In retrospect Brogan sort of regretted dancing with Draco, it had been too nice and now she was even more in love with him and he was leaving for the whole break. Was she really in love she asked her Hedwig doll the next morning, silently of course, she would die a thousand deaths if Snape caught her talking about her crushes with a plushie owl.
The yellow eyes gazing calmly back were almost the same, it was a small comfort. The doll just kept gazing and Brogan wondered how badly she would freak herself out if she magicked the doll to blink once in a while. Pretty badly she decided.
The thing was, it didn’t have to be ‘In Love’, it could just be a crush and that would be fine. But she didn’t have to call it a crush, if it felt like ‘In Love’ she could call it that -it didn’t mean anything really. What sixteen year old girl didn’t fancy herself in love with this person or that? She could even sign up for a David Beckham fan club now if she wanted.
Hmm, she hadn’t thought of him in a long time. It might be kind of fun to get post, sweaty footballer pictures post. Being a girl wasn’t going to go away, well it would change into being a woman but that was just semantics, the parts were here to stay. Maybe she was adjusting too easily but what were the benefits of fighting it? Hedwig had no comment.
When she finally left her room, classes were over for the term and there was no rush, she was surprised to see her da lounging around reading the newspaper. She picked up the bowl of oatmeal waiting for her on the breakfast table and sat down on the couch with him. Snape actually smiled at her so she smiled back.
Severus studied his daughter as surreptitiously as he could; last night she had looked like a woman with her hair swept up, the fancy dress and those very grown up shoes but this morning she was barefoot in jeans and a jumper with her hair crazier than ever -probably because it had been so restrained the night before. She looked closer to twelve than to womanhood and he found himself somewhat awed that such a small package could contain such multitudes.
He had seen her stare down the Headmaster over some tiff of theirs even though Albus was at least a foot taller than her, and at least a century older too. And then moments later, literally moments, she was shyly being swept across the dance floor laughing with Draco Malfoy - a boy she had hated passionately for the last five years.
Brogan finished her oatmeal and traded the empty bowl for a cup of tea before returning to the couch. Snape folded his paper and turned to face her, “so,” he started, “would you like to tell me what you were fighting with the headmaster about?”
He had timed it well and the tea dribbled all down her front. She scowled at him as he cleaned her up with his wand but then she answered. “He has another memory to show me and I told him he needed to convince you to let me see it. Then he asked if I would sneak out to see it if you said no,” Brogan paused so she could watch the fury sweep across her father’s face and indeed his lips got tighter and his eyes got a little bit scrunchier.
Satisfied she continued, “I told him absolutely not or something like that and then asked how he dared to even ask or something like that. I mean really, he knows we’re trying to be a family and he so blatantly undermines you like that. Plus there was his earlier comment about, what the hell was that, me seducing Slughorn? And he suggested it in front of my father and my boyfriend and Slughorn’s like what eighty and huge. And disgusting.”
“Certainly not Albus’s finest work last night.”
Brogan snorted but quickly softened, “Do you think he’s that desperate for me to see this memory and get information from Slughorn?”
“Perhaps, or perhaps he’s trying to make himself look that frantic and thus play upon us.”
“Is he really that sneaky?”
Snape just gave her a look and Brogan nodded, she feared so too. Her da got up, “The Headmaster invited me to stop by this morning, I waited to get your side of the story first but now I should go see what he wants.”
“Oh, you should have knocked or something I was just laying around thinking.”
“I gathered you weren’t wasting all that time making yourself presentable but it’s of no matter, I don’t mind making him wait on occasion.”
Brogan smiled, “Okay, I told him I wanted you to see the memories first or with me.”
Snape paused, “Do you really feel like you wouldn’t be able to handle the memories alone? Granted you are in a more vulnerable position this year because of the biological changes you are adjusting to but you still have your friends to support you.”
Brogan blushed, “No, I'm sure I could see them alone and it would be fine. It’s just petty or immature or something I guess, but I like having a parent to defend me, defend my innocence or my stupidity. And it’s just plain fun to be able to sic you on the Headmaster, to get my revenge for him leaving me with the Dursleys.”
Severus smiled, it was quick and more evil than anything, but he smiled and patted Brogan on the head before he swept off.
Brogan spent most of her afternoon moping around the Slytherin dorms watching everyone pack. She returned the borrowed shoes and clothes and sat quietly while Pansy went on and on about the party. Brogan was chuffed to tell them all about meeting Gwenog Jones, not that they were as into quidditch as she was, but still a professional team captain was a professional team captain.
Brogan’s new necklace was tucked under her jumper and Pansy never mentioned it. Brogan almost pulled it out to show them a few times but it seemed too personal still and it had been crazy, perfect but crazy, of Draco to get a Hungarian Horntail. Not that she thought the Slytherin girls had followed Harry’s exploits close enough to remember which dragon he had faced years ago... She kept slipping into day dreams and memories, her friends got worried she would fall asleep on one of their beds so they kicked her out after a while.
Draco saw her in the common room and dragged her up to his room to help him pack. “What help exactly do you expect me to provide?” Brogan asked seating herself on his bed and absently sniffing the pillows.
“Just company Princess, I realize this is outside your expertise.” Draco answered as he pulled out two shirts for every day of the break.
“No laundry elves in France?” Brogan asked.
“Now you’ve made me lose count!” Draco pretended to fume and got the laugh he was looking for.
Snape wasn’t around after dinner but there was a note that said they were scheduled to meet with the headmaster tomorrow just after lunch and then they could go blow up things/practice defense against the dark arts afterwards together. Brogan had to smile at his thoughtfulness, it was reassuring to be so similar and so well understood.
Her da even held her hand as they walked up to the goblin statue together. Their steps seemed to echo in the newly empty castle and Brogan was glad she wasn’t alone. The Headmaster seemed his usual buoyant self and she was glad for her father’s dour presence, it matched her own mood and made her feel less odd.
She wondered if Snape would let go when it came time to enter the memory but he didn’t seem inclined. “I could have shown you these memories first, if we were going to go about things strictly chronologically but,” he shrugged away the rest of the thought. “This is the Gaunt family, direct descendants of Salazar Slytherin for all the good their pride did for them.”
Within the memory her da startled badly when the filthy man started hissing at the serpent and Brogan squeezed his hand, “he’s just talking to it about the stranger,” she translated for the others.
“How remarkable that the memory should be clear enough that you can translate it,” Dumbledore said.
They were mostly quiet while the memory rolled on with Brogan translating the parseltongue as it cropped up. Her eyes got somewhat glassy over the pitiful figure of Merope but Snape kept squeezing her hand and she was alright.
They took a quick break for tea and had a brief discussion about whether they should see another set or wait a day or so. After Dumbledore revealed that the next bit featured Slughorn they decided to push on.
When they emerged from the second batch Snape was very shaken, Brogan was the one squeezing his hand and offering whatever support she could; it wasn’t much with the Headmaster right there and Snape’s pride being what it was.
They all sat down, Brogan pulling her chair closer to her da. A house elf appeared with a fresh pot of tea and there was a pause while they each got another cup.
“The diary was his horcrux wasn’t it?” Brogan finally broke the silence, “And I destroyed, or killed, it with the basilisk fang. But that was second year and he was resurrected in fourth so he must have made more than one.”
“I found the Gaunt family ring over the summer and destroyed that horcrux as well, it’s how my hand was cursed.” Dumbledore added softly.
“So there’s more than two.” Snape added, “that’s what you want from Horace isn’t it? He and Tom Riddle spoke about how many a person could make.”
“Yes, I have evidence that Tom stole a cup that belonged to Helga Hufflepuff and reclaimed that Slytherin locket we saw. I also have suspicions about Nagini.”
“Five?” Snape asked, “that isn’t a very meaningful number. I would guess there may be more but without information it’s impossible to know isn’t it?”
“Indeed, and then there is the trouble of finding and destroying them.”
“And doing it quietly so he doesn’t find out and make more or move them to even more secure locations.” Brogan finished.
“Where did you find the ring sir?” Brogan asked after a few minutes of silent thinking.
“It was in the house that we saw today, or rather the shack I guess.”
Brogan nodded, “I suppose he left one here too, and maybe at that orphanage. He didn’t belong to many places so there aren’t many places they could be.”
Snape nodded, “He left the diary with Lucius, he might have left another one with a different Death Eater.”
“That would be a lot of trust for him, giving his soul to someone like that. Do you think he trusts his Death Eaters that much?” Brogan asked honestly.
“Not all of them certainly, but a few. Lucius obviously, Bellatrix perhaps, not me but I don’t have a pure blood vault or a manor to hide things in.”
Brogan nodded, “Nagini makes sense too I think, the way he can direct her to attack through their bond. I’m pretty close to Hedwig but I can’t psychically send her after people.”
Brogan was looking out the window while she mused and she missed the frantic look from her da to the Headmaster. She missed the resigned sorrow on the headmaster’s face and the look of horror on her da. Neither spoke to add any thoughts to what it might mean to have a living horcrux.
The Snapes left shortly after and went right to the Room of Requirement to blow things up. Brogan had worn her favorite black cargo pants and a pair of sturdy boots. She had a new black jumper that would have completed the outfit but she couldn’t bring herself to dress in all black, yet. Instead she had on a green sweater, when they arrived Brogan wrapped her hand around her wand and told her father to watch. She closed her eyes and when she opened them they were bright green.
He touched her cheek with his long fingers, “that’s quite the trick, I assume you can do it the other way too?” Brogan blinked slowly and her eyes went back.
“I thought it would be useful to know how to reapply the charm in case someone casts a finite on me.”
“Well done indeed, ten points to Slytherin for good self-preservation skills.” There was a bitter twist to his lips but Brogan didn’t pay it any heed, they had just come from a disturbing meeting.
She made her eyes their natural color again, it made her feel more powerful for some reason, and required a bunch of targets to appear on the far wall. They all had slits for eyes and were lacking in noses, with a smile Brogan started blasting at them.
Snape regretted that he had to stay with Brogan and couldn’t go off to research desperately in his books or scream at the Headmaster, but he was also glad to be near her and to have this time together; her targets were satisfying too.
They spent a long time in the room working themselves into a state of calm. Brogan had good form and power, her da didn’t spend a lot of time correcting her spellwork but he did show her a few new shielding charms.
By the time they left the room they felt closer to each other and satisfied that they had done something productive. They felt tired too, Brogan was yawning and stumbling but she wouldn’t let her da help her and they had another six flights of stairs to go too. Snape rolled his eyes behind her stubborn back and cast a sleeping charm at the girl, then he scrambled to catch her before she fell and Poppy killed him.
She was heavier than she had been but Snape cherished every step of his long trip, it felt good to be allowed to carry her like this, he wished it would last forever. He wished many, many things as he walked the silent halls.
Brogan slept well that night and the next day he dragged her to the potions lab to help him finish experimental good dream brew #46. “This is not the 46th iteration,” Snape groused. Then he paused, “Draco and I have discussed significantly more possible combinations than that, but also we haven’t made you drink that many.”
Brogan blushed, “Maybe I averaged them. I’m sorry for complaining, you and Draco have spent too much time on this. It makes me uncomfortable.”
“Your suffering makes us uncomfortable too, we are grateful that there’s something we can do to help. Meager as it has been.”
Brogan nodded and accepted his statements, then they got to work. She wasn’t half bad at helping, Petunia had taught her how to cook at a very young age and Draco had filled in a few gaps this year as her potions partner. Best of all though was Snape’s attitude, he seemed mellow and patient. Brogan wondered what had brought around the change and then remembered it was break time.
The potion worked pretty well, it certainly didn’t make anything worse. Her da dragged her to the lab the next day too. “Lucky number forty-seven?” she asked. “Good grief, imagine if Tom had the same thought.”
Snape thwapped her on the back of the head.
They worked quietly until the potion reached the boring part where it simmered gently for half an hour, then Severus pulled out a book and began flipping through it. “What’s next?” Brogan asked.
“A very mild aging potion, the hair that Dumbledore has -the Harry Potter hair, is from when you were just over fifteen. It may seem strange if you prance around the burrow without having aged a day.”
“Prance? Really Da? Prance?”
Snape stuck his tongue out.
“So would you add the aging potion to the polyjuice? -No wait! I didn’t ask that, of course you wouldn’t it could have all sorts of interactions and it isn’t worth the bother. I would take the aging one after the other, every hour for the entire time I’m there. Please tell me it isn’t as disgusting as polyjuice.”
“It isn’t. And you won’t have to take the potion during the night, just make sure you take some before you leave your room.”
Brogan was not really looking forward to her trip to the Burrow but she could see how it needed to be done. She thought for a while, “hey Da, what if we age the hair?”
Snape gave her a huge smile, it might have been the first time she had seen such a thing on him and she quickly resolved to try and be more clever so he could be proud of her again.
They exchanged gifts after lunch on Christmas Eve, Brogan was supposed to floo to the Burrow in time for dinner. Brogan was extremely shy about her gift, she was pretty sure he would like it and Draco had helped her a lot with it so maybe she was more than pretty sure, but it was still vain she supposed, whatever, and she shoved it in his hands with her eyes down and her cheeks flaming.
It was a heavy rectangular package and Severus could barely breathe as the paper was torn away to reveal a fancy silver frame and a stunning picture of Brogan. He couldn’t tell exactly where it was taken, her face took up almost the whole surface but it must have been somewhere private because her eyes were the same as her mother’s. The image laughed soundlessly and then seemed to notice the camera and look right at it with a shy smile. Almost the same as the shy smile the real girl was giving him now.
He wiped an eye and wrapped one arm around her, the other hand was still holding the frame. “I love it,” he said gruffly and kissed her head.
“I could get you some from when I was younger, like first year you know, too...” she trailed off and Snape knew she was thinking, ‘if you want a picture of Harry Potter the boy you hated,’ but strangely enough he did want a picture.
“Could you please? As many as you have I would like to see them all. Would the Dursleys have any? I could write to Tuney again -or perhaps even better we can break into the house when they aren’t home, do a bit of ransacking and take them?”
“You need to do a better job of controlling your criminal tendencies Da, I don’t think they have any pictures of me though. I have a nice one from Hagrid that we can probably copy, it’s mum holding me as a baby.”
Snape put the picture down so he could hug with both arms and said thank you.
Brogan’s gift was a box of letters and pictures, all the mementos that Snape had of his beloved Lily. “Da, you can’t just give these to me.” Brogan squeaked.
“Well, perhaps we can have joint custody of them -but I do invite you to look and read as you wish.”
Brogan pulled out a picture of a teen aged Severus Snape holding her mum, “Can we make a copy of this and frame it for my room?” she asked.
“I’ll have it done before you return from the Burrow.”
“I wish I could stay here and just go through this box with you. I’m kind of dreading this visit. I mean the polyjuice will be horrible but so will trying to act like Harry Potter I feel so different from that now, it will be strange.
It’s a good thing Fred and George dropped out last year, they’re so sharp, I’ll have to be really careful about taking the potion in front of them. And Ron’s room is way at the top of the house so I keep imagining myself asking him to carry me in front of the whole family. That would be pretty funny wouldn’t it?”
“We ask too much of you,” Snape said softly, “you have worked so hard to adjust and now we’re making you go back to what you were. If you wish to leave early do so, you can just floo to my quarters you know the password and the hearth is open to you. And if it is hard we won’t do this again, we’ll get someone else to impersonate you or just tell Molly to stuff it.”
“Or tell her the truth.”
Snape sighed, “I suppose the truth is an option too.” He smiled, not entirely unpleasantly but no doubt thinking of the most dramatic way possible to inform the Weasley matriarch.
“Bill will be there, and Ron, I’ll try to spend most of my time with them and it’s just one day -less sleeping time and all. You know what really bums me out though, Mrs. Weasley will make me a sweater and I won’t be able to wear it. Brogan can’t wear a Weasley sweater and it probably won’t fit anyway.”
“Nonsense, we’ll shrink it a bit and you can wear it in the rooms. Don’t be so maudlin. Now let’s clean this up and get you ready to go.”
Brogan carefully carried her box to her room and left it on the settee, Then she changed into new Harry Potter clothes, and went to find her da. He was in his room, she rarely went in there but the door was open and she only paused briefly before crossing the threshold. Her da had a chest of drawers across from his bed and he was rearranging the knick knacks on top of it to make room for her picture. There was a picture of Lily too, Brogan had seen it before but looking at the two pictures together she really noticed how similar they were.
“It’s kind of surprising more people haven’t guessed who my mum is, or are they just too polite to say anything to me?”
“I think it’s the latter, I’m certain McGonagall has gone to the Headmaster and tried to find out, I suspect Slughorn has too.”
“We should tell them, we should tell everyone.”
“I understand your wishes but you are safer now than you were as Harry Potter.”
“It could be a carrot I guess.”
Snape looked at her curiously.
“You know, my reward for killing the Dark Lord, once I get that done then I can live with no secrets.”
“Because destroying the wizard who killed your parents and bringing peace to the wizarding world wouldn’t be enough?”
Brogan laughed, “exactly.”
There was a big mirror in Snape’s bedroom so he handed her a decorative flask, as unlike the one that Barty Crouch had used the year he pretended to be Mad Eye Moody as he could find -and yet they were still similar. Brogan tried to peer down the neck of the tiny bottle, “is this enough?”
“Yes, there’s a charm on it so it’s actually holding close to a quart.”
“Oh, and it’s just one sip per hour?”
“Yes, are you stalling?”
Brogan stuck her tongue out and then took a sip. It felt as though she was inflating and filling the clothes that had been hanging loosely on her before. When the changing stopped she tried to peer in the mirror to see, “Fuck, I forgot I’d be blind.”
Snape smacked her head, “Language!” he hissed and handed over the round glasses.
The smirk that Snape received as Brogan/Harry reached for the glasses was exactly the same as the one Brogan would have given him, and yet it looked natural on Harry’s face. It was strange and difficult for Severus to reconcile the two, how much worse was it for Brogan/Harry?
Harry turned slightly away and adjusted his pants, Snape watched him in the mirror and smirked. He noticed that Harry was barefoot too, he wanted to say something rude about traipsing around the dungeons in late December barefoot but despite the feet being the wrong size he couldn’t muster up the proper disdain.
Harry had turned back to the mirror and was studying himself, aging the hair had worked quite well and he looked about sixteen now. There was a bit of fuzz on his face, certainly enough to justify a shaving charm. Apparently Harry agreed and pulled out his wand to take care of it.
The wand was unchanged, they had decided it was too finicky a magical object to risk disguising it and since Harry was underage he shouldn’t use it anyway. He was to keep it on him at all times but only draw it in matters of life and death. Harry was grateful for the life and death clause, he would use it if he needed to and the odds were perhaps even that he would.
Snape was smiling at Harry through the mirror, when the shaving was done -there wasn’t much so it didn’t take long, he put his hands on the boys shoulders so he could turn him and study him straight on. The line of her shoulders, the way her head kept wanting to drop, the bare feet burrowing into his rug, it was all his daughter half-heartedly disguised standing in front of him. He didn’t even think before he pulled her in for a hug, he even kissed the differently messy hair in front of him, although the height was quite different.
“You’re still so much you,” he stepped back and looked again, “it’s remarkable how little you seem to have changed in my eyes.”
Brogan smiled. “Don’t even try to act differently, if they can’t tell then they’re so dumb they’ll never figure it out. Just be you, always and always. Promise?”
Brogan nodded, as his/her eyes started to fill again. “Oh God, I thought the crying would end.”
On the one hand perhaps the Snape family should have waited to exchange their gifts after Christmas, since Brogan felt like an emotional wreck as she left for the Burrow. On the other hand changing into Harry Potter again wrecked her anyway.
He stumbled through the floo with a duffel bag that Snape had found for him, it held his clothes for the day or so and his gifts for the Weasley family. Ron and Ginny were decorating the tree across the room from the fireplace and they both shouted, “Harry!” when they saw him and clambered over.
It was beyond odd to be so much taller and hugging Ron, he probably shouldn’t be hugging Ron at all but there it was. Supposedly they had been apart for the whole term so it wasn’t that weird. Hugging Ginny was definitely weirder, it creeped Harry out a little and he stepped back awkwardly, but that ineptness was in character too and Ginny just gave him a wry little smile. Mrs. Weasley came in then and swallowed him up in a hug and then stepped back to study him as carefully as she could with the tears that were in her eyes.
Brogan was glad for her father’s advice to just be herself, it was such a whirlwind of activity that night that she probably couldn’t have managed anything else. Brogan had set it so that her doses were on the hour, Ron picked up on it quickly because he was looking for it and between the two of them they managed the night.
The hardest part of Christmas Eve was when Bill came in, Brogan wanted to leap up and hug him but she couldn’t. Bill had brought his girlfriend Fleur Delacour too and that was a little awkward for some reason. Fleur remembered Harry from the Triwizard Tournament, especially for saving her sister, but her veela senses were buzzing about danger or rather, threat. She had never known Bill to be attracted to scrawny sixteen year old boys before but she couldn’t bear to leave his side, to leave him alone with Harry.
And Harry desperately wanted to be alone with Bill, or Ron, either one would do so that she could just take a breath from all the fakery: all the smiling about training and how much she missed Hogwarts. The twins were especially troublesome of course, they sensed weakness too and hounded him/her constantly. Brogan didn’t even want to lie to them for the whole visit, it was horrible. She really only wanted to lie to Mrs. Weasley and Ginny for some reason. -Well an obvious reason actually, because Ginny had a crush on him and he could tell that Mrs. Weasley approved of the crush in some way. Brogan didn’t want to disappoint them, which was stupid but she couldn’t help it.
Finally the night ended, it seemed to drag on forever and Harry was dozing off on the couch. Ron shoved him though, “It’s 10:30 mate, let’s hit the bed.” Ron figured it was late enough to avoid suspicion and with any luck he could have Harry tucked in before he needed the 11:00 dose.
There was a moment where it looked like Harry was just going to raise his arms in the classic toddler ‘carry me’ pose but he woke up enough to shake that off and recover. Bill and Ron both caught it though and sniggered. Bill hopped up from the chair he was sharing with Fleur, “let me go with you guys -maybe I can do a bit of wand work and get you some extra floor space.”
Harry gave him a look that said, ‘feeble Bill, really feeble’ but nobody else noticed and they all trooped up together.
As soon as they reached Ron’s room they sent Harry right back out again to quick brush his teeth. He came back just as Bill was actually levitating things around and making more space. Harry looked at him and asked, “can’t you just make Ron’s bed bigger?”
Ron’s ears turned bright red and Harry went to bury his face in his chest, “sorry mate, I’m too tired to keep it up.” Bill laughed out loud at that and Ron was able to reach out with his long arms and smack him.
Harry decided that since he had to change in front of two men he should do it while he was a guy too. He got the pyjamas on just in time, the effects seemed more drawn out than any other time and Brogan guessed it was because she had been taking doses for so many hours. When she opened her eyes she found that Ron was sitting on his bed with her on his lap and four concerned blue eyes were staring at her, they were all the exact same shade. Brogan rolled her shoulders back experimentally, “hey,” she said rubbing her temples, “your eyes are the exact same shade of blue.”
Ron smiled at his brother, “Yeah, she’s a girl again.” and they laughed.