Harry came back around the minute he felt someone elses heartbeating in his ear, the roaring in his ears dulled to background noise as he took a shaky breath. It was the familiar smell of potions that brought him back down to earth. Why was he in Snape’s arms again? Oh shoot, stupid panic attack again, he hated these things. Was it wrong that he relished in the protective arms around him? He didn’t want to move, he didn’t want this safety to diminish when he left his Professor’s arms. Oh well, he’d better move before the man remembered who he was holding and dropped him like a sack of potatoes. But just the thought of moving was starting to make him panic all over again, and the arms around him tightened.
“You’re fine Harry, you don’t have to move just yet.” Severus murmured quietly when he felt Harry shift his weight.
Where was Weasely with that calming draught? Blasted boy, was he being deliberately obtuse? A part of him didn’t actually seem to mind that he was still holding the 15 year old. The rational part of his brain tried to excuse his behavior and convince himself that he continued holding him only so he could help ward off incoming panic attacks. Even then he couldn’t ignore the warm strange feeling in his chest at that thought.
“Here’s the potion sir, will Harry be allowed to owl me?” Ron asked quietly.
“Thank you, and yes he will Mr. Weasley, why do you ask?”
“Because I think it’s time I leave now sir,” Ron replied.
“Don’t you wish to say goodbye?
”“I’ll see you in a few weeks time mate, or sooner if I’m allowed to visit you. Harry and I can’t believe I’m saying this but just listen to Snape for once ok?” Ron replied rubbing Harry’s back gently before flooing to the Burrow.
Severus maneuvered the boy in his arms and lifted the vial to his lips for him to drink. Whether it be from the potion or exhaustion Harry was out like a light. He set the boy down and cleaned up his quarters before picking him up and flooing to Snape Manor. He had never want to bring Potter to his house and he knew that if he hadn’t found out about the child’s home life he would have given him the worst room and treated him awful. But now he knew the truth, and with his shatter perceptions he couldn’t do that now, not without breaking the already fragile child. Setting the boy in one of the guest rooms he couldn’t believe what he was about to do. Changing the room’s colors to that of a Gryffindor, he laid the boy down and transfigured his clothes to pajamas before he put him to bed. Not ready to go to bed himself Severus went to work on some of his potions that needed to be done.
Harry woke up the next morning, refreshed for some reason. He couldn’t remember the last time he slept that good with no nightmares. He sat up and glanced around the room and gasped in horror. Why was he back at Grimmauld Place? Snape promised that he would never go back there, then why was he there now? What was he going to do, what if Sirius came in here and wanted to ‘talk’? Shaking his head, he opened his trunk and quickly got dressed before grabbing his wand and invisibility cloak. As he was opening the door he heard footsteps coming up the hall, he covered himself with the cloak and hid on the other side of the bed, opposite the window. Tears were coming into his eyes as he tried to stop the sobs from the stab of hurt betrayal he felt for being left here with Sirius, when Snape opened the door. Wait what was Snape doing here?
“Potter, are you in here?” Severus asked looking around the room for the boy.
“I’m here sir,” Harry whispered sniffling.
“I don’t see you Potter,” Severus replied getting annoyed.
“Oh sorry sir,” Harry answered before taking off the cloak.
“Why were you hiding under your cloak? And why are you crying?”
“I thought I was back in Grimmauld Place, Sirius had decorated my room there just like this.”
“Did I not tell you that you wouldn’t be returning there?” Severus asked frowning.
“Words don’t mean a thing to me, they can always change.” Harry responded wearily.
“You have my word Potter that you will not be returning back there. I promise, and I do not take my promises lightly.”
“Yes sir”
“Are you hungry?”
“Yes sir”
“Come downstairs to the kitchen. After breakfast we need to go over the rules that I expect you to follow.”
“Yes sir”
Harry waited until Snape had left the room to hide his cloak and wand in his trunk. There really was no point for him to carry it around if he couldn’t even use it, he headed downstairs not wanting to make his teacher angry if he arrived late. Sitting down for breakfast was a very quiet affair. His plate was already served, but he waited for Snape to start before he took a bite which caused his Professor to turn his dark eyes on Harry. It was unnerving to have those eyes look at you, especially since he knew his teacher was very proficient in Legilimency so he kept his eyes down. He didn’t notice his teacher had even gotten up until he saw something dark out the corner of his eye. Why was the man standing so close to him?
“Sir, can you please back up?” Harry softly asked.
“Excuse me Mr. Potter, could you repeat that?”
Trying to prevent the panic attack he knew was coming, Harry got up from the table himself and walked to the furthest wall away from his teacher. He was trying to put as much distance between them as possible so he could feel comfortable. The man was watching him intently again, and his eyes immediately met the floor. He could feel the man’s gaze on him but no contact was never allowed at the Dursely house, and Snape always got mad when Harry did it at school. It just seemed this was the safest way to stay on his good side.Severus just stared at the child, what happened to the fearless Gryffindor, the defiant child. The meek and scared child in front of him was not Potter, or was this the real him that he has just been hiding all these years?
“Come into the sitting room Potter, like I said before we are going over the rules.”
Harry dragged his feet and followed Snape; he really didn’t want to have this talk. He didn’t plan on doing anything to make the man angry like Sirius; he was going to just be. Whether he was by himself the entire break he didn’t care, just as long as he didn’t get hit. Snape went over the usual rules that everyone’s houses have and he wasn’t about to go exploring in this man’s house not if he wanted to see the new year.
“Am I allowed to fly sir?
”“You can, just pay attention to the wards around the property. If you ignore them the warning signals will not be pleasant for you.”
Thinking that the man was leaving the room Harry allowed himself to relax for a moment. He dropped his face into his hands and sighed, what was going to happen to him this coming summer? As much as he disliked the man he hoped he would be able to stay here then as well, but would Snape even want him around? He grabbed his broom from his room and headed outside to clear his head with a good fly. Harry had been flying for an hour when Snape called him in, he shook his head it was getting way to dark to see anyway. Walking in the house he didn’t know what he was supposed to do so he went to his room. It was always a good idea to stay out of sight at the Durselys and he was giving Snape that same consideration. He changed into his pajamas and got into bed, despite his nap a few hours before he fell asleep instantly.
Severus was drinking tea in the sitting room; he didn’t know where the boy was after he had called him to come. He assumed the child would want to have some tea but he guess he was wrong. Here he was trying to do a good thing and he ended up making it worse, maybe tomorrow he could ask Potter what color he wanted him room to be. Shaking his head at that thought he got back to his reading.
Harry woke up the next morning to darkness and one look at his clock showed that he was up way to early. It was another night without nightmares for which he was grateful he knew that they were going to return, he just hoped they would when he was back at Hogwarts and not here. He got his things and took a quick shower, careful not to use a lot of hot water and he got dressed. Eating breakfast with the Professor was silent and awkward and he found himself eating quickly and escusing himself to hide in his room.
Tired of staring at the ceiling he looked at the clock and saw that lunch would probably be in an hour. He went to the kitchen and found the necessary items he needed to make lunch and he got to work.
Maybe if he showed the man how helpful he could be, he would think about taking Harry next summer. He stopped for a second as he contemplated that thought, since when did he want to stay with Snape. By the time his Professor came downstairs lunch was ready and Harry was sitting down at the table waiting for him. He saw shock register in his teacher’s face before his expression went back to unreadable, resisting the urge to smile Harry bit the inside of his cheek.
“Good Morning Professor”
“Good Morning Mr. Potter, I was not aware that you could cook.”
“Oh, I learned at an early age sir.”
“What age was that?”
“I was 4 sir,” Harry softly said.
“I see,” Severus replied before sitting down and filling his plate.
He took a good look at the boy across from him, if he was being honest with himself he honestly didn’t know the child across from him, never mind the fact that he’s been teaching him for almost 5 years now. What kind of people makes a 4 year old cook, they aren’t even supposed to be near the stove at that age. He didn’t like the way the boy refused to touch his food before he touched his, it unnerved him.
“Potter, why do you that?” He finally asked.
“Do what sir?”
“You don’t reach for your food, until after everyone has grabbed for theirs first. Why do you do that? Are you deliberatly wanting to have the leftovers?”
Harry was horrified, his fork halfway to his mouth stopped in mid air. How in the heck was he supposed to answer this without making a fool of himself. The Durselys always served him last and if he ever ate before them they would take away the food. The question was simple, would Snape do the same thing once he found out?
“I don’t know what you mean sir,” Harry softly said.
“When we were in my quarters yesterday Mr. Weasley had to serve you because you wouldn’t touch it unless we had first. Now I’m watching you and you wouldn’t even pick up your fork until I had tasted my own food. Are you being intentionally obtuse?”Harry sighed, the man just couldn’t drop it could he? Guess he would have to tell him a bit of the truth, it couldn’t be that bad could it?
“The Durselys didn’t like it when I ate before them, so I had to wait until they got what they wanted, then maybe I could eat. Sometimes they would take it all so I couldn’t eat, and then dump in the trash after, they didn’t know I would take from the rubbish sometimes.” Harry said the last part so softly he wasn’t sure Snape had heard him, but then again everyone knew that Snape was part bat.
Severus was livid, and he struggled to rein in his temper it would do no good for the child to misinterpret his anger especially since he knew how terrified he was of adult males. It didn’t take a genius to figure that one out, the boy nearly crashed the table in an effort to get away from him yesterday. Occluding his emotions away he settled for his blank mask before nodding to the child and returning to his own food. He didn’t miss the look of blatant relief in those green eyes and once again he found himself wondering if anyone had really known the really Harry Potter.
He watched as the boy dug back into his food with gutso, as soon as he realized Severus wasn’t asking him anything else. The boy was so sensitive, he didn’t want to put him off eating so he refrained from commenting on anything else. As the boy reached for his glass of pumpkin juice Severus saw a flash of something on his hand that made his insides clench. He found himself involuntarily calling the boy by his given name.
“Harry what the hell is that on your hand?”