The second time he entered the hidden room turned out to be too much for Harry’s natural curiosity. No sooner had he strode halfway back though it, something caught his eye and he slowed to a stop, absentmindedly pushing the Floo powder into one of his pockets as he approached it instead.

It was a creature’s skeleton, certainly, but it was made entirely of metal. Harry vaguely remembered Dudley going on and on about various dinosaurs when they were little. However, the chubby boy had always being careful to not allow Harry anywhere near his special collection – especially after one ‘accidental’ occasion when Harry had caused one of the tiny, plastic creatures to come to life and start eating the rug.

Anyway, he was pretty sure that this creature was called a Terry... something. The long, sharp beak filled with plenty of miniature, metal teeth which looked positively vicious while, conversely, the long, tapering wing bones seemed to be extremely delicate. Harry tentatively reached out a hand...

“Do not touch that, young man!”

With a gasp, Harry flinched and stumbled around to stare at Snape, who had seemingly appeared out of nowhere. The man was looking even grimmer than usual; arms tightly folded, and a very foreboding expression on his face reminded Harry nastily of the night they returned to Hogwarts.

“I, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to! I didn’t even mean to come in here.” Harry would have stammered out yet more apologies if Snape hadn’t ended up relaxing slightly and waving a negligent hand.

“It is of little consequence that you found this room – it was part of my plans to show you it anyway. This is where I shall be training you in how to manage your adult magic.”

“Really?” Harry asked, feeling his spirits start to lift as his jitteriness from the shock drained away. “When do we start? Is it soon? Can I do it at the same time as...?” He stopped as Snape raised a hand to rub at his temples. “Sorry.”

Snape dismissed this with another wave of his hand. “It is not your fault. It has merely been an extremely long day. Careful!” Snape quickly reached out and pulled him away from the creature’s stand.

Harry almost yelped as he realised the birdlike thing behind him had been moving stealthily forwards but managed to stifle the impulse.

Snape gave it a disdainful look. “It doesn’t have nearly enough magic left in it to do much more than snap at whoever’s nearest. So much for the legacy of the purebloods.” The sneer seemed to fade a little as he observed Harry’s confusion. “In the old days, it and many of its kind were used to guard the ancestral homes of the elder families,” Snape told him, seeming to accidently slip into speaking the way he did when he was teaching. “Only wandless magic can affect them. This pterodactyl will feature in some of the exercises I will set you.”

“Cool!” Harry eyed the Terry-thing – which appeared to have gone back to sleep – with increasing interest. Lessons in wandless magic! Hopefully Snape really would make good his promise soon.

Snape muttered something which sounded suspiciously like, “Well, it certainly took me long enough to get hold of it,” under his breath before gesturing for Harry to proceed him out through the false wall. “Come, I have much I need to discuss with you.”

“OK.” Harry gave the creature a last glance and walked out into the sitting room, almost sighing as the familiar, comforting atmosphere they had developed during the summer seemed to fold around him. Snape wasn’t angry or shouting tonight; he was calm and observational, attaching a sense of irony to the things he discovered. He certainly wasn’t the Snape who had terrorised Harry’s younger years.

Once they had entered at the sitting room, Snape gestured at the sofa while taking his own chair. Harry sat down quickly, reflexively curling his legs up under him.

Snape gave him a sour look that he didn’t really mean. Probably. “Shoes off the furniture.”

Harry quickly kicked off his shoes with a cheeky grin and settled back into his previous position, causing Snape to roll his eyes. Nevertheless, the man seemed to settle more comfortably into his chair, a smirk stealing quickly across his lips which Harry almost missed seeing.

They were silent for a couple of moments, allowing Harry to relax and watch the dancing flames of the fire as some of the tension – put there by the day of animosity he had received from the rest of the school – drained from his back. He didn’t even realise that Snape was doing the exact same.

Eventually Snape spoke, his tone revealing no inflection which could indicate his mood: “I seem to remember writing in my note that you shouldn’t touch anything on the shelves, and quite frankly, I cannot see how else you discovered that room unless you went against my express instructions.”

Harry gulped. Snape didn’t seem all that angry, but he couldn’t tell his father the truth all the same. How would the man react to discovering that Harry had almost stolen from him again? The Floo powder in his pocket suddenly started to try and burn a hole through his robes. Make that HAVE stolen from him again. Not for the first time he wondered why he didn’t seem to possess even the smallest amount of self-preservation when it came to certain situations. “I... um... It was curfew...”

Snape raised an eyebrow when he faltered, obviously encouraging him to continue.

“It was curfew and I was just about to leave when something caught my eye on the shelf,” Harry rushed out eventually, ducking his head as he prepared himself for his father’s displeasure. “I wasn’t going to touch it, I swear, but my hand went right through the shelf and I decided to... um... explore...” Harry peeked up at Snape, nervously wondering why he hadn’t said anything yet.

Snape didn’t do anything apart from say, “Ah,” and turn back to studying the fire. Harry fidgeted for several more minutes before deciding that he wasn’t really in all that much trouble. It seemed almost impossible, especially when a mere twelve months ago Snape would have jumped on a statement like that.

As the silence continued, Harry decided to distract himself and allowed a strand of his magic to slip out and run through fingers, marvelling at how easy it was to do this now and losing himself in a bit of a trance as he played with it. He almost dropped it when he happened to glance up and find Snape watching him with veiled interest.

“I... ah...” Harry stammered as he quickly drew it back inside his body (which was harder to do, but it was only a very small strand, and it was nothing compared to the effort he would have needed to use a month ago).

“It appears you have a phenomenal amount of control already,” Snape marked offhandedly. Though his tone was neutral, Harry still flushed slightly at the praise. “I see that our lessons will go much more easily than I had anticipated.”

“I...” Harry broke off and started again, his cheeks still a little warm, “It’s much easier than it used to be. Before, it was almost impossible to control, but it’s been different after...” He couldn’t say it. “After...” He couldn’t. That would mean thinking about what he had promised not to. Instead, he pressed deeper into the couch and allowed silence to descend like thick treacle. Snape was still watching him.

The moment dragged on a little longer and his father shifted, leaning forward slightly in his chair. “Harry...”

“So what did Dumbledore talk to you about?” Harry broke in desperately. “Something important?”

Snape sighed and sat back again, seeming to drop the subject. Harry certainly hoped so. “The Headmaster has concocted a harebrained scheme in which I am one of the main participants.”

Harry forced a laugh. “Oh no. What it is? Hug a Gryffindor day? You being responsible for this year’s Christmas decorations?” Harry felt a little fizz of happiness as a slow smile spread across Snape’s face. It was gone all too quickly, his face reverting to the grim expression Harry had seen when he’d first come back to his quarters.

“I am afraid it is nothing so light-hearted.” Snape looked him straight in the eye. “It is to do with the war effort.”

Harry’s gut clenched. Oh. Oh no...

Snape continued, evidently noticing the distress Harry was trying to conceal, “It is nothing overt, merely a reconnaissance expedition to obtain information. I am only informing you because I shall be going away for a few days and will be unable to contact you during that time for my own safety. It is nothing you should concern yourself about.”

Harry tried to nod, but the sudden, irrational fear in his gut didn’t allow him. “What about your classes?” he asked dully, unable to think past the image of Dumbledore taking him out of breakfast one morning and telling him that they’d found Snape dead in a ditch somewhere...

Suddenly he was aware of Snape’s hands holding his own and a voice telling him to breathe... and he looked up into his father’s concerned eyes, feeling a little of the fear fade away as he did so.

Realising his father’s hands were still on his own, Harry pulled away and looked down. Stupid. The second he trusts you with important information, you go to pieces! He’s not going to want a weakling for a son... Mustering a smile, he looked up – Snape had returned to his chair to give him space – and muttered, “Sorry.”

Snape waved his apology away. “It is I who should apologise – I did not make it clear to you that my reservations about this mission were about who I was going with rather than where it would take me.”

Harry eyed the man, sensing that he still wasn’t quite telling the full story but deciding to let it go anyway. After all, he had said that he wasn’t really worried... “So, who’s your partner, then?” he asked, curling around himself on the sofa and trying to relax.

Snape’s mouth curled as though he’d tasted something particularly unpleasant. “I do believe that your blessed godfather was volunteered for the position by the Headmaster. From all the loud expletives, I’d imagine he was just as against the idea as I was.”

Harry jolted upright. “Sirius was here?”

Snape smirked as he caught Harry gaping like a fish. “Indeed.” The smirk disappeared. “In fact, the mutt actually had the audacity to demand that I allow him to see you whenever it suits him.”

Harry swallowed a lump of apprehension. “And... you did, didn’t you?”

Snape’s face quickly remodelled into an indecipherable expression. “Of course I did. Though it does strike me as rather unfair he did not take when you might have wanted to see him into account.”

“Oh.” Come to think of it, Harry was rather annoyed that Sirius had been here tonight and hadn’t even bothered to come and say hello... “Well, yeah. Um... thanks, I suppose.” Noticing Snape still looked dissatisfied about something – probably because Harry didn’t seem to appreciate the effort he had made in allowing Sirius to become a regular guest when Harry really, really did – he hurried to continue, “Really, thank you. I guess he’s prob’ly really busy with trying to stay away from the Ministry; it would be great to see him again when he does drop by though. He and I’ll have so much to talk about by then!”

Snape frowned at him and Harry could almost feel the man’s mood shift from relaxed to cold. “I do believe it’s time for you to return to your dormitory. Come, I shall escort you.” Snape stood and quickly strode towards the door, leaving Harry feeling baffled once again.

What did I say? Did that... Was it jealously I saw in his face before he closed down? Surely not... What’s he got to be jealous about? I must be imagining things.  “Umm, OK. Coming.” Harry shoved his feet into his discarded shoes and hurried after his disappearing father, thinking that if the man kept blowing hot and cold on him like this, Harry’d probably end up having a mental breakdown.

Snape was very quiet on the trip back to the dorm – seeming to want to avoid even making eye contact with Harry and snapping when he didn’t move fast enough. Harry had to bite his lip to stop from sighing in frustration. What had he done? If only Snape would talk to him! How was Harry supposed to guess what was wrong when the man didn’t say anything?

By the time they reached the Fat Lady, Harry was fairly itching to say something, anything, to break the tense silence that surrounded them both like an ominous cloud.

However, all Snape did was give a curt nod and step away, lost in his own thoughts.

“Dad?” Harry’s own voice was quiet, almost fragile in the darkness, and for the first time he wondered how he dared call Snape by that endearment. After all, the man had never said he could – he simply hadn’t said he couldn’t. How did Harry really know if Snape cared about him at all? Could he have simply been carrying out the Headmaster’s orders all along while feeling contemptuous of the boy forced into his care?

After a lifetime of growing up with the Dursleys, this option seemed entirely too likely to Harry.

Snape had turned around and regarded him with a raised eyebrow, seeming pre-occupied about something, almost looking right through his ‘son’.

Harry’s questions lodged in his throat.

“I... G-goodnight, sir.”

Snape inclined his head once more. “Goodnight, Mr Snape,” he said quietly before hurrying off down the corridor, leaving Harry standing alone and wondering if he had felt this abandoned when he had woken on the Dursleys’ doorstep all those years ago.

A deep anger started burning in the pit of his stomach as Snape turned the corner without looking back once – without seeming to care anyway.

“Treacle tart,” he told the Fat Lady dully, and sluggishly climbed through the portrait hole once she had obligingly opened, a slightly concerned look gracing her face. Harry didn’t notice – he was too busy trying to work through all of the possible reasons for Snape’s behaviour that didn’t end in... rejection... from the man.

Mr Snape? He never calls me Mr Snape... When we’re not in class, he ALWAYS calls me Harry – or sometimes Mr Potter, like it’s our inside joke – he never calls me Mr Snape. What did I do? What did I DO? He didn’t seem angry about me finding the room... Could he have been pretending? Could he have been pretending all along?

The lump in his throat seemed to make him want to sniff but he forced the impulse down, vaguely noticing that somehow he’d made it to the dorm room and into his pyjamas without noticing. He idly wondered if he should get the bell Hermione had given him and use it to calm down, but he could still hear his dorm-mates quietly getting ready for bed, making him loath to open the curtains.

The decision was taken out of his hands as they were pulled them back with a loud rattle, leaving Ron standing there with a worried expression on his face. Neville hovered somewhere behind him, while Dean and Seamus watched surreptitiously from the corners of their eyes.

“Hey, mate. Alright?”

Looking into the concerned, blue eyes, Harry couldn’t help but offer up a weak smile. “Yeah, I s’pose. Just... it’s been a really long day.”

He pretended not to notice the look that shot between the other four boys.

“Don’t you listen to what those bastards said today, Harry,” Seamus piped up. “They can’t tell their arses from their elbows.”

Harry’s lips quirked and he snorted at the expression as a picture of Crabbe and Goyle looking very confused popped into his head. “Thanks, I’ll remember that. I’m fine, though. Really.” There was no point in getting his friends involved in the hate campaign against him after all – they’d only end up getting hurt. “I’m going to sleep. G’night and... thanks, guys.”

The murmur of goodnights he got back stabbed at Harry again. Why couldn’t his own father spare the time to be this courteous? They were only words after all!

Ron was still looking at him strangely, so Harry made sure that his face was a blank mask. He’d worked so hard to keep Ron and Hermione from thinking Snape was evil that it seemed foolish to give up now. He didn’t need to tell them – he could deal with this on his own.

Luckily, Ron didn’t seem to find anything odd in his expression as a smile broke over the redhead’s face. “Well... G’night, Harry. Hermione said that she wants to give you a hug and apologise for carrying on at you about Divination – it’s not as if we learn anything in it anyway!”

Harry shook his head, lips quirking again – a habit which he seemed to have picked up from Snape. “Girls!”

Ron snorted. “Tell me about it. If it weren’t for the fact that it’s one of the lessons I can sleep through, I’d drop it all together!”

Now there’s an idea... Harry grinned, even though it did feel a bit hollow to do so. “Yeah.”

Yawning hugely, Ron turned away. “Talking of sleep, I’m going to bed. ‘Night, Harry.”

“’Night, Ron.” Harry reached out and pulled the curtain closed, silently plotting how to drop Divination. I wasn’t like he learnt anything from it anyway, and he could use the extra time for more important things – like learning how to fight Voldemort for example. All he’d have to do is come up with a suitably tragic fate for himself and then say he needed to drop Divination to give himself time to ‘prepare’. Trelawney would lap it up.

And Snape would never need to know he’d skipped today.

His good humour only lasted until the lights were switched off. Then he was only left with the sounds of sleepers breathing and his own memories.

His mind kept returning to the events of the summer, evaluating and re-evaluating what had happened in the hopes that he could have done something, anything, to have stopped them from turning out the way they did. The words lost a brother, gained a father kept echoing through his head, making him want to close his eyes and smash his face into the pillow until he couldn’t think anymore.

How could one person feel this alone?

Lost a brother, gained a father... And now I’ve lost the father too – how careless of me! Harry felt hysterical giggles building up in his throat, but he forced them down and away, trying to make himself as immovable as stone. Surely then the hurt wouldn’t keep pulling him apart the way it was now?

Hurt slowly gave way to anger again. So what if he ignores me? So what if he doesn’t care? And who cares anymore whether or not Shadow’s around to stop me feeling lonely? It’s only ME missing him, after all...

I don’t need either of them. I DON’T! I managed just fine on my own before! Why do I suddenly think I need either of them to keep me going? I don’t.

Harry rolled over and closed his eyes tight shut, slowly forcing himself into sleep; to a world where Shadow was alive and was wandering through great tracts of mist, accompanied by a hooded stranger guiding the way.

oooOOOooo

Aki raced in circles around them, chasing the mist as though it were a live enemy. Shadow couldn’t help but smile.

“Your turn to lead.”

“But, Kai, I still don’t understand at all...”

“Don’t worry about it. In the end it doesn’t matter whether you understand or not; all you need to remember is that if you let her, the Universe will guide you where you need to go. It’s in their very nature – they want the people within them to be happy, because that in turn makes them happy.”

“But what if I’m not good enough...?”

Kai pretended to hit him over the head with his Mage’s staff, then hid a grin as Aki misjudged a jump and fell arse over teakettle. That one made Shadow smile as well.

“Have you been listening to anything I’ve been saying?” the older boy sneered in a remarkably accurate impression of Snape, only spoiling it a moment later by winking. “Trust me; this Universe will lead you home if only you let her. She led you to me so I could tell you how to survive here, didn’t she?”

Shadow stared. “But... I wasn’t going anywhere. I was just wandering around in endless circles!”

Kai gave him a sombre look. “And yet you didn’t give up – you kept going. True, that is partly to do with your inner strength, but didn’t you ever feel like something was waiting for you if only you kept going just a little longer?”

Shadow bit his lip. Yes, that was true, but it still seemed entirely implausible that this great... space... around him had any kind of consciousness at all, let alone want to lead him back to Harry.

“Come on.” Kai’s voice was gentle, as if sensing how lost Shadow felt. He made as if to rest his hand on one of Shadow’s shoulders, but the older boy flinched back before it even came close.

Shadow pretended not to notice. He knew how terrible it was not to touch someone whenever you wanted to.

Kai gestured him in front. “Close your eyes.”

“But...”

“Enough with the ‘but’s. Close your eyes and trust me if you can.”

Shadow suppressed a sigh. He had silently promised to try and trust more after all, but it was so hard! This was why he’d hidden while he’d let Harry... Shadow blinked and pursed his lips in confusion at the seemingly stray thought. I’ve never hidden from anyone, have I? They just couldn’t see me... Why did I think that? I don’t understand ANYTHING that’s going on just now. His memories tried to surge up and overwhelm him once again – far too many for one person to cope with all at once... and yet the answer to everything was in there somewhere, if only he could find it...

“Shadow?”

Shadow sighed in relief as Kai’s voice pulled him back to the present. He flushed slightly as he realised how close he’d been to losing it then – that was something he couldn’t afford to happen with anyone watching. “Yes, Kai?”

Kai was frowning, as if worried by something. “Do you want me to lead again? If you don’t feel ready...”

“Oh!” Only then did Shadow realise how long he’d been silent. “I... No... no. I’ll give it a go.” Nothing to lose at any rate...

Kai smiled, his face shifting from its harsh lines for a moment. “Go on then – ask. Politely, mind you.”

Feeling completely ridiculous, Shadow did so. “Err... Hi.” The tracts of mist he was addressing remained unmoved. Aki trotted over and sat down beside him, head cocked to one side in interest. Shadow glanced down at the cat and sighed. This is SO stupid. “I, uh, was wondering if you could – please – lead back home?”

Nothing happened.

“Great! Just great.” Shadow whirled on Kai and scowled fiercely. “I told you this wouldn’t work.”

Kai frowned pensively. “Maybe she isn’t helping because she doesn’t know where your home is. When I was leading, I was asking for specific names of places, if you remember. Like using a postcode.”

Shadow stared.

Kai shrugged uncomfortably, folding his arms tightly across his chest. “Believe me, I do know how weird all this sounds. I’ve just had a few years to get used to it, whereas you’ve only had hours.”

“Be that as it may, I’m still not any closer to finding my way home.” Shadow turned away, determined not to show how much this was getting to him. “And besides, this place should know where I’m from. It was the one surrounding me while I was talking to... people in the real world.” Shadow was desperately close to tearing his hair out.

Kai seemed to realise this. “Look, I didn’t mean that you should give up just because you don’t know what your home was called. Why not ask for someone who’d be able tell where to go instead? She can’t do anything overt – that just isn’t the way things work – but she can give you a nudge in the right direction. Besides, they can find people more easily than places.”

Shadow took a deep breath, held it, then let it out again. “All right. If you can’t take me to my home, could you take me to Harry?”

There was a slight stir in the atmosphere, as if someone’s curiosity had been peaked and they were listening... it was the weirdest sensation, but there wasn’t anything more obvious than that. Aki purred and stood, as though greeting an old friend.

“Erm, could you be able to find him?” Shadow asked desperately, hardly able to hope. “He’s called Harry James Potter... or at least he was last time I saw him... maybe he’s called Harry James Snape now, I don’t know, but please help me. I’ve got to find him!”

The curious presence remained, but nothing else changed.

Shadow turned to Kai in despair, who simply shrugged and murmured, “She’s listening...”

It was then that Shadow understood. I have to help myself. They can only help me so far and they know it. I have to do the rest on my own... Ignoring the despair and hopelessness that threatened to crash on him, Shadow lifted his chin and tried again, “If you can’t take me to Harry, can you take me to someone who’d know where he is? I need your help. Please.”

There was a pause, a pause that seemed to last an eternity, but eventually something happened. A soft tug within his mind tried to pull him in a direction slightly off to the right. He would have missed it if he hadn’t been expecting something, but it was definitely there. Resisting the urge to leap into the air and whoop with joy, Shadow started hurrying off in the direction the subtle pull was leading him, only to come to an abrupt halt a moment later when he realised Kai wasn’t following.

oooOOOooo

Severus sat with his head propped on his hands, trying to ignore the constant, sharp tugging he was experiencing in the area surrounding his heart.

The fealty bond Lily had cast was obviously still working, and the tugging could only mean one thing – Harry needed him. Yet Severus did not move from his chair, continuing to sit there and try to resist the temptation of giving in to his need for a stiff drink.

The truth was – ashamed as he was to admit it – Harry had hurt him dreadfully, even though he was sure the boy hadn’t meant to. The memory of the joy which had flickered over Harry’s face when he had realised that his godfather really could drop in whenever the mutt wanted made Severus growl softly and grind the heels of his hands into his eyes once more.

Harry was never as pleased whenever he saw him. Not anymore. Instead, whenever Harry looked at him these days, his eyes were always sad with a hint of wariness, and it was all Severus’ fault. His son might care a little about him, but it was nothing compared to the fierce love he felt for Black, or even for the werewolf. And yet, somewhere along the way, Severus had ended up completely devoted to his son – would do anything to preserve his happiness, just like he would have done anything for Lily. Even now, when he knew he should be distancing himself from the boy to save himself, he couldn’t bring himself to do it.

Tomorrow, he promised silently. Tomorrow I shall find him and fix whatever it is I have done to upset him. If he ends up still caring for Black more when all’s said and done... then so be it.

That decided, Severus finally gave in and Summoned a glass and a bottle of Firewhiskey. He may hate the stuff, but nothing else would put him to sleep as fast. What else was he supposed to do when the ache in his chest threatened to block out everything else?