Severus Snape was in his own private room in the Hospital Wing. It was in fact the room Harry had just vacated not five hours before. Harry had just been discharged and had happened to be in the corridor one floor down on his way to lunch in the Great Hall when Sirius had come up the stairs supporting the lifeless form of the Hogwarts Potion Master. Harry didn't even notice that Tonks was on the other side of his father holding him up as they hurried up through the castle. He did notice the uncomfortable look Sirius gave him as they passed. In the past if they would have encountered each other like this, Sirius might have done something like wink at him, or reach out to toussle his hair. Not this time. Now only discomfort passed between them, or at least from Sirius to Harry. Harry wasn't uncomfortable. He wasn't frightened. He wasn't even relieved to see his father there. His father who was apparently very much alive.

He stood in the empty corridor and stared after them long after they'd turned the corner towards the Hospital Wing, bright light reflecting off of the snow outside comming in through the windows. In what world had Harry just stumbled into where his father was alive, Sirius was in the castle looking at him uncomfortably, and had apparently just saved his father?

'I'm worried about Sirius. He's been missing for a week and a half.' Remus words spoken to Dumbledore came back to him. Had Sirius received his letter about hating him for giving him his father only so he could be taken away, and then vowed to do something about it? Had he been missing for a week and a half, because he'd been out searching for him?

Feeling like he was on automatic, Harry let his feet take him down to the Great Hall where he sat down between Ginny and Ron.

"Feeling better Harry?" Ginny asked, trying to sound bright. "We tried to go see you but Madam Pomfrey said you had the flu."

"Yes," Harry said. He put something on his plate but he wasn't paying attention and wasn't sure what until he took a bite of asparagus. He hated asparagus but made no move to fix the error.

"Can you come back to classes today then?"

"Sure."

"Rotten luck then," Ron told him. "You should have faked ill until tonight to miss classes for the rest of the day."

If I'd done that I'd still been in the Hospital Wing though, watching them trying to revive my father. My father who is supposed to be dead.

Harry grabbed Ginny's hand and she smiled. He returned the smile and drank his pumpkin juice, but made no mention of his father or of Sirius. He went to afternoon classes with them and then to dinner, and still said nothing about the incident. It wasn't until after dinner that Harry and his friends were comming out of the Great Hall and they saw Sirius hurrying down the stairs and towards the door. Harry stopped walking and Sirius looked up and into his eyes as he went, and then conveyed how uncomfortable he was again by looking back down to the floor and going out the door without a word to anyone.

"Was that-" Hermione started.

"It looked like it," Ron said in a serious voice.

"What the hell is he doing here?" Draco asked angrily, comming up behind them. They all turned to Harry, who just stared at them.

"He brought my father back."

Mouths parted one by one. "Professor Snape?" Hermione asked in disbelief.

"He's probably in the Hospital Wing."

"What do you mean probably?" Draco snapped. "You haven't been to see him yet?"

Harry shrugged and then took Ginny's hand. "I think I'm going to go do some homework."

Ginny went with him but Harry wasn't sure if she really wanted to or not. Ron and Hermione didn't follow and moments later Draco passed them at a sprint up the stairs, probably going to the Hospital Wing.

"Was he ok?" Ginny asked when they were alone in the corridor outside of Gryffindor.

"I imagine so. They wouldn't bring him back here if he wasn't going to be."

"You're not curious though?"

"No." It was a lie and Harry was sure Ginny knew it. Of course he was curious. He wanted to know what had happened. It had been three weeks and two days since he'd disappeared. Almost a month. That was a long time.

"Harry, please stop."

Harry stopped at the plea and gentle tug on his hand and stared at Ginny blankly. "What are you doing Harry?"

"Going to the common room to do homework. I missed a couple days of school with the flu."

"I don't believe for one minute that you had the flu and I don't believe you'd choose to be here when your dad is in the Hospital Wing."

"He was dead Gin," Harry said seriously. "For a few days he was missing, and after that he was dead. Just because he's back doesn't change that. If you don't want to do homework with me, you don't have to." He turned to go into the portrait hole and was surprised to find Ginny behind him as he went inside to the mostly empty common room.

He went to his room and retrieved his books and by the time he came back down the stairs, the common room was filling up with students comming back from dinner.

"Do you want to go to the library with me?" he asked Ginny. She gave a quiet nod and looked uncertain, and he lead the way out, passing Ron and Hermione as they exited the portrait hole.

The library was quiet, for which Harry was thankful. Aside from Ginny, he really didn't want to be around other people. As he pulled out his books at a table in the back, he was silently thankful that his cravings were not there with him. For once, he just wanted to enjoy Ginny's company, do his homework, and not have any drama. Not think about Sirius, or his father, or the dirt, or anything or anyone else.

"He and Ginny worked quietly side by side, Harry occasionally asking her a question about Charms and Ginny occasionally setting her hand on top of his on the table and giving him an uncertain look that he was intent on ignoring.

"What are you studying cub?"

Harry looked up to find Remus across from them, taking a seat. He guessed it must have been nearing curfew because there were very few other students in the library.

"Potions," Harry said. He looked over at Ginny's open book and noted that she'd moved on to Herbology.

Remus gave a nod and then said gently, "You know your father is in the Hospital Wing."

"Yup," Harry said, looking back down at his homework. He still had rather a lot to catch up on.

"And you saw Sirius."

"Twice."

Remus' voice growing gentler still, as if he sensed the dangerous ground he was treading on, said, "Your father has asked for you. He's sleeping now, but I don't think anyone would fault you for sleeping in the Hospital Wing tonight."

"I'm sleeping in the dorms," Harry said.

"Ginny, would you give us a moment?"

Ginny stood up and reached for her bag, but Harry stood up suddenly himself.

"No, that's ok," Harry said. "I'm going back to the common room. I'll wait for you outside Ginny."

He stuffed his books into his bag and hurried out. Remus looked at Ginny for help.

"Professor Snape is dead," she said quietly. "That's what he said. He was missing, then he was dead, and that hasn't changed."

Remus sighed. "Thank you Ginny." She gave him a nod and then followed after Harry, leaving Remus sitting at the table in the back of the quiet library, a lot to think about.

* * *

"He is angry with me," Severus said in response to Lupin's reasoning that Harry being 'busy' with school work was why he'd yet to come see him. It had been three days since he'd been brought back by Black and two since he'd regained consciousness. "He believes I abandoned him."

"I don't think so," Remus said, sitting in the hard wooden chair beside the bed in the private room. He'd occupied it for almost two days straight when Harry had been here in this bed.

Severus glared at Lupin from where he sat in bed. He was still too weak to get up or take care of himself and Poppy wouldn't let him go until most of his magical core was restored. It was only at forty percent currently and she wouldn't let him go until it was at ninety, which could take days, or even weeks.

"Listen," Remus said at the look his colleague was giving him. "He thought you were dead, and he came to that conclusion pretty quickly. It was like, he was preparing himself to hear it because if he kept hope up that you would come back then he'd be dissappointed. His parents died, and then after his ordeal with Sirius... I think he just expects to lose everyone around him."

Severus narrowed his eyes. It was possible that Lupin was right. He had been there taking care of Harry while he was gone. It was possible that the boy had confided things in him that Severus had yet to hear, or realize about the child.

"I suppose he told you about his... problem?" He wanted to be careful in case Harry hadn't.

"He was struggling with it and having panic attacks any time he thought about you. The full moon was comming and he knew I wouldn't be able to be there with him, so he told me and asked me to find someone to stay with him so he wouldn't go out."

"Albus?"

"Yes, though I got the impression he wasn't happy about it. They certainly had a difficult time together and it didn't end well."

"Meaning?"

Lupin shifted in his chair and looked uncomfortable and Severus gave him a warning look that he'd better answer soon.

"Harry tried to escape on the first night several times and Albus stopped him. On the second night he slept, and on the third morning Albus went in to find him in his bear form. He refused to come out of it or go to classes, though by that evening when Albus returned Harry was there in bed asleep as himself. Albus didn't ward the door though and Harry slipped out. I returned the next morning to find him gone and alerted Albus. We found him in the forbidden forest next to a handful of half eaten raw Asphodel root. He was lucky he didn't freeze to death. He spent the next several days in that bed asleep and recovering from the 'influenza'."

Severus looked down at the sheets over his lower half as if he would see some sign of Harry there. "In fact, he'd just been discharged when Sirius brought you in. They met in the hallway, but neither said anything. Harry saw him again as he left around dinner time, but they didn't speak then either."

Rubbing the bridge of his nose, Severus wished he could just go back to sleep. His son had fallen apart in his three week absense, physically, mentally, and emotionally, and now he wasn't interested in speaking to him or seeing him. Draco hadn't done so well either (his grades had taken a considderable hit) but considdering that he had no one to take care of him as Harry had, and that he'd been in to see him every day, he seemed to be in good shape now.

"There's something else," Remus said, clearing his throat.

Severus looked up. "How can there possibly be more?" Had the child tried to leap from the rooftop also? Started using more illegal substances? Gotten a girl pregnant?

"He's been writing to Sirius." That was almost as bad as the other options, Severus decided as Remus continued to speak. "I don't know how many letters or what all was in them. I know he always tells Sirius not to write back. It's been going on for quite some time apparently. Harry didn't tell me this, but Sirius did before he left, because I asked him why he went after you. He'd been out for a week and a half and none of us knew where he had gone."

"And?"

"Harry wrote him a letter that said he hated him for giving you to him just so he could lose you again."

"And that caused Black to suddenly grow a conscious?"

It was Remus' turn to give Severus a stern look and Severus returned to rubbing his eyes and the bridge of his nose.

"Everybody does the best they can. I expected you'd know that by now." He stood up. "Don't worry about classes. The Headmaster has asked me to stay until you're ready to return. I've already moved out of your quarters and back into my old ones."

He went for the door in the small room and then stopped. "Oh. There was something else. The night you disappeared, Harry, Ginny, and Draco Malfoy were out on the grounds together in their animagus forms until well past midnight. They were just comming in when Albus was setting off to search for you. No one's been punished yet. They thought it would be best to leave Harry and Draco up to you."

"Wonderful," Severus said, wishing his splitting headache would get better and stop getting worse. Remus gave him a tilt of his head and then was gone.

He could barely see straight, he couldn't stand, and he felt like he couldn't concentrate, but he had to because he had a lot to think over. He hadn't even fully processed what had happened to him yet and yet he knew he needed to process all that Harry had apparently been through. It would be easier if he could speak to the boy, but until he could rise and seek him out, it didn't seem like that was going to happen. As Severus struggled to get back into a laying position, he wished Harry were there, not so much to help him, just to see him. Harry had kept him going as he had laid there on that remote farm next to the decrepit old barn. Before names and faces and reasons had slipped away from him, all he thought about aside from the pain was getting back to Harry. Now he was back, and Harry didn't seem to want him there.

* * *

Draco was angry at Harry, and Harry knew why, but he couldn't bring himself to do what everyone seemed to want him to do. Going to see his father would be easy. It would be too easy. Making a relationship with him hadn't seemed easy at the time, but Harry knew that compared to losing him, it was. Going in there to see him, asking him what had happened and if he was ok, telling him he was worried about him and loved him... that would be easy. Harry would have very much liked to take the easy way out, but he knew what that would lead to. Heartache. Despair. His world falling completely and totally to ruin. They were at war, and Harry was destined to either kill or be killed. If he survived, he knew the odds that his father would also survive were slim to none. No, if he did make it out of this war, he didn't want to be in despair over his father. It would be easy to go to him now, but it would be much easier in the long run if he didn't. If he just separated his emotions for him now, cut hismelf away from the relationship clean... no, he couldn't go see his father, even if Draco wasn't speaking to him. Even if Remus had been back to speak to him twice about it and Ron and Hermione and Ginny seemed worried about him. This was what was best. He had even thought about it from the other direction too. If his father were to survive the war, and he did not (he wasn't even sure he had a 50/50 chance) then he would be saving his father from heartache. If he could get him to hate him again, then maybe they'd both be all right.

With a plan in mind to be the old, defiant Harry Potter that the Potion's Master often cursed, breated, and always put down, Harry avoided the corridors near the Hospital Wing as if his life depended on it. He didn't want to go near them and have McGonagall or Pomfrey drag him in there to see him. He found alternate routes to classes and the library, and made certain he was busy during free time so no one would pester him about going to the Hospital Wing.

"You're a real jerk," Draco said to him as he passed one day in the hall. His tone was that of the old Draco Malfoy, and Harry wondered if he had to lose Draco too in order to separate himself from his father. The question actually caused him to think hard on if this was the right decision or not. He'd become almost as close to Draco as he was to Ron and with so few true friends, he didn't want to lose one. Draco was the only one who truly understood what it had felt like to be at Grimmuald Place alone with Sirius. Was he willing to lose that?

It happened again several times, Draco glaring at him, calling him names like: 'jerk', 'selfish', and 'arrogant', and once Draco even knocked into him in the hall, causing Ron to curse and make a rude gesture at the blond.

"What's his problem anyway?" Ron asked. Luckily Hermione hadn't been there to tell him off for his gesture.

"He wants to be Snape's son. He probably thinks I'm wasting my chance at something he wants and can't have."

"Well-" Ron hedged, which wasn't like him at all. Harry turned to look at him.

"What?"

"Aren't you?" Ron asked.

Staring at his friend who had been keeping his mouth shut on the issue up until this point, Harry said, "Am I what? Wasting my chance to be the son of the dungeon bat?"

"You'd better give him your broom back if you're going to act like that. My mum and dad would have mine back in about half a second if I talked about them like that."

Harry huffed. Was Ron turning on him too?

"Just- just leave me alone," Harry said. He felt shaky all of a sudden and panicky. He stalked away and around the corner, trying to find any place free of students so he could try to regain control over himself.

Was he wrong to make this decision? His friends and teachers seemed to think so, but it wasn't their life was it? They hadn't fallen apart when he'd gone missing... hadn't gone back to the Asphodel, had frequent and debilitating panic attacks, thought for certain that their only remaning parent was dead...

Harry slid down the wall and put his face in his hands. He knew people were probably staring, but he couldn't think about that right now. All he could think about was breathing, because he couldn't breath. His chest was tight and he was certain he'd never be able to breath again.

"Get a teacher," he heard someone say. He thought it was Draco but wasn't sure becuase Draco was still angry at him and wouldn't help him if he were angry.

"Harry." Some ammount of time must have passed because Lupin was with him then.

"Breath Harry. You've got to breath. You're ok."

No, no he wasn't ok. He would never be ok. He was losing everyone and everything around him. Sirius, whom he'd clearly wounded and guilted into saving his father, his father who had died and somehow come back from the dead, and would probably die again, and his friends. Was he destined to be alone?

"Breath Harry." He felt Remus trying to pull his wrist away from his body, but Harry pulled back and was like a solid rock.

"It's ok, I'm here," Remus said. "All the others have gone."

Not ok. Not ok. Not ok.

Harry knew Remus was trying to get him to stand up, and eventually he must have because he was walking now, but his eyes were shut tight and he was still shaking. Maybe his feet had been charmed to move on their own, Harry didn't know becuase all he could think about was trying to breath.

"Here Harry, lay down." Remus helped Harry to sit down on a bed, but the space for him was narrow because there was someone else there. And then he heard his father's voice.

"What's happened?"

"Draco found him in a hall like this one floor down. He's having an anxiety attack. I barely got him to stand up."

Warm arms wrapped around him and Harry found himself against his father's warm chest. He could hear his heart beat slow and methodically and Harry was reminded that he was alive, not dead.

"I know he didn't want to come up here, but he was having these attacks earlier because you were gone."

"Thank you."

A door opened and closed and Harry remained rigid, just trying to breath.

"Shh. It's all right now."

Harry wanted to believe the words and let himself be soothed by them, but he couldn't. He wasn't supposed to be here. This was just going to be harder on him in the future. But his father's heartbeat was still slow and steady, and his arms were around his shoulders, and for the time Harry felt safe. He didn't know how long he lay like that before his breathing started to fall in time to his father's heartbeat, and his limbs relaxed. He felt rather childish now, having to be brought to his father like this and be consoled, but he couldn't bring himself to feel ashamed. The man had been missing. He'd been dead. Now he was here and Harry was with him, and his chance for an easy ending in the future was gone, because he was too weak to resist the easy way out in the here and now. Harry didn't fall asleep, but he didn't say anything either. He was just content to be there in the moment and let himself be comforted.

Harry stared quietly at the wall for some time, and because he had not yet looked up at his father, he did not know if he had fallen asleep as he sat there in the Hospital bed hugging him. The rythmic rise and fall of his father's chest, and his heart beat was calming, and if Harry were to admit it to himself, he hadn't felt this calm or safe in weeks, or maybe even months. Maybe he hadn't felt this way since before the start of the summer.

Eventually he did feel his father shift, signalling that he was not asleep, and Harry turned his head slightly to let his eyes roam somewhere aside from the boring castle wall. On the other side of the bed there was a nightstand, and on it were several books. The one on top caught his eye. It looked distinctly Muggle.

"What's that?"

He felt his father turn his head above him to look at the books on the night stand.

"Madam Pomfrey was kind enough to bring me reading material."

"It looks Muggle." He let his eyes move along the spine of the crimson book. War: The Aftermath - Shell Shock, PTSD, And Other Cognitive Reprecussions. "What's PTSD?" Shell shock he'd heard of before. Sometimes Uncle Vernon watched old World War I movies on the telly and the characters mentioned it, usually doctors.

"Post Traumatic Stress Disorder."

Harry stared at the book for a moment more before he let his eyes go to the two books under that one. They looked like they were both about PTSD as well. The bottom one looked like it was from Flourish and Blotts.

"Remus said you've been having anxiety attacks."

Harry was quiet. Well that was obvious given the state he'd come into the room in.

"Were you having them before I went missing?"

He'd certainly felt panicky and anxious about Sirius a lot after coming back to the castle during the summer, but the feelings hadn't completely locked him down like had been happening recently.

"I- maybe."

"And before this summer?"

Harry thought on it and couldn't come up with any memory of it. "No."

"Do you think about what happened with Black a lot?"

"I used to. Only sometimes now."

"Do you relive what happened?"

"In my dreams mostly."

Severus sighed and Harry noted that his grip tightened on his shoulders momentarily as if to reassure him.

"Those are both symptoms of PTSD. It is something soldiers fighting in wars sometimes experience, but anyone who has been through a traumatic experience can start having symptoms."

"You think I have PT..."

"SD. I believe you do." He paused and then said, "Madam Pomfrey brought the possibility to my attention, and after reading through some of these books, I recalled some of your earlier behavior after returning to the castle."

"So- what? What does that mean?"

"Do you want to stop having anxiety attacks and reliving what happened?"

"I was having the attacks because you were gone."

"Yet you would not come and see me when I came back."

There it was. Harry wondered when it would come up. He didn't know how to explain his reasoning to him, or even if he wanted to. He was afraid his father would be angry with him as Draco was.

"I'd rather not talk about it."

"I believe I can help you to stop having them, but you will have to do as I say."

"If this is going to end up like Occlumency lessons last year- "

"It will not."

Harry furrowed his brow. "How then? You're going to help me be less stressed? If it means I get to play more Quidditch then I won't mind. That's helpful to relax."

"Unfortunately that is not the type of stress we will be seeking to relieve. You are having stress brought on by thoughts of what happened over the summer, not from an impending school exam or other typical teenage stressors."

"I told you, I didn't have panic attacks over that."

"Perhaps not, but I believe it stems from the same issues that that incident brought about."

"What are we going to do then?"

"Mostly talk. For the time being, it seems as though I have an abundance of time to do so."

Harry finally sat up all the way, and his back was immediately cold from where he'd been leaning against his father. He gave him a close looking over. "When will you be out?"

"My inner magical core had become almost completely diminished. It will restore itself eventually, but it is currently only near fifty percent."

"Does that mean you can't do magic?"

"It means I should not unless in dire circumstances."

"Did Voldemort... you know- diminish it?" Harry still didn't know what had happened. He bet that Draco did, but they weren't talking, and even if Draco had tried to tell him, he wouldn't have listened.

"After Devon was expelled, he was apparently recruited by Death Eaters. He was left in Hogsmead to spy on shop owners and visitors, and apparently spotted us together in town several times. He put the pieces together and reported back to Voldemort that you are my son."

Harry looked away. He knew it. He'd almost gotten him killed.

"I expect you to listen without placing blame on yourself," Severus admonished him, and then continued. "After being attacked for several hours, I was able to apparate away. They pursued me and I apparated away several more times, each time to more remote locations than the last. I eventually ended up on a farm. My magic hid me from Muggle view and kept me alive until Black happened upon me with a tracer spell. Apparently he'd traced me from the meeting to all of the places I'd apparated to, and then to where I was."

"But the Death Eaters didn't?"

"I do not know which spell he used exactly, but it was able to counteract the safeguards my magic had thrown up around me."

When Harry was quiet and didn't respond, Severus said, "I was informed that you saw him in the castle twice."

"He didn't say anything to me," Harry said. "He didn't want to look at me either. It was like... he was embarassed."

"What did you do when you saw him?"

"Nothing. I just watched him and then kept walking." Harry looked down at his hands. "Sorry. That I knew you were back and didn't come up here I mean."

"I forgive you. When you saw Black... were you fearful?"

Harry looked at him and frowned. What was this, a counseling session? He did want to stop having panic attacks but he'd already told his father, they weren't about Sirius, they were about him.

"No. I wondered why he looked embarrassed."

"Have you asked him in a letter?"

"Ok, so you know I've written to him... am I not allowed to write to who I want to?"

"I was merely curious. I had not been aware that you were in contact with him until I was told after I returned."

"Sirius told you?"

"No."

Feeling frustrated Harry stood up and moved to look out the window in the tiny room. There was room for a bed, a chair and a nightstand and nothing else. "He never writes back so I'm not really 'in contact' with him. Sometimes when I'm angry I just write to him. It's easier than yelling at you or someone else."

There was a pregnant pause and then against his better judgement Severus said, "And also unfair."

Harry turned. "Unfair?"

"To write to someone only when you're angry and tell them not to write back."

Harry held up his hand. "Wait, first you're mad at me for writing to him, and then you're mad at me for telling him not to write back? I don't get it." Harry felt like he was being talked in circles and getting no where. He was confused and didn't like it. They'd been talking for half an hour already and he felt like he didn't understand where the conversation was going or where it had already been.

"I am not angry and you are not in trouble for writing. I believe you know that it is unfair to take your anger out on someone else however. You know what that is like to be on the receiving end of the same."

"You hate him, what do you care if I'm unfair to him? He was unfair to Draco and to me."

"And he saved my life."

Harry stared and his father's words hung in the air. There was that. Sirius had saved him probably because he was upset about Harry's apparently unfair letters to him. They weren't really unfair though. Sirius had caused a lot of trouble for Harry, trouble that lingered to this day. This would be twice that Sirius gave Harry his father though.

"When Remus came the first time, you didn't want to hear anything about Sirius or his excuses or how sorry he was. You didn't want me to forgive him. What do you want from me?"

Severus sighed and stared out the window. "I believe you are having issues with anxiety and PTSD because you haven't been able to let go of certain things. You admitted to me once that you began taking the caffeine pills and asphodel because of the way you felt about what happened during the summer. When you get anxious you seem to have cravings for the asphodel. Perhaps I was wrong to encourage you not to forgive him, if forgiving him will help you to move on."

Harry crossed his arms. "I told you, I was having anxiety attacks because of you, not him. And for your information I haven't had any cravings since a couple of days before you got back."

Looking Harry in the eyes to assess the truth of his statement, he asked, "None?"

"None. And that was when I was still anxious, and I didn't have any in the hall earlier today either."

"It is possible that they have gone away on their own. Some who take the asphodel are lucky, most are not. With how long and strong your cravings were lasting, I did not believe they would ever dissipate."

"Maybe it was all the poison from the raw asphodel."

"I have studied the powder but not the effects of the raw plant. I am not informed enough to say if that is possible, only that if it is, others do not know about the remedy." Feeling tired and weak, he gave Harry a hard look.

"I want you to think about what we've talked about."

Well that's fine for you to say, Harry thought, feeling snarky. I don't even understand everything that's been said.

"And also," his father continued, "do not believe you have gotten away with your misbehavior while I was away."

"I'm getting punished for the asphodel?" Harry half shouted. "I tried not to I really did! I didn't even fight with the Headmaster or Remus or anything-"

Severus held up a hand to cut him off. "I am aware that you were outside your power of will to resist the temptation of asphodel, and also proud that you took steps to keep yourself from going out. That is not what I am speaking about. There is the matter however of you and your friends sneaking out to wander the grounds past curfew, and also of your refusal to go to class on one of the days that I was gone."

Harry crossed his arms again. Oh, that. He'd almost forgotten about those things.

"Draco has already served detention for being out after curfew and I believe Minerva will soon be issuing a detention slip to Miss Weasley."

"What's my punishment then?"

"Cleaning bedpans."

Harry's face fell but his father was giving a rare smile then and Harry relaxed. "That's not funny," he said.

"Neither will be your punishment when I decide what that is."

"Ok."

There was a knock on the door and Severus bade whoever it was to enter. When the door opened, Draco stood there looking back and forth between Snape and Harry.

"Come in," Severus told him, and he came in and closed the door.

"I've got some homework to do," Harry said to his father, and Severus nodded. "Good, something to keep you out of trouble. Remember what I said to think about."

Harry gave him a nod, gave him and Draco a last look, and then opened the door and left. Draco was probably still mad at him, he thought, and besides that Harry felt embarassed that Draco had found him shaking in the hall earlier that day.

Harry went down to dinner with his friends and asked Ginny if she'd gotten a detention slip, (which she had), and told her he was supposed to be getting some kind of gruelling detention when his father got out of the Hospital Wing.

"So you've been to see him then?" Ginny asked.

"Remus sort of dragged me up there."

"Just so you could get chewed out?" Ron asked in disbelief.

"Well, no. But he did say I'd have to clean bed pans."

Ron groaned. "Cleaning his bed pan? That's disgusting."

"He was joking," Harry said, "but he did say I was in pretty serious trouble but he hadn't decided what my punishment was yet."

"See," Ron said, "told you you should have taken me with you. We could have gone out a window again by broom instead of sneaking out the front doors."

"When did you sneak out a window?" Hermione asked.

Ron grinned. "Wouldn't you like to know?"

"How is the transformation coming?" Ginny asked Ron and Hermione then.

"It's not exactly," Hermione said. "We tried on one of the days I had worked out on the callendar but I think we need to try one of the other forms."

"One of us can threaten to eat you," Harry joked, "get you scared enough to turn."

"No thank you," Hermione said stiffly. "I'll figure it out on my own."

"S'that how mum got you to do it?" Ron asked Ginny. "You haven't seen her angry until you've seen her turn into a wolf."

"No, it took me two years to learn and even in the end I struggled with it. It's like... you have to know what it feels like to be your animal form, and if you don't know what animal that is you don't know how to do it. It's all very confusing."

"We'll get it," Hermione said again, and Harry hoped they would because that would be fun to go out together as animals with all of his friends, even if they did get caught.

* * *

Harry stayed in the dorms that night, but he couldn't sleep. His father's words about being unfair to Sirius circled in his head. He wasn't being unfair, not really. If he was still having problems because of Sirius, then why should Sirius be able to just forget about everything that had happened? He got out of bed at half past midnight and sat at his desk in the dark room to write another letter.

My father says I'm being unfair to you. But it wasn't very fair what happened to me and Draco over the summer.

He paused, quill in the air. What else could he say? He was thankful to have his father back. What he really wanted to say was, 'why did you look embarassed when I saw you in the castle', but he felt too uneasy about writing that down. That would be inviting Sirius to write back to him.

I don't know why you went to get him, but I'm glad that you did.

Harry set his quill down and climbed back into his four poster. He put his hands behind his head and stared at the canopy. Maybe he'd think of something else to write in the morning. But in the morning, there was nothing else to say, so he sent the letter as it was.