The book was gorgeous. It was a step by step guide. First, he had to try a meditation-like technique, and Harry had no problems with it. He was surprised because the meditation technique for the twilight gave him so much trouble. Why not this one?

After Poppy and Alastor had said good night, he tried to transform his left hand. After several attempts, he was growing dark gray fur. It did not cover his whole hand, but a few hairs came out. The whole process was very exhausting, and he feared that if he continued, he would not be able to train with Albus tomorrow. So he decided to go to sleep earlier and to try it again in the morning. Severus had not come last night, and Harry had the feeling he would not come tonight either. This increased his guilt, and he was not sure if he would take it all back when he saw Severus next. With this worry, he felt asleep.

~*~

Harry had not slept well, but he tried hard not to show it during breakfast. Severus had joined them for the first time, but he avoided Harry's gaze.

"Err...I'm seeing the Headmaster today. May I visit you after?" Harry asked Severus uncertainly.

First, Harry thought Severus ignored him, but then he shrugged his shoulders. "If you must."

Harry felt another stab straight at his heart. "Severus, please," Poppy tried to reprimand Severus.

"No, it's okay, Poppy," Harry said sadly and stood up. He looked at her and held two letters up. "I have written to Ron and Hermione. I'll send them via Owl Post and then meet with the Headmaster."

"Be here for lunch, Harry. Albus can join us if he likes," Poppy offered.

"I will ask him." With that, Harry left the saddening mood in the kitchen.

He had only written that he had stayed at Hogwarts and would contact them later to explain anything. He was not ready for this right now.

"Hello, girl," he said affectionately to Hedwig and petted her head. "Take this letter to Ron." When Hedwig had left, he called another owl down to him and put the letter for Hermione on her foot. Then he made his way to the Headmaster.

"Ah, Harry, I hope you feel better," Albus greeted him happily.

This man never looks like he is heading a war effort. How can he be so cheerful? Harry thought, confused. "I'm fine. Can we start?"

Albus chuckled. "So eager?"

"I want it all to end finally. I have to be ready." Harry looked determined and cold.

"You will win with your heart and love, Harry, not with bitterness and coldness." Albus looked worried at Harry. "Don't change your character for Voldemort."

"It's hard to be cheerful in times like these. All I can think about is the war and destroying Voldemort."

"That's what I feared, Harry. Don't become bitter like Severus. The war isn't everything. If you aren't ready when Voldemort attacks, we will hold him away from you. If you push yourself too much, you won't succeed with anything in your training," Albus said strictly.

"I tried hard to use the meditation techniques the book was describing, but I had problems. I fear I won't make it."

"You are pushing yourself too much. Have you tried the Animagus book?"

"Yes," Harry said happily and his face lit up.

"Ah, that's the Harry I know. The feeling you have right now Harry is the one with which you will win your battle with Voldemort. If I'm right, the book also contains meditation techniques, doesn't it?"

"Yes," Harry replied, confused.

Albus chuckled at his confused look. "You can use them in the twilight as well."

"Oh."

Albus laughed. "Come on, I have prepared a training room."

The room was gray and it had no windows. Harry did not know from where the light was coming, but it was very dim.

"Remember the meditation technique. When you are deeply relaxed, try to stare at one point for a long time until your surroundings start to blur." Albus pointed his wand on himself and his purple robes became black. "In the twilight, most people only see black and white. The dimness will help you to immerse yourself into it."

"How will I know that I'm in?"

"You will hear a roar and the air will shimmer. It feels good to be in it. Too good. Many lose themselves in it. I will be there to prevent you from losing yourself, but I cannot draw you into it. You have to do it yourself. It will take time. It's not the end of the world if you cannot use the twilight, Harry. Few can. You still have many more things with which you can distract Voldemort. The twilight is only one option."

"But if I don't manage it, Voldemort can easily kill me through it."

"Not even Voldemort would sink that low. He has high ideas of how to fight. He believes that stabbing someone in the back is undignified. You don't have to worry about it."

"I want to try it," Harry said, determined.

"If you feel exhausted, you have to stop, Harry. Going into the twilight and moving in it takes a lot of energy. If Poppy orders bed rest for you, we won't be able to train. So be careful. Start with meditation and then try it like I told you. I will wait here."

Harry had the feeling that he sat there for hours. The grayness around him was covering him like a blanket. He tried hard but always had the fear of failure in the back of his head. He was tired, and then he came at a point were nothing mattered. He just felt the cold and hard floor under him. He felt heavy and his shoulders were drawn down. The tiredness was so strong that he had the feeling he could fall asleep. Suddenly, he heard a roaring and jerked up. He waved his hand in front of him. It felt like mosquitoes were flying in front of his face.

"Merlin, you made it on your first attempt, Harry!" Albus said proudly.

Harry could hardly hold himself upright, but the feeling was fantastic. The roaring was so soothing, and Albus looked magnificent with all the little mosquito-like light flickers around him. Albus' voice also sounded different. Muffled and deeper. Harry just wanted to lie down and enjoy this feeling.

"Oh, no, Harry. You have to leave," Albus said patiently.

Harry shook his head and looked dreamily at Albus. He wanted to stay and enjoy this peacefulness. A strong hand was grabbing him, and he was forcefully drawn out of this heaven-like place. With a flick of Albus' wand, they were back in his office.

"You are exhausted, Harry. You should have stopped earlier." Albus looked worried at Harry and placed him in a big armchair. A heavy woolen blanket was drabbed over him, and Harry fell asleep.

"You did very well, Harry. I have never heard of someone who managed to get into the twilight on his fist attempt," Albus said after waking Harry for lunch.

"Unfortunately, I can't remember how I did it," Harry said sadly.

"It doesn't matter. You found the way. The twilight will be easier for you to access from now on." Harry grinned proudly.

After lunch, Poppy ordered him to rest again for at least an hour, so Albus left and said he would wait for him in his office. Severus had ignored Harry completely during the meal, and Harry became depressed. He needed to speak with Severus. After resting the ordered hour, he snuck into Severus' room. The Potions Master was reading a Potions magazine and did not even look up when Harry entered the room. Harry sadly sat down on Severus' bed. "Please, talk to me Severus."

"You asked the worst thing possible from me, Harry," Severus said, not looking up from his magazine.

"I would take it back, but I can't, Severus. I need you after the war. I can't live alone here. I can't replace you for Poppy and Alastor. Please, Severus, don't leave me alone and don't be mad at me."

Finally, Severus took the magazine down and looked at Harry. "Do you know what the Dark Lord is capable of? You have no idea what condition I will come back in. I will be useless."

"You will never be useless, Severus. I will always need you. I will nurse you back to health. I swear I will do anything for you, but just don't leave me alone," Harry pleaded.

"Maybe I will be beyond healing. Maybe I won't even be capable of thinking straight anymore," Severus said bitterly.

Harry looked sadly at Severus. He took a deep breath. "I lied. I will take care of Poppy and Alastor, and I promise you I won't kill Voldemort. It was wrong to make you believe that you owed me anything. I take it back. You don't have to use the emergency Portkey. I will do what you wanted me to. I'm sorry." Harry felt that tears were started to from in his eyes, and he ran out of the room.

He stopped when he was near the Headmaster's office. He took deep breathes, but his heart was hammering. He fumbled for his applicator and gulped down the potion. Immediately, his heart beat slowed, and he felt better. Even if he was still scared to lose Severus, he felt much better now that he had lifted his demand. He hoped that Severus would start to speak to him again.

Harry waited a few more minutes before he spoke the password to the gargoyle and entered the Headmaster's office.

"Can I try the twilight again?" Harry asked eagerly even when he felt the effects of the potion. He knew he should rest now, but he had no time for it.

"No, it would exhaust you too much. We can try tomorrow. I think we should learn some of the spells Severus marked as important. He said you have learned ten."

"Yes, I tried the movements and the pronunciation separately like Severus told me to do."

"Very, good. Let's go into our training room and try them out."

When they entered the training room, Albus spoke again. "I forgot to tell you that you should never try to go into the twilight alone before you can manage to withstand the urge to stay in it. Alastor has wards up, and you may set an alarm off if you try."

"Okay, but we will try it again tomorrow, right?"

Albus grinned. "Yes, we will."

The spell training went well. He manage six of the ten spells without problems and the other four he was sure to manage perfectly with a bit of training. "I'll try the movements before bed and then learn ten new ones."

"You shouldn't overdo it, Harry. You already look very exhausted again," Albus said worriedly. "Just rest and we will try the twilight and the spells you already learned again." Seeing Harry's determined expression, he added, "We have to leave something for Severus to teach you."

Harry was too exhausted to learn anything new. He just wanted to sleep when he went to bed after breakfast. He dozed off with the regret that he had done nothing.

Four hours later, he was sitting in his bed with a hand over his mouth. It was Severus'. "Merlin, shut up, Potter."

Harry glared at Severus. "Why do you always have to wake me in the middle of the night?" Harry asked while trying to slow his heartbeat without taking the potion.

"I can leave if you would prefer-"

"No!" Harry shouted.

Severus gave him a playful hit on the back of his head. "Be still, or do you want Poppy and Alastor to find out about our midnight meetings?"

"You haven't come to meet me in days," Harry said reproachfully.

"Just forget that," Severus said quickly.

"I still hope you will use the emergency-"

"I said forget about it. Tell me about your training."

"I managed to get into the twilight, and I learned the first ten spells. Okay, I managed to cast only six perfectly, but I'm sure I will be able to cast the other four tomorrow. And I grew a few hairs, too."

"Congratulations on becoming a man, Harry, but I would prefer to discuss the training."

Harry was confused but then blushed. "I meant the Animagus training." Harry shortly paused and then added in a low voice. "I'm no child. I already have...."

The chuckle from his mentor made him stop. "You are really too funny, Potter."

"You knew I was talking about the training?" Harry asked, annoyed.

"Of course, but it was too tempting."

It was an odd sight to see Severus chuckle. "Very funny."

"Yes, it was." Severus looked serious. "What did it look like? Any idea what animal?"

"It was dark gray. Maybe a dog. Do you think it will be a dog because I miss Sirius?"

"The Animagus form doesn't have anything to do with your life or feelings or thoughts. Just let yourself be surprised by what it is."

"Do you like the twilight?" Harry changed the topic because he felt that Severus did not like to talk about Sirius.

"Have you lost yourself in it?" Severus asked, curious.

"Yes, it was good that Albus was around."

"Oh, it's Albus now?"

Harry groaned. "Has Poppy given you something?"

"Yes, she did. I fear she was worried about how I've been treating you lately."

"I was also worried," Harry whispered.

There was a long silence in the room until Severus said, "I do not want to live as a cripple, Harry. You gave me a reason to live after the war, but I am not sure what a price I am willing to pay for it." He paused. "Do not rush things during the training. Poppy will release me from bed rest in two days. Then we can go on with the spell training. Just train in the twilight with Albus and then concentrate on the Animagus training." Before Harry could say something, Severus left the room.