal of that energy into something productive. I hoped my efforts would help you, both of you. I wanted to prove myself worthy,” Severus explained.
~*~*~*~*~
Severus sat silently, lost in thought for a long time after Lily left his quarters. He had finally confessed his feelings to her. She hadn’t taken it well. How could she? She lost her husband, the father of her child the week before. Now she had her one-time best friend, and now a virtual stranger, telling her he loved her.
Lily was right. He didn’t know her, not anymore. But he did know he still loved her. Severus could not think of a single thing she could do to make him stop loving her. Even the fact she chose Potter over him was not enough. He would prove his love.
Lily mentioned both she and the baby were having trouble sleeping. Perhaps solving this issue for them would be a step in the right direction. Lily’s potions were easy enough, Dreamless Sleep and a supply of mild calming draught. He would need to warn her not to take the Dreamless Sleep more than once a week taken more regularly it could become addictive.
The child would be far more difficult. If it was born in July the previous year he was less than two, Severus calculated. He was too young for Dreamless Sleep without facing permanent side effects. Most other sleep droughts and calming agents faced similar problems. This would be a challenge. He might even have to do a bit of research for this project. It would be nice to stretch his intellectual muscles once more. Something he hadn’t really had to do since achieving his Mastery. Teaching only seemed to be a matter of stretching his almost non-existent patience.
Severus rose from the chair and ordered a pot of strong pot of black coffee. He would start on Lily’s potions now. It would give him some time to think on the boy’s issues. Once the pot appeared on his sitting room table he collected it and his favorite mug, a gift from Lily for his fifteenth birthday. Her last birthday present to him. “A tool in preparing for his O.W.L.s,” she had joked.
Severus removed two cauldrons from his cupboard, resizing them to their proper size. He added water to each making sure to add only 250 ml to what would be the base of the Dreamless Sleep. He made sure to label all of the cauldrons as well. He need not make the mistake of adding beetle eyes to the Calming Drought when it should go into the Dreamless Sleep. He knew it was not a mistake he was likely to make, unlike the dunderhead students in this school. However, lack of sleep or distraction could cause even him to make an error in his potions.
Severus chopped, peeled, crushed and diced all the ingredients for the Calming Draught. All of them went in fairly close together. He would not have time to work on them while also brewing the Dreamless Sleep, or the one for the boy, not that he knew what he was doing for it yet.
He placed a fire under both cauldrons making sure the frog hearts were in the Dreamless Sleep before the flame was lit. He set a time on both to alert him for the next stage. He then set about preparing the rest of the ingredients for the remaining potions. By the time he was done it was time to add the rest of the ingredients to the Calming Draught. He stirred it ten times clockwise, 15 times anticlockwise and removed it from the flames to set for 12 minutes before bottling.
A timer again set in place. This gave him just enough time to retrieve the materials he thought most likely to aid in his attempt in helping Potter’s spawn. Severus chided himself for this last thought. No matter who the boy’s father was, he was Lily’s son. That should be enough reason to like the boy… or at least not hate him. Even if the child was the spitting image of Potter, as Severus had heard.
Severus scoffed at the notion. How many of the people who made that comparison knew Potter as a baby? Many people looked very different from infancy to their child, let alone adult forms. Besides, the boy had Lily’s eyes. That would be enough to remind him of just who the boy also belonged to.
Severus flipped to the index on the potions guide on the top of his newly collected stack. He ran a long, thin finger down the column trying to find the name he was looking for. He found it on page 517. He flipped to it just as the buzzer rang for him to bottle the Calming Draught. He labeled each of the dozen vials in a spidery scrawl.
He checked on the Dreamless Sleep, everything was progressing fine there, before returning to his text. Severus quickly looked down the ingredients list. There were at least two on it that were not used in children’s potions because of the side effects they could inflict on a developing brain, especially one under the age of five. Severus frowned. One, asphodel stamen was easily enough to replace with a safer option. The same could not be said for the other. Severus placed a piece of parchment in between the pages before turning to the index once more. Finding nothing Severus picked up the next volume in his stack. Looking down the listed potions he set that too aside.
He picked an article from Potions Monthly next. It discussed how many potioners had difficulties brewing for children. It was not a total waste however. It included a chart of ingredients that should not be used in products meant for children, about a third of which Severus had not realized would be on such a list. It also included a list of potential side effects if they were included since no suitable substitute could be found.
Severus copied the chart out with a spell on a spare bit of parchment and stuck it above the workspace. This was going to be slightly harder than he originally thought. He checked on the Dreamless Sleep, adding the juniper berries two at a time before stirring five times in a figure eight motion. It would need to brew for another 12 hours before the next ingredients were added. Sensing he would achieve little more tonight Severus closed up the lab and headed off to bed.
He did not sleep well that night. He was haunted by Lily’s words that evening, lack of progress on the young Potter’s potion, and most distressingly, images of Lily’s rejection of him outside Gryffindor Tower. He rose before sun up, even though he crawled into bed only a few hours before. He did not see the point of staying in bed when he knew he would find no more rest.
He returned to the lab and his previously collected reading materials. He flipped to one almost at random. It was a volume on children’s potions so at least here he would have far less concern with life altering damage. It was for a salve to aid with chest congestion. In adults, one would simply take Pepper-Up. The potion was not really safe for those under about the age of six or so.
That gave Severus an idea. His idea was only strengthened when he noticed how many of the treatments were not in potion form, but rather salves. Looking at the chart pinned up last night he noticed about half were asterisked as low risk if used in a topical format.
A smirk crawled onto Severus’ lips. He could do this. He could help Potter’s brat and win back Lily’s heart.
Severus spent the next day and a half working on his treatment for the boy. His final stroke of genius was adding lavender at the end to give the otherwise mildly unpleasant smelling paste a slightly more appealing fragrance. It would also help to relax the child according to what he read.
Severus collected all of his work into a small cookie tin Lily had once lent him we when they were children that for some reason he never managed to give back. He then gathered his traveling cloak and Floo-ed to the Headmaster’s office. He informed Dumbledore he would be away for the next several hours. If any of his students got themselves into trouble while he was away, he would deal with them on his return. Let that be a lesson to them. He would not let his life be controlled by children’s foolishness.
Severus then Floo-ed to his home on Spinner’s End. The place was still much as it was from his childhood. There was no reason to change it in Severus’ mind. A fresh coat of paint, new wallpaper, and better furniture would not go amiss, but as Severus spent nine months a year at Hogwarts and even much of his summer away from this dreary house he saw no reason to put in the effort.
Severus crossed the sad excuse of a sitting room and made his way to the front hallway. Halfway to the front door he stopped and turned back heading instead for his bedroom. There was no reason he should wear his school robes to such a meeting.
Severus returned to his childhood bedroom. Like much else he didn’t see the point in changing this either. He could not bring himself to move into the master suite. There was a dark vibe in that room, but maybe he was just imagining it after all those years of Tobias and Eileen’s horrifying marriage. Severus opened the wardrobe searching for something less… intimidating to wear.
He cast aside the button ups. He pulled open the drawer and found a long forgotten green sweater there. He pulled the robes off throwing them onto the bed distractedly. He pulled the sweater on. It seemed a bit snug, but it looked fine when he looked in the mirror. He needed to comb his hair, it was sticking up all over the place. Once done he gave himself one more glance before deciding it was now or never. He grabbed the traveling cloak and headed once more to the front door.
He could have Apperated to the end of Lily’s block, but he chose not to. He walked the all too familiar path to Lily’s. He took the longer route that went through the play park where they first met. This was the path he took more often on the way back home in their youth. He never wished to return to Spinner’s End but had nowhere else to go. Now, he feared what he might encounter once he reached Lily’s door. Such a strange turn around.
He stood on the stoop a moment to collect his thoughts. Steeling his courage he raised his right hand and wrapped his knuckles on the oak door. He was taken aback to see not Lily, but Remus Lupin when the door opened, Harry perched on his hip.
“Severus,” Lupin greeted coolly.
“Wolf,” Severus said sneering. “What are you doing here?”
“I could ask you the same,” Lupin shot back.
“I came to speak to Lily. Is she in?” Severus asked restraining his temper.
“She is,” Lupin acknowledged. “She was having a bit of a lie down. I don’t know if she told you, but she and Harry here,” Lupin emphasized shifting the boy up his hip, “haven’t been sleeping very well since….James… since the attack.”
“I am aware. That’s why I’m here in fact. Now will you let me in, or am I to freeze on the doorstep?” Severus demanded.
Lupin frowned slightly, but stood aside anyway. Closing the door behind Severus Remus let Harry down. “Let me just go and get Lily. Why don’t you have a seat in the living room?”
Severus nodded and headed down the short hallway. He hadn’t expected to be followed by the messy-haired toddler. Severus removed his cloak and placed it on the back of the sofa. He sat down taking in the room. Like his own home. It had not changed in the six or so years since Severus had been here last. The one major change was the number of toys scattered around the room. Severus’ eyes shifted back to the sofa when the cushion sank slightly.
Severus saw Harry had crawled onto the seat and the boy seemed to be observing him. Harry watched him silently for several moments. The little boy then hopped down and grabbed something off a bookshelf. Harry returned a minute later, thrusting the book into Severus’ hand. He then proceeded to crawl into Severus’ lap.
Severus looked down on the messy head and the book curiously. Was this normal behavior? He had just met the child and here he was perched in his lap. Didn’t the foolish child know to fear him? He had third year Gryffindor students who would die of fright simply out of sympathy for the boy if they were to see this. Never mind if they were in Hufflepuff. He was sure even his “brave” Slytherins would be unnerved by the boy’s lack of calculation. Then again, he had been kept in a cocoon of relative safety until his father’s death. The boy must have assumed it was safe.
Harry turned his green eyes from the book to meet Severus’ own dark ones, then back to the book. Severus looked down following the boy’s gaze. “I suppose you mean for me to read this to you.” Severus received no answer, but took that as a yes anyway.
The book had a purple cover with a white and grey hippogriff on the cover. “Harry the Happy Hippogriff,” Severus read. He turned to the first page. “Harry was a happy hippogriff,” Severus continued. The boy, Harry watched as the illustrated Harry soared over hills, trees, and lakes. “Harry had many friend. He loved going on adventures,” Severus turned the page, “One day… Oh what is this rubbish?” Severus snapped as his eyes continued over the text. “You like this?” Severus asked the toddler. The little boy didn’t answer, he just continued to watch the drawings.
“It’s his favorite,” Lily said from the doorway. “You’d better finish it, unless you’d rather face a temper tantrum. He knows it by heart so don’t try skipping pages,” Lily advised.
Severus head shot up at this. “Why don’t you read it then?”
“He chose you, Sev. Come on, it’ll take you less than ten minutes. Then we’ll talk while Remus puts Harry down for a nap. Besides, I forgot how much I loved hearing you read aloud, even if it is Harry the Happy Hippogriff.” Lily encouraged.
Severus let out a strangled groan and shifted the child into a mildly less uncomfortable position. Taking a deep breath Severus began reading once more. The story never seemed to end, but finally he reached the last page with Harry the hippogriff safely tucked back in bed and happy. Harry seemed relatively pleased with the result. He flipped the book back to the start.
“’Gain,” Harry asked hopefully.
Severus frowned and turned to Lily for rescuing.
“Oh no Harry. He’s read it to you once already and it’s time for your nap.” Lily said picking the boy up from Severus’ lap. “Come on love, I’m sure Uncle Moony will read you a story before you go to sleep.” Lily was gone only a minute before returning childfree.
Severus raised an eyebrow at her speedy return. “The wolf doesn’t need your help?”
“I wish you wouldn’t call him that,” Lily chided. “No, Remus doesn’t need any help putting Harry to bed. He’s done it enough in the last week. Even when… James was alive, Remus was there. He’s had plenty of practice he’ll be fine.”
Severus only let out an uncertain grunt.
“Now when Remus came to get me he said you wanted to talk about the problems sleeping.” Lily said taking a seat on the opposite of the couch from Severus.
“Indeed.” Severus agreed. He removed the box from his robes. “These are for you. The purple vials are Dreamless Sleep. You should take it no more than once a week. A full vial will grant you six hours of deep dreamless sleep. If you want it to be uninterrupted I suggest you have th-Lupin or Black stay the night to look after the boy.”
“Harry,” Lily corrected. “My son’s name is Harry.”
“Errr…Yes, Harry,” Severus said uneasily. “As you know, H-Harry is too young for Dreamless Sleep.”
“The Healers at St. Mungo’s mentioned something along those lines.” Lily agreed. “They said he probably would have trouble sleeping for a couple of days maybe, but not to worry about it. Of course they aren’t living with the constantly cranky toddler.”
“Indeed,” Severus removed the jar of grey salve. “Apply this to Harry’s chest before he goes to bed at night, it will most likely not prevent dreams, but make them milder. It will relax him before bed and that will also aid in his sleep I believe.” Severus explained.
Lily looked confused. “What is this?”
“It doesn’t have a name,” Severus replied.
“What? What do you mean Sev?” Lily asked.
“I made it for Harry. It should help him. Since he is too young for most sleep aids. Trust Potter’s son to cause so much trouble at such a young age.”
Lily frowned. “Don’t do that Sev. Don’t do that, not in front of me.”
Severus paused. “I-I apologize. That was… uncalled for.”
“Yes,” Lily agreed. “Thank you for doing this.”
“Indeed. I should be going. I’m sure at least one of my students will have managed to get themselves into trouble in some form or another. I can only hope they avoided being sent to see Albus. I’ll see you again Lily.” Severus set the cookie tin down on the couch as he got up.
There was a clink of another bottle from inside.
“What’s that?” Lily asked picking the tin up to inspect it.
“Nothing, just a basic Calming Draught. You used to have problems sleeping during exams. I thought this would help you fall asleep and doesn’t have the addictive properties of Dreamless Sleep. Now I really must be going.”
“Alright, thank you Sev. You have no idea what this means to me.” Lily said walking him to the door.
“Good afternoon, Lily. I was glad to help.” Severus turned on his heel and was gone.
Severus continued his story. “That meeting with your mother went as well as I could have expected it to. She had not thrown me out of her house, nor raged at me for making assumptions about her health or yours. I honestly did not know how she would take my actions. I was unspeakably glad she was appreciative and not upset. When I left that evening, I did not know when I would next see or her from your mother. I hoped it would be soon. I desired to know if the salve I created worked. I did not have to wait long.”
~*~*~*~
Severus did not bother to look up as the morning post came flooding into the Great Hall. Since his mother’s passing there was nobody who wrote to him on regular basis. He had not placed any orders with his ingredients suppliers in recent weeks, so there was no reason to expect any packages. Yet a barn owl was swooping down in front of Severus’ place.
A small brown paper box was attached to its foot. Severus raised a curious eyebrow at the bird. The bird glared at him lifting the foot bound to the box as much as possible. When Severus made no move to detach the box. The bird gave an indignant hoot. Severus frowned but proceeded to remove the box.
“Were you expecting post, Severus?” Minerva McGonagall asked pleasantly.
“No,” Severus said peering at the box once more.
He was surprised to recognize the penmanship of the address immediately. He had received more cards and letters in this hand than any other had. It was from Lily. What on earth would she be mailing him?
Severus had always been cautious, his time among the Death Eaters making him only more so. He carefully scanned the box to make sure no sort of hex or curse was placed on the box. Finding none, he pulled back the brown paper.
In it he found the tin he left with Lily the night before. A letter was stuck to the top of the tin. Severus picked it up curiously. Would Lily really write to him to send back a tin that was rightfully hers? That did not seem right. She seemed grateful for the potions yesterday, hopefully she not returning them out of pressure from Black and/or Lupin.
When his curiosity could stand it no longer Severus broke the red wax seal. He hoped it would contained good news. He read:
Dear Sev,
I want to thank you for coming last night. I cannot say how thankful I am to you. There are not enough words in the English language to do so. You have no idea how wonderful it was to put Harry to sleep and not woken by his heart breaking sobs. That cream you made REALLY worked. I thank you too for the Calming Draught. I slept much better. As there are no words, I thought I’d put my appreciation in biscuit form. I made this batch of chocolate shortbread special for you.
Your friend,
Lily
P.S. Keep the tin. It was supposed to be a gift the last time. LP
Severus read it through twice more. The salve worked. He was a success. Maybe he could see the recipe to St. Mungo’s, they were always in search of new healing treatments. Surely, the Potter boy could not be the only child suffering from nightmares. There must be a natural market for such a product. Perhaps a specialty potions store would be a better bet. He would give that some thought. Now these biscuits. They could not be the ones he was thinking of.
Severus cracked open the lid of the metal tin. Inside sat as least a dozen chocolate dipped shortbreads. The rich smells of butter, sugar, and dark chocolate filled his nostrils. Severus was taken aback to snowy afternoons sitting by the fire in Lily’s living room. Her mother would bring them plates of biscuits and tea after they came in from making snow angels or snowmen. They would sit in that room eating their snacks chatting maybe play a board game. Petunia was almost civil on most of those afternoons.
These biscuits were the first thing his mind drifted to when it snowed. He had asked the house elves in the past if they could make him some on a day like that, but was sadly disappointed. Though the elves tried valiantly, it just was not the same. Their recipe must have been different. It was good just not Violet’s. With the elves failure, Severus had even ventured to Hogsmeade’s Madam Pettifoots’s. She had nothing even similar to his desire, which put him a rather foul mood it took three unwarranted detentions to Hufflepuff first-years and 50 points off Gryffindor to set his mood to rights after that failed search.
Severus removed one of the biscuits carefully. It was still slightly warm from being dunked into the chocolate. He did not think anything could excite him this much.
“What are those, Severus?” McGonagall asked upon seeing the look of pure rapture on the younger man’s face. In the ten years she had known him, Minerva was certain she’d never seen Severus look so content.
“They’re biscuits, obviously,” Severus said pulling the tin into his lap.
“Yes, well, may I ask who sought fit to send you biscuits in the morning post?” Minerva asked tersely.
“Lily,” Severus said taking a bite of his biscuit. He did not chew; he simply let it melt on his tongue.
“Lily? Lily Potter?” Minerva asked dumbfounded.
“Indeed,” Severus confirmed taking a sip of coffee. If possible, the biscuits got even better. He was in such a good mood. He might have to be nice to his Gryffindors and/or Hufflepuffs…. No, that would probably take another biscuit or two and he would not allow himself to binge for something like that. No spreading them out was much better. Yes, he thought taking a third bite of the biscuits. He would have one more today at bedtime, then two tomorrow. There was a freshness charm on the tin too, so he did not even have to worry about them getting stale. He really must write Lily to thank her.
“Severus?” Dumbledore asked mildly.
“Yes Headmaster,” Severus mournfully said as he finished the last of his treat.
“Minerva asked why Lily Potter was sending you biscuits. You seemed not to hear her.” Dumbledore clarified.
Severus frowned. “I heard her. I simply chose to ignore her inquiry. It is none of her, nor your business, Headmaster. Why as friend would sent me biscuits even if it is not my birthday, is a matter between the two of us.”
“Very well,” Dumbledore agreed. The older man paused shortly then asked. “Could you perhaps be persuaded to share in your unexpected bounty?”
Severus face grew very cold and he all but hissed, “Get your own.”
Albus and Minerva shared a startled look as the young man made a hasty retreat from the hall, tin tucked tightly under his right arm.
Severus set the tin of biscuits on his desk in his quarters. He pulled out a clean sheet of parchment and inked his favorite eagle feather quill. Severus stared at the blank page in horror. It was unlike him to not what to say. He prided himself on his words-smithing. The fact it was a simple note to Lily made it all the more painful. There was a time where there was never an awkward moment between them. Now, that is all there seemed to be.
Severus rolled the quill between his fingers.
‘Dearest Lily,’
he wrote. He paused. It was overly familiar, but if felt right. He stared at the words a moment longer. He could not bring himself to change them.
‘I am glad the potions and salve had the desired effects. It would do the world little good to lose you or Harry
(he added as an afterthought)
to something as simple as a decent night’s sleep.
I must thank you for the biscuits. I had forgotten how much I cared for them. I will admit I made something of a spectacle of myself at the staff table when I opened the tin.
I believe Minerva believes I need a Mind-Healer to deal with how possessive I am of them.
Did you know your mother continued to send me a box of those biscuits for my birthday every year until her death? Even after our falling out. It pains me that I was never able to truly thank her for that.
When my usual box did not arrive this January, I was rather put out. I went on a search to find a suitable replacement. I was rather upset when I could not find one. So upset was I, that I almost hexed a pair of slow moving Hufflepuffs. It was most fortuitous that Filius was close by. He prevented me from doing anything foolish. He showed me a local bakery that made a similar biscuit, but it did little to appease my craving.
I suppose what I truly desired was the proof someone cared. At first I wondered if your mother stopped caring, or perhaps she was simply too busy with happenings in her own life to bother mailing biscuits to a boy she used to know. It was only several weeks later I learned of your parents’ deaths.
I am so sorry for the passing of Roger and Violet. Your parents showed me what a family is supposed to be. I will always remember what they taught me. If I am ever lucky enough to have a family of my own, I hope I can be half the father Roger was.
I digress. Thank you again for the biscuits.’
Severus paused at the sign off. How should he close such a letter? ‘Regards’ seemed so formal and ‘love’ was obviously out of the question. Was ‘your friend’ too presumptuous?
He considered her a friend, but was the feeling mutual.
Severus let out a soft sigh and wrote,
‘Your friend, Severus Snape.’
P.S. You never told me the tin was a gift. I held on to it because it was yours. I was under the impression it was supposed to be returned, but by the time we came home for summer holiday, we were no longer speaking. Yet if you wish me to keep the silly tin I will. SS
Severus folded the parchment, sealing it with a glob of green wax. He would post it before lunch. He would only wonder what Lily might have to say about such an overly long and convoluted thank you note. She would probably think he had been Confunded, or the victim or a Babbling Jinx. Either way she would know he cared for her gesture.