The weather was beautifully sunny and incredibly hot - a sure sign that tomorrow was September the second and the first day of classes. It is ten o'clock in the morning and Severus Snape, Hogwarts’ infamous Potions Master, is glaring at the suits of armour as he billows along the corridors to the Headmaster’s office.

Albus Dumbledore is inside his office, behind a desk piled with paperwork, his grey-white hair just visible over the top. He seems slightly flustered as he sorts through the disorganised piles looking for a pink document.

There is a knock at the door, just as the Headmaster says "Aha!" and pounces upon a pink corner pulling it out and sending the above papers floating around the office and towards the open window. The knock is repeated, this time slightly louder and sounding, if indeed a knock can sound so, irritated.

"Enter." A flurry of movement accompanies this command and, when Snape strides into the office a mere moment later, everything is neat, tidy and there is surprisingly little paperwork. The Headmaster is sitting behind his neat and almost empty desk, a bowl of sweets in his hand. "Lemondrop?" he enquires extending the bowl towards Snape.

"No." Snape answers shortly. He folds his arms and fixes the Headmaster with a stare which is as close to being a sulky insubordinate glower as a respectful, mature and enquiring glance can be. Without actually being so of course. "I was preparing for my first year class tomorrow, Headmaster. I also have some extensive brewing to finish for Madame Pomfrey before the br- children arrive this evening. What did you want?"

"Oh Severus, still leaving everything till the last minute?"

"I have had a particularly busy summer, what with the Dark Lord, Professor McGonagall going missing, the young Mr Malfoy requiring extra tutoring in numerous subjects and -"

Dumbledore interrupted with a slight twinkle, "Severus I do not think you can blame Minerva for your lack of preparation over the last few weeks. She was only missing for a day - it wasn't her fault a muggle locked her in his shed. She came back when night fell and she was able to transform."  When Snape looked like he was about to interrupt again, Dumbledore continued forcefully "And Young Mr Malfoy wanted you to play, not for tuition. I don't believe you found it a hard task."

Snape grumped and muttered something which sounded like, "Draco's too old for play, if he heard you say that…" before he straightened up and fixed the Headmaster with a more resigned expression. "So, Headmaster, if you are done with determining how I wasted my summer would you care to enlighten me as to why you wanted me here? I really do have some work I need to be getting on with."

Dumbledore leant across his desk, clasping his hands in front of him, he stared earnestly at his youngest staff member. "Well," he began, causing the Potions Master to cringe, "it appears we have a slight problem Severus. Charity Burbage has just informed me this morning that her sister has had twins making seven children in all and with her husband now working overseas she has decided to stay to help out." The old man watched the younger man across from him visibly wilt. "Which means we are without a Muggle Studies teacher and with the students coming back tomorrow I really have no time to find a new one." Snape eyed the exit. "But luckily," Dumbledore bounced a bit his face beaming, "the governors produced a pink form many years ago," Snape groaned, "which lets me appoint a temporary teacher. All they have to do is sign here," he pointed to a line on the form below text which read: I solemnly promise that I have never been arrested for crimes by which any normal parent might object in my position as a teacher. And that should the Wizengamot chose to so research my history they should not object either. "Here," Dumbledore continued, pointing further down the parchment where the spidery print stated: In my position as a teacher I solemnly promise that I shall never abuse my role or power and that I shall do all I can to educate and discipline the next vulnerable generation. "And here." Dumbledore stated emphatically, his hand slightly covering the text which seemed smaller than the rest even as Snape peered in to better read it. He caught the words lasting contract and until such time as and magically binding before Dumbledore pulled the parchment back towards himself and smiled at his younger professor. "So what do you say Severus?"

"No." There was not even a pause. A small glaring match ensued. Finally the younger man’s gaze slipped to the floor. "Fine."

"Excellent!" Dumbledore bestowed a twinkly beam on Snape and flourished the pink form and a quill towards him. "If you'll just sign here then you can get back to whatever you were so busy with. The first lesson is tomorrow after lunch. The seventh years. I'll try to make sure it's sunny for you."

Snape paused, the quill hovering over the form. "Why?" The one word was laced with ‘Draught-of-Living-Death’ and could have cut robes to shreds.

"And you needn't worry about your other classes - I've rearranged the timetable." Dumbledore carried on, blissfully sweeping over Snape's question. "Just there Severus. That's right. Good, good. Excellent." He picked up the form, examined it close to his nose and gave it a quick wiggle in the air. It vanished with a pink poof and the Potions Master looked like he had felt it reappear in his stomach.

"Well, if that's all Severus." Dumbledore began ushering the younger man towards the door. "I'll have Mr Weasley leave the car beside the front steps at twelve. I'll see you this evening at dinner Severus, I really am very busy right now."

The office door shut with a click on a slightly confused man. He wore an expression akin to someone who had the distinct impression that they had just been conned into something they hadn't wanted, that they had even said they hadn't wanted, but which they had somehow ended up with. And that they weren't sure, even now, as to just what it was.

"Car?" arrived in the dark landing in a somewhat puzzled tone. It sat there in the air a minute then shuffled into the only ears around to receive it. If someone had listened very carefully they might have heard fists clench and unclench then clench again. Then, "CAR?!"

This was followed by an office door being forcibly crashed open and the Potions Master storming into…

…an empty office.

"Goodness, Snape, don't shout so - you're only giving driving lessons. Any idiot could do it." Phineas Nigellus shifted in his portrait and went back to sleep.

***

It was twelve thirty and a car rocked nervously on its wheels as it sat waiting outside the doors of Hogwarts school of Witchcraft and Wizardry. It didn’t like being driven at the best of times and it considered this one of the almost-worst ones. Being driven by a class of just-old-enough-to-have-enough-cheek-to-experiment but not-old-enough-to-have-developed-mature-common-sense teenagers was not its idea of a safe ride. Especially when it had been listening to its younger owners comments on the teacher of this particular class over the summer holidays. It was not a happy car.

At one o'clock the doors opened and an irate Potions Master swept out onto the lawn. At five-past-one he swept back in again and up to the first floor where his class was debating the likelihood of Professor Burbage turning up and how short the ten-minute rule could actually be.

Upon the arrival of their seething Potions Master the class stilled and shared several incredulous looks. Hermione opened her mouth, "Professor, we're-"

"Waiting for me." Snape growled cutting across her and favouring her with a particularly murderous glare. "And you are all late. The class began seven minutes ago. OUTSIDE NOW!" His temper when he was nervous was not to be tested.

The cowed seventh years scuttled past him, their heads down though more than a few muttered under their breath. Snape scowled and followed, deciding that anyone making any comments whatsoever about his new role would find themselves acquainted with the inside of the oldest and grimiest cauldrons in the castle on Saturday afternoon.

***

The problem was that Professor Severus Snape, infamous and stubborn Potions Master of Hogwarts had decided to take Nigellus's advice at face value and had left preparing for this class until twelve fifteen when he had sat at the staff dining table in the great hall and skimmed through "The ABC of Driving", a muggle book which Arthur Weasley had helpfully handed to him when he had also given him the car keys. At least, a key. Snape had always assumed there would be more than one, but then again he had underestimated the weirdness of muggles.

He had, of course, seen muggles driving cars. Perhaps not that many in his particular area of the town. But Lily's father had bought a car and he could remember going for a ride in it once for a picnic when he had been thirteen. Of course, he had been sitting behind Lily's father while he drove so he hadn't actually seen him drive. But he knew what it was like to be driven so he would know if the idiots he was about to teach were actually doing what he told them or not.

***

The group of teenagers gathered round the car. Malfoy and a few other Slytherins hung back, sneering. They would not be here but for Dumbledore's insistence at the start of term that all students would now be required to take a compulsory Muggle Studies class once a week as, with the downfall of Voldemort the wizarding community would begin to integrate more with the non-magical community in a bid to learn from past mistakes. Mr Weasley was the new Prime Minister for Magic.

Ron Weasley appeared to be talking to the car, patting it lightly and leaning in one of the windows to point something out to Potter, Snape noted with a sneer. Clearly someone here already thought he knew too much for this class.

A voice with class but degraded by years of using it too condescendingly rose above the low chatter. "Honestly, Weasel, couldn't your father afford anything better? Still, I suppose they only pay you for talent at the Ministry." The redhead raised his head so fast he only narrowly missed hitting the door of the car.

Snape stepped in to regain control of his class before he lost it completely. "Silence!" he bellowed. "Five points from Gryffindor Mr Weasley for bad language."

"But I didn't-" protested the boy.

"But you were about to. Be quiet!" Snape snapped. He walked towards the car and the students reluctantly gathered in front of him, the Slytherins noticeably closer than the others. "Due to the ministry's ridiculous ideas, you are to learn to drive. Note that this is an incredibly easy task, however if you are as foolish as I know you to be you will be able to kill yourselves and your class mates by messing up. So pay attention."

Silence now filled the air just around the small group huddled in front of the steps. People could be heard not-breathing as they waited, tensed, to find out just how easily they could kill particulars of their classmates and survive not-killing others.

"These are the 'driving keys'." Snape held the key up in front of the class. "You insert it into the car and turn it. The engine will start and you will then put the car into first gear using the clutch pedal and press down on the accelerator pedal. The car will then be ready to start. You then remove the handbrake and the car will move forward. To stop the car you press the brake. To turn the car you turn the steering wheel and signal with the lights." His voice told the class he was bored, annoyed and that if any of them failed they would be known to be completely incompetent. "It is very simple. Is there a volunteer to go first?" He continued without a pause, "No? Very well, Mr Potter, our ever famous muggle-friendly celebrity can show us how it is done."

Harry swallowed nervously and stepped forward to take the key out of Snape's hand trying desperately to remember what he had seen Ron do in their second year. Thankfully Ron had pointed out which pedal was which just a second ago, so as long as he could remember that he felt he had a chance. He could already imagine some of Snape's scathing comments.

As Harry slid into the driver’s seat he found he couldn't reach the pedals properly and ducked, fumbling under the seat for the handle he thought was there to adjust it. He heard Snape's dry voice preside over the crowd outside and the titter that followed. "Better stand back everyone, we wouldn't want Potter to loose his glory by running one of us over." Malfoy's laugh was definitely over-loud Harry thought angrily and not without some small measure of satisfaction. Evidently he wasn't the only one in the class apprehensive about this task.

He put the key in the ignition and turned it hearing the car thrum to life. It seemed to sigh slightly and settle down a bit in relief he thought. He pushed the clutch down to the floor and moved the gear into first, it was tricky but he managed it. Then he put his foot down on the accelerator, no the brake. He quickly lifted his foot and moved it to the other pedal. Now when he pressed it the car roared and he jumped, grabbing the steering wheel. When nothing happened and Snape began to move towards the car, a scowl on his face he quickly released the handbrake and the car shot forward. He snickered as Snape had to jump aside to get clear. He drove forward for a bit then turned, forgetting to signal as Snape had directed and drove back towards the group. The car seemed to roar more than he remembered Uncle Vernon's doing, but he wasn't sure what to do about it.

If anyone had been looking at the face of Severus Snape they might have thought he looked a little relieved, but thankfully for his reputation nobody was. And those that did look a moment later perceived only a glower, one which hid jealousy and disappointment. Jealousy because the man had once again been bettered by a Potter and disappointment because he felt unable to criticise as strongly as he would have liked as he wasn't sure what the boy had done wrong.

However, never one to break the habit of a lifetime he used his powers of observation which the deity who had created him had blessed him with greatly to remark; "You forgot to signal Potter. Had you been on an actual road, rather than merely being babysat in Hogwart’s grounds you could have caused a serious accident." And then, letting his spiteful jealousy get the better of him he snarked, "It seems our celebrity does not have as much of a 'saving-people-thing' as Rita Skeeter has led us to believe." Several of his Slytherins snickered and Snape smirked, emboldened by their cheap encouragement. Harry flushed a dull red and silently handed the keys over to Ron who shot his Professor a dirty look as he ducked into the car.

Everyone watched as Ron expertly started the car and drove off, neatly executing a turn before heading back and parking gently beside the group. Several of the girls made impressed noises and Hermione beamed as she told Ron he had done 'really well'. Ron turned salmon pink but looked pleased none the less and puffed up a bit when he noticed a few admiring comments among the boys as well.

Now that the muggle car had been proved safe and 'cool', Malfoy decided he would be next to prove his skill. Scoffing he moved towards the car and grabbed the keys from Ron. "So slow, Weasley. And here I thought Weasels were supposed to be speedy things - you were barely faster than on the Quidditch Pitch!" Both Harry and Hermione instantly opened their mouths to retort, Harry crossing the small gap between himself and the Slytherin.

"Strange, I'd heard the same thing about ferrets Malfoy." Ron replied coolly, his hands clenched into fists at his sides. Everyone within hearing distance snorted and Malfoy snarled, but with Snape standing just a few metres away evidently changed his mind and swung into the car slamming the door behind him. People at the back whispered and poked the backs of the people in front demanding to know what Ron had said.

Snape crossed his arms and deducted five points from Gryffindor for 'aggravating Malfoy' but since he hadn’t managed to hear Ron's comment because he had been studiously ignoring Malfoy's taunting specifically so he wouldn't have to punish his godson he felt he couldn't take the punishment further. Dumbledore was probably watching.

Rrrrrooooarrrr! Went the little cars engine and it squealed forward, sending up clumps of earth while Malfoy sat inside, his head stuck by some unknown force to the seat and wishing the car would just stop. Perhaps slamming his foot down on the accelerator hadn't been the best idea in the world? He yanked the steering wheel widely to try to clear his uncle, keeping his foot down on the pedal willing the car to come under his control slightly.

"DRACO!"

Malfoy managed to remind his leg how to work and lifted it off the pedal and the noise instantly dropped. Unfortunately it was replaced with the sound of his uncle's voice. "Draco Lucius Malfoy stop this instant!" Ah - but how to stop? Where was the brake?! Malfoy looked all over the steering wheel pushing buttons at random - honestly his Nimbus was colour coded for goodness sake! How retarded were muggles anyway? The car seemed to be slowing down when Malfoy finally remembered the stick called the handbrake - he pulled it up anyway for good measure. There was a loud crrrrk noise as he heaved it as far up as he could get it. Finally the car stopped.

Wiping his sweaty hands on his trousers, Malfoy glanced in the mirror and jumped as he saw the class, headed by his uncle whose robes seemed to be splattered with mud, racing over the grass towards him. Well striding really. And billowing. His uncle certainly looked angry. As Snape drew closer Malfoy hurriedly readjusted his view of the world. His uncle was furious. His bottom tingled slightly and he squirmed remembering the last time he had seen Snape that angry. He had poured a pink hair dye into his shampoo one Friday. His only mistake Malfoy thought regretfully as he reached out a shaking hand for the door handle, deciding to face his future like a man, was that he had forgotten he was staying with Snape for the weekend.

By the time Snape reached the car he was white with rage. His godson had practically skidded into his classmates, almost hit him then taken off at a breakneck speed across the lawn after showering Snape and several others in damp earth, worms, grass and bits of some prickly thistle Minerva had persuaded Dumbledore to plant. And not only that - he could have killed himself! Snape added this as an afterthought. Punishment for stupidity should come first he told himself grimly. Later he could collapse in a heap. Preferably after class so no one would see.

After yelling at Malfoy with the entire group watching spellbound Snape decided that he would demonstrate how easily and safely the car could be driven. He shut the door and with a huff reached forward to fit the key into the ignition. Then muttering about idiot teenagers under his breath he rolled down the window.

Well, actually he first tried to roll up the window but then managed to open it pointedly refusing to acknowledge Ron Weasley shouting and pointing through the glass. "Since you are all clearly incapable of even the simplest of tasks I shall demonstrate what you are supposed to do." He turned forward and reached out with his foot for the clutch. "You first press down then put the car into first gear." The gears proved a little tricky and he gave a small grunt as he managed to wriggle the ancient gear stick into the right place. "Then you turn on the engine." He turned the ignition key.

"Actually sir,-"

By sheer luck, Snape had kept the clutch right down to the floor and the car sputtered into life as he overrode Ron's voice, "You then press down on the far right pedal," the car roared and he quickly lifted his foot slightly in alarm, "and release the handbrake." This proved a little difficult.

"I think you need to press the button in Sir." Hermione chipped in helpfully.

"I don't believe I asked you to explain to the class what I am doing, Miss Granger." Snape said coldly, pushing the button in with his thumb and releasing the handbrake. The car began to roll slowly forward. Some of the Slytherins clapped politely. Feeling relived the car was doing what it was supposed to, Snape remembered something else he had read in the book. Peering for the speed dial in the gloom of the dashboard he noted that the car was doing fifteen miles per hour. So he put his foot down on the accelerator pedal again and reached for the gearstick aiming to move it into second. It went and he raised his voice, "Upon reaching a faster speed you are required to split gears." That didn't sound quite right but he realised that the children could no longer hear him anyway. He cast a sonorous on his throat and spoke again, looking ahead as he drove. He was quite enjoying this. He remembered the right word was 'shift'.

The car was moving quite swiftly now. He decided he would move the gear stick into 'third'. "Since I have now further increased my speed I will shift up another gear." His voice boomed out into the air. Pressing his foot harder on the accelerator pedal he moved the gear stick. There was a funny noise and Snape looked down. The stick was standing in the middle. He frowned and tried to wiggle it into the 'third' gear position. But something was in the way. He didn't hear the shouts from the teenagers near far behind. He moved his other hand off the wheel to grasp the stick in both hands and tugged. And swore. The car wiggled a bit and he swore again hastily moving one hand back to the wheel, giving the barest of glances up through the window. In frustration he yanked the stick to the side and it slid smoothly across. "Ah!" his voice boomed out as realisation on how the gear stick worked hit him. Then he hit the tree.

It was Potter who reached him first. On a broom which he had accio-ed when the class had seen the future flash before their eyes and Malfoy and Hermione had started squeaking in unison. Ron reached him next prattling on with questions about his health. It was when Weasley passed him by and knelt anxiously over the bonnet he realised he was talking to the car.

Soon after Madame Pomfrey arrived, followed closely by the Headmaster and Professor McGonagall. Potter who had reached in and switched off the engine and then stood there quietly just holding his hand and patting his shoulder moved out of the way and Snape was later carried up through the halls on a stretcher to the hospital wing. Dumbledore had disappeared and he was left with Draco who was crying hysterically and had apparently been responsible for alerting all the senior staff to his crash, and Minerva who wasted no breath in reassuring him but instead spent it berating him for his use of language in front of the students!

Snape sighed and decided life wasn't fair.

***

"Ah Severus! Come on in. Obviously you know why I've summoned you here."

"To enquire after my health Headmaster?" Snape hazarded a guess. It was a hopeful guess, but Snape reasoned that as he had already apologized to Mr Weasley for wrecking his car and even offered to cover the costs the affair might be otherwise dealt with.

Dumbledore stood frowning at him from behind the desk. "You appear in perfectly good health to me Severus, Madame Pomfrey assures me she mended everything that was broken."

Snape nodded dolefully. "Yes, Headmaster."

The old man eyed him critically. "Why weren't you wearing a seatbelt Severus?"

Snape realised his shoes had an incredibly interesting smudge on one toe. He studied it carefully. Could it possibly be a blob of Parkinson's potion from Monday's lesson? Or maybe some of that -

"I'm waiting." Snape's head jerked up and after meeting Dumbledore's eyes he hastily readjusted his gaze to the wall behind.

"It was foolish of me, Headmaster. I do apologise. A mistake any first year would make." He breathed out and dared to glance back at the older man. Had that been enough?

Time passed normally for Dumbledore but stretched into the length of a very long elastic band for Snape. "Indeed. Any wizard-raised first year Severus." The elastic band twanged back. Severus felt his heart rate speed up.

"I wasn't prepared! You only gave me a day. You didn't even tell me the lesson plan - Phineas had to inform me, and he only did that because I woke him up! It's not fair Albus - you blackmailed me into taking the job and you knew I wasn't brought up a muggle!" he raged.

"Yes you were." The Headmaster contradicted quietly.

"Not really! Not with all the stuff like, like…" Snape gesticulated widely unable to think of a fitting example even though a moment ago he had been carefully listing hundreds of reasons why he was unsuitable for the Muggle Studies job. And why it had been Dumbledore's fault the lesson had been a disaster and not his.

This is the old man putting his second phase of the planned conversation into action. He unfolds his arms and walks behind his desk where he sweeps his purple robes under him and sits down, his face has softened though he makes sure the twinkle is not there yet. Instead concern is conjured up in those cornflower-blue eyes.

"Apparently I made a mistake Severus. I do apologise." He watches as the other man visibly deflates, shocked at the sudden turn in the conversation. Before he can open his mouth to begin to agree and point out exactly what mistakes were made, the old man carries on. "I believe it is necessary for all children at this school to be more widely introduced to muggles and their ways. I have arranged for several muggles to visit the school this week, each will teach the children something about muggles which they are particularly specialised in. I will continue to employ guest teachers in this way until Professor Burbage can return. I will let the children know that we have decided together on this plan." He pauses, watching the news sink into his youngest member of staff. He thinks wryly that he is also the most malleable in his hand. Minerva would never have let him get this far. He delivers his piecé de resistance.

"You will join the class Severus, under polyjuice, if you should so wish. You cannot deny you need the tuition."