He had trouble seeing it, not because the average stone house that reminded him more of a cottage, was in any way too big or small...the last time he had seen this particular residence in Godric's Hollow was when it'd had a large gaping hole in it and crumbling foundations.

While Lily sympathetically tended to Harry (who was vomiting nearby because the appration had unsettled his stomach), Severus was unable to force his gaze from the house he felt was haunting him as it dared to look so innocent and ordinary.

'Sev?'

Lily looked over at him once Harry had straightened with an exhale of breath. They both noticed the paled, wide-eyed stare the man directed at the house.

'This is where it happened.' Severus said softly in response to her voice.

He turned and gave Harry a significant look. The teenager instantly picked up on the unspoken implication and meaning, and he too stared over at the house with horror.

'Where what-?' Lily glanced between the pair and realization dawned on her as she sighed and lowered her gaze.

'Oh.' She nodded 'I understand how horrible it must be to remember our home in such a painful way, but I promise that once we go inside...it'll be different.' Lily reached over and tenderly grasped Severus's hand with her own while the other gently rested on Harry's shoulder.

Harry swallowed and nodded his head in agreement, hoping that his mother was right. The teenager had no real memories of the house in which he had lost his parents, and therefore forced himself to remember that this wasn't the same one, not here where his mother was still alive.

This house was home.

Lily smiled at the way her son inhaled a deep breath and watched him stride forward with nervous determination.

Harry pushed open the steel gate with one hand as he looked around the exteriors of the house as though he was trying to take in every little detail he saw.

Harry noticed a large, healthy oak tree to the right, the grassy lawn was a fresh green, that let the cobbled pathway from the gate to the wooden door, stand out. He marched all the way to it and only then did Harry pause, his hand half-raised towards the handle before he hesitated and pulled away.

'Go ahead, sweetheart,' Lily encouraged. 'You're home now.'

'Home.' Harry smiled at such a title and turned to look at her.

Looking over her shoulder, he caught the sight of Snape, who still lingered by the gate. Harry wondered why it would have such an impact on the otherwise calm and adaptable man to see this place. He knew Voldemort had affected everyone, no matter which side they had been on, yet Snape looked to be greatly at unease.

The Gryffindor teenager could barely count on one hand the number of times he had ever seen such an unguarded expression (besides utmost loathing) on the man's face. And Harry, for a reason he couldn't quite comprehend, was unable to walk inside his very own home and leave Snape standing there, alone.

There was just something sad about the way the usually glaring and bitter man stood, almost nervously, by the gate without anyone to motivate him as Harry's mother had for himself.

Looking over at her, Harry saw the unmasked concern in her eyes as she glanced over her shoulder at Snape. Even so, she resumed her task of tapping the door with her wand to unlock it.

'Go and get you father.' Lily said softly to him. 'He'll see that everything is fine once we go inside.'

Harry blanched at way she'd used the word “father” when associating with Snape. Yet he nodded his head and approached the man, if only because Harry could not stand the idea of bringing any sign of sadness or misery to his mother's normally bright and cheerful face.

'Er, come on.' Harry said awkwardly as he reached the spot where Snape was standing. 'Voldemort hasn't been here this time, remember?'

Something about either his words or Harry's presence seemed to help, because Snape glared down at the teenager and strode right by the boy as though determined to ignore Harry and keep as much distance between them as possible.

Rolling his eyes, Harry hurried along the path to rejoin his mother, who had just pushed open the door to the house.

The first thing Harry noticed was how open the house was and how certain areas were vaguely similar to Privet Drive; the kitchen was on the left with the living room to the right, and the staircase was positioned around the middle, not far opposite the door.

The obvious comparisons ended there, thankfully.

The kitchen was large and contained every possible object or necessity in which any chef could need or want. The dining table, not far from the front of the kitchen's island, was composed of a dark, polished wood and seated three large, comfortable dining chairs on either side.

The living room had a huge fireplace, and along the hardly visible walls were more bookcases than the wallpaper in which was scarcely noticeable. Harry wondered why they could possibly need so many books of such endless variety of titles and genres; it was almost a small library!

He saw that the sofas and armchairs appeared to be made of leather, though were mostly concealed under large, fleece sheets that had been spread over them for added comfort.

The entire room had a very homey look and feel to it, and Harry instantly knew it was really true: he was home.

Walking to the fireplace, Harry's gaze trailed curiously along the mantle at the neat line of framed pictures that showed moments of his supposed life.

The first half was a happy childhood he'd never had, or at least Harry had no recollection of; a toddler grinning in a bubble bath; a little boy swinging between his parents over a pile of autumn leaves, using the adult's arms and hands as the swing itself; the content child sitting on the kitchen counter where his legs swayed while he licked a large, wooden spoon that was coated in chocolate cake batter; a boy warmly wrapped in a scarf, jumper, glove, boots, cap and cloak, running around in the snow and using a snowman to hide from the oncoming snowballs; and various other moments showing how loved and happy Harry had been through those younger years.

The teenager could not stop staring at the magical photos that moved in full colour like short clips of a life he had barely been able to dream of.

The rest of pictures on the mantle were muggle photos of the family. Most centered around Harry at various ages (four, nine, eleven and thirteen), in front of a large cake or presents.

And amongst the entire array of picture he planned to have a longer, better look at later, it was the final one in the row that had captured Harry's attention the most.

It was a magical family portrait.

Harry was eleven years old in the photo, dressed in his new Hogwarts robes (there was no house crest or colours, so it must have been taken right before he'd started school), and on either side of him were Lily and Snape.

His mother was smiling and fussing over his hair as she tried to unsuccessfully flatten with a gentle gesture. Snape stood to her side, chuckling at her actions and then placed a hand on Harry's shoulder. A proud expression coloured Snape's face as the man avoided looking towards where the camera had been located.

Harry lifted the frame into his hands and could not shake away the unnatural appearance of it all, yet how normal and happy the small family appeared.

Hastily replacing it on the mantle, Harry turned and ran up the stairs without noticing anything else. He reached the second landing and was breathing heavily as tears stung his eyes. Harry leaned towards the side wall and tried to come into terms with everything that still threatened to overwhelm him and tip the balance of anything he thought he'd known.

'No,' Severus reacted as he reached out a hand to prevent Lily from rushing after the boy who'd just fled from the room. 'Give him a moment.' Severus added.

He dropped his arm to his side and continued to look around the interiors of the house with a wary attitude and expression. He made a firm mental note to stay clear from the mantle where the photographs in which had upset the teen were arranged there.

'Severus?' Lily stared at his pained, calculating gaze as he looked around the house again, almost as though he was searching for something dreadful.

She had a feeling that he might know something about her son that she didn't, and that worried her.

'It is not the same.' Severus said.

His memory flashed back to the night he had arrived at the house too late. He'd first found James Potter lying face down and lifeless on the floor, then panic had seized him as he rushed upstairs, meeting the worst sight he had ever seen and continued to in his nightmares; Lily on the floor of the nursery, her eyes blank and skin cold, while baby Harry had watched from his cot nearby.

Certain pieces of furniture were either different or absent; the entire look of the house wasn't quite right and somehow it seemed to be nothing like the one he remembered, even as it looked the same from the outside.

'This is our home,' Lily frowned. 'It's always been this way.'

Severus supposed the difference could lie in the fact that he was Lily's husband rather than James, and therefore it would be only natural that their tastes in furniture and otherwise, would be vastly different.

Severus also wondered if Harry, like himself, felt a little more at ease to notice how muggle the house was, running on electricity - as indicated by the fridge, lights and switches.

'Why did you choose me?' Severus questioned Lily.

He sank into the nearest din chair and sighed heavily as he leaned forward to stare at the floor, letting his dark hair curtain his face as it always did.

'Over who?' Lily leaned on her knees in front of him, forcing his obsidian gaze to meet her emerald one for a brief moment before he looked away.

'I married you, Sev, because I love you.'

Severus felt his throat constrict at those meaningful words and his heart beat faster, like someone who was on the verge of being about to have a heart attack.

'You chose Potter,' Severus remembered with a glower. 'I called you a mudblood in our fifth year. I did not deserve your forgiveness, yet I pleaded foolishly for it...and you did not grant it. Our friendship did not last a moment longer beyond that day; upon graduation, you married Potter and gave him a son.'

It seemed to hurt more when he spoke it aloud even when it had seemingly happened many years ago. Deep down, Severus wondered if he'd merely occluded the pain way and moved forward because he had to, and that in its truest form...he had never really dealt with it.

'Oh, Sev,' Lily reached for his hand and clutched it within both of her own.

'That spell must have been awful, if you had to endure something so horribly unfair.' She explained. 'Yes, you did call me that dreadful name and begged me to forgive you, saying you hadn't meant it. I began to understand how humiliated you must have been at the time when you had used that name, but still...the company you kept was inexcusable. I gave you an ultimatum; choose me or them.' Lily said sadly.

'I had hoped you would make the right choice, that by choosing me you could prove how little you were like Avery and Mulciber. And, thankfully...you did.' Lily smiled fondly at him while Severus stared back with surprise.

'Of course, you couldn't simply break away from those lot.' Lily sighed. 'I watched as you pooled your features around them and fool everyone into thinking that we were no longer close friends and remained only at a “study partner basis”. I forgave you, Sev.' Lily promised. 'How could I not? I loved you, even then...and you confessed your own feelings not long after.' She chuckled.

'I will never forget that moment; you were so nervous, tripping over your own words and robes at the same time. I was worried you were going to pass out!' Lily laughed.

Severus could only glare at the thought of his younger self being such a mess during that crucial moment.

'I took pity on you,' Lily winked. 'I knew what you were trying to say, so I...I kissed you.'

Severus stared at her and did not speak; the silence was only broken by a thud from upstairs, no doubt caused by a sulking/clumsy teenager.

'I was never with James, though we did become friends later when you repaid his life debt. I recall how smug you had been about that accomplishment, since now you'd evened things with James all whilst also managing to have Sirius owe a debt to you within the same incident. Something in which I believe, much to the annoyance of Sirius, is yet to be settled.' Lily added while her gaze rose upwards to watch the ceiling; a look of motherly worry passed over her face as she wondered how her son was coping.

'From what the boy remembers, he was an orphan for all of his life.' Severus told her.

He knew her thoughts had strayed and rested only with the concern for her son.

'He requires a moment in which to calm himself. This is quite an adjustment...for us both.' Severus sighed.

'You never call him by his name.' Lily noticed. 'Harry is your son, Severus.'

He fought back a growl and flinch as she spoke of such connections he was supposed to have with the irritating brat and forced his gaze elsewhere again.

No matter the careful masks he wore or the lengthy precautions he made, Lily remained to be the only person (though Dumbledore often came quite close), to always see through all of his barriers and know exactly what was on his mind.

At times Severus thought it to be rather inspiring, and others just downright annoying.

'As far as I was aware, that boy is Harry James Potter,' Severus answered.

'He has been nothing but trouble and an insufferable brat for the entire duration of the past three years in which I had attempted to teach him.' He frowned. 'It remains difficult to see him as anything but.'

'I doubt that.' Lily narrowed her eyes at the way he had described Harry.

'I noticed the strong dislike between yo pair from the moment you both awoke. You're going to have to move passed it because he is your son!' She nodded.

'Harry Remus Snape is our son.'

Severus thought the name over in his mind, trying to separate the boy upstairs from the brat he was and the son he was supposed to be.

Harry Snape...the name just didn't seem right in his mind, yet Severus knew he had to play along. And if that meant...no, actually, even then he didn't think he'd ever be able to handle being the father of such a boy.

But a spy Severus had been, and therefore a little pretending was surely not beyond his capability.

'I'll put dinner on.' Lily stood.

She noticed the time on the cauldron-shaped clock with wands for hands; Severus thought it looked rather ridiculous, yet exactly the sort of thing Lily would buy.

'Could you please check on our son and have him lend me a hand?' Lily requested as she began to search the pantry for something to use.

Severus stood and sighed. He knew there was little choice in the matter and it was a suitable opportunity to see how much work he would need to do in order to make the brat tolerable.

'And remember, his name is Harry.' Lily's stern tone followed him as Severus growled once and stood at the bottom of the stairs.

He didn't move an inch further as he toyed with the name in his head again, trying to find an easier way to say it, or a better method in which to avoid using it at all.

Severus couldn't call the boy “Potter” as he always had; Plus, “boy” and “brat” wouldn't work either. Severus hated such labels as his father had used quite a few of them himself – even for the teen upstairs, Severus thought everyone deserved to be called by their name in some variety.

If he wasn't a Potter, he was a Snape...and there was no way that Severus was ever saying that! “Harry” is is.

Oh well, at least the boy won't be expecting it; Severus smirked.

'Harry!' Severus called up the stairs in a tone he mimicked from what he had heard other father's use when summoning their sons.

Not his own father, of course, who would have inserted several more swears and the sound of a breaking bottle. Tobias was never a good example for anything other than being a clear demonstration of “what not to do”.

There were a series of thumps on the above landing. Severus rolled his eyes as he began to ascend the stairs to make sure the boy hadn't incapacitated himself.

The corridor at the top of the stairs was long and carpeted; muggle picture frames hung along each wall. It was bad enough that Severus had to put up with the boy in person, but seeing Harry's younger face grinning at him from ever corner of the house was going to drive him deeper to insanity.

There were two open doors for the large, tiled bathroom and the toilet. Severus guessed the closed doors at the end belonged to the boy and a guest room, because the one nearest the stairs on the right was the main bedroom.

Severus had only peeked inside it for a moment and already he knew it was perhaps the one place where Lily seemed to have given him control over the decorations, since it was exactly to his tastes and preferences.

Reaching the door at right end in a few long strides, Severus sneered at the silver plaque that had “Harry” written on the front in gold paint and what was clearly a child's handwriting.

Yes, this was certainly the boy's room.

Severus raised his hand to knock at the precise second that the door was yanked open to reveal a semi-livid teenager that almost bumped into his visitor.

'I hate you.' Harry told him.

He had quickly covered his sock of seeing Snape standing on the other side of his door by frowning at the man and rooting his feet to the floor in effort to prevent the near-collision.

'As astonishing as that may be...' Severus had spoken in his usual sarcastic manner but paused when he had been about to add the “Potter” at the end. 'I believe it holds zero relevance to our current predicament. We are to establish a learned from of tolerance against the other's company as though this is where we belong.'

'But you don't, ' Harry glared. 'She's my mum; why would she marry you? She loves my real dad, James Potter!'

'Apparently not.' Severus snarled.

He stepped into the bedroom and watched with satisfaction when the teenager reflexively backed away from him, unwittingly allowing the his entrance.

'You mother is downstairs as her husband has gone to ask their son if he could so kindly assist her with the preparations of dinner for the family.' Severus spat.

He hated those difficult and unfamiliar words he had been forced to say in order to get a point across.

'You're not my father!' Harry stomped his foot. 'Even if...it's...'

'What?' Severus eyed the boy's panicked expression for a moment until something abruptly caught his attention.

'I don't need glasses anymore.' Harry verbalized it for Snape.

The teenager moved closer to the Snape, who quickly backed away by several inches.

'Look at my eyes!' Harry pointed to them. 'They're dark brown and evil-looking, like yours!'

'Obsidian.' Severus corrected.

He hadn't been able to say anything else as he finally absorbed the full appearance of the boy, when previously he'd been too determined to ignore the brat that certain aspects had gone unnoticed.

Without the glasses there were no obvious change in how he looked and who his features had been inherited from. Severus wanted to examine the teenager more, but twenty seconds was all he was allowed as Lily's voice called up to them.

'What are you two doing up there?' She asked. 'Leaving me to slave away in the kitchen, eh?' Lily mocked loudly.

The following sounds of pots and pans hitting each other was unmistakable.

'I'm going to help mum.' Harry said defiantly and marched out of the room.

Severus remained standing in the doorway and looked around the room, which was basic and yet clearly well lived-in.

There was a large bed with ruffled blankets, a desk that was covered in parchments which also had a draw and chair, a wardrobe, a chest of drawers, a bookshelf (Severus noticed the rows upon rows of every available textbook for every Hogwarts subject – Lily's doing, surely), a window seat with pale cushions...and that was without mentioning the Quidditch posters lining the walls, the large striped rug on the floor, the littering of robes, socks and loose parchment at every end of the room that somehow made it not quite look like a total mess of laziness and disorganization.

Rolling his eyes at the sight, Severus pulled the bedroom door closed and turned to stride along the corridor and down the stairs.

He paused at the sight in the kitchen, watching the scene from afar as Lily and Harry worked together to make dinner as though they had been doing it for years. Harry chopped vegetables while Lily stirred a bowl, each laughing and talking to each other with every ounce of being the normal family they should be.

Severus ducked his head to pull his gaze away from the sight, ignoring his hair as it further obscured his view. A terrible ache took residence in his chest, head, and his entire being.

He hadn't been noticed by the pair as he stood there by the stairs, hearing the loud laughter, cluttering of cooking and the flow of voices from the kitchen. Severus closed his eyes as his back lightly touched the rail of the staircase and he began to feel even worst, not with sickness but of painful truth.

He realized it now, that Harry was right...Severus did not belong here at all.

'I shall return.' He informed the pair in the kitchen and marched to the front door without sparing them a glance.

Pulling it open, Severus stepped outside and walked right through the gate before he turned on the spot and apparated.

--

Arriving at a forest he barely knew, Severus swallowed and didn't notice the sinking sun on the coloured horizon as he slid onto the damp grass and bowed his head.

He didn't cry or scream, no matter how desperately he wanted to. Instead, Severus hunched his shoulders as he first thought of the past three years he had assumed to know.

Those agonizing years with Harry Potter.

And then he saw the smiling son the boy now was, with black hair a little longer than usual and the obsidian eyes that needed no assistance from horridly round glasses in order to see.

James Potter was the one who needed glasses and yet Severus wondered if it had been he who had been so blind.

One object and a single colour; those were the only changes in the teenager and suddenly Harry was transformed into a brat who was still a troublemaker and annoying, but not because of James Potter, as the bot was instead...just a child.

Harry was a child...his child.

Here, at least, but there was no avoiding it any further. And at the same time, Severus didn't want to go back to that house at all. Not because of the boy, but because of the mother. Or was it both? It was one word Severus couldn't accept: family.

It wasn't his family, nor did Severus think he deserved it.

He had been the one to tell the Dark Lord of the prophecy and that that resulted in an orphaned little boy. Harry should have his mother; that was his primary right as a son.

But why wasn't James Potter here? Why was Severus in the place of the man who had originally fathered the boy and loved him to no end? Or at least, that's what happened in the other place; it was very confusing.

'I have done nothing.' Severus spoke to no one and only the wind answered him. 'Nothing to receive this blessing.'

He thought of the home where Lily was his wife, and no matter who the boy was...Severus had been granted a son as well.

'I didn't..' Severus shook his head and let a single tear fall.

'I DID NOTHING!' He shouted to the blackness of his closed eyes and clenched handfuls of grass with his fists.

Severus had ruined his friendship with Lily, joined the Dark Lord, hurt people and tore apart families in his service – heck, he'd even enjoyed it once – and then he betrayed his one real love and for her killed. He'd hated her son while caring about the boy's well-being at the same time, he had belittled said child for three years and done no kind deed that could worthy Severus of a gift never given to the likes of him...happiness.

He wasn't happy, no...but here there was the chance to be at least content.

'Severus, is that you?' A voice broke through the wind and reached his ears as the last tip of the sun dipped below the horizon.

Severus did not move; he felt vulnerable in his position of frustration and therefore did not bother to acknowledge Remus Lupin.

Though he took the effort to glare about how fate was never kind to him if of all the random places in the world he could have apparated to, that blood wold had to be there!

'Did something happen?' Remus sounded worried when the distraught man did not shift. He ignored the swear that accompanied Severus's verbal desire to be left alone, and took a step closer.

'I heard you yelling.' Remus added. 'Is Lily angry about something? That's the only time you leave the house like this, if you've had an argument about one silly thing or another.'

It wasn't perfect, Severus realized, it's not “too good to be true”, then!

'We did not.' Severus answered in an annoyed tone and briefly wondered why the wolf was still there.

'I do not deserve her love, a family or...a son.'

'I would think that after all these years you've fought on our side and not theirs, that you'd have realized how cheat you have been, due to no fault of your own.' Remus sighed.

'It is entirely my fault!' Severus snapped and glared at the other wizard. 'I betrayed her – you know this! That boy is-was an orphan because of my foolishness and error.'

'Strange, I thought it was because Pettigrew gave their location away.' Remus frowned. 'Life has never been very kind to you before this moment, Severus...who are you deny it the chance now?' He added.

'Or are you going to mess this up too?'

Severus snarled deep within his throat and clutched his wand to aim it at the wolf...but Remus was gone. He was alone again with only the cold wind on his face and the damp, fresh grass at his knees.

For a brief moment, Severus thought he had finally gone mad, because his logic reminded him that such an appearance and vanishing without a single sound of apparation or others, was not magically possible.

Plus, the other man had accepted so easily that Severus was awake and alert, and he had not disagreed about Harry being an orphan until now; which, compared to the events of that day, Severus had a reason to consider that to be rather odd as well.

Yet he had heard and seen Remus Lupin...or had that been false too?