XxXXX

Things had all been going so well. James had returned to usual effervescent, healthy self, Pauline’s bakery was doing so well she was considering franchising, and Lily had returned with Arthur to the International Wizarding Federation to help draft Muggle protection legislation.

Most importantly, Michael had grown into a healthy, happy two-and-a-half-year-old who, while having Severus’ height and hair, had inherited Pauline’s slender nose, darker complexion and dark gold eyes. He was adored everywhere he went. The Slytherin students in the common room indulged him with games and colouring, Dumbledore always slipped him treats, and he had been subsumed into the Potter family as another one of their own.

They had all settled into a routine with happy Christmases, loud birthdays and Sunday dinners, and Severus was deeply happy. Really, he should have anticipating disaster.

James was more competent than a house-elf and adored Michael, so when Severus was teaching and Pauline was baking, Michael spent a lot of his time running around the Potter estate with Grace and Sirius. They literally ran, and screamed and squealed all day so Severus was surprised when he entered the Potter residence to find silence.

“Potter?” he called, kicking off his shoes.

“In the playroom,” called James. Severus frowned in slight confusion. It was a perfectly sunny day, and it was odd that the kids would want to be inside.

He walked to the playroom, which was the back of the house behind Severus’ old bedroom and heard the soft sounds of giggles, from behind the door. Grace, wearing a crown and a boa, was pouring fake tea into a fake cup for Sirius who also was wearing a crown. Michael, on the other hand, was sitting in James’ lap on an easy chair in the corner holding the Adventures of Winnie the Pooh.

“Uncle Sev!” squealed Grace, getting to her feet and hugging him around his legs as did Sirius. That was the kind of reaction he was used to getting from Michael and he looked over at his son in concern as he picked Sirius up.

“What are you wearing. You look ridiculous,” Severus said with a laugh, taking off Sirius’ tiara.

“He’s a princess,” Grace explained as they walked across the room to Michael. Sirius gave Severus a look that was clearly displeased and laid his head on his shoulder.  

“Mikey?” Severus said, in concern when the boy buried himself in James’ neck.

“He has a stomach-ache,” James said softly. Immediately, Severus placed Sirius on the floor and placed a hand on Michael’s forehead. It was a little warm and the eyes that looked back at him were tense with pain.

“Did you eat something odd?” asked Severus as Michael opened his arms and allowed Severus to pull him off of James’ lap.

“We just had spaghetti for lunch,” James said summoning Michael’s teddy bear with a flick of this wrist.

“Alright, we’ll get you home then,” Severus said, giving the little boy a kiss on the temple.

“I gave him some magnolia,” James said, patting the back of Michael’s head softly. “Call me if you need anything.”

It had seemed to just be a stomach ache. Despite the early hour, Severus tucked Michael into the couch back at Hogwarts and after a few sips of tea he had happily started colouring his drawings, and by the time Pauline burst through the door, anxious and concerned, he had already developed enough of an appetite to eat dinner. Pauline put him to bed early and that was supposed to be the end of it.

Hours later, Severus was pulled out of a dead sleep by the sound of Michael shrieking with tears in a way he hadn't done since he was a baby. Pauline had woken too, and they shared a brief moment of panicked eye contact before running across the living room to Michael’s bedroom. Michael was sitting up on the bed sobbing and with vomit all down his front and on the bed.

Pauline vanished it with a quick wave of her wand, but not before Severus saw specks of red blood in it.

“We have to take him to the hospital, now,” Severus said quickly, his mouth dry and tight. He summoned their robes and coats, simply pulling Michael’s around his pyjamas as he continued to sob. Pauline looked she wanted to protest, but she snapped her mouth shut and quickly picked Michael up.

“Alright,” she whispered, rubbing Michael’s back as he continued to cry. “Let’s go.”

Hours of paperwork and wand work later, Severus was sitting silently beside Pauline watching Michael’s chest rise and fall in a small hospital bed. The only thing that kept him from loosing his mind was Pauline’s hand firmly clenched in his. A soft knock came through the silence like a shot.  

“Sev? Polly?” James said from the doorway. Both he and Lily looked around the room in confused horror.

“What happened?” James asked, lowering his voice to a whisper so as not to wake Michael.

“Liver failure,” Severus said hoarsely. James’ eyes widened to about the size of his glasses and he ran a tense hand over his mouth, while Lily gave a little gasp of shock.

“It’s not uncommon in premature infants. Michael was older so we didn’t think…” Severus trailed off.

“I am so sorry,” Lily whispered, squeezing Severus’ arm gently. The voices finally pulled Michael awake, and he blinked blearily at the room.

“Momma?” he whispered. “My tummy hurts.”

“I’ll get the Healer,” Severus said, scrambling to his feet as Polly went to Michael’s side.

“No!” Michael said starting to sob. “Daddy.”

“Alright, shhh, it’s ok,” Severus whispered sitting on the bed and wrapping an arm around both his son’s shuddering shoulders. Michael pressed his forehead to the crook of Severus’ neck and continued to cry.

“I’ll go,” Lily said quickly leaving the room. Despite both Severus and Pauline whispering calming platitudes, the boy didn’t calm down.

“‘m gonna be sick,” Michael whispered. Before Severus could react, James conjured a bowl and placed it under Michael’s mouth. The boy threw up violently. James’ concerned eyes met Severus’ as he pet Michael’s hair soothingly.

“‘m sorry,” Michael whispered softly.

“It’s ok,” James said, sounding a little upset himself. “Don’t be sorry, monkey.”

“Hello,” Healer Harris said as he entered the room. “Let me see what’s going on.” James obediently stepped aside and the Healer prodded, pocked and ran his wand over Michael before taking out a small vial of pain reliever.

“Alright, drink this for me, Michael,” he said softly. Michael obeyed, and after a moment, his eyes drifted shut, and he fell asleep on Pauline’s shoulder.

“How is he?” Severus asked instantly. The Healer gave the same sigh he did when he said that James was about to die, and Severus’ stomach gave an awful flip.

“It’s not good,” Healer Harris replied. Pauline gave a choked sob and pressed her lips to Michael’s hair. Severus was too stunned to speak or even think. He felt blank.

“What exactly is wrong, and what can be done?” Lily asked, talking in her lawyer voice but looking significantly more pale and drawn than usual.

“If we can find someone with the same blood-type, we can then duplicate them and bind them to Michael’s liver,” the Healer said. “If that’s successful, he should be fine.”

“What’s his blood-type?” James asked immediately.

“B negative,” Healer Harris said. Lily shook her head sadly and turned to James.

“I don’t know my blood-type,” James admitted with an embarrassed smile.

“AB positive,” Severus ground out with a scowl. He had spent enough time sitting by James’ bedside as he fought for life to never forget that. There was a moment of silence, then Lily spoke.

“Gracie is.” James blinked for a moment then turned back to the Healer.

“Right…right. She’s with the Weasley’s. I’ll go and get her,” he offered, even as Severus started to shake his head.

“No way, Potter,” Severus said. Little Grace was precisely that, very little. There was no way Severus was letting some hack with a wand take part of her liver. Someone else would be able to help Michael. James was already on his feet and he laid a hand heavily on Severus’ shoulder. His brown eyes bore into Severus with a burning determination, reminding Severus of just how sick Michael was.

The arguments Severus were forming died on his lips and he looked down to his lap. Grace was his godchild and he felt a horrid sense of shame that he was allowing this to happen to her. James squeezed his shoulder gently then walked out the door.

The concerns Severus had about Grace started to dramatically fade into the background as Michael got steadily worse over the next day. If he wasn’t sleeping, he was crying or getting sick, and the worse part was that he was completely terrified and hurting the entire time and there was nothing Severus could do about it.  Even the fact that Lily had filled Michael’s rooms with balloons and an absurdly large talking teddy bear did little to cheer the boy up.

By the middle of the next day, Grace was confirmed as a match and James, Lily, Pauline and Severus were all sitting in the waiting room in thick, tense silence.

“I have a fireplace, you know,” Remus said breaking the silence from behind them. All of them turned around. As always, he was well-dressed in a handsome wool coat and dark jeans but the calm, happy expression he usually wore was placed with one of deep concern.

“Moony!” James said with a laugh jumping up and hugging him. The hug Remus bestowed on him was perfunctory, and he quickly pulled away to look at Lily who flung he arms around him childishly.

“How are they?” Remus said looking over Lily’s head to find Severus’ eyes.The thought that Remus felt the need to come all the way from America where he was extremely busy made Severus even more anxious, and he looked away.

“They’ll be fine. Everything looks good,” James said softly. A few of the deep wrinkles on Remus’ face smoothed out as he kissed Pauline on the top of the head.

“I can’t believe you came,” she said.

“I’d come for a scraped knee if anyone ever remembered to call me,” he said lightly. Still concerned with the fact that Remus had felt the need to come, Severus didn’t have the heart to jump up and hug him. Remus seemed to understand, because he approached Severus and sat on the empty chair beside him silently.

“Anything I can do? Anything at all?” asked Remus softly. Severus shook his head sharply and continued to stare at the floor. Remus nodded and rested his hand on Severus’ shoulder.

“Thank you for coming,” whispered Severus after a long moment. Remus just squeezed his shoulder silently in response.

Then the double doors opened to reveal Healer Harris looking as severe and businesslike as ever. There was a collective hush over the group, and Severus could almost feel the anxiety pulsing off of every person.

“Grace is fine, she’s being taken to recovery now,” Healer Harris said. “Michael is doing very well, he should be finished in the next 10 minutes.” A collective sigh of relief dissipated through the group, and Severus quickly took Pauline in his arms.

“Can we see her now?” Lily asked, already picking up her bag and coat.

“Go see her,” Pauline said when Severus hesitated. “I’ll wait for Mike.” Remus stayed seated in the chair, knee-to-knee and shoulder-to-shoulder with Pauline, the look he gave Severus promised that he wouldn’t leave. Severus nodded and followed the Potter’s, who had already run down the hallway to the small hospital room.

Grace was still little enough to have rails on her hospital-bed, and she looked like a very sad, clown doll with her bright pink cheeks, red hair splayed on the pillow and big, brimming brown eyes. The second she saw Lily, her entire face crumbled and she started to cry.

“Mommy!” she demanded holding her arms out. So quickly that Severus could have sworn Lily had apparated, she appeared at her daughter’s bedside and took her as much into her arms as she could.

“It hurts,” Grace said between sobs in a desperate sort of way that cut Severus right to the core. Lily pulled Grace closer to her and looked a little desperately up at James, who rested a comforting hand on the baby’s head.

“I know, sweetheart,” Lily soothed, petting the girl’s short bob.

“What can be done about her pain?” Severus asked, feeling too horribly guilty and responsible to even walk over to her.

“We’ve given her the maximum amount of pain potions, I feel comfortable with. Other than that, we’ll keep her overnight for observation, but she should be fine,” said the Healer.

“Overnight?” Severus said suddenly, causing everyone in the room to stare at him. “You said that this spell wasn’t overly invasive. You said she would be fine.” Belatedly he realized how angry he sounded and flushed when Grace stared back at him with wide, frightened eyes. He hadn’t meant to scare her.

“She will be fine,” said Healer Harris calmly, “We just want to keep her for observation.” Severus jaw tightened as he looked over to where Lily was tucking Grace into the small hospital bed and he nodded tightly. The little girl looked absolutely miserable, and Lily was trying to prop her up on pillow so she wouldn’t hurt her back. It didn’t quite work and she started to cry again.

“Oh Gracie-bell,” Severus said softly, feeling an incredible amount of guilt. Even though both of her parents were already there to comfort her, he stepped over to the bed. “I’m so sorry.”

“Why?” she asked bemused. Severus shook his head took the girl’s tiny hand in his.

“He’s just being silly, sweetheart,” Lily said, sitting up on the bed with Grace. “None of this is your fault, Sev.” Lily’s warm hand covered his and squeezed.

“Grace will be fine, Sev,” James said. “She already is, right goose?”  Grace sniffed but nodded bravely, there was no doubt what house this little girl would end up in. He gave her a gentle hug and kissed her hair.

“I love you, sweetheart,” Severus whispered, rubbing a thumb over her damp cheek.

“Love you, too,” she replied with an easy smile.

“Professor Snape. We’re ready for you.” Healer Harris called from the door. It felt as though he had just been cursed. His entire body tensed.

“I’ll come.” James said patting him on the back. “Come on.” Because he knew he had to he straightened up.

“I’ll be back. Get some sleep, ok, Gracie-bell?” James said, kissing Grace, then Lily on the cheek.

“He did wonderfully,” the Healer said with a smile. “A day or two of observation and he’ll be back to normal. He’ll be a little groggy and feverish, all that’s normal.”

“Can I see him?” Severus asked, the words not enough to undo the knot in his stomach.

“Yes, but family only.”

“They are family,” Severus said. Healer Jones raised his eyebrows skeptically but nodded and the three of them all but raced to the small, private room at the end of the hall. Polly was sitting on a chair by the bed stroking Michael’s hair.

“Paul?” Severus said softly. She turned around in surprise at seeing them, then her face absolutely crumbled and she began to bawl.

“It’s ok, he’s ok,” Severus said holding her tightly and peering over his shoulder to wear Michael was sleeping more or less peacefully. After a moment, she pulled away and raised her red-rimmed eyes and blotchy face to Severus.

Severus swallowed and looked over to Michael who was so small he was completely swallowed by the covers. Aside from Pauline’s dainty nose, he looked exactly like Severus did as a young child, and now he had the sallow complexion and pained face to match. He never wanted his child to go through the types of things that would make him look like that.

“Grace? Is she…” Pauline trailed looking uncomfortable.

“She’s fine, Paul,” James said hugging her. A fresh batch of tears came to Pauline’s eyes as she hugged James back.

“I don’t know how to thank you,” she whispered.

“Don’t thank me,” James said heavily. “This is what family does. If the roles were reversed, you’d have done the same.”

Trying to hide his own swell of emotion, Severus busied himself with flattening the corner of Michael’s sheets, but the talking in the room and the touch caused Michael up and he blinked at Severus blearily, then smiled his sweet smile that made Severus feel like he was not the world’s worst father.

“Daddy?” he whispered. Severus leaned over and hugged him with as much verve as he dared, and Michael’s small arms hugged him back.

“Uncle Remus!” Michael said, because apparently Severus was not the most exciting thing in the room. “Why are you here?”

“Hello darling,” Remus said, hugging the little boy tightly as well. “I’m here because I wanted to see you. Look how much you’ve grown!” Michael beamed back at him.

“Did you bring American sweets?” Michael asked hopefully.

“Of course, but you have to wait until the Healer says you can have them,” Remus said, kissing the boy on his forehead.

“And what about me!” James said indigently from the foot of the bed. “No ‘Hi Uncle James’ for me?” James tone was clearly playful, and Michael loved James so much that sometimes it made Severus downright insecure, so when Michael shrunk back into the pillows at seeing James, everyone blinked in surprise, and James looked downright shocked.

“You’re not going to say hi to Uncle James?” Severus asked softly. “He’s been worried about you.”

“I brought you a present,” James said with a gentle smile, holding up a stuffed lion.

“You’re not mad at me?” asked Michael softly. James sat on the foot of the bed, his brow wrinkled in genuine confusion, which made sense cause James rarely got made at anyone let alone the children.

“Why would I be mad at you, lovey?” asked James, brushing Michael’s hair out of his eyes.

“Cause I got sick and then Grace got hurted,” Michael whispered. Severus’ heart leapt out to him and he was about to correct this faulty assumption when James stepped in.

“Oh, no, no. That was not your fault love. Grace is fine, I’m just glad you’re ok. Now, come on, I want a kiss, you’ve been driving me out of my mind with worry.” Michael gave James a small smile and kissed him on the cheek when the man pulled him into a hug.

“How are you feeling?” Severus asked softly as James laid Michael back on to the covers. The little boy just shrugged miserably, looking precariously close to tears now that the excitement of seeing Remus wore off.

“Alright, you get some sleep it will help you feel better,” Pauline said straightening his blankets. Michael looked between them skeptically.

“Will I have to have more magic?” Pauline shook her head with tears in her eyes. Michael was already fading with tiredness and it was only moments before he fell asleep, leaving the four adults watching him.  Finally James leaned forward and kissed him on the forehead.

“Alright, I better go see Grace. Lily will be worried if I don’t let her know Michael’s ok.”

“Paul, you need some sleep,” Remus said, noticing that she her own eyes were closing. She had stayed awake with Michael all of last night while Severus had gone home and was in even rougher shape.

“Let me take you home.” Remus said. Reluctantly, Pauline nodded her head and they all left, leaving Severus alone to stare at Michael, who was already starting to look a little better.

The child slept on peacefully for a few hours and didn’t even wake when Lily came check on them, bringing food and insisting on making up a cot for Severus, as though he could sleep. He had gotten through half a Dickens novel before the child spoke.

“Daddy?” whispered Michael tiredly from his bed. Severus quickly shuffled his chair to the side of the bed and grabbed his hand tightly.

“What is it?” Severus asked urgently.

“I want ice cream,” Michael announced, his eyes already drooping shut. Severus laughed in relief and took his hand.

“Alright, monkey. Whatever you want,” Severus said gently, smiling as Michael slid back into sleep as easily as the sun slides behind a cloud. Miserably, Severus tried to sleep which involved napping for fitful fifteen minute periods, waking up every time Mike’s hand moved.

“Sev?” called James softly from the doorway. Two steaming plates of meatloaf were precariously balanced on the tray he was holding.

“How’s Grace?” he whispered.

“She’s doing great, the nurses are all doting on her. She loves all the attention. Lily’s staying the night with her, Remus is staying with the other children,” James responded sitting on the chair beside Michael’s bed with the tray of food on his lap. Tension drained from Severus’ stomach, thinking of little Grace sobbing her heart out on Lily’s shoulder had made this horrible two days worse.

“You have to eat something,” James coaxed.

“I’m not hungry,” Severus said curtly, wishing James would just disappear.

“I know,” James said softly. “But you need to eat anyways. You need your strength, for Michael’s sake. Come on.” There was no arguing with that statement, he hadn’t eaten in over 24 hours, he couldn’t keep it up. Reluctantly, Severus sat down beside James and started eating. The meatloaf tasted like chalk. James was usually not able to shut up, but now he simply sat in quiet solidarity.

“Uncle James?” Michael said sleepily from his bed. James quickly swallowed his meatloaf and sat forward urgently with a smile plastered on his face.

“Hey bug! How are you feeling?” James asked softly, wiping Michael’s long hair from his forehead.

“My tummy hurts,” he answered sadly, making Severus’ stomach constrict. He already had the maximum amount of pain killers  James leaned forward and kissed the boy softly on the forehead.

“I know, lovey,” James said gently. “You’re being very brave.” Michael, who idolized James, lit up at the praise and smiled broadly back at him.

“What can I do to make it better? Do you want a story?” James asked. Michael nodded enthusiastically.

“Make one up!” Michael demanded “Another toaster man story”. Reading stories from books was apparently too basic for James and all the children now clamoured for their own individual stories. Severus smirked at James, who laughed, leaned forward and started to detail the latest adventures of toaster man in a soft whisper.

“Sev? Sev?” Severus jerked awake instantly at the sound of James’ voice. Michael was now fast asleep again, curled up to face James and Severus.

“How long was I out,” Severus asked. The last thing Severus remembered was falling asleep to the not-so-interesting adventures of toaster-man. With a yawn he sat up and straightened Michael’s blankets before running a tired hand over his face.

“Not long. You look done in, Severus,” said James gently. “Go get some sleep. I’ll sit up with Mike,” James said, sitting down beside Michael’s hospital bed. Severus looked over to where Michael was sleeping peacefully in the bed, Lily’s blanket tucked under his chin. It seemed wrong somehow to leave him, but Severus hadn’t done more than doze in a plastic chair for the past two nights.

“Sev, he’s my godson. I love him,” James said firmly. “Let me stay. I want to stay.”  Severus swallowed and looked over to where Michael lay. Ever since had held Harry all those years ago, Severus had loved the Potter children. He had never assumed he’d have children of his own, so he had always looked on the Potter children with adoration and tenderness.  For some reason, he always found it hard to believe that James’ feelings for Michael could possible equal Severus’ feelings for Harry, Amelia, Sirius and Grace.

“Alright,” Severus said, standing up on creaking knees. He rested his hand on his Michael’s head, not quite ready to leave.

“I’ll take good care of him,” James said “If he needs you, I’ll call you, ok?” Hesitantly, Severus nodded his assent and walked out of the room. Briefly, he looked over his shoulder, but James’ attention had already turned back to Michael.

Before he could talk himself out of it, Severus turned on the spot and apparated, landing in the middle of his living room. Pauline hadn’t even made it to bed. She was stretched on the couch, still in her jeans with her long, black hair in her face. He couldn’t bear to wake her, so he walked up the stairs to his bedroom alone.

He was so tired, he expected to just fall asleep the moment his face hit the pillow, but instead he continually tossed and turned. He was used to have Pauline curled up next to him and even Michaels sharp toenails cutting into his shins. When he did manage to close his eyes and drift, off, he’d wake up in about fifteen minutes with a burning ball of anxiety in his stomach. After a few hours of this, his room seemed oppressively small and quiet. With a huff he got out of bed, kicked off the covers, changed into his robes and apparated back to the hospital.

Going straight to Michael’s room seemed like he was doubting James, so instead he walked down to the second floor, where he knew Grace was recovering. He eased open the door to her room and tiptoed in.

There were three children in the four-person recovery room: a teenage boy with an awful, green complexion, a pale little girl who had yet to be visited by a parent, and Grace in the closest bed to the door. She was immediately identifiable by her flaming auburn hair that vividly contrasted with the pillow and the fact that her bed was made of two lumps: one for her, one for Lily.

With her big, warm personality and red hair, it was hard not to see a little Lily when he looked her, more so when Lily was curled up next to her, highlighting their identical bone-structure. Seeing them was somehow soothing, and he gently placed Grace’s hair behind her ear before sitting back in the chair, watching her and Lily sleep for a moment. His heart slowed and a calmness he hadn’t felt in days came over him. Finally feeling ready, he pulled himself up and walked up to Michael’s room on the fourth floor.

He pushed the door open, but stopped at the scene in front of him. James was fast asleep under the covers with his arms around Michael, who was using James’ chest as a pillow. Evidently, they had fallen asleep while reading because James’ glasses were still on and the Adventures of Winnie the Pooh lay open on top of the covers. The first true smile Severus had in days came to his face, and he felt a surprising swell of tenderness rise up through him.

“That’s technically against the rules, but it’s too cute,” said a tall night-nurse Severus hadn’t seen before. Severus smirked at the scene and stood up from where he was leaning on the doorframe.

“How’s Michael doing?” he asked softly.

“Good, we’ll probably be able to let him go tomorrow afternoon,” she replied. Severus sighed in relief and ran a hand through his hair.

“Your husband’s been great with him, stayed up and watched him all night, read him stories when he woke up,” the nurse said.

“He’s just a friend,” Severus said automatically.

“Oh sorry, I just assumed he was a father,” she said, blushing. Severus waved off the apology. She placed the chart back on the door.

“That’s a really good friend you have there,” she said with a smile.

“I know,” Severus said walking into the room. It was covered in darkness and the only sound was James’ light snoring. A duvet lay bunched up at the bottom of the bed, and Severus gently pulled it up over both Michael and James. Registering the change in environment, James shifted a little in his sleep, turning to curl more protectively over Michael. There was no real need for Severus to stay, not when James was here treating him like this.

Gently, Severus leaned over and kissed Michael on the forehead.

“Goodnight, monkey,” he whispered, smiling as the boy shuffled further onto James shoulder. Since there was no one to see the moment of softness, Severus leaned over and pulled James’ glasses of his face.

“Night, Jamie,” whispered Severus, taking the glasses and the books and placing them on the side table.  James snorted in acknowledgement and continued to sleep. With a final smile at the scene, Severus turned on the spot and apparated back into his living room.

“How is he? I was going to go see him,” Pauline said quickly, the moment he landed. Her face was as lined with worry as his was and he immediately regretted not waking her up.

“He’s fine,” Severus said stepping into hug her. “Come on, let’s go back to bed.”

“But-”

“He’s just sleeping right now, Polly,” Severus said, kissing her on the forehead. “If we sleep now, we’ll be able to be there for him in the morning when he actually needs us.” Polly looked at him skeptically, and gnawed her bottom lip.

“He’s ok, Paul. James has him,” Severus whispered.

XxxxxxXXXXX

Severus apparated on to the cement of the school-yard with such purpose that he nearly fell on his face and jogged up to the school house. A few Slytherins had taken it into their heads to attempt to swim with the Giant Squid, and Severus had been so busy giving them a lecture and taking points that he had nearly forgotten that he had promised to pick up all the children from school. Now he was late, and he personally had just taken so many points from Slytherin there was no way they’d be able to win the House Cup. He was in a black mood that only slightly dissipated when he saw Ron, Harry, Ginny and Sirius racing around the playground.

“Kids,” called Severus, getting all their attention.

“Uncle Sev! Come play,” called Sirius from where Harry was spinning him and Ginny round and round on a tire swing. He let out a howl of laughter as the tire swing spun off like a space ship and raced around for a moment before landing back where it was started from. Severus smiled, he could play there was no reason not to have some fun before having to monitor two hours worth of detention.

“Alright,” he stepped onto the playground before halting and looking around Ron, Harry, Ginny, Sirius…four. “Where’s Amelia?”

“Library,” Ron and Harry said together before bursting out laughing.

“Alright, I’ll be back in a moment. Stay here.” The four children went back to their game, and Severus pushed open the doors to the schoolhouse. The small school was only for wizarding children and was consequently into only two schoolrooms, one for primary school and one for intermediate school. A large, well-stocked library took up a third room and Severus more than once had to pull Amelia out of the stacks of books, just as his mother had to do with him.

With a yawn he pushed opened the door and was about to call out for Amelia when he heard the sounds of raised, harsh voices.

“Give it to me!”

“Stop it,” said a gentle voice that unmistakably Amelia’s. Severus frowned and quietly followed the sound of the voices.

“What are you gonna to about it?”  said a young boy’s voice that sounded somewhat familiar to Severus, all though he couldn’t quite place it.

“I thought you Potter’s were all supposed to be brave, but your just a baby. I bet even your own parents think you’re a baby,” Severus rounded the corner to see Draco Malfoy, towering over Amelia. Each of them were tugging one half of the Secret Garden, a book Amelia hadn’t put down in days. Two larger boys Severus wasn’t sure of stood behind Draco, laughing.

“You’re going to rip it,” Amelia said tearfully as Draco tugged firmly on the book. Before Severus could do anything, Amelia’s prediction came true and the book split down the middle, sending Amelia back into the stacks and paper pages flying everywhere. Draco burst out laughing and stepped on one of the pages as Amelia reached out to grab it, almost stepping on her little fingers.

Severus strode across the room and pulled Draco’s arm with perhaps slightly more force than he was proud of.

“Enough,” Severus snarled, staring Draco down with a look he knew from experience would make Lucius quake. “Go.” Draco’s two bodyguards ran and Draco was about to as well but Severus caught his arm again.

“You bother her again, I’ll be much less forgiving,” Severus snarled releasing the boy’s arm forcefully. Draco scowled but didn’t have the courage to do more then ran away. The moment the boy turned, Severus turned to Amelia who was still picking up the pages from floor, not looking at him.

“Millie?” said Severus softly, kneeling down on the floor with her. She hesitantly raised her head and looked at him, a little fear and embarrassment in her hazel eyes.

“Are you alright?” he asked, even though she clearly wasn’t. Tears filled her eyes, but she nodded affirmatively, and Severus felt his heart crack for her. He loved all the Potters, but Amelia, with her studious nature and quietness, was the one who reminded Severus the most of himself before he developed all his sharpness. The sharpness had developed from years of being treated exactly how Amelia had just been treated, and he hated the thought of her experiencing that pain.

He tapped his wand to the ripped pages and they all jumped obediently back into the book, then handed it to her. She drew it to her chest protectively.

“Thanks,” she whispered, still not looking up. He hated the fact that she was embarrassed and tried to search for the words to say.

He wanted to hug her, but he could tell she didn’t want him to. She was still gripping the vestiges of her shattered pride, a feeling Severus knew well.

“Many smart, kind, successful people have been bullied including many of those writers you love, including me,” Severus said gently. Her eyes widened in surprise at the revelation. Severus smiled at her and cupped her cheek.   

“I get how it makes you feel like you should be ashamed, but this has nothing to do with something be wrong with you and everything to do with something being wrong with Draco,” Severus continued. The crippling shame had always been the worst part about being bullied. In the back of his mind he could still hear his father mention with disdain how little friends he had. Her eyes filled with tears, and she nodded bravely again, an act which broke the last of Severus’ ability to hold back.

“Come here, love,” he whispered hugging her close to him. She allowed him to hug her, but kept her arms at her side and sniffed loudly in an attempt to restrain tears.

“It’s not your fault. We’ll figure out how to make it stop, ok?” Severus whispered to her. She nodded into his shoulder,  and the last of her resistance faded. She wrapped her arms tightly around Severus and started to sob quietly onto his shoulder.

She was crying so hard, and Draco was so rough, that Severus had a feeling this was far from the first time she had been treated like this. His heart ripped again, and he stroked her long, dark hair.

After a few minutes she calmed down and lifted her raw, tear-stained face to look at Severus. He grabbed a handkerchief out of his pocket and gently wiped away the last of her tears with a smile.

“I love you, monkey.”

“I love you too,” she whispered with the first smile he’d seen from her all day.

“Are you ready to go home?” she nodded. He draped an arm around her shoulder and steered her out of the library. The walked silently down the small hallway until Amelia stopped in her tracks looking out to where the other children were playing outside.

“Millie?”

“Are you going to tell them?” she asked nervously, turning her wide-eyes to Severus.

“Not if you don’t want me too,” he said hesitantly.

“And you won’t tell my Mom and Dad?” she asked quickly. There was a desperateness to her expression that made Severus want to find Draco and pummel him. He hesitated and knelt down in front of her.

“Why don’t you want me to tell them?” he asked softly. She shrugged miserably and looked away. If this was happening to Michael he’d want to know, and Severus knew that James and Lily would respond with concern and understanding that might go a long way in making her feel better. Still, if he told them, she might lose the one person she felt like she could talk to, and that seemed especially cruel.

“You’re parents love you very much. They’d want to know and help you,” Severus offered, in a paltry attempt to change her mind. “There is nothing to be embarrassed of.” She gave him another pleading expression, and Severus felt himself relenting.

“Alright monkey, but I want to know if he gives you any more trouble, ok?” She nodded quickly and hugged him again around the waist.

“What took you so long?” asked Harry jumping off the swing and soaring through the air like Lily used to.

“I’m hungry!” yelled Sirius running up and throwing himself around Severus’ legs. He picked the little boy up, then looked imperiously between Ron and Harry.

“Why was Amelia alone in the library?” Severus asked, with more anger in his tone. The boys blinked at each other in confusion.

“Cause she’s always in the library,” Harry said.

“She’s your little sister, Harry. You’re meant to be looking out for her,” Severus said. Still confused Harry looked from Severus to Amelia.

“Are you ok?” Harry asked taking a step towards his sister, looking at her critically. “Millie, have you been crying?” Amelia tensed beside Severus, and continued to look at the two oldest.

“She’s fine,” Severus said curtly. “That’s not the point. I’m asking why she was there alone in the first place.”

“She likes it in there. Dad says to let her do her own thing,” said Harry defensively.

“They didn’t do anything wrong,” Amelia said softly, when Severus opened his mouth again. He deflated a little, both Ron and Harry were both clearly oblivious, and it wasn’t their fault. Still, he gave Harry a hard look.

“Keeping an eye on your sister means keeping an eye on your sister, got it?” Harry, and Ron for that matter, nodded. Severus softened, looking at their expressions.

“Alright, let’s go home,” he said, boosting Sirius further up onto his hip.  

He kept his word to Amelia and didn’t tell James or Lily about her unfortunate encounter with Draco, but he did make sure that he was never late again whenever he picked up the children. Still, there were no other incidents to speak of, and he had almost put the event out of his mind until he went to dinner with the Potter’s three weeks later.

Harry was sitting at the table with a large black eye that Lily was applying bruise salve to, while James chopped carrots with considerably more force than necessary.

“Uh oh, what happened here?” Polly said, as they entered the kitchen.

“Harry is fighting now,” James said, displeasure clear in his voice. Severus raised his eyebrows at Harry, who simply turned to glower down at the table. Clearly, they entered in a fight.

“Did you win?” Polly asked, winking at him. Harry smiled a little at that, and nodded even as Lily huffed indignantly.

“Who are you fighting?” Severus asked crossing his arms in front of his chest as though he was talking to a troublesome first-year.

“It’s not fair I have four people to lecture me. Most people just have two parents to nag them,” snapped Harry, crossing his arms and pouting.

“Hey! Do not talk to your Uncle that,” James said from the kitchen, pointing his spoon and throwing an uncharacteristically dangerous look at Harry. Surprisingly, Harry glared back.

“Apologize and answer the question,” Lily said with equal firmness. Apparently, it was bad-cop, bad-cop in the Potter house.

“Sorry,” muttered Harry disingenuously, “and Draco Malfoy.” Harry held his eye for a moment and Severus instantly knew why this fight broke out. Draco hadn’t heeded Severus’ warnings to stay away from Amelia.

“And why were you fighting Draco?” Severus asked, just to make sure he was right.

“Oh come now, leave the boy alone,” Polly said, giving Harry a kiss on the head. Finding that he had an ally, Harry gave her a bright smile and leaned into the hug.

“Cause Draco pissed him off” James said, placing air quotes around pissed him off. Severus could tell the injustice of James being mad was beginning to wear on Harry’s nerves, and he sent James another glare.

“Alright, honey, he knows he’s in trouble, that’s enough,” Lily said patting Harry’s cheek affectionately.

“Fine,” James grumbled, still a little put-out. “Go get your siblings for dinner.” Severus followed Harry out of the kitchen.

“Harry,” He turned around and crossed his arms.

“What?” snapped Harry. This new adolescent attitude was getting old very fast. Severus took a step towards him and gently raised his chin. Harry was not supposed to have black eyes.

“That looks painful,” Severus commented lightly. A bit of the anger fell off of Harry’s face.

“Was he pushing your sister around?” Harry looked at him for a moment, then nodded shortly.

“She made me promise not to tell,” Harry said softly. Severus sighed, it was a promise he shouldn’t have kept in the first place. The other children had heard voices in the hallway and, spilled out in torrents of giggles, only Amelia trailed behind silently. She warily looked between Severus and Harry, as though she was caught doing something wrong.

“You said you wouldn’t tell,” she said accusingly to Harry.

“I’m sorry, Millie,” Harry said beseechingly, taking a step towards her. Her eyes filled with wounded tears, and she looked between them like a trapped animal.

“Oh love,” Severus said softly. "It's -"

“What’s going on?” James asked, poking his head into the hallway. He saw the tears in Amelia’s eyes and instantly stepped forward into the group.

“Honey, what’s wrong?” James asked in surprise. For a moment, Amelia looked to Severus, assessing whether-or-not he was going to spill her secret. The look on his face told her that she was out of luck. It was another disappointment on a clearly rotten day, and she ran to James in tears.

James was so surprised that he barely had time to open his arms to hold her, and he looked over her head to Severus in shock.

“It’s ok, sweetheart,” James said gently as he hugged her back. When she didn’t calm down, James frowned and knelt down to hold her more completely. Harry raced over too and pet her head.

“Millie, don’t cry,” Harry pleaded, sounding upset himself. Amelia sniffed, looking a little wary now that her tears were ending. Severus had the distinct feeling she would have liked to keep crying just to avoid the conversation, and indeed she buried her face in James’ neck as though she wanted to disappear. James looked up at Severus, still flabbergasted.

“What’s going on?” James asked.

“Draco’s been bullying her,” Severus said softly. “That’s why Harry got into a fight.” James’ eyes widened in surprise and he pulled back to look at Amelia’s face, still shocked. Whatever expression he saw there confirmed Severus’ story, and he pulled Amelia into another hug.

“Oh honey,” he said softly, holding her head to his shoulder and closing his eyes, clearly feeling her pain. He kissed her on the cheek and smiled at her.

“You know, when I was in second year Draco’s Dad knocked me off my broom and broke my nose, blood everywhere,” James said, pushing Amelia’s hair behind her ear. “Then know what? Mommy put Draco’s Daddy in jail.” Amelia giggled, and James winked at her, before looking at her seriously again.

“What happened?”

As Severus and Harry added detail, Amelia, with her eyes on the kitchen recounted the entire table in front of Lily, who, Severus could tell was becoming apoplectic with rage, and Polly, whose face was heavy with sympathy. James had his arm draped gently across her shoulders and was listening with simmering anger as well.

Draco, apparently, had started on Harry first, but wasn’t able to get a good enough rise out of him, who almost always had Ron and Ernie hanging around him anyways. Amelia, on the other hand, was quiet and independent and preferred to spend her time with her books in peace in the library. There was a hesitant gentleness in her, clearly inherited from latent gene and not from either of her parents, and she never stood up Draco who was older and intimidating. So he continued to needle her, make fun of her and even physically push her around, making her feel awful.

Harry, who had kept a closer eye on her on Severus’ instruction, saw Draco make her cry and punched him in the face.

“How could you not have told me about this?” James said, turning furious eyes to Severus the moment Amelia went up the stairs to bed.

“She asked me not too,” Severus said coolly. He had expected James to be upset, but he didn’t expect him to be like this.

“She’s eight!” James spat out indignantly.

“I didn’t want you to be disappointed in her,” Severus said before he truly thought the statement through. James recoiled as though he had just been slapped across the face and stared at Severus. Immediately, a deep guilty feeling came over him.

“Daddy, I want a story please,” Grace called from the top of the stairs.

“Alright, pumpkin, go pick one out,” James said, taking a step up the stairs.

“Potter-”

“I’m not fifteen anymore, Snape,” James said tightly. “And I don’t treat the people I love like that, which I thought you knew.” Without waiting for a response, James turned and headed up the stairs.

Severus and James rarely fought and it made Severus feel awful, and he sincerely wanted to avoid seeing the man. Still, Amelia was Severus’ goddaughter and he wasn’t going to let anyone push her around, so he arrived at the schoolhouse on Monday ready to tear Draco limb-from-limb.

It seemed as though he was already too late. James was walking out of the schoolhouse beside Lucius Malfoy. Severus just about thought their argument was mediated when James suddenly whipped out his wand and pushed Lucius against the schoolhouse.

 One thing Severus knew about Lucius was that he actively like being cruel and had no problems maiming or killing James, with that horrid thought in mind, Severus disapparated with a loud pop beside the fight.

James had his wand pressed against Lucius’ throat and his words were almost a growl.

“- touches my little girl again, I swear on Merlin’s wand I will personally ruin you,” James snarled in a feral way Severus had only heard when James rescued him from Voldemort.

“You think I fear a housewitch?” Lucius said contemptuously. Severus drew his wand, but James smirked coldly.

“Try me. Look what happened to Voldemort when he messed with the people I love,” hissed James. Severus saw the flicker of Lucius’ wand before James did, and James flew back into the snow. Lucius raised his wand again but this time Severus was too quick for him.

“Expelliamus!” Lucius’ wand sailed through the air. Severus caught it one-handed as James clamoured to his feet behind him. Lucius looked horrified, then angry.

“Snape,” he spat out. “You blood-”

“Yes, yes, enough with the pleasantries,” Severus drawled, pointing his own wand at Lucius. There was a tightness to Lucius’ jaw as he fought down a wave of nerves at being caught disarmed by two formidable wizards.

“Flippendo” Severus said, causing Lucius to fly onto his back. The man was Severus’ prey, and he approached with his wand trained on him, ready to attack should he move a muscle. He remembered the pain he felt being mercilessly tortured by him and loved the thought of returning the favour. But Harry, Sirius, Amelia and the Weasley children were inside, and what kind of Father would Severus be if he tortured and killed someone on the schoolhouse steps. Certainly, Michael would need to find other means of education when the time came.

With a sigh, he snarled at Lucius, than snapped the man’s wand over his knee. Lucius’ mouth dropped in horror.

“Draco doesn’t go near Amelia again. The Potters are out-of-bounds,” Severus hissed in a way he hadn’t since he was a Death Eater. Lucius snarled contemptuously, then nodded. Severus withdrew his wand and allowed the man to struggle up to his feet.

“Getting soft are we, Snape?” said Lucius, trying to clutch the remnants of his dignity.

“Yet somehow, I’m the one with the wand.” Lucius raised a lip at that, then turned on the spot leaving Severus and James alone.

“I had it covered,” James said without looking up at him.

“Potter, I’m sorry,” Severus said softly. “You don’t get it. You don’t know how it feels to torn down all the time, to have to try to explain that to your father, to know that he’s starting to think you’re a loser as well.” James was still looking away, but Severus could see him soften a bit.

“I just didn’t want her to be hurt anymore than she already was if you expected her to be something else, something more like you” Severus said softly. “I know what that can do to a child.”

“I love Amelia, Sev,” James said again. “Frankly, Lucius Malfoy’s son hating her, kind of makes me love her even more. I think it’s great she’s sweet and smart and I just want her to be happy.” It was too late, but Severus had long realized the honesty of those words. He never once companied about the books or asked why she didn’t have more friends. He loved her without reservation, in a way Severus’ father could never love a son like Severus.

“I know, Potter. I’m sorry,” Severus said.

“Amelia told me that you said how Draco acted was more of a reflection of Draco than of her,” said James after a long moment of silence. Severus nodded.

“The same goes for you and your father,” continued James.

“I know, Potter,” Severus said a little defensively. “I’m not fifteen anymore either.” Though sometimes he did still feel like he was.

“I know,” James said lightly, mercifully leaving it at that. They sat in companionable silence for a few minutes, waiting for class to get out. James reached over and squeezed the back of his neck lightly. Somehow, Severus found that gesture immediately eased some weight, though he wasn’t sure what that weight was. Before Severus could assess it more, parents started popping up to pick up the children and the bell rang, sending a barrage of happy kids to their parents.

“Daddy! Daddy! Look I made a drawing,” Sirius called through the crowd holding up some scribbling for James.

“It’s wonderful, love. We’ll have to hang it on the wall,” James said, taking it as though it was a Monet.

“Hi Dad, Hi Uncle Sev” Harry said, Amelia right beside him.  

“How was school?” James asked, leaning over and ruffling Harry’s hair.

“Good, Harry and Ron let me eat lunch with them, now Molly thinks I’m cool,” Amelia said returning the hug. Molly sounded like a bitch to Severus, but he smiled at her.

“She wanted me to come over to her house, but I said I wanted to read my books instead. Is that ok?” she asked James. He laughed and kissed her on the head.

“You do whatever makes you happy, alright love? That’s all I care about.” Those were the only words Severus had ever wanted to hear from his parents, and sometimes he felt that if he had heard them, everything would have been different. Amelia hugged her father, and James smiled at Severus over the top of her head. He nodded his head slightly in approval before turning his attention to Sirius’ drawing.


XXXXXxxxXXXxX


Severus was in a bit of a blind panic. He knew nothing about women, absolutely nothing. Polly loved him against all logic, he still assumed she would come to his senses at some point and leave him for someone more fun, more compassionate, more easy-going. Now he found out he was going to have a daughter. A daughter. What the hell was he supposed to do with a daughter?

First, he was walked aimlessly around Hogsmeade buying pink tutus, lacey dresses and ribbons, until he started to be concerned that buying all that stuff would send the wrong message to his daughter so he had to go return it all. Instead he went to the bookstore and bought every book that had to do with raising witches, and empowered women and he was considering whether or not he should go apparate to Muggle bookstore in case his daughter was a Muggle and Muggle girls were different, when he realized he was horribly late to meet James at the Leaky Cauldron.

The man was sitting at the end of the bar, drinking a butterbeer and reading the Daily Prophet, looking uncharacteristically old and wise with the grey flecks in his hair, glasses, crinkled forehead and paper. They were all getting older, Severus reflected with a little smirk.

“Solving the world’s problems, Potter?” he asked, sliding into the stool beside him. James put down the paper with a smile, seeming 20 again.

 “Where have you been?” he asked.

“Shopping,” said Severus with a sigh. James peered into the bag curiously, then looked up at him with a shocked smile.

“A girl!” James said with a gasp.

“You realize that it could only have been one or the other, right?” asked Severus with a sardonic smirk that he didn’t quite feel. Embarrassingly enough, all he still could think of was pink nurseries and lacey dresses, and James flipped through the books with the faintest beginning of a smile. As soon as he was finished, he turned back to his beer quietly.  The barrage of teasing he was expecting didn’t come.

“No comment?” Severus asked. James shook his head with a little snort.

“A few nights again, Grace poured Lily’s blush all over her face and walked around in her heels for hours. This apparently is fun,” James said. “Amelia on the other hand -” James broke off and shook his head with a little laugh.

“Yeah, you got lucky there,”  admitted Severus.

“Though she asked me if she was pretty enough to be a princess the other day, so I have feeling the days of flying with my little tomboy are fast coming to a close,” James said. That was undoubtedly a vast underestimation of Amelia’s character. Still, he reached into his paper bag and handed James a copy of Raising Wonderful Witches. James took it with a smile.

“You’re gonna be great with her, Sev, really,” he said motioning for the bartender to pour Severus a drink. The din in Severus’ mind seemed to calm somewhat and he nodded after a moment.

xxxxxxx

As a general rule, Severus hated King’s Cross. He hated the fact that it was so filled with tourists,  that the trains were almost always late and that the entire magical community could not come up with a more efficient way to usher hundreds of children to a train then by making them go two-by-two through a single barrier.

“Daddy, a penny!” Michael yelped. His mop of dark hair disappearing between the legs of the crowd. However much he hated King’s Cross, it was infinitely worse trying to walk through it with a young child.

“Mikey-love, come here,” Severus said, picking the boy up and placing him on his hip before he could get trampled.

“Where is everyone? It’s quarter-to,” snapped Severus, looking around the crowd impatiently. “Am I the only one in this family who is ever on time?” Michael laid his head down on Severus’ shoulder.

“I’m on time, Daddy,” said Michael said with a smile.

“Yes, well, you’re perfect,” Severus said with a smile, kissing him on the forehead.

“Sev! SEV!” yelled Lily from across the station. She was in her work-robes and running with Grace on her back who was howling with laughter. James ran beside her pushing a cart full of trunks, Harry’s brand new snow-white owl, and Sirius. The owl was hooting indignantly, Lily was screaming and Sirius was loudly demanding James charge faster into the crowd, and James was pushing the cart erratically because his other hand was holding Amelia’s. Needless to say, they were attracting a lot of Muggle attention, and Harry jogged beside them looking embarrassed.

“Sorry we’re late,” Lily said breathlessly as she approached. “Hi Mikey.” She leaned in and hugged them both, planting a fat kiss on Michael’s cheek.

“It would have been foolish of me to expect any different,” muttered Severus accepting her hug and looking around at the Muggles. “Did you have to wear your robes? Everyone is staring.”

“I have court in an the afternoon,” Lily said indignantly.

“Auntie Lily, I found a penny,” Michael said, holding the coin out for Lily to examine. Recently, he had become obsessed with Muggle coins.

“That, love, is a very fine penny,” she said, before turning to Severus. “Where’s Polly?”

“Getting something called Starbucks. I don’t know, she has this thing for Muggle coffee,” replied Severus.

“Alright, she’ll meet us in there, we’re blocking the Muggles,” James stage whispered, jerking his head towards a group of Asian tourists who were taking pictures of Harry’s owl.

“Uncle Sev did you know that the Snowy Owl was first classified in 1758 by Carolus Linna?” asked Amelia as she poked her fingers through the owls cage. The bird looked distinctly unimpressed with the factoid.

“I did not,” Severus said as he led Michael through the crowd, taking Amelia’s hand with his free one. They walked towards a bushy-haired haired girl standing close to her two bespeckled parents who were clearly in Muggle attire.

“Just run at it?” The man said anxiously, running a hand through his hair. “I don’t know Hermione, dear. This all seems rather…” As he saw Severus and the Potter’s approach he cleared his throat and looked away awkwardly.

“The train from Edinburgh should be here soon,” he said with exaggerated loudness. James, easily the most outgoing of the group, observed them for a moment than stepped forward with a small smile.

“Excuse me, do you need some help getting on the Platform?” he asked.

“Potter!” hissed Severus, about list all the magical decrees he could potentially be breaking at the moment.

“Yes!” the man said at almost the same time. “I’m Howard Granger, this is Patricia, my wife, and Hermione my daughter.” James shook their hands enthusiastically.

“James - James Potter. This is Harry, he’s starting Hogwarts as well.” Harry awkwardly nodded at the bushy haired girl, but she immediately brightened.

“That’s wonderful!” she said stepping towards him. “What reading have you done for the start of term? I tried to get through all the textbooks, but my parents couldn’t bring me to London until last week so I’m still behind on History of Magic and Herbology but I think I can catch up. Have you read Hogwarts a History? It’s brilliant.” Harry’s eyes widened.

“Uhmm-”

“Hermione, darling, come on,” her mother said, apparently having received confirmation from James that she was supposed to run at the barrier. Hermione waved brightly and grabbed the trolley. The three of them walked purposefully towards the barrier and disappeared after a moment.

“Come on, you lot,” Lily said extending her hand to Amelia and Sirius. Just as a large man passed by, the three of them disappeared into the barrier.

“Ready, Hare-bear?” asked James walking toward the barrier, and slinging and arm over Harry’s shoulder. Severus was about to follow with the cart, but the boy didn’t budge. The separation was becoming real, and Severus could see the uncertainty start to take over Harry’s eyes. James did too, because he knelt down to be eye-level with Harry and smiled up at him.

“It’s normal to feel scared you know. This is a big thing you’re doing,” James said gently.

“I’m not scared,” Harry said defiantly.

“When are you gonna come home?” Grace asked from the front of the cart, blinking her big, hazel eyes up at Harry.

“Christmas,” said Harry softly. Grace’s eyes filled with tears.

“Which isn’t that far off,” James cut in gently, brushing Harry’s bangs off of his forehead. “Together, ok?” James said nodding his head towards the barrier. Resolutely Harry nodded. They took a few steps and a disappeared through the barrier.

Severus quickly followed with the two youngest in tow, nodding at some of his students as he passed them.

“Where’s Ron?” Harry was asking anxiously looking around the steam filled corridor.

“He’ll be here,” soothed Lily. A few feet over, James was attempting to shove Harry’s large trunk into the small luggage container. After a few moments of exasperated pushing, he flicked his wand at the trunk and it shrunk to fit perfectly.

“I’m here. I’m here!” Polly said from behind them all. Her slight baby bump causing people to clear out of her way instantly. “The line up for these things is ridiculous!”

“You are going to have so much fun, Mister!” Polly said pulling Harry into a tight hug. Harry offered his first tentative smile of the morning and hugged her back.

“Come on, kiddo. I’ll help you find Ron, then you can say goodbye. I think he’s already on the train, I saw Percy’s trunk in there. Gold crest on it that says Prefect - Gryffindor House,” James said with a smirk.

“Hey! I got him that,” said Lily defensively getting looks from all the children and adults.

“What? I think it’s cute.” James rolled his eyes and motioned to Harry. At that moment, Jason saw them and walked over with a warm smile.

“Mikey! You’re starting at Hogwarts then?” teased Jason. Jason reminded Severus a lot of James as a student. Handsome, popular, Head Boy, Captain of the Slytherin Quidditch team, who had just recently grown-out of his talent for trouble.

“No!” Michael said with a laugh. “I’m FOUR!” Of all the students, Michael looked up to Jason the most, and Jason doted on him. Severus suspected that he had figured out walking around hand-in-hand with a toddler made him popular with the girls.

“Are you? Oh no! I was hoping you’d be our Seeker this year,” Jason said, ruffling the boy’s hair.

“Hello Professor,” Jason said. “Mrs. Professor.” Polly smirked at that and hit in on the arm.

“So Harry, do you think you’ll be in Slytherin like your Uncle?” he said, peering down at Harry who, though he had known Jason for seven years, was still clearly intimidated by the tall, confident boy. Severus smiled to himself, remembering full-well that Jason had cried himself to sleep for almost the entire first month he was at Hogwarts. It seemed like just yesterday.

“Ah, no, Gryffindor, like his, Mother, Father and Grandfather,” James said, as Lily smacked him across the arm. Jason grinned. Severus rolled his eyes.

“No, Hufflepuff!” Polly said. Everyone, even Harry, blinked blandly back at her.

“Uh oh, family rivalry, I see. You’ll do well wherever you end up,” Jason said with a smile. “I saw the Weasleys just a moment ago, I’m sure Ron is on the train already. Do you want me to help you find him?” Jason asked.

“Oh no, that’s ok,” Harry said quickly, clearly wanting to look mature. Jason nodded and smiled.

“Alright, I’ll be in the first carriage with Percy. Come find us if you need anything,” Jason said kindly. He said his goodbyes to the other children, and sauntered over to where a group of his friends were putting their trucks in the storage.

“Alright, come on, let’s get you a seat,” James said moving towards the train.

“You can’t go on with me!” Harry said aghast, still looking at the group of cool, confident seventh-years Jason had just joined.

“Yeah, you really can’t,” agreed Polly.

“Right, right. Of course,” James said, more to himself than to Harry. Severus felt a pang of sympathy for the man in front of him who forced a smile. “Well then kiddo, it’s time to say goodbye.”

The mood suddenly seemed to darken slightly, and Lily stepped forward to straighten Harry’s sweater, blinking back tears.

“You have everything you need? Books, clothes, pocket money. James give him pocket money,” Lily said. Immediately James pulled a hunk of galleons out of his pocket.

“Dad, you already gave me - ”

“Just take it,” said James with a smile. Harry took the coins and put them in his pocket.

“I don’t want you to go!” Grace said suddenly, no longer interested in running in circles with Michael. As her large eyes filled perfectly with tears, Severus thought of taking this girl to Disney so they could use her for inspiration for small, musical woodland creatures. He had not met a heart she couldn’t melt with that look.

“It’s ok, Gracie-bell,” Harry said softly. “I’ll write all the time.” She and Michael quickly threw their arms around him.

“Will you write about your lessons?” Amelia asked anxiously. She had just started to be able to slightly control her magic. If she kept going at this rate, she was going to outclass Lily.

“Sure,” Harry said with a little grin. He turned to Sirius expectantly, who only scowled, about as talented as his namesake at dealing with emotion. Harry opened his arms a little hopefully and the scowl faded a little from Sirius’ face. After a moment, the boy walked over and hugged Harry tightly around the waist.

“Uncle Sev, if Harry’s in Slytherin are you going to make him write lines?” asked Sirius gleefully.

“Only if he misbehaves,” replied Severus with a smile. Harry took a step towards him and Severus reached out and hugged the boy gently, wondering how he had gotten so big all of the sudden.

“I haven’t read anything,” Harry whispered urgently into his ear. Severus pulled back to look at the boy’s wide, guilty eyes. It was as though he had just admitted to some terrible crime.

“Oh Harry, that’s ok. No one is expecting you to have read anything yet,” Severus said, hoping to sound reassuring. “That girl you met was just - very keen.” Harry swallowed thickly and still looked uncertain.

“What if a teacher asks me something and I don’t know? I’m going to look stupid,” Harry whispered again.

“Then say you don’t know,” Severus said simply, tousling Harry’s hair. “And you are not stupid, you are very bright.”

“And I can come and see you, right? Even if I’m not in Slytherin?” Harry asked hurriedly, checking over his shoulder to make sure that no one was close enough to listen. Severus smiled and hugged Harry tightly again, starting to feel oddly sad even though he’d see the boy in a few hours.

“You can come see me whenever you want,” he said, whispering as the boy had. “I’ll always be there for you, Hare-bear.” Harry groaned a little at the nickname, but when he pulled away there was a smile on his face.

“Harry!” Ron’s voice came from the entrance to the train, and he waved animatedly at Harry to get his attention. “Come on, I got us a compartment.” Harry forced a smile and nodded.  

“Be right there!”

“Hello Professor,” Ron said with a cheeky smile to Severus. Another Weasley, thought Severus with a little shake of his head. It felt as though he spent half his life keeping Fred and George out of Filtch’s office. Vaguely he remembered the expression of misery coming in threes.

“Mr. Weasley,” Severus responded with a smirk. Ron roared with laughter and disappeared into the train. These kids were going to be trouble.

Harry turned to look at Lily and James, both of whom were regarding him with swimming eyes. The looked oddly younger to Severus for some reason.

“You’re going to have so much fun,” Lily said she forced a smile for Harry, but when they hugged, her eyes met James’ and filed with tears.  She pulled back and sniffed, taking Harry’s head in her hands.

“We love you, so, so much. Don’t ever forget that.” Harry, slightly embarrassed at the attention, blushed and shook her hands off.

“Love you too, Mom,” he muttered. A tear slid down Lily’s cheek.

Lily reluctantly released him and allowed James to step in and hug him. James squeezed Harry so tightly that for a moment Severus was worried he was about to crack one of his ribs. He kissed Harry on his head and whispered something that made the boy laugh and blink back tears at the same time.  

“You better get on the train!” James said the forced cheer in his voice not quite distracting from his swimming eyes. Harry backed towards the train still waving at them, and hopped up. Lily pressed her hand to her lips and James wrapped and arm around her and started to wave.

The whistle blew. Harry’s anxious, green eyes met Severus’. Severus gave the most reassuring smile he could in response and lifted his hand. A puff of steam blew from the train’s chimney, and it slowly started to pull away from the station.

Even though he’d be seeing the boy in only a few hours, as Harry waved back to him, it felt as though it would never be the same. James had walked a couple steps with the train, but stopped as it picked up speed. Amelia, Sirius, Grace and Michael joined the other siblings in chasing the train until it turned out of the station, leaving a dull emptiness in its wake.

Severus walked the few steps up to James whose hand was still raised half-heartedly, while his other arm was wrapped around Lily who was crying quietly.

“Don’t worry, I’ll keep an eye on him,” Severus said, placing a hand on James’ shoulder.  They turned to him, and Severus stepped back in shock. Their faces were different. They were about ten years younger. Lily was wearing the housecoat and pyjamas she had worn that terrible night when Voldemort had almost killed her. James’ face was unlined and pale. Both of their eyes were filled with tears.

Severus looked over his shoulder at the rest of the platform, but everything was white. The children, Pauline, they had all disappeared. Panic quickly rose through him as he stared back at the young Potters in horror.

Disturbing memories suddenly started to mix in with everything he knew to be true. Lily’s cold, dead body, Harry screaming his lungs out, the years of self-imposed exile and the thin, bespeckled boy, James’ twin, that had nervously walked across the Great Hall months ago. A little boy that was so different, yet so similar, to the Harry that had just boarded the train.

The Ghangzhou. Severus felt as though he had just been shot in the stomach. None of it was real.

“It’s time to go,” Lily said gently, touching his face. The edges of her fingers were fuzzy. The vision was ending.

“It’s going to be ok,” James said reassuringly, although he had tears in his eyes. He looked so young that he looked more like Harry than himself. It was enough to make Severus’ head spin.

He hadn’t realized how much joy and love he was carrying with him until it started to sluff of him like dead skin cells. The feeling of contentment he had taken for granted for years was disappearing, leaving him as raw and exposed as he was at 21.

“I - I don’t want to go,” Severus breathed. The fake James and Lily, the ones he thought he had spent ten years of his life with, would never send him back, not if they knew the hell that was waiting for him.

“Please I have - there’s nothing,” he whispered. His voice cracked terribly, and James and Lily’s foreheads were both creased in sympathy that would usually make his skin crawl. At the moment he willing to capitalize on it, to beg, to do anything not to go back.

“Please,” he whispered again, but they were already starting to fade into white.

“That’s not true,” Lily said gently. “Harry is there, and he needs you so badly. and you need him. You’re both hurting” Severus was already sinking to his knees feeling faint with disbelief.

“You can’t just leave me,” he whispered numbly. He knew he sounded pathetic, and he wasn’t sure if he was speaking to ghosts, the Ghangzou vision or a dream, but he didn’t care.

“We would never leave you. We’ll still be there,” James said gently, but when Severus looked up at him, he was blending into the all encompassing white background so much so that Severus could barely see him.

“Always,” Lily whispered. All he could make out of Lily were her wet, brilliant green eyes and long red-hair, and he shut his eyes, unable to force himself to see them disappear.