"Harry, wake up!" a hoarse voice whispered near Harry's ear.

With a jolt, Harry's eyes snapped open and he sat up. His first thought was that Severus had died and now was sitting as a ghost in front of him. When he looked closer, he realized that the shape in front of him was too solid to be a ghost. Severus looked awful. The moonlight made him look even more pale and gaunt.

"Severus? How are you?" Harry asked quickly.

"We have no time for that. You need to listen to me now. Here are three books I need you to read. I cannot help you with this one. Your father made it, and so I hope you will be able to make it as well. It is important that you try very hard, Harry. I will explain more to you the next time I can sneak away from Poppy." He gave Harry a big heavy book.

Harry reached for the lamp on his night table, but Severus grabbed his hand quickly. "Are you crazy? I just placed a Sleeping Charm on Poppy. It gives us one hour, but Alastor could wake up. He may have Charmed your room to notify him if you turn the lights on." Severus moaned and leaned slightly over while clutching his stomach. Harry saw that his hands-no, his whole body-was shivering.

"You shouldn't have left your bed, Severus." Harry was worried. Very worried.

"We have no time, Harry. Poppy will not release me for the next days, and you need to use this time to read these books. I will sneak out again tomorrow night to answer your questions about them. I need you to really try to learn, Harry. I do not have much time to teach you. The moment Poppy releases me, we have to train. I do not know when the Dark Lord will call me next time, but...." He paused and looked thoughtfully at Harry. "I do not think that I will come back next time. We need to train hard."

Harry stomach clenched. He felt sick after what Severus just said. No, he could not go back. He could not die. "Severus, please, you can't-"

"Stop." Severus voice was commanding. "We have no time." He placed another book in Harry's lap. "You need to learn all the spells that I marked with a red cross. Just try to learn the pronunciation and the wand movements. Do not try any of them without me. Do you understand?"

"Yes, but-"

Severus hit Harry's hand with the book. It was bound in thick leather. "Concentrate!" He held up the last book. Harry could not tell for sure because of the dim light, but it looked as if the cover was red. "This one will be the most confusing. Write down all you questions, and I will try to answer them next time." He placed the small book in Harry's lap. "Under no circumstances should you show these books to Poppy and Alastor. Do not speak about their contents with them or about our secret meetings. I know you trust Alastor, but please do not trust him with this. He is behaving crazy lately. We cannot tell him. The only other person who knows about my plans and your training is the Headmaster. With him you can speak freely." Severus took a deep and obviously painful breath. This was exhausting him.

"But Alastor promised to train me as well." Harry was confused that he should not trust the man who had done so much for him.

"Yes, but I wonder if he is loosing his touch. He is not the tough Auror you think him to be. At least not when it concerns you and me, Harry. I fear he is even thinking of a way to restrain me so that I cannot go back."

Harry thought that that was not such a bad idea. "I also don't want you to go back, Severus. And now that you are so sure you won't come back next time-"

"Merlin, I am not here to discuss this with you. Next time, I will be revealed as a spy, but my going back will give you an advantage. You will know that he will attack soon. He will try to force me to do what I will deny, and he will keep me alive for maybe two days, and then he will gather his followers and attack. So you have to be ready five or six days after my last call. My death will be for something positive. You will survive. Albus and Alastor will make sure of this. There is only one thing I want to ask you for." Severus paused and tried hard to see Harry's expression.

"What?" Harry asked. His voice broke because he had a lump in his throat. Hearing Severus talk about his death brought tears to Harry's eyes.

"Take care of Poppy and Alastor for me," he said pleadingly. Was he really afraid Harry would say no?

"No, Severus!" Severus heart dropped. Harry grabbed the collar of Severus' pajamas. "You will come back and not leave me alone."

"Harry...." Severus did not know what to say. He grabbed the young man's hand on his collar and pried it off. "I can't." He turned away and left before Harry could say more.

_______________________

Harry could hardly sleep. When the first beams of sunrise came through his window, he pulled the books from under his mattress. He eyed them all critically. First the smallest one. It looked very old and had a deep red cover of a material Harry did not know. It felt like fabric. Nothing was on the cover, and Harry had to open it to see what it was about. The pages had a yellowish color, and it smelt like dust. Moving in the Twilight by Thadeus McMannon. Twilight? Harry thought, confused. He had never heard about it. So he decided to place it aside to look at the other two books.

The next one he took was the one with the black leather cover. It looked a bit like a diary. When Harry opened it, he immediately recognized the handwriting as Severus'. It reminded him of the awful red markings on his Potions essays. Harry skimmed through a few pages. They were full of descriptions of wand movements and pronunciations for several spells and curses. Light and Dark spells and curses. Some pages were marked with a red cross like Severus had told him. It was fascinating, and Harry had to force himself to put the book aside to have a look at the last one.

This must be the one Severus said he can't help me with, Harry wondered while looking at the last one. It looked modern, and the title was printed on the front. Harry grinned as he read the title: The Easy Guide to Becoming an Animagus by Cornelia Mutt. "Yes," Harry shouted, excited. Severus wanted him to become an Animagus. That would be fun.

Footsteps near his door made Harry look up after reading several pages of the Animagus book. He felt a little guilty because he knew that Severus wanted him to read the other books to answer his questions about it, but he could not stop himself from reading about becoming an Animagus. He quickly hid the books under his mattress and tried to look sleepy when Alastor entered the room.

"Did you sleep well, lad?" Alastor asked while coming over to Harry.

"Yes," Harry answered and rubbed his eyes to pretend he just woke up. "Still a little tired."

"You can rest after breakfast. Now I'm sure you have to use the loo," Alastor said and prepared himself for the argument that would follow.

"I'm fine, Alastor. You can let me-"

"No, Harry, and there is no room for arguing about it. We will just do like yesterday evening. I'm not risking another break down."

"But I didn't collapse in the evening," Harry tried to argue.

"No, you didn't, and that's the reason why I will let you shower today. If you make it through the shower without an incident, you will be allowed to go to the toilet alone from then on."

"Shower?"

"Shower."

"With you in the room?"

"With me in the room."

Harry made a face. He really felt sticky and would love to shower, but he did not want to have anyone around while he was naked. Not even Poppy.

"We will do it just like yesterday, Harry. I will turn my back to you and only turn around when you are in trouble. I heard that Albus will give you some lessons until Severus is able to do so, and we also could do a bit training as soon as Poppy gives her okay, Harry. Hitting your head again because I can't react quickly if I'm outside won't help you to recover soon."

The Headmaster wants to train him? Maybe Severus had already spoken with him about all he had told him yesterday. Yes, Harry wanted to be ready for the training as soon as possible. "Okay."

"Good boy," Alastor said and ruffled his hair.

Harry rolled his eyes and gathered some clothes while Alastor waited near the door.

On their way to the bathroom, they met Poppy. She looked better. It seems Severus' Sleeping Charm did her some good, Harry thought.

Poppy stroked his cheek. "Good morning, dear. How are you?"

"Fine. Can't I shower alone, Poppy?" Harry tried to get a different answer from Poppy, even when he knew she was the stricter one. Nevertheless, it was worth a try. Harry looked at Alastor out of the corner of his eye. The old man was smirking madly.

"No, I don't think so. If I had my way, you wouldn't be allowed to shower at all. You would use the bathtub and one of us would help you."

Harry's jaw dropped open. He looked shocked at Alastor, who was chuckling. "But I'm fine!"

"You are not, Harry. Sometimes I think Severus' behavior is rubbing off on you. You feel healthy because of the potions I gave you, not because you are healthy," Poppy explained strictly.

Harry groaned, defeated. "Can we go, Alastor?"

Alastor laughed aloud and guided Harry to the bathroom. "Nice try, lad."