Severus pulled the covers over Harry and put out the bedside lamp. "Because you've had to get up throughout the night, you may sleep longer this morning."
Still feeling incredibly exhausted, all Harry did was close his eyes and snuggle deep under the covers, glad he was done answering questions for another few hours.
After leaving Harry's bedroom, Severus sat at the kitchen table drinking his morning cup of coffee a while later. Certain that since Harry finally knew the truth about them, he was sure he would now want to see the memories. Taking one last sip of coffee, he brought his mug to the sink and went to his bedroom. He retrieved the heart-shaped bottle from the top drawer of his bedside table and sat on the edge of his bed. He withdrew his wand from his robes and sat there staring at the bottle in his left hand. It was unbelievable. The small bottle in his hand actually changed his life. He would have never thought that could happen and with who it happened with. It had brought both happy and painful memories. Some he only believed would appear in his dreams.
Severus reluctantly brought his wand to his temple and removed his memories and switched them with his altered ones. Once the real memories were safely stoppered in the bottle, he closed his eyes. He felt extremely hollow inside and if he were honest with himself, slightly nervous. He wasn't sure what he would feel around Harry now. Sure, he knew and remembered Harry was his son, but that was right now. How would he feel in the future if Harry wasn't in a hurry to see the memories and he had to live with his altered ones? Would his hate for the boy return?
Deciding to worry about that when the time came, Severus stood up and left the bedroom. Knowing Harry would still be asleep for a few hours and that it was a little while before breakfast was to be served, Severus figured he'd pay the headmaster a visit. The old man needed to know about how Harry was treated at his relatives' house.
As he made the trek up to Professor Dumbledore's office, he knew he had to act like he always did concerning Harry, as hard as it would now be. He did not want the man to know about their new relationship. If he had it his way, Dumbledore would never know; though that was actually unrealistic. After muttering the latest password to the stone gargoyle, Severus walked up the spiral steps and knocked on the office door waiting to be called in. The door began to open and as soon as Severus stepped foot into the office, the headmaster began speaking. "Good morning Severus. What a surprise. It's not often I get visitors before breakfast. Come have a seat. How are you doing?"
"I'm sorry Albus," Severus began as he slowly walked toward the headmaster's desk, "but I don't have much time for pleasantries. I need to get back to my quarters. That is actually what I've come to discuss. As Poppy mentioned to you last night, your Golden Boy," he said with a sneer, "is unfortunately residing in my quarters against all my protests to the medi-witch. The clumsy brat needs to be monitored today and is confined to bed rest tomorrow in my quarters as Poppy so conveniently had to attend a conference at St. Mungo's.
"Ah, and how is Harry doing?" Dumbledore interrupted.
"As well as can be expected for a Potter."
"Severus, now that was…"
Severus began speaking over the headmaster. "As I was saying, since I am required to baby sit, I will not be able to teach my classes today and tomorrow."
"Of course my boy. I will go ahead and take your classes. You have nothing to worry about."
Severus resisted the urge to roll his eyes. Nothing to worry about…sure. The old man would more than likely have every single one of his classes making lemon drops and other assorted sweets. But he had no other choice in the matter. "Thank you, Albus."
A minute of silence went by as Severus watched the spinning orbs on a shelf behind the headmaster, deciding how he would bring up his next topic.
"I have something else I need to discuss with you Albus. Since Poppy left before she could speak with you in detail, I am forced to bring the subject to your attention. As little as I care about it." He then began pacing behind the empty chairs in front of him. "During the past fifteen years, have you ever checked up on Potter while he was living with his relatives?"
"I had no reason to, Severus. I left Harry in the loving hands of his mother's sister, Petunia. I knew she and her husband would treat Harry like their own son."
"Loving hands? That is what you call it?" Severus was trying to quell his anger. He couldn't have the headmaster knowing how much he was affected by what he was discussing.
"I'm afraid I don't understand, Severus."
Severus stopped his pacing and placed his hands on the back of one of the empty chairs, gripping it tightly. "During her diagnostic on Potter, Poppy came across some startling results. For starters, the boy is malnourished and has been for many years. He also has many old injuries; including scars, bruises and previously broken bones."
Dumbledore smiled at Severus. "All signs of having been a rambunctious child growing up. Surely you remember having the same as well. All boys sport those injuries while growing up."
At the headmaster's words, Severus saw red. So the headmaster was in denial and thought his injuries were because of playing and not of abuse? "Well then, how do you explain the malnourishment, headmaster?"
"That is easy, Severus. As I've witnessed here at various occasions, once children are caught up in something, they sometimes forget to eat. It is completely understandable. I find myself missing some meals when…"
"Albus, this conversation is not about you," Severus coldly interrupted. "It is about a child who has been physically and possibly mentally abused since being placed in the loving, as you call it, hands of his relatives fifteen years ago. You can sugar coat all the results Poppy finds, but the truth is, Potter was abused and is still being abused by his relatives. Poppy's results show that almost all of his injuries could not have been caused by merely playing and his malnourishment not by skipping a meal here or there." Severus began his pacing again. "What do you plan to do with Potter for the remaining holidays while he is attending Hogwarts?"
"What is it to you, Severus?" Dumbledore narrowed his eyes and looked at Severus over his spectacles. "You have never had an interest in anything related to Harry before."
"I still don't have any interest in the Bloody-Boy-Who-Lived," Severus spat. "I am just against any child, even Potter, being housed in an abusive environment."
"Harry will of course go back to his aunt and uncle's house during the holidays. He needs to go back for protection until the Dark Lord has been defeated. You already know this Severus."
Severus was extremely irate at this point. "Go back for protection? What protection? You're sending the boy back to his abusers. What kind of protection is that?" Severus yelled.
Dumbledore stood up behind his desk. "His aunt and uncle are not abusing him Severus."
Severus stopped pacing and faced the headmaster. "Just like my father wasn't abusing me?" Severus asked quietly then quickly left Dumbledore's office. This wasn't over yet, but he now had a desperate need to see Harry immediately.
He entered his quarters out of breath. He had rushed down from the headmaster's office. Along the way, he ran into some students on their way to the Great Hall who were looking at him strangely; it wasn't often students saw the bat of the dungeons almost at a run. He glared at them until they ran down the corridor and he himself almost ran the rest of the way to his quarters.
After closing the door behind him, he hurried into Harry's room. The boy was still asleep. He sat down on the side of the bed and began to gently run his hand through Harry's messy hair. "The headmaster is as blind as always and has now let both of us down. I will not let you down as well. I promise you will never go back to the Dursleys'. I will also make the old fool see the truth." Severus continued to run his hand though Harry's hair a few more minutes before sitting back and watching him sleep.
~SH~
Harry snuck a hand out from under the blankets and rubbed at his eyes. He blinked a few times trying to focus and then spotted a dark blob to his left. Reaching for his glasses, he slipped them on his nose and looked to his left again. Severus was sitting in the desk chair next to his bed. The man's head was leaning against the back of the chair, elbows were on the arms with his hands clasped in his lap, his face was completely relaxed and he was fast asleep. He looked at the man in confusion. He couldn't understand why the professor was in the room with him. Unfortunately he couldn't dwell on that thought long. He had another urgent matter that needed attention. "Professor." When the man didn't wake, he called again a little louder and with a little more urgency. "Professor Snape."
Severus awoke with a start and cringed when he moved his neck. His eyes immediately found Harry's as he rubbed at his sore neck. "What is it? Are you in pain?"
"No sir," Harry replied shaking his head, his face turning a little pink. "I just…erm…I need to use the restroom is all. And I thought after last time…," he couldn't finish his sentence. He was feeling mortified again.
"There is nothing to feel embarrassed about Harry." Severus stood up and stretched. "Come on, go ahead and stand up."
Harry threw the blankets off of him and stood up in front of the potions master, wobbling slightly. Severus immediately wrapped his right arm around Harry's waist. As soon as Severus' arm was around him, Harry wrapped his left arm around the man. The two then slowly walked to the restroom.
After returning to the bedroom a few minutes later, Harry crawled back in bed and sat against the headboard while Severus returned the desk chair to its proper place. He then turned to face the bed. "I'll be back in a few minutes with some breakfast and your potions."
Severus returned a few minutes later with a tray laden with breakfast foods for the two of them and potions for Harry. They ate their fill and half an hour later Severus left Harry's bedroom with the now empty tray in hand and a promise that he would returned in an hour.
~SH~
Severus pulled out the desk chair, for what seemed like the hundredth time since last night, placed it in front of Harry and sat down. He studied him intently before he began speaking. "Harry, there are a few things we need to talk about."
Not liking what he knew might be brought up, Harry looked at Severus with slight worry.
"You may be surprised to hear this from me, but I know you don't like being left in the dark about things concerning you."
At this Harry gave a slight nod, trying to hide his surprise. He knew that others were aware of this fact, but hadn't the slightest idea Professor Snape would know.
"That is why I'm letting you know that early this morning, I went to the headmaster to discuss what was revealed last night from Madam Pomfrey's diagnostic on you."
"WHAT?" Harry's eyes grew wide and he began to feel angry. He was almost tempted to jump off the bed, but knew what that would lead to. He did not want anyone knowing how he had been treated by his relatives. Now he would be looked at with pity. Not to mention the fact that if people found out he couldn't stop the abuse from his Muggle relatives, they would in no way expect him to be able to defeat the Dark Lord. "You have no right to discuss what happ…supposedly happened to me with anyone."
"I have an obligation to report any abuse I discover."
"Your obligation seems to make my life as bad as possible."
Though Harry responded softly, Severus heard the comment perfectly well and turned cold eyes on the boy. "Every professor in this castle, Potter, has an obligation to report any abuse discovered. I am no different."
Harry bristled at being called Potter. Until that moment, he forgot how long it had been since the professor had actually called him that and in that tone. It actually hurt to be called like that. He tried to brush those feelings aside as he continued with his argument. "But that's…" Harry began before Severus interrupted.
"I know you are angry with me but I could not and would not sit back and do nothing." As Severus watched Harry looking angrily at his blanket, he thought back to when he was in almost the same situation as Harry. His voice was definitely softer when he began speaking again. "Harry, besides you, myself, Madam Pomfrey and the headmaster, no one else knows. And no one else will know unless you are the one to tell. I would never dream of betraying you by letting this information slip." At Harry's skeptical look, Severus continued. "Have you heard of anyone else knowing about the memories that I have seen through your Occlumency lessons?"
He let that thought hang in the air, hoping Harry would know he was telling the truth. If Severus was the type of person Harry thought he was, the whole school would have immediately known about the embarrassing and painful memories he had seen through Harry's lessons. He would have used them to ridicule him endlessly.
Anger receding slightly at Severus' statement, Harry looked up to the potions master. "What did Dum…Professor Dumbledore say when you told him? I'm assuming he wants to speak with me?"
Severus' lips formed a tight line and he glared at Harry as he recalled the headmaster's response to being told about the abuse.
Seeing the look on the professor's face, Harry shrunk back towards the far side of the bed and started to lie down. "I'm sorry I asked," he said softly.
Not really seeing Harry's reaction, Severus continued. "Let's just say the headmaster and I don't see eye to eye."
Harry gulped audibly. The professor and headmaster didn't agree? Well, he didn't think that was so much a surprise. Dumbledore always had his best interests in mind…well except for the last year or so…and Snape always hated him and never believed a word he said. Why should the topic of his abuse be any different? He now wondered what the headmaster was going to do. He started feeling slightly happy at the thought that maybe he could live with the Weasley's. That would be great…
Severus broke him out of his thoughts. "I will not sit idly while the headmaster sends you back to your relatives."
At those words, Harry snapped his head up to stare at the potions master. What? That totally went against everything he just thought about the two men. Then the words sunk in. The headmaster obviously didn't have his best interested at heart. If he did, there would be no way he would be sent back to his relatives. Now nobody cared what happened to him. The professor would probably push to have him sent to an orphanage. "Sir, what does that mean for me now?"
At Harry's sad looked, Severus' face softened. "It is nothing to concern yourself with at this moment. We will discuss this the closer it gets to the end of term." He wanted to put things in place before he spoke to Harry about his plans and he hoped his tone of voice brooked no arguments. Luckily it worked.
"Yes sir," Harry said dejectedly. "But you will let me know what's going on," he stated.
Severus raised an eyebrow, daring the boy to continue ordering him around; but didn't respond. A few seconds later, he closed his eyes and took a deep breath to prepare for their next topic of conversation. He wasn't sure who it would be harder on, him or the boy. This was one thing that did need to be discussed, but he wasn't at all comfortable with it. It would mean divulging a lot of personal information.
Feeling slightly miserable, Harry had begun playing with his blanket in the silence now wishing he was anywhere but in that bed and that he was anyone but himself.
Finally able to continue with the next topic of conversation, Severus broke the silence. "We now need to discuss an important matter that came up near the end of our stay when we were at home over the Christmas holiday."
At the words we were at home, Harry stilled his hands and just stared at the blanket. He continued listening to the professor while his thoughts were on those four words.
"Do you remember the conversation we had while sitting on the swings at the park near the end of the holiday?"
Keeping his head down, Harry nodded. Surprisingly, he did remember that conversation and what his thoughts were the entire time he was at the park. The slightly happy feeling he just had moments ago from the words 'we were at home' vanished instantly.
"Good. Now I want to clear up some of your beliefs. I know you think I hated you since the day you arrived at Hogwarts. That is true…"
Harry interrupted before Severus could finish. "Of course it's true! And because it is true, I know what you're capable of doing to me." Feeling extremely angry, he looked to the professor. "For example, this huge joke you've been pulling on me for the past few months. You may think I believe it, but I don't. I DON'T!" He began to feel a prickling in his eyes. "I know you conned Madam Pomfrey in to playing along. What did you bribe her with?" he questioned, his voice slightly shaking. "Leave me alone. We have nothing to discuss." He slid down under the covers and lay on his side, back to Severus.
Severus looked at Harry sadly. The boy was obviously still partially in denial. And as much as Harry didn't want to talk, Severus was not about to back down now. He already held off on this conversation once, he would not do it again. "As much as you want me to leave, Harry, I will not do that. You can lay facing away from me, but we will have this conversation."
Like expected, Harry gave no response. Severus took a breath in preparation for what he was about to reveal, as hard as it would be for him. "To start, I am going to finish the sentence you wouldn't let me finish. I know you think I hated you since the day you arrived at Hogwarts. That is true, but it also is false. I admit though, there was more hate." He clasped his hands in his lap and stared at them as he began to explain. "Every day since the second you arrived at Hogwarts, you reminded me of what I didn't have and would never have. You were the son of my one true love and her husband, a man I loathed. Your father, James, in a sense stole Lily, your mother, away from me and in doing so stole all my dreams as well. The minute I saw you, I hated you for everything you stood for. And the fact that you looked so much like James and only had Lily's eyes, added to my feelings towards you."
"When I had you in class for the first time, I realized I'd be able to pay James back, through you, for what he did to me. It was something completely childish, but I couldn't help it. Deep down I knew I was being unfair. You never did anything to me unless provoked by myself. But I couldn't get over the fact that you looked exactly like James. The headmaster told me many times that you weren't James, but I would never see that. I now know I was stupid to never see you for whom you really are. For that I am truly sorry."
"My feelings towards you, however, were an added bonus for my role as spy. If you didn't look like James, I would still have to show hate and dislike towards you. I could not be nice to you. I guess you can say a small part of my attitude and actions towards you were to protect you from the Death Eaters. Even though we weren't sure whether the Dark Lord was indeed alive, you were always in danger from his followers. If ever any of them found out you trusted me for anything, I would have been expected to deliver you to them immediately."
Severus then stopped speaking. He had told himself he would never admit what he was about to say, but knew it was needed. "And I made a promise to your mother, after she passed away, and to the headmaster that I would do everything in my power to keep you safe while attending Hogwarts."
"All these thoughts and feelings though, Harry, were a result of the altered memories you mother had given me. If I would have known you were my son earlier, I would not have treated you as I had. After hearing all this, I do hope you that you would view my real memories. It would explain so much more that I can't currently explain. And I also hope you know that what I felt these past five years is not what I feel anymore. I hope you've been able to see that over these past few months." Severus finally stopped talking and looked towards the bed, hoping Harry had turned to face him. That wasn't the case. "I want you to be a part of my life Harry, but only if you want it. I will definitely be disappointed and…heartbroken if you refuse, but I will not force it in any way if it is not what you want. I will, however, make sure you never return to your relatives."
Harry, at first, didn't want to listen to anything the professor had to say. But with nothing else to do, he did listen. And as Severus finished, he was incredibly angry and upset at the same time. It seemed no one had wanted him around. He hadn't felt it in a long time, but as he heard everything the professor had to say, he again wished he'd never been born or had been killed with his parents. He curled himself further into a ball under the covers and wrapped his arms around his stomach.
"I'll leave you now to think about what I said," Severus said quietly as he stood up from the chair and returned it to the desk. He then returned to Harry's bedside. He noticed that Harry was trying to comfort himself like he'd witnessed on a few occasions. Wanting to offer him comfort, but knowing that it probably wouldn't be wanted at this point in time, Severus just walked to the door. "I'll be back in a couple of hours to check on you and bring lunch." He headed directly down to the living room and sat in front of the fireplace to watch the flames dance and try to clear his head.
As soon as Harry heard the bedroom door close, he rolled over on his back and stared at the ceiling. Maybe the professor was telling the truth. He doubted the man would have been so open if it wasn't the truth. He did sound truthful and sincere. Though an extremely small portion of his thoughts still told him it was all a joke.
Chapter 25