Chapter 4

Severus watched as the child froze and then gazed frantically around as though trying to escape. He wondered what was going through the boy’s mind. He briefly considered performing Legilimency, but decided against it, because he needed to build some sort of a rapport with the boy. Trust was too much to ask.

 “Potter, calm down, it was a simple question.”

Harry took deep breaths as he tried to gain his composure, but failed miserably. He looked around again with panicked eyes, searching for a way out. No one was supposed to know about his home life especially no one from the Wizarding world. He also knew that even though he had not said anything, he would get blamed and he would get punished …severely. His heart turned cold as he thought about that.

Severus became alarmed as Harry quickly lost his pallor. That was it. He had to reveal some truth to the boy. He cautiously approached him and reached out but Harry jerked away. After a few moments, he whispered “I can’t answer your question, Sir”

"Potter," Severus said and then slowly exhaled his pent up breath, considering just how much he could tell the boy without upsetting him further.  He finally settled upon, "You do not have to return to the Dursleys again."

“What?” Harry asked in a near whisper.

The feelings that Harry’s soft voice arose in Severus scared him – no, terrified him. He crushed those feelings and returned to his usual demeanour.

“Do you have a hearing problem?,” he snapped “I stated that you will not return to your despicable relatives. That is the reason why Dumbledore sent me to withdraw you from their care”

“Bu..but, Where will I go?”

"You'll find out soon enough," replied Severus evenly although it struck his heart to see those eyes, Lily’s eyes, full of pain and uncertainty.

There were a few minutes of silence as Harry mustered up the courage to ask another question.

“Why you sir?”

“Excuse me?”

“I mean why did you come to get me? Why not Hagrid, or Mr Weasly, or Dumbledore”

“Professor.”

“Huh?”

“You do not address the headmaster as Dumbledore. It is Professor Dumbledore to you. And you do not say ‘huh’, you say ‘I beg your pardon’ “

Harry blinked. “Sorry,… so, why didn’t he come?”

“He has other duties. He is a very busy man. I was available at the moment.” answered Severus staying as close to the truth as possible.

“Yeah.. but you hate me.” Harry frowned. “ I know you didn’t want to do this. So.…why did you?”

“What I do or do not wish to do is none of your concern.” There was the boy he was used to seeing. Curiosity had always gotten the better of the boy. He spoke before he thought. Only up until now, Severus had thought of it as arrogance. Lily, too, spoke in such a frank and open manner. That inquisitive and curious nature was pure Lily. How could he have been so blind before? Then there was also the fact that the boy thought Severus hated him. And before Lily had appeared and made him see sense, Severus had thought so too. Of course, the blame for that lay squarely on his shoulders. He had cared for the boy because of Lily and hated him because of James. He did not know Harry, the unique individual. Severus wondered if he ever would. Or if he would truly, genuinely, even want to.

The train halted and Severus shook Harry awake. “This is our station.”

A bleary-eyed boy followed Severus out on the station. Severus took one glance at the boy’s dishevelled appearance and waved his wand to make him presentable.

“Thanks,” said Harry looking embarrassed.

Severus peered at him. “Do you feel well enough to walk?”

“Yes Sir, I’m fine”

In Severus’s opinion the boy still looked pale but he decided not to push it for the moment. There was no point Apparating anyhow, it was only a short walk.

Harry’s mind buzzed with questions but he knew better than to annoy his teacher. They walked in silence as they passed various houses. Finally they turned into a street called Spinner’s End. It was an eerie lane with dark, dingy houses. A shiver ran down Harry’s spine as he hurried trying to keep us his pace to match Severus’s long strides.

Severus was lost in his own thoughts as he suddenly noticed that Harry was practically jogging to keep up with him. He slowed down his pace to receive a thankful glance from Harry.  He rolled his eyes in response. He stopped in front of his house with Harry behind him, rapped on the door, and ushered Harry in as the door opened.

Harry cautiously went inside the house and opened his mouth in surprise as he looked at who had answered the door. He recognised her from the photo album and the mirror and...his nightmares. That lady was his mother!

“Mum?” He managed to gasp out.

Lily fell onto her knees, her eyes glistening with unshed tears, as she looked at her son acknowledging her. 

“Harry…,” she said in a near whisper and opened her arms.

At that moment all rationality slipped from Harry’s mind as he ran and flung himself onto his mother wrapping his thin arms tightly around his mother’s neck and burying his head in her long hair. He was hugging his mother. His mum!  Tears fell from his eyes as he sobbed uncontrollably.

“It’s alright Harry. Hush now, Mummy’s here” said Lily as she tried to comfort her distraught son though tears fell unabashed from her eyes too.

Severus stood leaning against the door watching mother and son reconcile. The dust particles on the air made his eyes sting and water. At least that was how he explained it to himself.

Harry had dreamed of this moment for years. To see his mother, to hug her, to hear her comfort him… The rational part of his mind then kicked in. He had dreamed of this moment.  His mother was dead. Yet she felt very real to him right now. His body went rigid in shock as the gravity of the situation hit him. His vision blurred and once again he was drawn into the blackness.

Lily felt the tight grip around her neck loosen, as her son slumped against her. Alarmed she called out, “Sev! Come here quick, something’s happened to Harry!”

Severus stood there, took one look at Harry and declared, “He has fainted. You do seem to have that effect on people.”

Lily looked at Severus with wide pleading eyes

 “It is nothing. He is fine. The day’s excitement has finally caught up with him, that is all. Well that, and the fact that he has just seen someone who is supposed to be dead.”

Lily sat on the couch with Harry cradled in her arms. She gazed lovingly at him. "My baby boy.  My little Harry.  Oh, I wish things had been different."

 Severus sat down beside her and watched as Lily whispered to her son. “He is your son too Sev,”   his conscience reminded him. Severus tried to squash that voice, but failed. His feelings were all muddled up. “As if they were not confusing enough in the first place,” he thought ironically.  He no longer saw Harry as James and appreciated the fact that he was a separate person. True, he cared for the boy. ( Love was too strong a word.) But did one not have to like someone to care for him? And how did one like a person if they do not even know him? Severus definitely did not like children and did not have a lot of patience with them. Though he did feel his heart warming towards the little boy beside him. Was it pity, sympathy or something else altogether?

His thoughts wandered back onto the short conversation he had with Harry on the train. Severus found it disturbing that the child was unwilling to speak of his past. That alone indicated that a lot of emotional healing was to be done.

 Severus doubted he would be able to really change his attitude towards Harry. His sharp tongue and cool manner were part of his nature. He was intrinsically not a nice man. He did not know how to be friendly. As a teacher he hardly ever praised his students. He had been known to make students cry as he unleashed his vitriol on them.

He sighed and glanced at Lily. To his surprise, she had fallen asleep, her head lolling backwards, mouth slightly open, one arm wrapped protectively around her son and the other hand resting on his forehead. Severus smiled slightly and conjured a blanket, draping it over mother and son.

“Good night my love,” he whispered. “Tomorrow will be a difficult day for all of us.”

Severus then transfigured the couch into a bed and proceeded to his and Lily’s room, to get a well deserved night’s rest.