“Professor Snape wants you to take this Neville,” Harry said as soon as the man had left the room. He held up a vial with a blue liquid in it.

“What is it?” Neville asked warily.

“A potion,” Harry said with a shake of his head.

“Cleary, but what kind of potion is it?” Neville said his eyes narrowing in suspicion.

“I don’t know I’m not Professor Snape. I already took mine so here is yours.” Harry said pointing to an empty vial next to the full one.

“Oh,” Neville said before slowly taking the vial and gulping it down. A minute later his eyes closed and he fell back against the bed.

Harry took off the boy’s shoes and covered him up before nodding and leaving the room. He headed into the receiving room to find Professor Snape having a serious conversation with the Headmaster. He couldn’t hear anything but he already knew what it was about. Harry had to think how many more kids were on edge like Neville. Was death truly the way out? Truth be told he knew exactly how the boy felt, he felt it every day, and sometimes he hated Snape for saving him.

Harry leaned against the doorway in the sitting room where Snape was talking to Dumbledore. He cleared his throat, garnering the attention of both men. He didn’t say anything he just took a seat on a chair and waited for them to finish the conversation. It ended fairly quickly and pretty much told Harry that they were talking about him. He shrugged, he was used to it be honest.

“Where’s Longbottom?” Severus asked looking around and not seeing the lion.

“He’s sleeping,” Harry said quietly.

“I didn’t think he was tired,” Severus said in concern, wondering if he should check on the boy.

“He took a potion, dreamless sleep to be exact.” Harry explained.

“You drugged him?” Severus asked appalled.

“You drugged me,” Harry pointed out.

“I know, but Longbottom is not you.” Severus said with narrowed eyes.

“Maybe so, but you cannot deny we think alike. I needed to talk to you.” Harry said with a frown.

“What about? How did you come across Longbottom?” He asked.

“That has to do with why I have to talk to you,” Harry said with a sigh.

Severus took a seat across from the boy and ordered some tea. This discussion he knew was going to be stressful, as if he didn’t have enough of that.

“Did you let someone else know about you-know-what?” Severus couldn’t help but ask.

“No but someone does in fact know. But I didn’t tell her,” Harry said quickly.

“Granger knows?” Severus asked in a horrified tone, his face blank.

“No, Luna does,” Harry replied.

Severus frowned, before blanking his face again. He really wasn’t surprised, Ms. Lovegood tended to know things that she had no business knowing. He knew that firsthand, and there really was nothing he good to do about that. At least he could count on her discretion, and add to the fact that everyone thought she was loony.

He listened to Harry as he explained his encounter with Luna and then coming to find the Longbottom boy just a word away from ending his life. Severus had never felt more old than he did at that moment. The weight on his chest was heavy, he hated the fact that so many children were suffering. Why would they think that death was the only way out?

“The headmaster is contacting St. Mungo’s,” Severus explained.

“For the healers, so we can talk about it.” Harry asked with a frown.

“Everyone but you, I will find you a muggle one this week.” Severus said quietly.

“Can I tell Neville about me?” Harry asked out of the blue.

“No, absolutely not! Are you out of your mind Mr. Potter?” Severus hissed before throwing up a privacy spell, just in case the other boy had woken up.

“It was only a suggestion, and I’m not Harry anymore.” Harry said angrily.

“Why would you even ask that? Too many people know as it is,” Severus reasoned.

“I just didn’t want Neville to hurt anymore,” Harry said meekly.

“That was a stupid idea, who is to say that he will not react the way Black and Lupin have?” Severus asked pointedly.

Harry’s face glazed over as he remembered the confrontation between his godfather and Remus. He knew they wanted to talk to him, but he couldn’t bring it in him to care. He was so angry about how they treated him. What gave them the right to judge him? He was supposed to be family was he not?

“Neville’s different,” Harry said quietly.

“How do you know that?”

“Because he is, he was there for me. I was so selfish to leave him, how could I do that to him? How could I think that it would be ok? I knew how he was feeling, why did I leave him alone?” Harry asked, as the grief of what he did that day start to catch up to him.

Severus watched the boy across from him start to fall apart; he knew that the child was no longer asking him questions. He was now questioning himself, and Severus could see him breaking apart at the seams.

“Emerson?” He asked quietly.

“No, just let me alone.” Harry said shaking his head from side to side.

“I won’t so don’t bother trying to push me away,” Severus said sternly.

“I’m so selfish, how could I be like that? What have I done?” Harry asked his tone horrified as he thought of everyone suffering at the moment.

“You didn’t do anything, but choose what you wanted. For the first time in your life, you decided something for you. Granted it wasn’t the best choice but it was yours nonetheless.” Severus said softly.

“Why would you save me? How could you? Why didn’t you let me die?” Harry asked as he stood up angrily one hand on his chest as he felt like his heart might just break.

“Because I promised your mother that I would protect you anyway I could.” Severus replied kindly.

“You don’t know when to leave well enough alone. I didn’t want to be bloody saved, why couldn’t you see that? Why would you make me stay here and allow me to see my mistakes? I bet this was your plan all along right? You wanted old Potter to suffer right, I hate you. How could you do this to me? I didn’t want to live anymore,” Harry said, his eyes filled with tears he stubbornly refused to let fall.

“You don’t mean that Emerson,” Severus said standing up as well.

“If I didn’t mean it I wouldn’t have said it.” Harry said tightly before shaking his head once and falling to one knee.

“I wish you didn’t mean it,” Severus said quietly.

“I wish I had died, too bad wishes don’t come true,” Harry said sarcastically before burying his head in his hands as his tears finally fell.

“What’s so happy about death that intrigues you so?” Severus asked firmly.

“My parents, I want that unconditional love that they would give me. I don’t have it here, never had. I just wanted for a moment to feel loved, for me not for who I was. Not because I was the orphan boy, or the chosen one. I just wanted to be loved for just me, just Harry.” Harry replied as his tears silently fell down his face.

Severus was not an expressive man; he knew that as did everyone around him. The child on the floor however, didn’t care about that. The boy was hurting, and had feelings of being unwanted. How many times had he wished for the same thing? How many days did he pretend that he had a loving family? How many dreams did he have where his mother hadn’t died?

And lastly how many times had he contemplated that his life wasn’t worth it? What he wouldn’t give to have someone like Harry had right now? Even if the child didn’t know, he had his dogfather and the werewolf and Albus. But most importantly he had Severus who would show him; even if he had to die proving it that the boy was worth something.

“You are loved for just you, silly child.” Severus said softly.

“No I’m not,” Harry said stubbornly as he turned his tear-filled green orbs to his teachers.

“Yes you are,” Severus repeated.

“Who then huh? Surely you don’t mean Sirius and Remus, newsflash they fucking hate me,” Harry said his face scrunching up as more tears fell.

“They don’t hate you,” Severus said calmly, having to force himself to stop from snapping at the boy for his atrocious language. It was a force of habit, but he wouldn’t hurt the boy any longer at least not intentionally.

“Well they sure acted like it,” Harry said tiredly.

“They were in shock I assure you,” he replied simply.

“I hate them; I hate them for making me feel guilty. Don’t they know how much I went through? Why am I the only one not allowed to be selfish? Why does everyone expect me to save them? Why in the hell would think I want to save the ones who turn on me? Would you Professor, would you save them? I hate them all,” Harry said no longer talking about his godfather, now in reference to the wizarding world.

“Hate is a strong emotion Harry, hate gives way for anger to fester. It’s unhealthy for you to hate child,” Severus explained.

“Why not? You hate, and you’re just fine,” Harry said his chin jutting out defiantly.

“Example right there, I am not fine. Because of my hate, I now live a dangerous life; I don’t need to tell you what it is; because I’m sure you know.” Severus said quietly.

Harry deflated at that, hearing those words. He could see the man’s reasoning, but he wasn’t ready to admit that yet. He balled his fists together; anger was easier to deal with then pain.

“None of that,” Severus said softly, taking his hands and unclenching the fists.

“I’m just so…so…” Harry was so frustrated he didn’t know what he was feeling. He was so tired, of this of everything he could scream.

“I know child, trust me I do know.” Severus said soothingly.

“Make it go away, make it all gone.” Harry said his tone suddenly changing to a pleading tone, making him sound a lot younger.

“If I could, you know I would.” Severus said honestly, feeling horrible that he couldn’t do a thing about it.

Severus reached for the boy and set him on his feet, looking at him closely. He could see the emotions running through those emerald eyes, and his own heart clenched as they looked back at him in confusion. He could literally feel the hurt coming off the child; no child should feel like Harry had made to feel. To know that he had aided in the way of the child breaking down, didn’t settle well with Severus. He found himself frowning as moments throughout the years of him unfairly scolding or yelling at the boy just because he could; popped into his head. He could see every fault he had ever done to the boy. He shook his head angrily, why hadn’t anyone ever stopped him? How could he be so cruel to a child, to Lily’s child? What gave him the right to do that?

“I’m so sorry Harry,” Severus said the words surprising even him.

“But you didn’t do anything,” Harry said in confusion.

“I did Harry, I did more then I knew. I am so sorry child,” Severus said tugging the boy closer to him.

“Professor?” Harry whispered as he was pulled into the man’s chest.

He found his arms unconsciously circling the man’s waist, his head hearing the man’s heart beating. Harry found his barriers starting to waver as he relished in the hug. This was so much different than any other hug he had before. Remus’s hugs were careful as the man was afraid to hurt him, Sirius’s were carefree, and Mrs. Weasleys was soft and affectionate.

Snape’s was different, had he ever felt this safe before in his life? He swallowed repeatedly to stop the lump that had suddenly reappeared in his throat. He would not cry on the man, just because he was hugging him. As his resolve weakened, Harry found himself unable to prevent the tears. He had never felt this type of love before, this had to be love right? He wasn’t about to ask the man, but he was content where he was.

He sniffled in the man’s shirt, trying to pull away. He didn’t want to seem like a cry baby. As he pulled his head back, he felt a warm hand rest on it, keeping him close and closed his eyes and envisioned this was his father holding him. He smiled in spite of his tears hugging the man as tight as he could, as he silently wet.

“You don’t always have to be so strong Harry,” Severus choked out, struggling to keep his own emotions in check.

“I’m the boy-who-lived,” Harry whimpered out.

“Yes, but you are still just a boy, it’s alright to ask for help.” Severus continued softly.

“I don’t know how,” Harry said through his tears.

“I will show you,” he replied gently.

Harry nodded into Snape’s chest, unable to make himself move now. He felt the man shifting and he grabbed him tightly; just in case he was about to get pulled off of him.

“Relax you foolish child,” Severus said fondly as he adjusted them into a more comfortable position.

Sitting on the sofa was no easy feat, considering he had a 15 year old nestled in his torso and had no inclination to move. Somehow he was able to get them seated and in place, with Harry’s head now resting on his side. He looked down at the silent boy, who wasn’t really crying anymore. He accioed his book and opened it, one hand carding its way through the messy black hair.

They sat on the sofa for a while, Severus wasn’t aware of the time, and he didn’t care. He was vaguely aware that Harry had fallen asleep within the first hour or so. He moved him so his head was resting comfortably on his lap, as he drank his tea. Now he had time to think what he was supposed to do, with the two boys in his quarters. They were far from being healed and truth be told, he didn’t trust Longbottom not to try and hurt himself again. Just because he spelled his wand didn’t comfort him at all, there were other ways to end your life.

He would have to speak to Minerva to see how Granger and Weasely were doing considering they were the best friends of Harry. He needed to know how they were coping; he hadn’t had a chance to see how his Slytherins were fairing besides Pansy and Theodore. Draco he knew was changing before his eyes, he just wasn’t sure that all of it was because of what happened. The short moments he had seen the blonde Slytherin, he could see something stirring in the silver eyes.

He didn’t know what they were, but he knew that it wasn’t good. He knew that Draco wouldn’t kill himself, but he didn’t put it pass him to start something. People dealt with grief differently, which reminded him that he would have to check on a few of his Slytherins who many had deemed heartless. He knew they were the furthest from it; they were the ones that worried him the most. The ones he had to look out for the most; with their self destructive behavior that any grave situation could trigger; and he had to be on the lookout. 

He wondered if Minerva had any Gryffindors that dealt with self harmers, he would bring that to Minerva’s attention during the talk. He didn’t actually think that the lions were capable of it, but after realizing a few things he knew it possible. Harry Potter, Gryffindor golden boy, shot a teacher and himself, Neville Longbottom, prodigy of Herbology, tried to kill himself. He knew Weasely was hotheaded and Granger tended to be level headed but that didn’t reassure him at all. The red-head would probably lash out, and he knew he would have to keep an eye on both him and Draco. It would be disastrous if they were to fight.

He had heard in their 3rd year that Granger had given Draco a shiner that he himself would be proud of. He would think that she would fight, but something in him was saying no. She was a quiet one, and everyone knew that before Hogwarts she had struggled being an outsider. She knew how Harry and Neville both felt, he couldn’t put it pass her that she wouldn’t hurt herself. He couldn’t shake the feeling that he was right, and he hoped for once that he was wrong.

 He looked down at the boy in his lap and though he couldn’t do anything now, he would see at lunch. He went through various students in both houses, who he thought was at risk and he frowned as he thought of Blaise. The boy felt betrayed by him, what did that mean? When you were hurting you did stupid things, he could agree with that. He had to think, was the Zabini family dark or light or neutral?

He would have to talk to him as well, he had so much to do and he still had to approve the healers who were coming that day. He didn’t trust Albus fully, how could the man be all knowing and still not see that Harry was breaking before his eyes. He was still deep in his thoughts when he felt a stinging pain in his left arm, which had him flinching. And he moved to stand up forgetting that Harry was laying on him. The boy fell to the floor and looked at him in wide eyes, filled with fear.

“I am so sorry Emerson; I had forgotten that you were on me.” Severus said tightly as the pain in his arm got worse.

“That’s ok sir,” Harry said yawning as he stood up and crawled back on the sofa, leaning his head on the man’s shoulder. He was still tired, and Snape was comfortable.

“Lean on the couch for me for a moment,” Severus said gently, trying to maneuver him.

“Why can’t I lean on you like before?” Harry asked in confusion.

“Because I’m getting ready to leave,” Severus said tensely as his mark burned even more. He only had a few more minutes before he was late for the meeting.

“Where are you going? Are you gonna come back?” Harry asked as he sat up to look at his Professor with blearily eyes.

Severus ignored him in favor of accioing his robes and mask, making sure they were rolled up together. He ran into his lab to grab the potion he was brewing for the Dark Lord and grabbed it, just in case he wanted to see the progress he had made on it. When he ran back into the sitting room, Harry was standing there in front of him, looking hurt. He picked up the book from the floor and turned to put it back on the shelf, it wouldn’t do for Harry to pick up this particular one.

"Professor, are you angry with me?" Harry asked softly, the man hadn’t said two words to him since telling him he was leaving. Had Harry offended him or something?

Severus opened his mouth to answer that he wasn’t when a searing pain went through his arm. He hissed in pain his book falling to the floor as he turned to Harry. His time was up!

"Stay here don’t leave. If you need help floo Albus," Severus said as he grabbed his robe and mask in his hands.
"Professor Wait; you’re not mad at what I did right?" Harry asked again, he was worried about the man not coming back. What if Voldermort slipped through his barriers.
"Emerson I don’t have time for this; I’ll be back as soon as I can." Severus said before running out his quarters and towards the anti-disapparation wards so he could apparate.

He couldn’t know that Harry had misinterpreted his words and only heard I don’t have time for you right now; and wasn’t in the right state of mind to be alone. One outside the boundary line he disappeared on the spot. He quickly dressed before making his way towards the house. He met Lucius by the door and he nodded before going into the throne room where the Dark Lord was waiting.

"My Lord," he said kissing the bottom of the man’s robes. This was so degrading but Severus clouded those feelings away.

“You’re late Severus,” he said coldly.

“Apologies My Lord, but I was in class and I couldn’t leave without breaking my cover.” Severus said lying swiftly.
"Rise Severus," Voldemort said, before removing his mask from his face.

Severus made sure his emotions and thought were hidden as he felt a presence invade his mind. He showed the man the class where the incident took place along with Harry’s death and Emerson and how everyone was taking it before the Dark Lord exited.

"Why didn’t you inform me of Potter's death Severus? Aren’t you faithful to me?" Voldemort asked quietly.
"Yes my Lord, there is you and only you. I couldn’t tell you because Dumbledore had been keeping a close eye on me and I couldn’t leave." Severus said apologetically.
"Lucius tells me his son was in the class when Potter killed himself. Was that correct?" He asked.
"It is my lord, only Draco was passed out the majority of the time." Severus said quietly.
"Why was he passed out?" Voldermort asked curiously.
"Potter had threatened to kill him, my Lord." Severus replied, remembering the fear all too well. To his left he could hear a choking noise, that he could only assume was Lucius.
"I see, and why have you not informed me of your relation Severus. Are you trying to hide him from me?" Voldemort asked in a dark, dangerous tone.
"My Lord?" He asked cautiously.
"Your nephew Severus, Emerson, I wish to meet him," he said taking out his wand.
"But my Lord, Dumbledore will know if I take him out of school and will be suspicious." Severus said quickly, this was bad. What could Voldemort possibly want to do with Emerson?

"Find a way Severus," Voldemort said dismissively.
"Yes my lord," he replied.
"Now about Potter being dead; the prophecy I’m looking for no longer matters. Though I am curious to see how everyone is taking it.” Voldemort stated interestedly.

“Of course my lord, I will keep you informed.” Severus said quietly.

“Make sure that you do Severus, now hurry back before that old muggle loving fool wonders where you’ve gone.” Voldemort said dismissing him.

“Yes my Lord,” Severus said before bowing slightly and making his way quickly to the door. He had almost reached it when he heard his voice and his insides froze up.

“And Severus?” Voldemort said with a gleam in his eye.

“My Lord?” He asked quietly.

“Crucio,” he said wand pointed at the potion’s master.

Severus fell to the ground in pain, the curse making its way through his body. No matter what he would not, give the man the satisfaction of hearing him scream; for he was a proud man.

~*~*~*~*Hogwarts~*~*~*~*

Harry was pulling on his hair anxiously, that sense of calm he had after his nap non-existent at the moment. He didn’t know what to do, he was too keyed up. What if something happened to Snape? He was so worried, he was beside himself. He wanted to leave but as Snape had said not too his didn’t want to disobey the potion’s master. He frowned, looking at the time, they had missed lunch and he wondered if Neville was still sleeping.

As he was walking over to his bedroom he heard a knock on the front door, before the portrait was calling him and telling him who was at the door. He gulped before slowly making his way over there, but not before spelling a silencing charm around his room. He didn’t want to wake up Neville, nor have him hear something that would endanger him. He took a deep breath and opened the door, to let in his godfather and Remus in.