Potions and Snitches
Snape and Harry Gen Fanfiction Archive

Author's Chapter Notes:
An accusation triggers a memory, and Severus gives an ultimatum.

(Chapter is for Pandora, Ponytail Goddess, Fairner, and Ivy-Green! You guys are awesome!)
Chapter 19 - Matters of Cowardice

 

When her fireplace flared green for the second time in minutes, Arabella Figg knew the most likely identity of the new intruder.  Her cousin's husband!  Fury boiled in the squib's blood as she rounded from the huddled, crying form of her cousin on the sofa, who was clutching some scalding fresh tea in her shaking hands.  Arabella was not exactly an intimidating woman, but right now she was angry! 

Severus stepped through the green flames, with his screaming and clearly upset son in his arms.  The sound of little Tevin agitated like that sent Mrs. Figg over the edge.  She stormed up to Severus and snatched the boy from his arms. 

"How could you, Severus?"  Without waiting for his response, she took Tevin into another room where four of her kneazles were playing with balls of string and set the boy down amongst them.  The animals immediately gathered around the upset boy and nuzzled him to try to comfort him.  Arabella knew the boy would be fine there, and went back into her parlor.

Severus stood just in front of the fireplace with a stunned expression.  He was obviously surprised to have been verbally attacked as soon as he'd appeared in the floo.  "I beg your pardon?" he asked Arabella as she once again stormed up to him. 

"I don't understand why you would allow anyone to say something like that about Ophelia!  That she should be dead?  Why didn't you defend her?"

Severus's famous temper was now sparked.  He ignored Arabella and strode forcefully to the huddled form of Ophelia.   "Is that what this is about?  Lucius saying you should, by his reasoning, be dead?"  He saw her flinch, and unsuccessfully hold back tears but he continued.  "Or why I married a muggleborn?  What did you expect me to do, Ophelia?" 

"Nothing," she mumbld into her tea. 

"Was it just Lucius saying that or did Narcissa say something in the nursery?" 

"No, nothing..."  She refused to meet his eyes.

Severus flung his hands up and took a few steps away from her, before spinning around again and standing over her.  "Then, what in Merlin's name did you expect me to do?" 

"I don't know!" she shouted at him, finally raising her eyes.  "But not just sit there!" 

"So you would rather I had told them everything?  Everything that's happened that brought us to this point?" 

Ophelia put her teacup down with surprising force, as she stood from the sofa.  "Of course not, Severus, but maybe - just maybe - you could have said something to defend me!"  Severus was about to say something when she cut him off.  "If we're supposed to do this-"

"I was angry that he said those things!  Do you think it stopped once you were gone?"  Ophelia's mouth snapped shut.  "He kept questioning me and questioning you and everything about us, and Tevin.  Remember that meeting when I saved you?  Lucius certainly does!  He didn't stop asking about it!" 

"But that was after you failed to say anything for me.  Even Lucius would defend his wife.  But then I suppose you always had trouble defending the people you care about since they always end up dead!"

 "Stop!" Severus bellowed, as an image of a house with an upper window blaring with green light and a young woman's scream assaulted his mind.  He clenched his eyes.  Objects in the room began to shake as the wizard's temper flared and his magic spiked.  Severus turned away from Ophelia and leaned heavily against the mantel, trying to calm himself by watching the orange flames.  His breaths came in short, panicky gasps.  His body shook violently. 

Ophelia covered her mouth with her hand, shocked at what had just come from her own voice.  Arabella looked back and forth between the other two adults.  Ophelia suddenly ran out of the room, and the squib heard her cousin's quick footsteps on the stairs followed by the slamming of a door.  She watched for a moment as Severus struggled to regain control of himself. 

When he seemed a little more stable, she approached slowly.  "Severus..."

"Leave me alone," he whispered, not raising or turning his head to look at her. 

"I don't understand why she is asking too much of you."

Severus was still not calm enough to think before he spoke.  "Of course you wouldn't understand.  You're just a squib!"

Arabella felt her own fury rise, but she succeeded in reining it in.  "I'd rather be that than a coward like you." 

At that moment, Severus snapped his head up to meet Arabella's eyes.  He wore an expression of complete shock, his jaw hung slack and his eyes were bright.  Movement caught his eyes over Arabella's shoulder and in the archway of the other room he saw the face of his little son, who had tears flowing from his eyes, but he made no sound.  And despite having the physical traits of his father, at that moment, Tevin looked so much like Lily from only a few years ago.

 

Severus and Lily stood on the outside of a doorway that the Slytherin never thought he would willingly be in his whole life.  The home of James Potter.  Lily stood closer to the door as Severus shuffled awkwardly beside, but slightly behind, his young wife. He was trying to stay as much out of the rain but as far from this door as possible.   "I don't want to do this, Lily." 

Lily took a deep breath and knocked on the door.  She looked at Severus, who wore an almost unreadable expression, but she was able to decipher it clearly.  "It'll be fine, Sev," she whispered to him.  She reached up and brushed his dripping hair back from his face softly.  She ran her hand down his left arm before she took his hand.  He looked down at their hands but was brought out of this observation when he saw a flash of wet red hair swoop into his vision, only to feel her lips claim his.  Neither of them noticed the door opening.

"Well, this is an awkward sight to find on my doorstep." 

Lily broke their kiss and faced the young man in the doorway.  "James!" she greeted with a smile. 

"Come in," James said, opening the door for his newly arrived guests.  Lily practically skipped into the house, giving Severus no choice but to follow with his hand still gripped in hers.  "Snape," James acknowledged as the former Slytherin entered his house. 

"Potter," Severus returned.  Even with the tension somewhat lessened between them, they still were not able to get over years and years of bitterness.  But for the sake of Lily, the two of them tried to at least be civil to each other. 

Lily dragged her husband into the cozy and very Gryffindor-themed parlor and flung herself down on the sofa, pulling Severus down beside her.  She noticed that Severus was sitting stiffly in the overly maroon and gold room, and she leaned her head against his shoulder and whispered, "Relax." 

"I'm trying," he said.

"Try harder."  Severus drew in some deep breaths to try to relax, but he was still rigid.  He was not looking forward to the coming conversation.  Lily took her husband's left hand in both of hers and began to play with the interwoven gold, silver, and bronze wedding band around his finger.  She liked to play with his wedding ring as she held his hand.  She discovered that it soothed him when she would touch it.  His dark eyes watched her hands play with the ring, and he began to smile.  The tension in his fingers lessened as she massaged his hand and the ring on his finger.  When he shifted his eyes to search out hers, he saw that she was watching their hands intertwine with an expression of peace.  She felt his gaze on her and her eyelashes flitted up to reveal the striking emerald eyes that mesmerized him since he first saw them as a child.  "I love you, Severus."

He offered a small smile.  He always nearly stopped breathing every time she said it.  "I love you," he replied, saying it quieter than her but no less sincerely.  She smiled at him. 

They both were startled out of the moment when they heard the front door close and firmly lock, with a quietly added spell.  Must have been James.  Severus thought he was taking an awful long time to play host, until he saw his former tormentor waltz into the parlor from a second door with three teacups and saucers floating in front of him, and each of them were stirring themselves with a spoon.  Apparently, James still showed off whatever he could whenever he could.  Severus was not impressed, but Lily chuckled. 

"While usually I would welcome the arrival of any visitor," James said, as he drifted the teacups and saucers to Lily and Severus, and sat down in a fluffy chair.  "I was going to meet Sirius tonight.  He'll probably think something happened to me."  James swung his feet up to rest on the ottoman in front of his chair. 

"I'm sure Black can survive an hour or two without your presence, Potter," Severus drawled, as he took a sip of tea.  He grimaced at the taste.  "What is this?" he asked, looking disgustedly at the tea in his cup. 

Lily laughed softly and took a sip of her own tea, grimacing like her husband.  "Good try, James, but you mixed our flavors again.  Severus likes the Ginger.  I like the Caramel Apple."  She took the tea from Severus's hands and gave him hers.  They both raised the switched cups to their lips and this time did not grimace.  They exchanged a side glance and both tried to hold back a smile, and both chose to cover it by taking another sip.

James raised his own cup.  "Lemon. I'm not that picky." 

There was a comfortable silence between the three of them as they enjoyed their tea.  Lily finished hers first and as she was looking for somewhere to put it, James pointed his wand at the cup and saucer and it floated to rest on the mantel.  She looked over into her husband's cup and saw that he'd barely had any of it.  It was like he was trying to delay the upcoming conversation.  "Sev."  He looked at her, his features schooled.  She saw in his eyes his reluctance.  "Don't stall anymore.  We agreed on this."

When Severus answered it was barely a whisper.  "I know..."

Lily took his tea from him and didn't wait for James.  She floated it to sit beside hers on the mantel.  Then, she reached down and took Severus's hand.  "It'll be alright, Sev."  She saw him try to muster up an encouraging smile but it came out as a look of pain.

Lily turned her head to James.  "James, we've come to you to ask you a favor."  James's eyebrows disappeared into his fringe of spiky black hair.  He adjusted his glasses like he always did when he was preparing to concentrate.  "It's really his idea, but..."

Severus took a deep breath before he spoke quickly as though to get it over with as fast as possible.  "I can't protect Lily." 

"Sev!"  She looked at him.  "That's not what-"

Severus continued talking for the first time directly to James.  "The...Voldemort is hunting down every Muggleborn he can.  He just killed a Death Eater's wife in front of everyone three nights ago, and..."

"Then, why did you become a Death Eater, Snape?" James spat out the words. 

Severus glared at James.  "I had no choice.  You know that already.  I know you think that I wanted to be there, but-"

"That's not what we're here to talk about!" Lily interrupted.  "James!  Things are...getting dangerous..."  She saw Severus miserably lower his head.  "Not only for witches and wizards like me, but for everyone.  Severus is also in danger because of..."

"Being a Death Eater."

"Yes."  Lily squeezed her husband's hand, and felt a little more confident when he returned the gesture.  "We've tried to think of a way that could protect both of us until maybe...Voldemort is gone."  James nodded for her to continue.  "We couldn't think of anything else but to-"

There was a knock on the door.  James leaped to his feet.  "It's Sirius!  Wait here, I'll send him off."  James disappeared towards the front door.  There were muffled sounds of a conversation for a few moments. 

Lily turned to Severus.  His hair had fallen to shield his face.  She tucked some of it behind his ear, and saw that his face was streaked with tears.  "Sev," she moaned sadly.  She turned his face towards hers, and wiped away his tears with his fingertips.  "This won't be forever.  After Voldemort's gone we'll be together again like we said.  Marrying James won't make me love him." 

"You can't be sure."

"Sev, I love you.  I wouldn't have married you otherwise.  I wouldn't be asking James this if I didn't know that it would save you from death."  She framed his face with her hands.  "Look at me."  His dark eyes slid up to meet hers.  "Don't you trust me?"

"Of course I trust you." 

"You said this was for the best, for both of us.  I know we both don't like it, but it is the best idea we have.  I'd rather be in danger and still with you." 

Severus snorted quietly.  "No, you wouldn't." Neither of them noticed that James had returned and stood in the doorway.  "You deserve to be safe and happy and not fearing for your life every day.  I can't give that to you, Lily." 

Lily ran her fingers through his silky hair and settled them at his neck with her fingers clasped at his nape.  "Damn you, Severus.  What will it take to make you realize that I would rather be with you than anyone else?"  Severus looked as though he were in pain.  "If you can't see that I don't like this idea as much as you, then you're as much of a dunderhead as you like to call everyone that annoys you." 

"You need to get away from me so that you can be out of danger.  I don't want to lose you, Lily."  Finally, Severus reached up and held her face tenderly in his hands. He leaned forward and pressed his lips to his wife's.   "I love you.  And if it took giving you into the care of someone I still...don't like all that much...then I will, because I want you safe.  I want you protected. And as much as I hate it-"

"So you are saying, that you are in my house to propose that I marry Evans and somehow protect her with that arrangement?" James interrupted.  " Seems a bit-"

"James!" warned Lily.

"This," James said, pointing an accusing finger at Severus, "right here, is why you should never have stayed with him!"

Lily looked at James disbelievingly.  She shook her head, her damp red hair flowing with the movement.  "James! Stop!"  She glanced at Severus and saw that he was looking miserable, again. 

"Yeah, Snape, you may have won the girl, but when it really comes to proving what you'd do for her you hide away and refuse to do what you should!"  Severus snapped his eyes up to meet James's heated gaze.  Lily took Severus's hands so that he would not draw his wand.  She sensed that a duel might explode between the two rivals. 

"I know you won't believe me, James, but Severus is a wonderful husband."

"Who runs and hides from his duties to you when he should defend you!"  James threw his arms in the air.  "How can you tolerate that?" 

"Because I love him!  Why can't you understand that, James?" Lily shouted. 

"Because he isn't protecting you, and if he won't then he never deserved you!"

Severus tore his hands from his wife's and stood face to face with James.  "And what would you have me do, Potter?  Run into every situation like you with your reckless Gryffindor bravery and end up killed?  What good would I be to my wife then?"  He clenched his hands in an attempt to resist drawing his wand. 

"At least I face the danger I put myself in!"

"I'm keeping her out of danger by my actions!"

"And what are those, Snape?  Leading a double life?  Pretending you want to kill everyone not pureblood while you're married to a muggleborn witch?"

Severus began to shake in his anger.  "You have no idea what I have endured for Lily!  I've gone through more for her than you ever will!"

"So, you've faced Voldemort!  So have I!  You've been tortured!  So have I!  But I've always been outspoken in my views while you hid in the dark with only your potions!"

Severus was now leaned in so close to James that he could see every detail of the other man's eyes.  "At least I am not a slave to Dumbledore and a foolish Auror that fights before he thinks!" 

"I'd rather be that than a coward like you, Snivellus!" 

Severus reacted on instinct.  In a moment, James was sprawled on the floor of his parlor, staring up in surprise at the other dark-haired man standing over him.  Severus cradled his own hand to his chest.  After the two stared at each other for a long while, Severus turned away from James only to stop in his steps when he saw Lily.  She made no sound, but tears flowed from her beautiful green eyes.  And in an instant, Severus was ashamed of himself. 

While he looked at Lily, he spoke to James.  "Potter, I have never had a reason to ask anything of you.  Yes, I lead a double life.  Yes, I am a Death Eater.  But I love my wife.  I would never want harm to come to her.  I am asking you to protect her because if Lily remains at my side, she is in more danger than ever before.  You were my rival.  If she is with you, she has no connection to me.  She would be safe.  I'm asking you to protect that which is most precious to me."  During all of this, Severus fixed his gaze on the tearful eyes of his wife. 

He heard James manage to get to his feet.  James walked forward and stood beside Severus for a moment before he went to Lily and sat beside her on the sofa.  Lily looked at James as he lowered himself beside her.  "Is this what you want?"

Lily lowered her eyes before shaking her head.  "No, but I know that it is the best option.  If I am with you, Severus is clear of any suspicion with the Death Eaters.  Voldemort would have no reason to hurt him, or to kill him.  I couldn't...if Severus were killed...Please, James.  Help Severus, help us." 

James looked at Lily for a long while and then shifted his eyes to Severus, who only had eyes for Lily.  James sighed and looked back at Lily.  "If I do this, it'll have to be made public.  With a huge wedding and all of that.  Nothing can be done secretly." 

"I know," Lily said. 

"I won't let you marry her," Severus said suddenly, surprising the other two. 

James recovered first.  "But you said-"

"You've somehow made it through Hogwarts, Potter.  Surely you've heard of Polyjuice Potion.  I will attend the wedding and be you.  You will not actually marry my wife."

James looked Severus up and down before meeting his gaze.  "I haven't said yes, yet, Snape." 

"If you have any true affection for Lily, which even I will give you the benefit of the doubt to that score, you would give her what she wants, even if it makes you unhappy." 

Severus and James looked at each other in a silent battle of wills.  It was quiet in the parlor of James Potter's home for several minutes.  Finally, James nodded.  "Alright.  Alright, Lily," he said, turning to the redhead.  "I'll go through with this staged marriage."

Lily smiled.  "Thank you so much, James." 

James offered a smile to her.  "How long is this to last?"

Severus answered, "Until the threat of Voldemort is no longer an issue."  James began to talk, but Severus beat him.  "I know.  It can be a very long time.  I hope it won't be, but..." 

Lily stood from the sofa and went to her husband.  James stood after her.  Then, James spoke, "You know, the Order of the Phoenix is...getting better at rounding up some Death Eaters.  Things have been busy in the Aurors's office too.  It might not be that long."

"I hope so," Lily said. 

James looked at Severus and then had an idea.  "You know," he began, "with you involved in the Death Eaters, maybe there is a way that you could let us know what they're planning so we could catch more of them." 

Severus didn't want to admit that the idea was surprisingly good for James Potter.  "I'll pass on word if I am able." 

James nodded.  "Well, I suppose I should head off to find Remus then.  Tell him you agreed to marry me tonight.  Might as well get started as soon as possible."  He left the room and came back a few seconds later wearing a light weather coat. 

Lily had lit his fireplace and was standing in front of it with Severus.  The man had his arm around her waist, and from the angle of her shoulder, her arm was most likely curled around his back, with her hand somewhere near his shoulder blade.  James would never say it out loud, but he thought that Lily and Severus suited each other, and looked peaceful together.  Severus took a pinch of floo powder from the mantel.  Lily turned to look at James.  "Thank you, James."

James nodded. 

Severus threw the floo powder into the flames and spoke their destination.  "Godric's Hollow, Snape home."  The fire turned green.  "Go on, Lily.  I'll be right behind you." 

"Behave," she said. 

"Don't worry," he reassured her.  He kissed his wife briefly before she stepped into the green flames heading home. 

Severus turned to face James.  "I won't say this again, Potter.  Thank you."  Before James could respond, Severus continued.  "This doesn't mean that I like you."  He took a breath, and tried to make his voice non-threatening.  "If you hurt her-"

James held up his hands in front of him.  "I'll take care of her, Snape.  I swear it." 

Severus nodded.  "I wanted to force you to swear an Unbreakable Vow about this, but Lily objected.  She thought it would make you feel trapped."  He locked eyes with James.  "I'm trusting you to keep your word.  Don't make me lose that trust." 

"I won't," James said.  The two wizards held each other's gaze for a long while, silently coming to an agreement.

Severus nodded again, before pinching some more floo powder and repeating his destination.  Without another word, Severus left James Potter's home. 


Severus approached the door upstairs slowly.  He hesitated as he moved to turn the knob.  Pulling himself together he turned the knob and opened the door, which creaked noisily on the old hinges.  He winced. 

Ophelia looked up as Severus timidly entered the spare bedroom.  She didn't want to say anything.  She felt horrible enough with what she said earlier.  She'd basically said that Lily's death was his fault.  "I'm sorry," she choked on the words. 

"I know.  I am too." 

Ophelia motioned for him to come into the room.  Severus walked in and stood in front of her.  They were silent for a few minutes.  Finally, Ophelia spoke, barely able to stand the silence.  "I don't trust the Malfoys, Severus." 

Severus's expression was hard to read.  "I know but they...please believe me when I say that they mean no harm."

"Except to mudbloods like me!"  She practically spat the derogatory term. 

Severus flinched and he felt the familiar sting of tears.  "Please, don't say that word."  Severus lowered himself on the bed next to Ophelia.  "I've asked so much of you in this situation, and haven't given you much of anything in return."  Severus looked down at the bare floorboards.  "I'm sorry, Ophelia. I'm trying." 

Ophelia unsuccessfully tried to stifle a sob.  "Just try a little harder, Severus." 

Severus heard Lily's voice in his head.  ‘Try harder.'  Severus looked at Ophelia.  "I'll do my best.  It's all I can promise you." 

Ophelia openly sobbed then.  She turned to face Severus, and when their eyes met, they both leaned forward to wrap their arms around each other.  She cried into his chest and he just held her to him.  Between her sobs, Ophelia managed to speak.  "It's enough, Severus.  It's enough." 


Later that night, Lucius Malfoy was startled when his floo roared to life and the face of Severus Snape appeared in his fireplace.  "Severus, what a surprise to-"

"Lucius!" snapped Severus, impatiently.  "I'm only saying this once.  I will only permit my son to come to your home under the following conditions.  You will refrain from insulting my wife because she is muggleborn, or my son because he is a half-blood.  I would never speak poorly of Narcissa or Draco.  Give me the same courtesy.  I don't care how you choose to deal with it.  Pretend to ignore it, or my son will have no further contact with Draco, nor will I associate with your family.  I will not tolerate that kind of treatment towards my family because you feel that their blood status makes them inferior to you and yours.  The decision is yours, Lucius.  Do what you will with it." 

The floo died down, leaving a speechless Lucius Malfoy in its wake.  He got out of his chair and went off in search of Narcissa.  He had to discuss this with his wife.    

Chapter End Notes:
In case it is confusing, Severus and Lily originally live in the house in Godric's Hollow (the very same one in which the Potters are killed), because they thought that no one would expect a Slytherin and Gryffindor to live in Godric's Hollow. Snape also owns the Spinner's End home, but does not want to live with his wife in the childhood home with so many unpleasant memories. Besides, all the other Death Eater Slytherins know he lives there. What do you think they'd do if any of them ever found Lily there? Yeah...Probably a good quick Avada Kedavra! Therefore, the house that James is living in during this chapter is not the one in which he dies.

Let me know what you all think, or if any of this was confusing or unclear (even if some things are not spelled correctly). Thanks for reading. And please review, they make me happy. And a happy writer is a faster writer.

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