"I just honestly can't believe this is happening Harry. First a house elf shows up last night, tells us not to go to school, confesses to stealing our mail, and then makes the Ministry think we stole a couple of cans of corn from a grocery store..." Henry complained to Harry as they waited outside of Madam Bones' office. The two boys were sitting on a wooden bench. Through the door, they could hear the muffled sounds of Madam Bones, their Uncle Severus, and Professor Dumbledore talking.

"Look on the bright side. At least Susan Bones' Aunt decided to get involved, over rule Madam Hopkirk's orders to arrest us, and hear the case today. I hate to think of what would have happened if Susan Bones was our enemy." Harry replied optimistically.

"You really are a Slytherin. Thinking about 'alliances' and 'enemies'..." Henry sighed.

"I am not! I'm just saying if it was Malfoy's dad, we'd be screwed." Harry pointed out.

"Good point."

Just then the door opened and Severus said they could come in. The two boys were nervous as they walked into the room and saw the square jawed, gray haired, middle-aged woman sitting behind a desk. They were told Madam Bones was fair and listened to reason but meeting her under the present circumstances made her seem like their uncle Vernon when he was in a bad mood.

"Harry, Henry, just relax and have a seat." Madam Bones said gesturing to a couple of chairs in front of her desk. The two boys sat down, still nervous.

"First of all, I've heard and seen enough evidence to convince me this is another case of incompetence in Madam Hopkirk's office. As you may or may not know, all underage witches and wizards have a spell on them called The Trace that keeps track of magic in their general area and reports it to the ministry. It's rather a flawed way of enforcing the ban of under-aged wizardry and I've been pushing for years to have a much more accurate method that doesn't discriminate against muggle-borns put in place but that pink toad that currently calls herself the Minister's Senior Undersecretary has fought me every centimeter of the way but that is another story..." Madam Bones explained sounding annoyed when she got to the part about a pink toad. "Anyways, according to the receiver in Madam Hopkirk's office, it showed that the two of you were not only in your uncle's house..."

"How do you know I am the boys' uncle?" a shocked Severus interrupted.

"Mr. Snape, people don't forget scandals. There're people who are still talking about the then Head of International Magical Cooperation Nobby Leach being caught making out with his secretary in the elevator back in 1955," Madam Bones' answered making Severus grown. "Anyways, the sensor said, not only were the two of you at your uncle's house but for a less than 15 seconds, you were also in town at the same time with no evidence of time travel. Only a time distortion spell was casted and that is not only the wrong type of time related spell to explain being in two places at once, but it was over an entire room which no human has ever been able to do, had a magic signature that was clearly from a house elf, and was canceled before the theft of the cans of corn that were found under your bed by Miss Wazlib.

"Since the two of you clearly didn't steal the corn, I'm dropping all charges. Why that house elf would want to frame you of stealing cans of corn of all things is beyond me." Madam Bones chuckled.

"That's a relief..." Harry replied.

"And you're the one who said to think positive..." Henry said sarcastically and making a brief sideways glance at Harry.

"Before you go, I asked Professor Dumbledore why there are two Potter boys when my niece Susan, who I believe you know, never mentioned going to school with two Potters. Your Uncle and Professor Dumbledore explained what happened to me. Needless to say young Mr. Malfoy is going to be paying a visit to my office though I'm sure his father will have him plead imperious curse."

Dumbledore, Severus, Harry, and Henry left chuckling.

:You are very lucky that house elf wasn't very smart. Powerful, but not very smart,: Azure hissed as the winged snake rested on top of Harry's desk.

:Yes. I wonder who he belongs to...: Harry hissed back.

:No way of knowing. I don't think he was joking about a plot to make terrible things happen at Hogwarts. If you can think of anyone who would want that to happen, that house elf probably belongs to them,: Azure answered.

"I wish I was a parselmouth so I could understand what you two are saying," Henry commented from the other side of the room.

"Maybe Parseltongue is like Mermish and is something that you can learn. When we go to get our school stuff, whenever that is, lets see if we can find any books on talking with snakes though I doubt Florish and Blott's would have any since speaking with snakes is considered a dark ability." Harry suggested.

"Its worth a try," Henry replied.

"BOYS, YOUR HOGWARTS LETTERS ARE HERE!" Severus bellowed from downstairs. The two boys, excited they could go to Diagon Alley with their friends soon, ran down the stairs and ripped open their letters. Harry read his letter while Henry read his.

SECOND_YEAR STUDENTS WILL REQUIRE:

The Standard Book of Spells, Grade 2 by Miranda Goshawk

Break with a Banshee by Gilderoy Lockhart

Gadding with Ghouls by Gilderoy Lockhart

Holidays with Hags by Gilderoy Lockhart

Travels with Trolls by Gilderoy Lockhart

Voyages with Vampires by Gilderoy Lockhart

Wandering with Werewolves by Gilderoy Lockhart

Year with the Yeti by Gilderoy Lockhart

"Who is Gilderoy Lockhart? He wrote all the Defense Against the Dark Arts books..." Harry asked.

"Let me see..." Severus asked and Harry handed his letter to Severus.

"This can't be happening..." an annoyed Severus commented. "I'm going to have a word with Professor Dumbledore about this. Gilderoy Lockhart is probably the biggest fraud I know of. I skimmed over a few of his books last year to see what all the hype about them was and found many errors not only in the spells and potions he claims to have used, but many continuity errors in the stories in his books."

"What do you mean?" Henry asked.

"For one, he claimed to have been trapped in an elevator in Paris with a werewolf during a full moon at the same time he was in the Amazon rain forest tracking down a Lethifold that ate half a muggle village in one night." Severus answered, clearly disgusted as he headed to the fireplace.