Slowly Harry woke up. Immediately he groaned and grabbed his head.

"Don't touch it," Poppy instructed in a low voice.

Harry was glad that she almost whispered because he had the feeling his head would explode any minute. The light was dimmed in the room, and Harry realized that he was in his own room this time.

"How do you feel, Harry?" Poppy asked worried.

"My head hurts." Harry again tried to touch his head. Something thick was wrapped around it.

Poppy caught his hand before he could reach his head. "Harry, come on, don't touch your head. Please look at my wand." She peered with her lit wand in Harry's eyes.

Harry groaned the light hurt his head, and so he closed his eyes. "Does anything else hurt beside your head? Do you feel dizzy or sick?"

"Yes, both," Harry croaked. "What happened?"

"What can you remember?" Poppy asked as she rummaged in her bag for some potions.

The room suddenly was flooded with light when Alastor came in. "How is he?" He came over to the bed and drew a chair near it.

"He has a bad concussion." She said to her husband without looking at him. "Here, Harry, drink this. It will help the pain and the dizziness."

Harry carefully sat up with Poppy's help. Each movement caused pain, and he groaned. The potion tasted awful, and so he made a face. Immediately, he realized that this wasn't a good idea. Something under the thick bandage hurt more than before now.

"Harry, you have an ugly cut on your head and a bad concussion. Please don't move too much and don't make faces. The wound still needs time to heal." She helped him to carefully lie down again.

"What happened?" he asked again when he realized that she never had answered his question.

"First tell me what you remember." Poppy felt his pulse while eyeing him closely.

"Brewing with Severus," Harry said tiredly. The potions took effect, and it took him a lot energy to stay awake.

"Don't fight against the potions, Harry. We can speak later. Just sleep," Poppy said calmly and gently tugged the blanket closer around him.

The dimness of the room and Poppy's calm voice let him easily drift over into sleep.

"So?" Alastor asked Poppy.

"He hit his head very hard on the edge of the table. The wound was too big to heal it at once. I just spelled it close. Tomorrow I will try to heal it completely. He won't like to hear that he has to stay in bed tomorrow."

"Yes, he was very glad about brewing with Severus. What do you think has triggered the blackout? Something serious?"

"I couldn't find an illness, so it has to be stress. Maybe he has overdone it in the lab with Severus."

"Or maybe it was because your little outburst, Poppy. Perhaps he put two and two together and realized what you were speaking about."

Poppy looked shocked. "No, that can't be."

"I spoke with Severus, and he said that it could be that Harry realized why he wanted him to learn brewing the Wolfsbane," Alastor said very carefully because he knew that this topic was worrying Poppy as much as it obviously worried Harry.

"So what did he say?" Poppy asked.

Alastor's heart almost broke while he looked at the worried face of his wife. He knew how hard it will be for her to hear what he had to tell her. "I promised you to never hold anything secret from you, but this time I wish you wouldn't ask me."

"Oh, no, please, Alastor." Poppy started to cry and slummed down.

Alastor transfigured the chair into an ottoman and pulled his wife on his lap. Gently he stroked her back while she cried into his chest.

"It is his choice, Poppy. We can't force him to stay. I tried my best, but as usual he refused to listen. He wants to go back to get information until the Dark Lord finally discovers his true alliance. Now more than before. He thinks having Harry here is the perfect opportunity to train him and get as much information as possible to help him defeat Voldemort."

"But he could be useful just by training Harry. Why can't that be enough for him?" Poppy sobbed in Alastor's robes.

"You know him, Poppy. He thinks he has to spy to repay for what he did. He never forgave himself for becoming a Death Eater and causing Lily's death."

"He isn't responsible for her death. He tried everything to prevent it." Poppy still was crying.

"We both know this, but Severus refuses to see it this way, Poppy. Come on, calm down. What if Harry wakes up? You don't want to worry him more than he already is." He gently kissed her forehead and was glad when this made her look up.

"Why does it have to be so complicated? I wish I could kill this damn monster myself. I want it all to be over."

"That's what we all want." Alastor sighed. He was worried about Severus. Everything he tried didn't work on Severus. He just refused to see reason. He had tried to convince Severus that Harry needs him here, that he should teach him and not risk his life for information that hardly helps any longer because the Dark Lord is suspicious and doesn't give Severus any valuable information. He feared that Severus even will be too proud to use the emergency Portkey if his life is in danger. What if he wants to die? Alastor was glad when Severus had moved in, and he thought Severus was happy here. Sometimes Severus even had admitted it. Seeing him refuse so vehemently to stop spying made Alastor wonder about Severus' motivation for living. If this spying activity was so important to Severus then what would happen when the war is over and he is still alive? But this was nothing Alastor could speak about with Poppy. Maybe I should speak with Albus about it, he thought while he absently stroked Poppy's back.

"I don't know I can survive if he dies," Poppy said and her voice broke.

"You have to and you will. Harry will need you, and I need you. But I will do everything in my power to make him survive, Poppy." Alastor meant every word, but he feared he wouldn't have the opportunity. There was no way to follow Severus and help him. The only thing he could do was speak sense into the stubborn Potions master that he at least would use his emergency Portkey.

"I love him as if he is our son, Alastor. I can't lose him." Poppy hugged her husband tighter.

"I know, Poppy. I see him like a son, too. He is an adult, and we have to accept his wish to go on spying, even when it is breaking our hearts." Alastor tilted Poppy's head up and kissed her. "We have to be strong, Poppy. We have two sons now to take care of."

"Yes, two we have to fear for and two who are in danger from the same devil." Poppy sat up and cleaned her face with a handkerchief. "I just want it to be over and still have them both alive with us."

"We will, Poppy, we will." He again pulled her against his broad chest, and Poppy snuggled against him. This time she just enjoyed his closeness and didn't start crying again.

"Where is Severus?" Poppy asked after they sat like this for a while.

"Where he always is. In his lab."

"Did he admit that he want to teach Harry the Wolfsbane because he thinks he will die soon?"

Alastor struggled with himself what he should tell her. "Yes, he did, but he begged me not to tell you."

Poppy looked up at Alastor. "Why?"

"It seems he knows you well and even has witnessed a few times when you were crying." Alastor knew that his wife wouldn't be happy about this news. She tried very hard to not show her feelings to Severus. She didn't want him to see her weak.

First Poppy stared, stunned at Alastor, and then she hid her face in his robes. "Oh, Merlin."

"He is worried, Poppy."

"Then he should stop spying," Poppy said, frustrated. "I don't want him to die. Doesn't he know what it will be for us when he dies? And what it would mean to Harry? He was so angry about Harry's suicide attempt, but he isn't better. He is running in his own death."

Alastor didn't know what to say, and so he just embraced his wife and let a silent tear escape his eye.

__________

In front of Harry's door Severus had sank down against the wall while listening to the conversation inside. His head rested in his hand which lay against his bent knees. Why can't they understand? Why do they have to make this all so damn hard? He had to go back to Voldemort, even when the chance is only very small that he would get valuable information. He would always wonder if he could have discovered something else if he stops spying. Severus Snape isn't a coward who runs away. Hearing Poppy cry was breaking his heart. Poppy and Alastor were a thousand times better than his biological parents. It felt good to have people who care for you. The many times he had come back hurt by Voldemort they were there for him. They never left his bed until he had recovered. He never felt alone. And the time between the Death Eater meetings they made very comfortable. Severus really felt welcome in these quarters and never regretted to have moved in here. He had realized too late that this not only was helping him but also made things much more complicated. Now he was worried about them. How they will cope with his death or if he comes back from a meeting very damaged? Love makes you weak. How often have I stood in front of the Dark Lord and just hoped to be able to come back here, to them. Thank Merlin, they are safe here and I have at least not to fear that the Dark Lord will hurt them because of me, Severus thought sadly.

And now there is Harry as well. I hope I will have enough time to teach him. He must survive. When he is here with Alastor and Poppy they won't feel so alone and will be better able to cope with my death. Harry has to win so that he can live a free and happy life. He deserves it. Poppy and Alastor will help him like they did with me. Please, Merlin, give me time.

But life never was easy on Severus, and so his left arm started to burn. The Dark Lord was calling for him.