Where had he gone wrong? It was a question that plagued the Potions Master’s mind as he watched his chambers spilt and change around. What had he done to deserve this? All he had done this morning was brew potions- which just so happened to be his job. He had not even made any students cry! Well, the Hufflepuffs didn’t really count as he had not done anything directly to them.

Standing silently, Snape watched as one room formed into another, his bookshelves were all changing around, and his entire home was becoming decidedly more cramped. He did not like it at all!

And the blame for such intrusion and havoc on his personal space? Why, none other than the sleeping little bugger that was Harry Potter! How had he let Albus talk him into watching the brat again? Oh, yeah; it might have had something to do with the fact that the Headmaster threatened not to pay him for the rest of the year, or something along those lines.

“This is all your fault,” the professor hissed down at the little one in his arms. “Why is it always you!” Potter, with his nerve, smiled, even in his sleep!

“There you are, Severus!” Dumbledore lowered his wand and turned with around with a decidedly annoying smile on his face. “Now you and Harry can live a bit more comfortably.”

Scowling fiercely enough to melt flesh off the bone, Snape could not help but wish he had such abilities. He could just hear the Headmaster as he sunk to the floor, screeching like the Wicked Witch of the West…er, perhaps it was more like the Wicked Wizard of the Northeast? Whatever it ended up being, Severus still wished he could splash around in a Headmaster puddle. He wouldn’t even mind cleaning up that mess.

“How, in your line of logic, will this be a comfortable arrangement?” he growled. “This is all preposterous, and you know it! What will people say when they see me lugging this little…thing, everywhere?”

Unfazed, the Headmaster only smiled wider. “Tell them it’s your nephew-”

“My nephew!”

“-of sorts,” Albus frowned slightly at the interruption. “Come, come now, my dear boy! This could be a very interesting time for you! You’ll embark on a wonderful new journey that is parenthood.”

“I am not Potter’s father!” Snape was horrified enough that he almost dropped said Potter. But he recovered quickly, looking down anxiously to see if he had woken the little boy.

“Well, until he changes back, just think of him as a nephew,” Dumbledore shrugged. “You’ll have to watch out for him. Call a house elf if you need help. Now, Severus,” Albus looked serious. “We must keep this just between ourselves. I’ll go now to tell Minerva and Poppy.”

“Then how is that ‘just between ourselves’ then?” Severus could not help the anger that flooded into his veins. He was justified, was he not?

Unbelievably, the Headmaster looked rather shocked for a moment before looking pensive, causing the Potions Master to roll his eyes. “Well then, I suppose we must keep this just between the four of us… kinda like that game four squares. Have you ever played it, Severus?”

“Oh, for the love of Merlin, Albus!” Severus exploded, waking the baby, who began to cry.

“Oh! Well, I’ll leave you to get settle in, my boy. I’ll come by before dinner. Toodles!” the old wizard went to the Floo promptly and disappeared, leaving behind a highly disgruntled Potions Master.

“Coward!” he called after the old man, knowing Albus would have heard that.

Now, left alone with a screaming baby, Severus began to panic. What should he do? What should he do! How could he make this stop?

Hurrying over to the couch, Snape deposited the baby there, and looked down at the red face. What did he usually do when children were hysterical? Growl at them, insult them, and then take points away. Well, that wasn’t going to help him much! What did other people do with crying children?

“Food!” Severus had a stroke of genius, amazing himself that he had not simply had a regular kind of stroke instead.

Rushing into the kitchen, the Potions Master looked around for a bottle, only to discover that he did not have a bottle. Why would he have a bottle anyway? What kind of use would someone like Severus have for such an item? But when the child began to scream louder, the young professor, grabbed a potions vial and transfigured it into a bottle.

Then, as quickly as he could, he took out some milk, poured it into the bottle before he mixed in a nurturance potion, just to make sure the little blighter got everything he needed. Then, with a quick flick of his ebony wand, Snape warmed the milk before hurrying back into the sitting area.

When the Boy-Who-Lived-To-Aggravate looked up to see the professor running back into the room, the little baby held up his arms, big tears still rolling down from his large, green eyes. “Hold on, little demon!” Snape’s voice sounded much too worried for his own comfort.

Tentatively, the potions professor picked up the squirming bundle, and sat down with mini-Potter in his lap. With his ears ringing from the ungodly screams, Snape shoved the bottle into the child’s mouth, rejoicing when the baby began to suckle and stopped his insufferable wailing. Well, at least the child had good lungs anyway... 

Unaware, Severus began rocking back and forth, as he held the bottle in one hand and the baby in the other. He was quite frazzled and he wished that everything would just be normal. Oh, how he pined for the good ol’ days! He had taken too much for granted several hours ago, when he had foolishly thought that the day was his. Now, it all happened to belong to Potter.

“When you get back to normal, I swear, not even Dumbledore will be able to protect you form me,” Snape vowed evilly.

Little Harry did not seem overly concerned though, and he continued on with his happy meal. The big emerald eyes stared up into the pale face of the Potions Master and there was only one thought that went through the child’s simple mind at that time: this man was good and he loved this man.

Had Snape known what was going on through the child’s head, he would have probably thrown him through the Floo and then run out of the castle screaming, but as it was, the Potions Master did not know what the baby was thinking, and so went on as he had been the past hour. The only thing going through Snape’s mind at the moment was that he was glad the child was clothed. He feared what would happen to his clothes and furniture if the baby was not. He shuddered.

After about ten minutes, the child seemed to grow sleepy, and stopped his sucking. Severus thought about letting the thing pass out when he recalled seeing mothers pat the backs of babies after they had just eaten. Shrugging to himself, the wizard did not want to do anything wrong, so he sat little Potter up and over his shoulder. More gently than he felt like doing it, he began to pat the little back, noticing that his whole hand was almost the entire length of the boy’s back.

Well, this was certainly unsuspectingly soothing in a way. Perhaps if he just kept Potter fat and happy, things wouldn’t be so bad. After all, all that the brat seemed to need was sleep and food. Yes, perhaps he had over reacted. Severus had dealt with Death Eaters and the Dark Lord, he could certainly handle one little baby! He-

There was suddenly a loud belch, followed by a warm feeling on Severus’s shoulder that was slowly leaking through his robes. Looking back, the Potions Master was horrified to see a large glop of white…stuff dripping down his shoulder and back. Perhaps he had been right about this. This was going to be hell.

Standing up with barely concealed anger, Snape put the child down on the couch, making sure the little brat did not roll off, before he stalked off to the bathroom. Once he shut the door, the wizard cast a silencing spell over the area.

“I hate children! I hate babies! I especially hate POTTER!” he screamed.

Once he was able to get his breathing back under control, Snape ripped off his cloak and glared at the blotch where the Baby-Who-Was-Pushing-His-Luck had thrown up. Turning around and looking in the mirror, Severus saw that his shirt had also gotten wet thanks to Potter’s little digestive track. He’d remember this once the brat turned back into a big brat again.

Snorting in frustration, the Potions Master quickly cleaned himself up, before storming out of the bathroom. That was it, he was not cut out for this sort of thing. He was going to go back in there, get Potter, and then pass the adorable urchin to Minerva. She’d like the little monster. She always did, for some reason.

But when Snape came charging back into the sitting area, he looked down at the child to see that Potter’s little eyes were closing, even as he fought valiantly to stay awake. When the green eyes caught Severus in their gaze, he yawned mightily, before smiling, as though he could rest peacefully now that the professor was back with him.

Unable to stop himself, Severus found he was rushing over to lift the baby up carefully and nestling the child back into his arms. Glaring down at the baby tiredly, the young professor found himself sitting back down on the couch, making sure that the Baby-Who-Frustrated-The-Hell-Out-Of-Him was comfortable. Perhaps he could get rid of Potter when Albus called him for dinner? Besides, no one could say he didn’t try. He just wasn’t good with kids!

******

Seven o’clock came quick enough, and Headmaster Dumbledore found Severus sitting on the couch, reading a book, while still holding little Harry in his lap. The sight warmed the old wizard’s heart and he smiled gently. “Well here’s a pretty picture,” Albus’s voice was all lemon drops and honeydukes. “Not too much trouble, I assume?”

Scowling over at the Headmaster, Severus closed his book in an angry snap. “Oh sure,” he growled. “After you left me with the screaming brat, and after he emptied himself, it really was no trouble at all.”

“Ah,” Dumbledore’s eyes gleamed brightly. “I thought you might have trouble with the diapers, but you seemed to have managed quite well on your own.”

Glowering even more fiercely, Snape had to occlude his mind so he would not shout at the old man. “Why, yes. He wet himself three times, screamed for a total of an hour all together, and even threw up on me,” his resentment at the Headmaster’s decision becoming fresh again. “But all in all, yes, it was quite a success. At least for Potter, that is,” Severus growled.

Chuckling, Albus sat down across from the younger man, and continued to smile happily. “For not being so good with children, my boy, you sure are getting along fabulously with Harry!”

“I am not!” Snape huffed indignantly. “He’s still a little monster. Maybe you should give him to Hagrid instead? The poor man could use some company down there in his hut. He likes monsters, anyway."

At Albus’s exasperated stare, Snape knew he had probably gone a little too far. As much as the Headmaster trusted Hagrid, and as much as the giant oaf loved the Potter child- for some strange reason- even Severus knew that placing a baby that was not a wild animal, in the giant’s care was a stretch. The gameskeeper would probably love Potter to death; literally. Well, at least that might be better than flushing the kid down the toilet…

“Severus, I’m not going to send Harry down with Hagrid,” the Headmaster said, as though he really were wise. He wasn’t fooling Snape. “I don’t want the child anywhere near the Forbidden Forest. It’s…it’s…?”

“Forbidden. Yes, I know,” the Potions Master rolled his eyes. “But honestly, Albus! I can’t stand the child! He’s so needy and whiney, and bratty! All he does it empty himself, eat, sleep, and drool.”

“As do we all,” Dumbledore nodded with a smile. Snape’s expression only got darker. “Right, now,” the Headmaster leaped up. “On to dinner!”

“I thought you were too old for jumping about and such,” the professor stood up more catiously, hoping Sir-Spits-A-Lot would not wake. Poor Severus had a splitting headache from the last time the child had started to cry. Not even the pain relief potion had worked!

Eyes twinkling brightly, Dumbledore’s smile grew, but he did not say a word. Instead, he merely walked out the entrance of the professor’s chambers and out into the halls. Muttering and hissing under his breath, the Potions Master could only do one of two things. First, he could follow the Headmaster and go to dinner with the miniture Gryffindor, or two, he could throw the child away and run for his life.

Sighing, Snape decided to pick the first option, even though it would be more humiliating. Heaven knew what Dumbledore, and Minerva, would do to him if he just tossed the child away like a bad potato. Come to think of it, Potter did have the shape of a potato. Maybe…

No, Severus shook his head. Do not fool yourself with dreams!

Hissing and growling all the way, Severus, the Potter baby, and Albus made it all the way to the Great Hall without too much inconvenience. Steeling himself for the worst, Snape covered the baby once again, lest anyone see the little brat, and strode down the isle of mindless, chattering dunderheads. He was at least pleased to see that none of the little fools stared at him, but instead went to looking down at their meals. That, at least, was a good thing, was it not?

Once at the staff table, the Headmaster in tow, Snape sat down carefully, before looking over the meal options. When he saw that there was a bottle where his goblet should have been, he growled, trying desperately to keep control of himself. It was nothing, really. He should be pleased he didn’t have to go ask for one now. That was a relief, right?

But when he happened to catch eyes with Filius, the little half-goblin mistook the glare, and held up his hands defensively. “Don’t look at me, Severus,” his eyes were wide in terror. “That thing was there when I came in!”

Sighing, realizing that the whole school must have seen the bottle, the Potions Master looked up to see the whole student body looking up his way, as though wanting to see his reaction to the bottle. No wonder no one had looked at him when he strode in. They did not want to catch the flames they thought the man would sprout once he saw what was near his plate. They all thought that this was some kind of joke!

Lifting his chin in defiant dignity, Snape threw back his cloak fancily, reveling the baby underneath. When he was satisfied with the amount of gasps in the room, he picked up the bottle with a superior air, and proceeded to feed little Potter, who must have woken up during the trip up to the main level.

The awkwardness and embarrassment the professor felt did not show on his face. He would be damned before he let this Potter spawn make him a laughing stock! He would suffer this indignity with quiet, controlled grace. No one was going to laugh at him and get away with it! He even began forming punishments in his mind according to degree and insult. Oh yes, he was going to be ready, were the students?

Even the entire staff was shocked, with the exception of the Headmaster, that was. Even Minerva and Poppy, who Albus had told, still shared in the shocked stupor of everyone else. Severus began to feel himself color, but he pushed it down furiously. He was not going to give any of them an excuse to ridicule or laugh at him. This was all the Headmaster’s fault anyway. I’ll get you for this old man! he vowed.

For his part, little Harry drank his meal in peace, loving the attention his guardian was giving to him. He loved the black eyes that looked down at him. Severus only looked down at the child, lest he see everyone else’s expressions. But little Harry loved to watch the black eyes dance with different fires. Of course he did not know what they meant, but he certainly loved this man that fed and cared for him.

Once the baby had had it’s fill, Snape realized, with horror, that he was going to have to burp the little drool bucket. Could he really survive the embarrassment of everyone seeing this? Wasn’t it enough that they saw him feed a baby? He glared over at Albus. Vendetta!

Again, with all the grace he could muster, Severus picked up the baby and leaned the twerp against his shoulder. Then, painfully, he began patting the back of the monster, each time it felt like a burn against his skin. This would simply not do! Where had he gone wrong!

The hall was silent when Harry burped, and once the deed was done, Snape sent his best glare across the entire Great Hall. Everyone there immediately looked down, as though if they made eye contact, they would get boils. Not even the Weasley twins seemed willing to gawk at the Potions Master.

With barely concealed contempt and fury, Snape set the baby down in his lap once more, laying him down so that he might give in to the powers of sleep. Then, picking up his goblet, the professor downed the entire glass before he went about to fill his plate, even though he felt sick.

To his horror, little Potter giggled.