Harry sat cross-legged on his bed, the journal open in front of him. He was going to tackle Snape's first "assigned" entry. It was actually a relief to have a writing prompt, because it wouldn't be just random thoughts spilling from his mind like usual. Harry tapped the end of the quill against his left hand, waiting for inspiration to strike. He'd written the prompt at the top of a fresh page, in case Snape wanted to look at it. That way it wasn't mixed in with everything else he'd written in the journal.

Describe exactly what you're feeling when you get so angry you need to fight.

I think my anger is always here. Sometimes it's just below the surface waiting to break through into the moment. Because by the time I'm ready to fight, the anger is out of control. I go from the anger I squash down all day to anger that's in everyone's face. I guess the idea of this entry is to explain that point where I go into a rage. There's a line between just angry or upset, and hoping for violence. If I'm caught at a bad time, when I'm already close to the line, I get almost...blinded, or something like that. Sounds are distant and jumbled; my hearing is sharp, too intense really. At that point I get a bit frightened because I don't have much control over what I'm going to do next. What happens is that I want to kill the person who has made me this angry. I want them dead. That's the problem with the fights with Malfoy. Before the incident, or fight, I brace myself. I get ready to be hurt and to hurt back. But I want to hurt him beyond any silly hex. In fact, it's not magic I'm thinking of at all. I want to beat him with my fists, and maybe kick him with my feet. I want to beat him to death. I grew up in the muggle world, and I've seen muggle violence on the telly and in the streets. If I had a gun, I'd blast his head off. So that's how I feel. I'm afraid to keep writing about this. I could go on and on, but that seems like a bad idea. I think I've probably answered the question.

Harry looked over what he'd written and it genuinely surprised him. Those words had poured straight onto the page without hesitation. As soon as quill hit parchment, he knew exactly what to write. But Merlin! Who could read that and not think Harry was completely mad and dangerous? He took a deep breath and reminded himself that he'd only have to share this with Snape. And Snape was the one person in the world he could trust with this journal entry. In fact, after it had been discussed, he would destroy the evidence.

Harry turned back to the part of the journal where he made his own notes, because he had a sudden realization, and it was causing him distress.

Bloody hell. Not sure if I should write this down, because I don't ever want anyone to read it. I'm feeling attached to Snape. Like I need to see him and talk to him. It actually bothers me when I have to go too long without talking with him. And it feels odd, but at the same time there's this part of me that feels I deserve it. I'm torn up over it. I'm worthless, and yet somehow I think I deserve to have comfort. I've never had an adult care about me in ways that were real. I want an adult to care about me who will take the time to talk to me, to do what people do with their kids. To be there for me no matter what. He touched my shoulder, for just a second, to make me feel better, and my heart felt like it was floating in my chest. Because it meant that maybe (it's a long shot) he cares. That's what I want. If I had one fucking wish, it would be to have someone like a parent.

Harry's faced burned with embarrassment. Yet he felt freed by having those feelings transferred onto parchment. It was out there now - no longer just in his head. For years he'd longed to have an adult care about him, take care of him, and do the things a parent would do. He dreamed of it all the time. Harry closed the journal and quickly put it away. Continuing to think about the possibility of finding such an adult would bring him to tears, and he wasn't in the mood to cry.

***

Severus sat in the living room on his favourite chair with a cup of tea, thinking about the upcoming week. He had just returned from a meeting with the Headmaster concerning Potter's session with Dr. Keller. Severus was pleased that the old man wasn't going to meddle. If he hadn't needed consent for Potter to see a healer, he wouldn't have told Dumbledore about it at all. An appointment had been made with Dr. Keller tomorrow evening at 7 pm. She had agreed to allow Severus to sit in on the session at Potter's request, and he felt something pull at his heart when he thought of the boy wanting him there. He had not yet adjusted to this changing relationship with Potter, but it was somehow nice to be needed. Although he could barely admit it to himself, he was enjoying the time he spent with the boy. Most of the substantial interactions he had with students involved his Slytherins, and they had a decidedly different type of personality than Harry. There was nothing wrong with the cunning his students possessed, but Potter's openness was a refreshing change of pace.

Severus had noticed that Potter wasn't as distant from his fellow Gryffindors as he had been since the start of term. It was a good sign that the boy wasn't withdrawing as much from his friends. Not that Severus liked the little blighters, but support from his peers would be helpful for the boy. He would do whatever he could to help, not only because he wanted to do right by Lily's son, but also because he actually liked the boy.

***

Harry was nervous about the appointment with Dr. Keller that night, and whenever he thought about it, his heart raced. He was tempted to tell Ron and Hermione about it, but each time he had a chance, the words didn't come out. Only nutters had to go to therapy. From what he'd seen in the psychology books, it probably wouldn't be terrible, but it was embarrassing. Snape had instructed Harry to meet him in Dumbledore's office at 6:45 that evening, and that meant Dumbledore knew everything. Anger brewed in his stomach at the idea of the Headmaster being involved in this, and despite Snape's assurances that Dumbledore didn't know what they'd discussed, just knowing Harry would need to see the healer was bad enough.

He wondered why she was called a healer and a doctor. He didn't really know much about how the wizarding world worked when it came to shrinks. He knew there were psychologists and social workers in the muggle world. He'd seen them in his school, but didn't know what exactly they did. It was all a little confusing. Not quite as clear-cut as regular doctors or healers. Anxiety threatened to overtake him again as he thought of the possibility of having to discuss the Dursleys. Would she ask him about them? He couldn't talk about that or anything else that might cause him to become too emotional.

Walking to the Headmaster's office, Harry's dread was so intense he found himself taking deep breaths to try and calm down. He wanted to turn and run, to hide and not show up for the appointment. But doing that would be incredibly stupid, and as much as he didn't want to go, he also found he didn't want to anger Snape. Actually, he didn't want to disappoint the man, and so he made his way up to the office door and knocked.

Harry was relieved when it was Snape's voice telling him to enter and that Dumbledore wasn't in the room. It was a pleasant surprise. He dropped down into the chair next to Snape, aware of how heavy and burdened he felt.

"Nervous?" Severus asked. The boy looked like he was going to have a panic attack.

"Yes," Harry said. "I don't know if I can do this, sir."

"You can, Harry," said Severus, "and I'll be here with you. Dr. Keller said it was acceptable for me to be in the room if that's how you wish to proceed."

Harry was so relieved; he let out a deep breath. "Thank you."

They sat in silence for a few moments. Harry had his elbows on his knees and his head hung low, staring at the floor. Severus thought about reaching out and comforting the boy, but he didn't. He was nearly as uncomfortable as Harry, although he'd never allow his anxiety to show. It had clearly been a good decision for them to meet before Dr. Keller arrived in order to compose themselves.

"Do you know what she's going to ask, Professor?" Harry asked, still looking down.

"Sit up, Potter." Severus wasn't going to converse with someone who had their head hanging down toward the floor. Harry obliged and sat up. "Honestly, I don't know what to expect, although it is likely that she will want to hear you explain the symptoms you are experiencing."

Nodding, Harry started to pick at the arm of the chair. His heart was racing, and it felt like it would burst when Dr. Keller entered the room via the Floo Network. Snape stood to greet her, and Harry stood up as well. After a brief introduction, Dr. Keller summoned a chair and placed it so that she was facing Harry and Snape.

"Harry, Professor Snape said that you'd like him to be present for our meeting," Dr. Keller said. "Do you still wish for him to be here?"

"Yes," Harry said. "Please, ma'am, I'd like for him to stay."

Dr. Keller smiled. "No problem, Harry. It's nice to meet you, and please, relax. I can see that you're really nervous, but don't worry. I promise I'll make this as comfortable for you as possible."

Harry gave her a weak smile and nodded. Sure, he'd just relax. No problem.

"The first thing I'd like to tell you is that everything we discuss is confidential," she said, casting wards for privacy. "Professor Snape, it's just as important for you to keep what is said between us confidential as well, are you okay with that?"

"Yes, Doctor." Severus nodded. He looked at Harry. "I will not speak to anyone else about what is said here."

"Excellent," she said. "Harry, another thing I need to tell you is that while what you say is confidential, if I believe you are going to harm yourself or someone else, I would have to act on that knowledge. Do you understand?"

"What would you do?" Harry asked. This was alarming. He hadn't considered what might happen, but there were times when he thought of hurting himself. And other people.

"If you were set on killing yourself, for example, and you had a plan for how to do it, you might have to be hospitalized for your own safety. But know that there's a difference between thinking about death, and wishing you were dead, and being ready and willing to act on it," said Dr. Keller. "Likewise, there's a difference between wishing someone was dead and planning to kill them. While it isn't particularly healthy to wish a person would die, it's very different to make a plan to harm them on your own. Is that a bit clearer?"

"Yes." Harry nodded. It was clearer. "I don't want to kill myself or anyone else, ma'am."

"I'm glad to hear that, Harry," she said, making a note on her parchment.

She took a breath and continued. "This isn't a therapy session today; it's more structured because I need to get an idea of how you're doing before we make any decisions about treatment. The goal tonight is to talk about your history and assess your current symptoms. You no doubt realize that the story of your parents is widely known, and we don't have to go over that. But what I don't know is where you went to live following their deaths. Please tell me a little about where you grew up."

"Well, I was sent to live with my mum's sister. I lived in Surrey with my aunt, uncle, and cousin. They're Muggles," said Harry. He looked down at the floor. He didn't want to talk about them.

Dr. Keller could tell by Harry's body language that he was uncomfortable with the subject. However, she needed to know his history.

"What was that like for you, Harry?" she asked.

Severus was very interested in hearing more about Potter's family, but he could tell the boy was growing more upset by the second.

"I don't want to talk about it." Harry shook his head, clenching his fists. "I won't."

"That's fine," she said. Clearly this was a problem area, but there was no point in pressing the issue and upsetting Harry. "Don't feel pressured, Harry. We don't have to talk about it right now, okay?"

Harry was shocked. She wasn't going to make him? He'd been prepared to fight about it, and leave if he had to. He looked over at Snape. Harry's relief was palpable; the mood in the room lightened considerably.

"Why don't we talk about what's going on with you now?" Dr. Keller asked. "Professor Snape told me that you're experiencing some specific symptoms, such as anger. He also said you've been doing some research, which is great because perhaps your understanding of psychology can help us pinpoint what's wrong."

Harry started to talk about his symptoms. About the anger, his need to be alone, his feelings of worthlessness, but carefully avoided talking about the Dursleys and his life in Surrey. Mostly he looked at the floor, but occasionally looked at Snape for reassurance. Harry felt proud of himself, because she was right; his knowledge of depression was helping him be specific about what was wrong.

Severus was impressed with the boy. Potter was doing well with articulating the issues, despite omitting everything about his life with Petunia and her family.

"Harry, I think you've done a great job of describing how you're doing," Dr. Keller said, preparing to leave. "I'm going to work on a plan for treatment before we meet next, and then we can discuss it. Will this same time work next week?"

"Sure, Dr. Keller," Harry answered. He was relieved that they were done because he felt mentally exhausted. He turned toward Snape. "Sir, will Professor Dumbledore mind us using his office again?"

"Dr. Keller, perhaps next week you could meet with Harry in my office, and that way we won't have to disrupt the Headmaster's schedule," suggested Severus.

"Sounds great," she said, smiling. "Harry, if you need anything between now and then, please feel free to contact me, okay?"

"Thank you, I will." Harry was smiling, too. Once Dr. Keller was gone, Harry turned to Snape and was shocked when the man put his hand on Harry's arm.

"You did very well, Harry," Severus said, hoping that his gesture of comfort wouldn't upset the boy.

"I'm sorry I wouldn't talk about the Dursleys." Harry shook his head. "I just can't."

"Perhaps eventually you'll change your mind." Severus had a feeling that in time, Harry would talk about his childhood and life with his Muggle relatives. They had clearly traumatized him, which was upsetting. What the hell had happened to the boy?

"Maybe." Harry shrugged.

They left Dumbledore's office together, and after thanking Snape, Harry made his way slowly to Gryffindor Tower. He wanted to collapse into his bed and sleep, even though it was still early. Instead, once he reached the common room he headed over to Ron and Hermione.

"There's something I need to tell you guys," he said. "I saw a therapist tonight, and I think I have a problem with depression."