"Try to relax, Harry, or it will hurt," Poppy instructed.

How can someone relax while getting a needle in his arm? Harry thought sullenly. He felt like a baby. A war is coming, and he was whining about a needle.

"All done, Harry," Poppy said calmingly. "Drink this. It will help you to sleep."

"But the Headmaster wanted to come. Please, Poppy, I would like to speak with him."

"This has to wait until late afternoon. Drink, Harry."

Oh, fantastic, now I have no time to read and all just because they think I'm ill, Harry thought desperately while taking the potion vial from Poppy. He wanted to open his mouth to argue again when he saw her face. There was no chance of her changing her opinion, so Harry gulped down the contents of the vials.

~*~

It was almost time for breakfast when the Headmaster came. Harry had woken up half an hour earlier and was eagerly waiting for the old man.

"Hello, Harry, how are you?" the Headmaster asked him.

"I'm fine. You must stop Poppy from taking all these tests, Professor. I was just nervous because I had to lie to them about all the training. And this morning I was behaving oddly because I felt guilty about what I said to Severus. Please, I'm really fine," Harry said, hoping the Headmaster could help him.

"I fear it's not that easy, Harry. You are ill, but Poppy will explain later." The Headmaster looked sad and worried and that made Harry nervous.

"What do you mean I'm ill?"

"It's not my place to tell you about it. Poppy will speak with you when I leave."

"But the training?" Harry asked, confused.

"There is a treatment for your illness, and if you follow Poppy's advices, we can start the training in two days. Until then, stop exhausting yourself. No reading at night." The Headmaster looked knowingly over the rim of his glasses.

"Two days?"

"Yes, two days. Listen to what Poppy and what your body are telling you. If you feel tired, lie down. Read the book about the twilight, the part with the meditation technique. We will start with this in our training. We can also try a few spells because they won't exhaust you as much as the twilight training," Albus explained.

"And the Animagus training, Professor?" Harry asked hopefully.

"That you have to try alone. I cannot help you with it. Be careful and listen to what you body signals you. If you are tired, you shouldn't try it. If you are careful with this illness, we can begin training soon. It is very important that you rest when you feel tired. No overworking!" The Headmaster looked sternly at him. Then his features lightened up, and he smiled. "And you can call me Albus in private, Harry. We will spend a lot of time training until Severus is fit enough, so the formalities can be thrown aside."

"Okay, Pro...Albus."

"You said you felt guilty this morning about something you said to Severus. Would you like to tell me? Maybe I can help."

"I don't think you can help. I forced Severus to use his emergency Portkey when the time comes. He was so... I don't know how to say it... broken? He looked sad, and I hated myself for doing it, but I don't want to lose him." Harry hoped the Headmaster could lift a little bit of the guilt from his chest.

"We all don't want to lose him. If I had the opportunity to force him to use the Portkey, I fear I would have done it as well."

"It was very unfair. He asked me to take care of Poppy and Alastor and promise him to not kill the Dark Lord by myself and let you or Alastor do it. Right in that moment, I just saw the chance to get him back here when Voldemort finds out he is a spy, so I took the chance. But seeing his reaction...." Harry paused sadly. "I feel so bad about it."

Albus sat down on Harry's bed and took the young man in his arms. "I know, Harry."

Harry let his tears fall freely. The guilt was still there, and he felt very bad. He wished he could go to Severus and take it all back, but then he would lose Severus. He was absolutely sure about this now because of Severus' reaction last night. The Potions Master would have never used his Portkey.

A knock at the door made Harry look up, and Poppy and Alastor came in. Poppy immediately ran over to the bed when she saw Harry. "Albus, what have you told him?"

"Nothing, Poppy. We just spoke about the war," Albus said.

"He should rest and not worry about the war, Albus," Poppy said, scolding, and Albus quickly left the room. Poppy waved her wand over Harry and gently lie him flat.

"What's wrong with me?" Harry asked anxiously.

Poppy tenderly stroked Harry's cheek. "It will sound bad when I tell you, but if you take care of yourself, it won't restrict you. You have an illness that is called Mollus Fragilus. It's an illness wizards can get when the have a Muggle illness that hasn't been treated properly. Your immune system is very weak and you have to fight harder than normal when you are ill. This is why it took so long to for your concussion to heal. I wondered about it the last times you were in my hospital wing, but I blamed your bad nutrition. When you are stressed, your heart also becomes overworked. You should always have a Calming Draught with you. You blacking out in the kitchen was a result of this overworking of your heart. You could easily have a panic attack, too. Just have some with you. This is a potion applicator," she said, handing it to him. "It will help you to always take the right dose of the potion. Now that I know about your condition, I can treat you with more potent potions from the beginning of an illness or a wound."

"I still can do everything like before?" Harry asked, anxious about the answer.

"Yes, you can do everything you want. You just have to listen to any sign your body gives you. If you feel tired, you should rest. I will regularly check you to diagnose an illness as early as possible."

Harry looked shocked. "More blood tests?"

"Not regularly, but from time to time, they will be necessary," Poppy answered.

"Okay," Harry said uncertainly and looked at the applicator.

"You put your mouth here," she continued. "You push this button here. That will cause the potion to flow into your mouth. It refills itself. When you take the potion, you should rest for half an hour. After that, you can do whatever you want," Poppy explained.

"Okay," Harry said and placed the applicator on the night table.

"You should always have it with you, Harry. This is important. You should also tell the people around you about your problem so that they can remind you to take the potion in time. When can you contact your friends and tell them that you are here?"

That was a topic Harry had tried to avoid. He did not feel like contacting Hermione and Ron. That would mean he had to tell them what happened. When he did not answer, Poppy said, "You don't want to hide it from them, Harry. They are your friends, and they will be concerned when they don't hear anything from you. Write them a letter, Harry. Maybe they can even come over for a few days."

It sounded crazy to Harry that his friends would visit him here. He was so concentrated on the training, Voldemort, and the war that it would feel odd to have them here. He could not enjoy their company. This would just waste time that could be spent training. Severus said the last battle would be soon, and he had to use the time to train. "I will write them, but I don't want them to come and visit me, Poppy. Not now."

"I don't like how you are behaving lately. The men have planted a stupid idea in your head, Harry. You should enjoy being a boy and not have all your thoughts be about a crazy man and the war."

"But this is war, Poppy. I can be a boy when it's over. How much do you know?"

"I know that Albus and Severus think you have to take part in this war, Harry. I don't like that. You are just a child. You don't have any superhero powers. It was your mother's love that defeated Voldmort the first time."

"But this time I have to play an important part, Poppy. I cannot avoid it. I never wanted to be just a boy since I came here, and now it is so damn hard. I hope to destroy Voldemort so I can finally live in peace here with you and Alastor and Severus." Harry paused and became thoughtful. "Ehm...I'm still allowed to live here after, aren't I?"

"Of course, Harry. Never think differently." Poppy hugged him and he could feel her heart beating. Harry hid his face in her shoulder.

"Thank you. You don't know how good it feels to have people like you," he whispered.

"We will always be there for you, Harry," Alastor said and laid his hand on Harry's shoulder.

"I want him dead to be free. Finally free," Harry said while crying in Poppy's shoulder.

"I know my boy, I know," Poppy whispered in his ear.

______________

Poppy's potions worked well and Harry felt much better. The whole day he had bed rest he used to read and learn the spells and the meditation technique. The mediation did not work well and Harry was worried that Albus would be disappointed with him. After several unsuccessful attempts, he stopped trying and concentrated on the spells. Late in the afternoon, he decided to try to transform. He had finished the book yesterday evening and now was ready to try it.

The book was gorgeous. It was a step by step guide. First, he had to try a meditation-like technique, and Harry had no problems with it. He was surprised because the meditation technique for the twilight gave him so much trouble. Why not this one?

After Poppy and Alastor had said good night, he tried to transform his left hand. After several attempts, he was growing dark gray fur. It did not cover his whole hand, but a few hairs came out. The whole process was very exhausting, and he feared that if he continued, he would not be able to train with Albus tomorrow. So he decided to go to sleep earlier and to try it again in the morning. Severus had not come last night, and Harry had the feeling he would not come tonight either. This increased his guilt, and he was not sure if he would take it all back when he saw Severus next. With this worry, he felt asleep.