Brogan pulled out of Luna’s arms as quickly as she could, her face flaming red.  “What’s sex magic?  Is that real?  What are you saying Luna?”

Luna held up her hands to ward off the smaller girl who was quickly getting upset.  “Shhh Harry, calm down.”

Brogan took a step back and a deep breath, then she took another breath, then she looked up at Luna with her most beseeching expression.

Luna had taken a few steps back herself and was pacing a bit with her hands behind her back.  “A few years ago my father did a special edition of The Quibbler highlighting a special sort of magic.” She arched a pretty eyebrow in a knowing way.  “He wouldn’t let me read it of course but since they’re printed at our house I managed to abscond with a copy.”

“And?”

Luna pushed a pile of clothes to the floor and sat on the loveseat with her ankles neatly crossed.  “Well, there are numerous creatures who use sex to lure their victims to them, succubi and vampires for example, veelas too.  Many purebred wizards have a bit of creature blood in their lines.  The Malfoys have a bit of veela, they don’t admit it of course but it’s as plain as the hair on their heads.

It could be that the Potters have some sort of creature blood…”

“But Luna I’m not a Potter, I’m Snape and mudblood.”

“That’s true, Snape isn’t actually a pureblood family either.”

“Da said that my grandmother’s name was Prince.”

“Well we can look up the Prince’s in the library, they have genealogy books there.”

“So that’s the only kind of sex magic there is, from creatures?”

“Oh no, there are lots of spells and stuff but what you were doing seemed unconscious, it felt like creature magic.”

“So you think that I’m using this unconscious magic, like an accidental magic, to get boys to like me.  Like I’m a succubus?”

“Not like that Brogan, they both said they liked you before.”

“Sort of, but they said it was much stronger now.  The potion could have been masking this power and now that it’s loose, and it was set loose all at once right, so I wouldn’t know how to control it.”  Brogan was getting more and more agitated at every thought that spilled into her head.

“And maybe that’s why I can’t sleep alone because I’m a succubus.  What if I’m damaging them when I sleep with them, sucking out their life forces?”

“Brogan, does Professor Snape keep calming draughts around?” Luna asked as casually as she could manage, which wasn’t very.

Brogan stopped abruptly at the thought of the detested calming draught and made a real effort to calm herself down.  She stopped pacing and took deep breaths.

“Well that’s better I guess.  Brogan do you even know what a succubus is?”

“Of course, sort of.  I don’t know exactly I guess –they seduce and draw life essence and magic and they’re demons…”

“Demons aren’t real Harry.”

“Oh, it’s sort of hard to tell after you’ve been raised muggle.  They should have a book or something –stuff that really is make believe.  After I found out about werewolves and vampires and mermaids I just sort of assumed everything was real.”

“Well, I said demons aren’t real, the succubus isn’t a demon it’s a creature.”

“Like the crumple-horned snorkack?” Brogan asked hopefully.

Luna gave her a cold sort of look for that crack, “it’s a bit more widely accepted than the snorkack.”

Brogan slumped.  “Are they supposed to be very beautiful?  Because my mum looks pretty in her pictures but my Aunt Petunia and Snape aren’t so much, no offense to them.”  Brogan looked up suddenly, remembering how her room was warded against privacy.

“That is an interesting point, and also you haven’t killed anyone yet so I suppose we can cross succubus off the list.

Maybe it isn’t creature magic, maybe it’s just your magic that really needs to feel safe.”

“Like the turmoil from the change and the new wand is still going on?”

Luna nodded, “And now that you know you’re doing something Brogan, will you try to keep it in check?”

Brogan nodded miserably and Luna grabbed her hand.  “Oh not like that you silly, we just said your magic needs it.  Maybe you can tell your boys what you think you’re doing and let them make an informed choice?”

Brogan shrugged miserably, that seemed risky to her.  Who would want to sleep with a succubus freak?  “Any other advice?” she asked morosely.

“Yes, actually.  I think you should talk to Professor Snape.”

“Tell Da that I think I’m a succubus?!  Are you mad?”

Luna winked slyly at Brogan, “I’m going to pretend you didn’t ask that, okay?  Good luck and I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Brogan didn’t see her friend out but she could hear Luna wishing Professor Snape a good evening, it seemed extra loud.

Brogan slowly tidied up her books and dragged herself out to the sitting room.  “Hey Da,” she said, “no detentions or faculty meetings or patrols tonight?”

Severus was a bit surprised by her words, was it really so unusual for him to be in his quarters during the evening?  He frowned to himself and ran through his last few nights, indeed he was out most of the time.  Brogan hesitated when she saw his frown, she was pretty sure that it wasn’t aimed at her but she was still getting used to her new relationship with her professor.

Severus quickly noticed her hesitation though and berated himself, he got up quickly to answer her, “no, I’m free all evening.  Perhaps we should spend it together, like we used to with your quill lessons?”

“Those were kind of fun, except for how terrible I was.”  Brogan smiled.

“You persevered admirably though, and your penmanship is just as good as it ever was now.”

“That’s damning with faint praise Da.”

Severus grinned with pride at his daughter, rueful that he had ever mistakenly attributed her rapier wit to James Potter.  He called for a house elf and Dobby brought them a snack, they settled on the couch together and started chatting about classes.  Their relationship was much improved now that they were sharing a course that Brogan was good at.

When they ran out of Dark Arts things to talk about and had rehashed all the recent Slughorn anecdotes, they ended up just sitting quietly and sipping their tea.  Brogan wanted to talk about the things she and Luna had discussed, she wanted to share her fears and concerns but the words just wouldn’t come.  It had been so easy to talk to Luna but adults were different.

Brogan slumped next to her father a bit more and thought about why it was so hard for her to talk.  Well, first because the Dursleys had never allowed her to talk or ask questions.  But also because Snape had been rude and condescending and snide ever since he had laid eyes on Harry Potter.  And then thirdly because adults had always been rather useless to Harry.

It was an adult that left her on the Dursley’s stoop like a bottle of sour milk.  It was adults who ignored the too thin child with the ratty clothes and the pinched face.  It was adults who kept things from her, who pushed her into dangerous situations, and Brogan kept adding to the list of shitty things adults had done.

Severus had thought the lull was just a natural pause and then he noticed Brogan was thinking of something that was making her look as though she had to take a particularly loathsome potion, worse than the chalky aftertaste of skelegrow –more like the fetid and malodorous Wiggenweld Potion.  He studied her face for a few more moments and then seemed to remember that she was a person and not a subject.  He put his hand on her leg and she jumped a bit but gave him a faint smile when she looked over.

“Brogan, I sense there is something you’d like to discuss but you don’t seem ready yet.  Perhaps, in the meantime, I can tell you more about your mother?”

Brogan looked at him with a bit of surprise but not the excitement to hear more about her mother that Snape really expected to see.  Severus, a bit awkwardly, put his arm around Brogan’s shoulders and settled down to talk.

“There are times when any sane or somewhat intelligent person looks around at the world and wonders why human beings are allowed to exist.  We spread pollution and violence and cruelty like a curse upon the earth.  We have wiped entire species from the planet, we commit crimes upon the weak and defenseless, and yet we prance around like the kings of the world.  You must know this far better than most Brogan.  And yet, despite her mistakes, whenever I am disillusioned with the world and I need to restore my faith I think of your mother. 

You have seen the misery that is Spinner’s End, Lily was like a beam of sunlight penetrating that gloom.  She was fresh air and flowers and bird song, and she was so very very kind.  She was friendly and generous to a boy who wore odd hand-me-down clothes.  Have you ever known such a person Brogan?”

Brogan knew all too well what it was to be that oddball child and she could only shake her head no, before she got on the train for Hogwarts secure in the knowledge that she had the right uniform and it fit her, no other child had ever been kind.  She wiped an eye absentmindedly and Severus squeezed her a bit more.

“Gentle and loving to a fault perhaps, I think James and I were both so eager for her affections that we would never risk losing her by demanding she choose.  At least I know that was the case for me, I was happy to be her secret, happy to take whatever she could offer.  Not the healthiest relationship I suppose but we were young and she had so much love to give.

I remember one day she was pointing out desirable Hufflepuffs and Ravenclaws and telling me she was considering going for the full set.  She could have gotten it easily, all the boys were eager for whatever they might get from her.”

“Was she that pretty or do you think there was more, like an unconscious spell or something?”

Snape paused to think about that.  “There might have been, she could be very compelling at times.  Was Miss Lovegood suggesting that there might be Veela blood hiding in your veins?”

Brogan gave an abashed grin, “something similar,” she mumbled.

“It is possible I suppose, although looking at myself and Petunia perhaps not.”

“Yeah, I can’t really see myself birding out either, but then Luna thought it might be more like accidental magic.  Because I, because my magic, I guess I’m still kind of frightened maybe and sort of like unstable.”

Snape sighed, what else could he do or say?  “That is a most distressing thought Brogan.  I am regretful that my presence doesn’t help.  You should know though that even when I was cruel in public I was always protecting you, from that foul Quirrel fraud, from Lupin’s werewolf, whenever I saw you in danger.”

“I know Da,” said Brogan but she didn’t seem convinced.

“I understand Brogan, and I regret how harsh I was.”

“Yeah, you regret now that it turns out I’m your daughter, but if I was still in Gryffindor tower would you regret being cruel to an eleven year-old child?”

“Your point is fair, my actions were inexcusable.  I don’t have a time turner though, I was existing in my own little world of malice, and you looked just like the Gryffindor who married my Lily and fathered her child.”

“Yeah, I remember how pleased you were to have a celebrity in your class.”

“I thought you had forgiven me Brogan.”

“I’m sorry, I thought I had too but I’m just all out of sorts tonight.  You know those days where you list everything bad that’s ever happened to you?  And then you just wallow in it and snap at everyone?”

“Oh yes, I know those feelings well, exquisitely well.  I’m sorry to be on your list but perhaps you can feel closer to me by knowing that I have those thoughts as well.  Take fair warning though in how I have turned out after many a night of nursing my wounds thusly.”

It took Brogan a moment to parse out what her father was saying and then she chuckled and elbowed him a bit.  “And if I gave you my puppy eyes would you buy me robes like yours, all black and buttons?  Halloween is this week, do you think we could get them by then?”

“As tempting and hilarious as that might be it would be best if you got Mr. Malfoy to assist you, I don’t think my persona would survive direct involvement.”

“And if I said that I only want to do it with you, am I more important than your aloof bat image?”

“Your safety and happiness is far more important than my aloof bat image, however I don’t believe a joint Halloween costume is vital to either your safety or happiness.”

“How convenient for you.”

Snape shrugged elegantly.

“I’m glad you didn’t have detentions or a meeting or a potion in your lab tonight.”

Snape threaded his fingers through Brogan’s, “I am too.  It seems we will require a lot of nights like this if we are to get over our past and become the family we both long for.”

Brogan sniffed and used the back of her other hand to wipe her nose.  “You were aware, I hope, that I want us to be a family.”  Snape continued.

“Yeah, I knew that.  I think.  Like the way that you brought me to your house right away and bought me clothes and made me shoes and stuff.”

“If those were your only signs than I apologize for being so vague, Brogan when I realized you were my child it was like an opportunity to live again.  I know I should have been kinder before, I know you are the same person I was rude to and it’s probably hard for you to understand why I would treat you so differently now. 

At first I did honestly think you were well loved, I knew better after the occlumency lessons.  But I should have been kinder just because of who you are and because of the trials that I saw you suffer.

That I only emerge from the woodwork when you are in imminent physical peril does not reflect well upon me as a person.  Your mental well being is important too and now that I have a sort of permission to be kind, now that there is a socially acceptable expectation for me to be kind I only hope I can manage it.”

Brogan sighed as she tried to decide how she felt about her father’s confessions.  Poor Da, she understood him.  She understood his childhood and how it felt to be bullied, she understood how things that seem impossible one day can suddenly happen the next just because the rest of the world has changed and now it’s expected.  (Thanks Daily Prophet!) 

It was getting late and there were classes tomorrow.  Her Da had decided to stop giving her the experimental potion; the efficacy had faded so quickly that he was worried about her developing a tolerance to some of the ingredients.  That was why she had been so surprised to see him at home; he had been working on a new version every spare moment it seemed.  She would have to be particularly oblivious to think her father didn’t care and after hungrily searching for scraps of affection from the Dursleys for years and years she was anything but oblivious to Snape’s actions.

“Are you worried about sleeping tonight Brogan?” Snape asked softly after the silence had stretched out.

“I guess so, it’s so frustrating and embarrassing and everything and Luna said that Hermione is getting upset.”

“You have no reason to be embarrassed by your nightmares.”

Brogan just shrugged.

“Have you always had them?”

Brogan nodded, “yeah, I used to dream of green light and wake up terrified having no idea why.  Maybe if someone had done something when I was little I could have learned how to deal with them, but on my own I didn’t really know what to do so they got stronger, and then when I got here…  I guess we could say I got some new material.”

“And has Mr. Weasley always helped you with the nightmares?”

Brogan nodded, “even when he was mad at me, he would wake up in the middle of the night and carry me to his bed until I went back to sleep.”

“And why did you never mention this?”

“Mention it to who?  I begged Dumbledore to let me go to the Weasleys every break since I met Ron.  And we were boys you know, you don’t want to go blabbing to other people about how your friend is weak. 

I don’t know, maybe we were afraid of what other people would think too.  I mean when we were eleven it was one thing but after Sirius died, I went right to Ron’s bed as soon as I could manage it.”

“So do you want to tell Draco that it’s time to end your charade?”

“Not really, but if you think it’s for the best.  I could.”

“Why do you want to keep stringing him along?”

“I don’t know, why did my mum keep stringing you along?” Brogan answered tiredly.  “’M sorry, that was mean.” She bowed her head to rub her eyes and missed her father grinning ruefully at her.

The words were uncharacteristically rude for Brogan but exactly what Snape himself would have snapped if he had been the one pestered, he put his hand on her back and started rubbing it.  “I suppose I’m sensitive because of just that, but really what do I care?  Crush them beneath your heel, I will teach you how to sneer at them and then take you on hunting expeditions to find more.”

Brogan chuckled wetly from behind her hands.  Snape drew out a handkerchief with a sigh and tried to shove it in between her palm and her cheek.  Brogan looked up as the corner poked her in the eye and gave her da a bright but teary smile.  “I’m sorry I’m such a shite girl.”

“I am a less than perfect specimen of fatherhood, we must suit each other.  It’s getting late, are you sneaking off to the tower tonight?”

“I don’t know, Luna said that Hermione was upset about Ron having a secret girldfriend.”

“And?”

Brogan shoved him, “and I like Hermione, I think I should talk to her first or something.”

“I see, sneaking to the Slytherin dorm then?”

“No, Draco gave me an ultimatum and I’m still hiding from him so I won’t have to answer.  And please don’t ask me these things so bluntly, I feel like my face is on fire here.”

Snape smirked at her, pleased as always to have the upper hand.  “Alright then, go get ready for bed.  I came across a new book of meditation techniques and you can try one of them tonight to see if it helps.”

“Okay but no incense, Luna gave me funny looks when she smelled my bedspread before.”

They had tried a few other meditation things before, they all worked well enough to send Brogan peacefully off to dreamland but once she got there the trouble would start.

Hours later she jolted awake with her heart pounding and looked quickly at the doorway waiting for her da to appear.  He didn’t so she waited some more.  She found her Hedwig doll on the floor and wrapped her arms around it thinking.  First she tried to decide if she was hurt or not that Snape hadn’t appeared, she decided she was mostly relieved even though it had been nice talking to him. 

Squeezing the doll helped a bit but her real Hedwig was so much better.  Actually a real person was what she really wanted.  The tower was such a long cold walk away though, Draco was closer but did she really want Draco?  Snape was right next door but she was much too old to climb in his bed.

She thought briefly about what sleeping with Blaise might be like but then she sort of horrified herself.  Her thoughts went back to Draco and how she wasn’t even sure where his dorm might be, creeping around the Slytherin dorms in the middle of the night didn’t seem like a good idea.

She pulled the blankets way up and closed her eyes tight trying to imagine that the Hedwig doll was Ron.  It was absolutely no good at all; Ron was always the one in the back, that was the way they fit together.  Brogan wished she could just talk to him for a minute like on a phone, or smell him or snog him for a little while.  She tried closing her eyes and picturing as vividly as possible exactly what she wanted to do with Ron and sometime later she managed to drop off to sleep again.

There was a note for Brogan at breakfast the next day, the headmaster wanted to see her that evening.  This was her night to be tutored by Hermione on wand work and she realized that she had an excuse for getting out of one thing or the other, the question was which one did she want to ditch more.  If she worked things out with Hermione she might be able to sneak into Ron’s bed tonight.  But putting off the horrible awkward conversation with Hermione was tempting too.

She noticed her da was turning the pages of his paper very slowly and glancing at her so she passed the note over.  “I don’t suppose you know why the headmaster has requested me?”

Snape had a very peevish expression, “no,” he murmured and his face got even darker.  “Isn’t your charms tutorial scheduled for this evening?”

Brogan nodded.

“Excellent, I shall convey to the headmaster that you are unable to attend and see if I can figure out what the coot has up his overly flamboyant sleeve.”

“How will you do that?” asked Brogan curiously.

“I will inform him that you will not be allowed to meet with him unless he tells me why first.”

“Hmm, I guess that will work.”  Brogan nodded and went back to her breakfast.

That night Ron (the big baby) did not show up for the charms tutorial.  Hermione seemed wistful to Brogan, she was sitting in a shaft of late afternoon light that was angling just so through the narrow window.

It wasn’t Brogan’s plan to attempt flattery but the words came out of her mouth before she thought about them, the danger of being around a best friend.  “Hermione, you look so pretty sitting there like that, how do you manage to always look so poised?  I always feel like someone’s just pulled me off the bottom of their shoe.”  And Brogan gestured helplessly at her untucked shirt, jeans, messy curls.

“You do have your moments Brogan where I wonder how anyone is fooled into thinking you’re a girl.”

Brogan shrugged, “I agree.  But then I don’t actually do anything about it so I suppose I really am still a boy.”

“Well, I heard there are those who would disagree with that statement.”

Brogan blushed furiously.  “I’m sorry if that hurt you, Ron swore that you guys weren’t an item.  I know you like him but we didn’t, it wasn’t supposed to mean anything, we were just messing around like mates.”

Brogan had sat down next to Hermione and Hermione turned to look at her with teary eyes, “Harry, it is kind of hard but I can see how the temptation to experiment with a friend would be hard to resist.

And I keep reminding myself that we’re teenagers and if he asked me to marry him now I would be appalled so why not test the waters while we still can.”

“Thank you Hermione, thank you so much for understanding.  I was so afraid of messing up our relationship.”

“Is the experimenting over now?” Hermione asked a little desperate despite her earlier words.

Brogan took a deep breath, “I still have those nightmares Hermione,” she looked up pleadingly and Hermione noticed the dark smudges under her friends eyes, “sleeping with Ron is still the only way –besides dreamless sleep, that I can get a full night’s rest.

Da and Draco tried to invent a new potion for me but it only worked for a little while, they’re trying again now.  Last night I was awake for hours hugging this stupid, well not that stupid I guess, but hugging this big snowy owl plushie that Draco bought me.

So, I don’t know, it’s hard to sleep with Ron and not want to fool around a little because he’s pretty damn sexy when he’s taking care of you and wrapping you up in his arms.  And it’s impossible to sleep without Ron, I swear I have tried.”

“What about Draco?” Hermione asked, she seemed a little blotchier now to Brogan.

“Draco and I had this plan where I would pretend to be his girlfriend but it’s hard to pretend something like that and not have it become a little real.”

“So you’ve been a girl for two months and you dress like that and you have both of the cutest boys in our year?”

Brogan nodded, “last night I actually started,” she swallowed hard, “fantasizing about Blaise too.”

“Well, Blaise is totally hot so I understand that.  Have you seen that pompous twit Zacharias Smith lately?  I think he worked out this summer.”

Brogan’s mouth dropped open, “Hermione?” she squeaked.

Hermione dropped an arm around Brogan’s shoulders.  “Oh Harry, you are always such a mess but a noble mess –well as noble as you can manage I guess. 

What can you tell me about how you changed into a girl, was it gradual or sudden?”

“It took a few hours I think, it was like slow painful polyjuice.  I could feel my bones grinding and I swear I felt organs growing.”

“Mmmhmm,” Hermione nodded, “and have you gotten your period yet?”

Brogan flushed, “yeah I got it like two days later.  Those cramps are a bitch, boys really have no idea.”

Hermione nodded again, “and your moods?”

“I cry about once a day, give or take.”

“And Professor Snape didn’t suggest any sort of hormone therapy?  What about Madam Pomfrey?”

“I don’t think she knows, I haven’t seen her at least.”

Hermione was shaking her head in disapproval, “well judging by how quickly you got your period it seems like your body got quite the shock when it was suddenly flooded with a sixteen year-old girl’s estrogen level and I think you’re still sorting it out.  It could be why you cry all the time and try to jump all the boys.”

“Oh, Luna thought I might be part succubus.”

Hermione slapped a hand across her face to try and hold in the sudden peal of laughter.  “Watch it Hermione, this is the wizarding world yeah, she could be right.”

Hermione’s hand couldn’t hold back that laugh.

There was still a lesson after that, with Hermione there was always still a lesson.  It wasn’t strictly wand work though, Hermione found herself in the strange position of trying to tell Brogan how to be more feminine.  “Do you want to smuggle me in to meet with Lavender and Parvati?” she suggested glumly after what seemed like forever.

“No, I think it’s too risky, the Slytherins might find out.  Can you go to some of those girls and ask for help?  Halloween is coming up, you could tell them you want to look nice for the feast and you have no idea what to do.  They might like it if you ask.”

“I suppose they would, but what if they make me look stupid?  Or worse, good?”

“Then you can find out what kind of kisser Blaise is.”

Brogan nodded, with a considering smile, “so hormones you think?”

Hermione nodded.

“God I love science,” said Brogan in her most heartfelt voice.

Her da was waiting for her in their little sitting room, he looked murderous and after a few moments of panic she remembered that he had met with the headmaster that evening.  Snape glanced up as Brogan came in and tried to look less frightening but quickly gave it up as a lost cause. 

Intrigued Brogan dropped her bag, kicked off her shoes and walked over to where her da was sitting.  “Well?” she prompted.

“The headmaster remains convinced that the prophecy is true and you are the one foretold to have the power to conquer the Dark Lord.  In light of the connection you share and the brother wand cores I was unable to argue otherwise,” Snape seemed bitterly disappointed by that and Brogan waited for him to continue.

“The headmaster has gathered information about the Dark Lord, his origin and early years, that he wishes to share with you to further empower you on your quest.  Since he has not spoken of training you per se but merely informing you, I concede that it is a good idea.

You will not leave the school grounds without my prior approval and you will not learn any dark or violent spells, you will merely go to the headmaster’s office and view pensieved memories.  That is, if you wish.  If you do not wish then we are done with all this. 

We can withdraw from Hogwarts entirely if it suits you and move to Beauxbaton or anywhere really.”

Brogan was quiet for long moments while she digested all of that, “if we leave he will either destroy the British Isles and then come after us or just come after us straight away.  Either way I don’t think there’s much to be gained by fleeing.

I can go to Dumbledore’s office and look at the memories, I already know a bit about him from the diary, learning more will only help.”

Snape sighed but didn’t seem surprised.  “So be it then, I will talk to Albus and we will set up another night for you to meet.”  He glanced at the clock, “It is late and this has been a disturbing topic, why don’t I get you some dreamless sleep just for tonight?”

Brogan smiled at his thoughtfulness and they both rose to get ready for bed.