Chapter 1

Harry looked at the door to the potions lab and held his breath. Just knock…it wasn't that hard…and he was sure that no one was in there. He really just needed five minutes, five minutes to hear some truth. And who better to give it then the one teacher that never dared lie to him.

Professor Snape.

It wasn't that his professor wouldn't dare to lie to him, it was that Snape just enjoyed torturing with the truth too much. With his fist raised he held his breath, how does one go and start such a conversation? Does he ask Snape if it was his fault that Cedric was murdered, does he tell his potions master that if he would have just taken the cup it would be him and only him who had suffered? How does one discuss such a topic?

Harry banged his closed fist against the hard wooden door and cringed in pain.

"It is open."

Harry froze, damn it, he thought that Snape would be gone or at the end of term feast or something. Slowly he wrapped his hand around the cold door knob and turned it clockwise. The door screeched slightly as it opened and very hesitantly Harry slipped in.

He looked to see that his teacher was sitting at his desk writing on a piece of parchment rather hurriedly. The dark onyx eyes that withheld so many dark secrets shot up and pierced through Harry's emerald ones.

"Yes, Mr. Potter?" Snape asked rather dryly.

Harry cleared his throat slightly in a hope to get his voice back and stood in front of his teacher looking down at his shoes.

"I was wondering…I was hoping," he corrected quickly, "that I could talk with you sir…about….about Cedric…"

Snape sat up and sat his quill gently in a neighboring bottle of ink. His face was rather expressionless but his eyes showed interest.

"Sit." He said shortly after summoning a chair.

Harry did so and leaned into the back of the seat.

"Go on."

Harry nodded and sighed.

"I…I could have stopped Cedric from taking the cup sir," the raven haired boy said sadly, "I could have taken it myself and kept him from even seeing Voldemort!"

Snape flinched slightly but said nothing.

"But I didn't and it was my idea to take the cup together! And when Voldemort did come…I just stood there and let him kill Cedric!"

Snape continued to hear Harry's rants and raves still not speaking a word or changing his expressions once. About ten minutes later when Harry had probably talked and yelled himself into a coma Snape decided to speak.

"Are you telling me this because you want me to tell you it is your fault?" he asked coldly.

Harry's head shot up and his eyes narrowed.

"I want to hear the truth," he spat, "not these excuses that everyone has come up with and put into place to protect me! You LOVE telling me the truth; even if it hurts…so tell me now!"

Snape stood from his desk and smirked.

"The truth?" he repeated.

Harry nodded.

"Very well," he turned to face Harry and folded his arms over his chest, "it was NOT your fault and the Dark Lord was responsible for Diggory's death; not you."

"But-"

"But what?" Snape spat. "You come hear asking for the truth and now you are unsatisfied with the answer?"

"No…I just…I don't understand why you are-"

Snape chuckled.

"You may think that I tell you all those things to hurt you or make you angry, but that is not always the case…this was unexpected and in no way shape or form your fault. My suggestion to you would be to not let Mr. Diggory die in vain and continue living life."

Harry felt his face become hot and his eyes start to burn.

"Because if you give up on life…we all might as well give up."

Harry bit his lip as it trembled; he was not going to cry. He continued to scream those words in his head, but to no avail the tears began to trickle down his cheeks. This was horrible; he could not believe he was crying in front of Snape. And to make matters worse his teacher didn't do anything to make him stop! Snape didn't yell at him or taunt him for acting like a blubbering baby, none of the things he had expected from his teacher.

Actually Snape was doing the exact opposite, he handed Harry a tissue box and leaned on the front of his desk.

"S-Sorry sir…" Harry said standing abruptly. "I'll j-j-just…g-go-"

Snape gripped his shoulder and forced him back into the chair, his eyes seemed different. They looked concerned and actually caring. Harry wasn't sure how to make this expression out, whether he should be shocked or comforted.

"Potter, do not blame yourself for Diggory's death," he said softly, "blaming yourself for something out of your control destroys you."

Harry shook his head still crying, he would never believe that Cedric's murder was out of his control. He had known where they were going; he knew what was going to happen…he had known!

"Potter, be rational!" Severus said sternly. "When the Dark Lord wants a person dead then they die!"

"I DIDN'T DIE!" Harry roared falling to his knees. "I DIDN'T DIE…I DIDN'T…"

Snape's eyes widened in shock as Harry covered his face with his hands.

"I DIDN'T DIE…" he sobbed. "But…but it should have b-b-been me…"

Snape stooped down to Harry's level and pulled his hands from his face, at first he looked away but the Potions Master guided his face back up.

"Do not say that," he said gently, but with extreme force, "your mother died for you Potter…do not insult her grave."

Harry nodded, but the thought of his mother dying for him only made more tears spill from his eyes. How many more people would die for him before he was completely and utterly alone in this world? He would rather die then continue to be all alone.

"Potter," Snape said gaining his attention once more, "I know you will not believe me but I do know what you are going through. The hurt feels like it could slice you in half and I cannot assure you that it will completely disappear, but I can tell you that you are not alone."

Harry tried to nod, tried to show his teacher that he understood, but the words coming from Snape's mouth just made his heart ache.

"You may," Severus paused, "you may feel completely isolated and it may seem that the whole world is against you but you are never truly alone."

"But…but…-"

Severus hushed him and handed him another tissue.

"Your life is hard, and it may be just as difficult for you to understand, but I never believed in leaving you with this responsibility, but the fact still remains that it is your responsibility."

Harry let out a sob and grabbed his teacher's forearm squeezing it as if those words had hurt him…and they had.

"I…I don't want it…I-I don't…WANT…it!" he cried.

Snape's eyes narrowed and very calmly he said, "I know you don't, but that is how life is."

Well if that was how life was then it sucked! Harry hated it, and Snape was wrong! No matter where he went he would be alone. He would leave Hogwarts and be stuck at the Dursley's! And Merlin knew that no one there cared for him, no one there would stand with him, no one there would even talk to him!

"Then…then I don't want this…life…"

Snape took Harry's free arm and gripped it so tight that it almost hurt! Was Snape finally fed up with his constant crying, constant sob story.

"Never say that to me again!!"he scolded. "Damn it boy, Lily did not die for you to give up!"

Harry had never heard Snape this way before, he wasn't angry he actually sounded pained!

"I never want you to say that again," Snape spat, "promise me!"

"Wha-?"

Harry didn't understand, all the years he had been at Hogwarts Snape seemed to loathe and hate him. Now he wanted his word that he would never EVER repeat that he wanted death. Something was not right here; he had to be dreaming…he just had to be!

"Your mother gave her life for you," he said his voice quaking, "because she loved you so much she died for you…do not let her death be in vain…"

"How…how do you know that?" he breathed.

Snape looked away from Harry and looked at his wrist which was looking right back at him, he knew that Harry knew what he was. But he didn't want him to know why he had turned to the Dark Lord or what had been promised to him. It was no secret that he was embarrassed of his past but he would not let Lily's son know that he was the reason his mother had died.

"I…I knew your mother," he said simply, "we were at one time best friends."

However the truth was something Harry had been denied all his life and he would not lie to him.

"Best friends?" Harry repeated.

Solemnly Snape nodded.

"What do you mean were?"

"I had chosen the wrong path because I too felt alone in this world and the company that had been promised to me changed who I was," Snape blinked furiously, "I…I served Voldemort doing whatever he asked of me because I felt needed…wanted."

Harry's lips remained firmly closed, so Snape had been with Voldemort.

"And one night," he breathed, "I made the biggest mistake of my life…a prophecy was made and I relayed it to the Dark Lord."

Snape watched as Harry's eyes became large and his fists clenched.

"I am not going to tell you what happened next," he whispered, "because you know…I tried to protect Lily, James, and you."

Harry's fists loosened slightly.

"But…but it wasn't good enough…nothing I tried was good enough…" Snape bowed his head slightly. "I asked Albus what I could do to help-"

"What did Dumbledore ask you to do?" Harry whispered.

Snape looked up and Harry's jaw dropped. Glistening, Snape's black eyes were glistening with unshed tears. The white around his eyes was slowly turning pink and with a very shaky breath Snape said, "He asked me to protect you, no matter what the cost…even if it meant you had to hate and fear me in the process."

Harry didn't know what to say, he knew that Snape was not lying, because this was the one person that never lied to Harry or sugar coated any situation. But he never ever thought he would see his much hated Potions Master in such a state. Admitting his faults and…and crying.

"And I will continue to do that for you Potter," he said straightening up and returning to his normal demeanor, "so believe me when I say you will never be alone."

Harry stood as well and wiped his eyes with the backs of his hands. Snape turned to the clock, the Hogwarts Express would be leaving soon.

"You need to go Potter, or you will miss the train."

The raven haired boy nodded and made his way to the door.

"Sir," he called suddenly, "you should not blame yourself for my mother's death."

Snape's head shot up suddenly.

"What?"

Harry turned to face him and his green eyes pierced into his onyx ones.

"A brave man told me that if you blame yourself for something out of your control it destroys you."

Snape walked over to Harry and handed him a piece of parchment.

"What's this, sir?"

"This, Potter," Snape said poking it with his wand, "is my home address."

Harry's eyes scanned the small piece of paper and he watched as black words and numbers began to form and smiling slightly he nodded.

"Keep in touch with me over the summer, Potter." He said warmly, "I may not write back right away but I will respond eventually."

Pocketing the address Harry nodded.

"See you next term Professor."