A week later, Severus took Harry to see Hogwarts. He took him side-a-long apparation, which of course upset the little boy. However, he wanted him to see it from a distance rather than taking him through the floo network. He took him into Honeydukes first to get a treat so he’d stop crying.

“Big castle like on cartoons!” Harry exclaimed when the castle came into view. “We’re going to live there!?”

“Yes,” Severus said. “And I want you to know right now, there are ghosts in Hogwarts but they won’t hurt you. They are very friendly.”

Harry didn’t want to be carried to the castle, so Severus put him down. As soon as he did, the boy started to run, but he’d pause to look over his shoulder to make sure he was still in sight of Severus. He jumped around a couple of times laughing.

Once they got to the castle steps, Severus took the boy’s hand. All he needed was for the boy to get lost. Harry started to pull away, but he just held tighter to his hand and guided him down the steps to the dungeon. He was going to have to talk to Dumbledore as well; they wanted to think of a story to tell the child about his parents. The full story wasn’t really one he should hear at age four.

When they arrived at his office, he looked around; he wanted to make sure there weren’t any dangerous potions opened. Harry already understood not to touch them since there was some at his home, but he wasn’t taking any chances. He released the boy’s hand, and then pulled open a bag of toys he’d brought with him.

“Play with your toys for a while, Harry. I have some paperwork to do and then we’ll see the Headmaster. I’ll show you around the castle as well of course,” Severus said.

Harry looked up at him with a look of disappointment, but he didn’t complain, he just started to pull toys out of the bag. Severus sat down and began to work on the new years lesson plan for each year. He was hoping that this year he’d have a first year class where all the students were good, but it wasn’t likely. Hopefully there wouldn’t be any dunces.

About an hour after working, he decided to take a break. He waved his hand around, which was sore from so much writing. He looked over his desk at where Harry should have been, playing, but he wasn’t there. Severus jumped up quickly and started to search around his office, calling for Harry, but the boy was gone.

“Merlin’s pants!” Severus said when he realized he hadn’t shut the door.

Of course he hadn’t thought it would be necessary, Harry always listened to him, it was rare that he disobeyed. Hurrying into the corridor, he hoped to see that the boy had only left the office, but he was no where in sight. He swore again, and searched the corridor, checking each empty room as he went.

Another hour passed, but there was so sign of Harry, and he had searched most of the dungeon. That could mean that Harry had gone up to high levels of the castle. He quickly hurried to the steps that would take him to the Entrance Hall. He really hoped that the boy hadn’t gone outside anywhere.

---

“We’ve searched this whole castle, top to the bottom, he just isn’t here!” Severus yelled.

“He has to be here somewhere,” Albus said calmly.

“You should have locked your door,” Minerva told him in a disapproving tone.

Severus, Dumbledore, McGonagall, Sprout, Flitwick, Pomfrey, Pince, Filch, and the ghosts were all searching the school, while Hagrid searched the grounds. It had been hours, and still no sign of Harry. Severus decided to ignore her. He didn’t want to say something he might regret later.

He knew that the teachers didn’t approve of the fact that he, Severus Snape, was taking care of The Boy Who Lived. Apparently no one believed he was capable of taking care of a child, and there was also the fact that he had hated James Potter. He didn’t see James or Lily in Harry anymore though, he just saw Harry Potter, his son.

He had to wonder if they were right though, was he a good father? If he was, he wouldn’t have lost the boy who was barely four-years-old. The child was probably off crying somewhere terrified because he was in a large and strange place. What if he was hurt somewhere? The thought of Harry’s anguish bothered him to no end. It was a mistake to bring him to the castle, and maybe a mistake to be his father.

At the moment, they were gathered in the Entrance Hall talking to each other, all trying to figure out where a small boy could be hiding in a large castle. Already they had searched the dungeons three times, and still no sign of Harry. Minerva was worried that he had wandered outside and into the forest. The thought of that made Severus sick.

“Might want to put a tracking spell on him for the next time,” Pomona advised.

“Yeah,” Severus answered. “I should check the dungeons again.”

“I’ll come with you, the rest of you check the corridors over again,” Albus told the teachers.

They headed back down the steps to the dungeons again. Albus was busy talking cheerfully about the upcoming school year. Severus didn’t understand the man, even when something like this happened, he could continue to be calm.

“Sev!”

Severus turned around to see a grinning Harry standing outside of an unused classroom, one he had checked over himself.

“Where. Have. You. Been?” Severus asked slowly.

“Walking around. I saw a funny ghost! He laughed and juggled!” Harry exclaimed excitedly.

That’s when Severus lost control. “HOW DARE YOU WANDER AROUND WITHOUT TELLING ME!? YOU KNOW YOU AREN’T SUPPOSE TO GO ANYWHERE WITHOUT ME! DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA AT ALL HOW WORRIED I WAS? YOU JUST WAIT UNTIL WE GET HOME YOUNG MAN!”

Harry stared at him with his mouth open, and then he started to cry. Severus picked up and turned to Dumbledore, who for the first time since they found out Harry was lost was staring at him with disapproval.

“Really, Severus. There is no need to shout at him,” he said.

“I can’t do this Albus. I can’t take care of him anymore. What if he does this when I am teaching a class? We just spent an afternoon looking for him,” Severus said.

They went into his office, where Severus put Harry down into a chair, who was crying even harder than before. He was coughing and gasping.

“Stay here, or else,” Severus told Harry.

He beckoned for Dumbledore to follow him back out into the corridor.

“Did you tell Harry not to wander off? From what I’ve seen, he listens. I’ve also seen that he is very attached to you. Harry is at a very vulnerable age. How do you think he will take it if the first person who has shown him love gives up on him, after what he has been through?” Dumbledore answered.

“But what if this happens again, Albus? I need this job, I can’t just quit. I can’t teach either knowing that he could wander off somewhere. What if he goes into the forbidden forest next time? It’s impossible to take care of a child here,” Severus said.

“It is not. We’ve had parent teachers here before who had no choice but to bring there children, the same as you. This rarely happens when the child understands they can’t wander around by themselves,” Dumbledore said.

“He knows he can’t. When we are at home I’ve told him to never wander off without me unless we’re at home, inside!” Severus answered. “He disobeyed me because he wanted to explore the castle right away.”

Dumbledore was smiling at him now, which was in a very annoying knowing way. “You are wrong; he did not disobey you on purpose. He thinks Hogwarts is his home so he thought he could wander off where he wanted, as long as he was inside. He would not have greeted you the way he had if he had disobeyed, he would have been sorry.”

“This is a big strange place to him. He knows he can’t wander off on his own,”

“You didn’t make it clear enough to him. Well, I should let the teachers know that he had been found, good day to you Severus. We’ll talk about what to tell him another date.”

He turned and walked away before Severus could answer. He thought things over, and guessed he should have explained it better to Harry. When the boy had first arrived at his place, he hadn’t been sure where he was allowed to go in the house.

“You can go anywhere you want, as long as it’s at home and inside,” Severus told Harry. “Don’t ever go anywhere you want in the yard unless I can see you.”

“Hogwarts is going to be our home for most of the year, Harry.”

“We live there?” Harry had asked.

“Yes, we will live there.”

Severus sighed, he could admit to defeat. It had been his own fault. He hadn’t made it clear enough to Harry, just as he hadn’t been clear enough when he’d told Harry that he couldn’t go outside by himself.

“We played outside for a bit and then came in cause we were hungry, but you didn’t call for lunch yet.”

“I told you not to play outside by yourself,” Severus scolded Harry.

“But I didn’t play outside by myself. Draco was with me,” Harry said.

He went into his office, where Harry was curled up into a ball on the floor, sobbing even harder, he wasn’t even making a sound by that point.

“Harry, I’m sorry I yelled at you, okay, I shouldn’t have,” Severus said as he picked Harry up. “Did I scare you when I yelled at you?”

Harry wiped his face with the back of his hand. “Didn’t know I couldn’t go where I wanted. This was my home! I’m inside,” he said confirming what Dumbledore had pointed out to him.

“I should have explained that to you. I didn’t explain that you can’t wander around Hogwarts by yourself,” Severus said. “I’m sorry and I shouldn’t have yelled.”

---
Harry wouldn’t eat supper, it didn’t make sense. Severus had decided not to punish him. The boy was still very depressed, he spent the rest of the day staring at the wall, and silent tears would stream down his cheeks. He didn’t want to play or anything, even when Severus asked if he wanted to play the block game.

“Aren’t you hungry?” Severus asked.

“No,” Harry answered.

“Look, I am sorry I yelled at you, I only did it because I was worried about you, okay? I’m sorry it scared you,” Severus answered.

“Didn’t scare me, used to yelling,” Harry answered. “Not sad because of that.”

“Then why are you sad?”

Harry looked up at him with a look of disbelief on his face and then down at his plate. He broke out into fresh tears. Severus couldn’t think for the life of him what could be upsetting the child. Perhaps he was just tired.

“Do you want to go to bed Harry?” Severus asked.

“Yes,” Harry answered.

Without another word, he pushed his plate away and then left the table. Severus stared after him. He figured Harry was lying to him; he was upset because he had been yelled at. It had given him bad memories of his uncle.

“Nice going Severus,” he said to himself.

---
Harry lay on his bed, tears still streamed down on his cheeks. Where would he go now? He thought he finally had a home but he no longer did. He wondered when Severus would ask him to pack his stuff. They wouldn’t send him back to his aunt and uncles, he knew that. The old wizard man had told him that they were in jail; he knew jail was from cartoons. They were behind bars somewhere and for a long time. He knew his uncle was in a wizard one, while his mother was in a ‘muggle’ one. He wasn’t exactly sure what a muggle was, but he knew it was safer than the wizard one.

He hadn’t known he wasn’t supposed to go where he wanted in the castle. Hadn’t Severus said that it was their home too? Hadn’t he said that as long as he was inside at home, he could where he wanted? He hadn’t said “stay put” he had just said play with the toys. Harry had played with the toys.

He’d left the room so he could make the tiny people on brooms fly better in the air. Severus hadn’t stopped him, so he thought it was okay. He’d run into one of the ghosts that Severus had told him around. He had taken the toys and flew off, so Harry had no choice but to follow him. The ghost had said, “Peevsie will play with the little tyke!”

They had spent the time together, playing. When Peeves took him back to office Severus was in, they found it was empty. So he’d stayed with Peeves for most of the day in the dungeons, playing until he heard the old wizard’s voice and Severus’ out in the corridors from the room he was in. Peeves had quickly disappeared. He hadn’t been expected to get yelled at, and he was sorry right away.

The words after Severus had yelled at him still echoed in his head: “I can’t do this Albus. I can’t take care of him anymore.”

Then they had left him alone in the office. They had probably gone off to talk about what a bad boy he was, and how he was going somewhere else to live. Harry didn’t want to leave, he was living with the first person who showed he cared about him, and he didn’t want him anymore.

He started to cry harder. “Don’t wanna go, like it here. Don’t wanna leave!”

He lay awake for a while, Severus came into check on him, and quickly Harry shut his eyes to pretend he was sleeping. When he heard snores later to tell him that his guardian was asleep, he climbed out of bed. He went over to the trunk he had gotten for his birthday from Severus. They were going to use it for when he moved to Hogwarts.

“Not no more,” Harry said sadly.

He walked over to his closet and reached up to pull down his clothes. He figured he’d pack his stuff now, that way he could take what he wanted. What if Severus didn’t let him take what he wanted? When he thought he had enough clothes, he started to put toys in the trunk as well. He wanted his toy broom as well, but he’d have to get it later as it was outside.

He curled up on the floor. He didn’t understand. His uncle had hurt him a lot, he didn’t want him. Now Severus didn’t want him.

“No one wants Harry, no one likes Harry. Harry is bad!” He said over and over again as he sobbed until he fell asleep.