Visions of Sugarplums Danced in Their Heads by sshpfanfiction

Killing Voldemort may have slowed the war, but rounding up Voldemort’s Horcruxes was almost as dangerous and involved the Order just as much. They had only discovered the locket and the ring, and Dumbledore figured there were at least 5 more to go. Currently, James was off chasing down a pack of werewolves with Remus in Albania who, rumour had it, supposedly knew where one of the Horcruxes were. It was only supposed to take a few hours; thus far, it had taken almost the whole night.

“Where is he?” asked Lily for the hundredth time as she paced back and forth in front of the fireplace. Her belly proceeding her by a good foot. Severus looked up over the top of the book he was pretending to read.

“I’m sure he’s fine,” said Severus. “Will you sit down? You’re making me nervous.” With James’ absence, the living room had become a pressure cooker. Every minute he was gone wound Lily up more. Since she was so stressed, Severus was in the disobliging position of having to be the calm, rational one. Still, he found himself glancing down at his watch with more frequency at the night went one. It was 1:30 am, if James wasn’t back by 2, Severus was going after him.

“I’m going to kill him,” grumbled Lily.

“That would be counter-productive,” replied Severus silkily, turning back to his book.

“How can you read right now?” she snapped, suddenly angry. “You don’t even care. He could be dead, and you don't even care.” Tears sprung to Lily’s eyes as she glared at Severus. The slight tremble in her lip made his angry indignation fade away.

“That’s not true,” he said softly. “You know that’s not true.” At his words, Lily’s face crumbled from anger to devastation.

“What if he’s dead?” she sobbed. Severus got to his feet, crossed the living room and took her into his arms even though it was awkward with her large stomach.

“He’s not,” said Severus even though he had no basis for that belief. She reached up and clung tightly to his back.

“I’ll be pregnant, my baby won’t know her father. What will I tell Harry? Then if I die…” she burst into a fresh batch of tears that would have been comical if they were not so heart-wrenching. “They’d have to live with Petunia!”

“Come on, sit down,” cajoled Severus. She allowed him to lead her to the couch as she sobbed. “He’s fine.”

“If he’s not?” Lily asked, raising her blotchy, snotty face up to look up at Severus. He sighed and handed her a handkerchief.

“You don’t think I’d ever abandon you, and Harry, and whoever this will be. Do you?” asked Severus when she collected herself. An old, selfish part of him was almost happy at the thought of having Lily, Harry and the new baby all to himself. Even as he thought it, it felt wrong and was quickly replaced with another swell of anxiety for James.

“And if we both die?” she whispered softly, but intensely. “Would you take them?” Severus blinked at her for a moment, completely taken off-guard.

“Would you want me to? Surely Remus or Molly…” said Severus, trailing off. Lily wiped at her face.

“Remus loves the children, but he transforms every month and is off in New York, and Molly has seven children, Severus. I couldn’t ask her. Perhaps, I’m not giving Tuney enough credit,” she said, sniffing. “Maybe she’d be good to them, treat them as her own, if she had to raise them, you know?” There was uncertainty on her face, and Severus hesitantly reached over and took her hand.

“Of course I’d take them,” he said finally, trying not to let his inner panic show. Quickly, he reminded himself that this was an extremely unlikely scenario. She looked up at him sharply, her eyes filling again.

“And you’ll be good to them, right? You’ll make sure they’re happy.”

“Of course,” said Severus. He was almost offended at the idea that he could be anything but loving and gentle towards the Potter children. Considering all the time he spent washing fingerpaint off of Harry’s little fingers, reading books with stupid rhymes and walking bent sideways at a snail’s pace to accommodate Harry’s little strides, he felt he had earned the benefit of the doubt in this area.

“And you’ll tell them that you love them because they’ll need to here that a lot and you’re not very good about saying it,” Severus rolled his eyes but nodded.

“Every day, I promise.”

“More than that!”

“Lily, you’re not dead. James is not dead. Let’s not worry about my parenting skills just yet, ok?” he said, successfully drawing a little laugh from her. She looked pensive and regarded him again with her beseeching green eyes.

“You’d love them?” she whispered. For some reason, Severus was starting to feel deeply sad. He swallowed thickly and forced a smile.

“I already do.” Lily smiled at that and hugged him tightly. Just as she pulled away and wiped her eyes, the fire flared green, and James stepped out with a limp and a black eye.

“James! Where have you been? Are you ok?” yelled Lily, caught somewhere between furious and hysterical.

“Where else are you hurt? Sit down,” snapped Severus almost at the same time. James blinked at them both, bemused.

“Mom…Dad…I’m fine. There were more than we expected,” James said raising his hands up in a gesture of surrender even as he sunk gratefully into the closest chair. “No Horcrux, by the way.” As if anyone cared about that at the moment.

Lily summoned a first aid kit and started dabbing at his face. James grudgingly allowed the ministrations as he slouched in his chair.

“Is Moony alright?” she asked as she sealed a cut with his wand.

“Yea, he’s staying with one of his contacts in Albania, thinks they may have missed something,” James muttered, rubbing his ankle.

“What’s wrong with your leg?” asked Severus, still sounding angry. James looked at him tiredly.

“I kicked a werewolf in the face.” Severus blinked at him, then at Lily, then they both started in on the stupid half-wit in front of them

“You could have been BIT!” yelled Severus.

“Do you want your children to grow up fatherless?” roared Lily at the same time. James got to his feet, smiled at them and clapped them both on the shoulders.

“I love you guys too,” he said, a cheeky smile on his face. “Now, I just kicked a werewolf in the face, if someone doesn’t ask me for the story, I’m afraid I’m going to have to leave you and find the nearest pub full of strangers to tell.”

XXXX

“Is it supposed to be taking this long?” muttered Severus as he absently passed Harry another crayon. Remus who was sitting on the waiting room chair opposite him folded down the top of the paper he was reading and smiled.

“She’s having a baby, Severus. It takes longer than an hour,” he said lightly.

“Uncle Sev, where do babies come from?” Harry asked from where he was scribbling on the floor in between Severus and Remus’ feet. Severus exchanged a look with a smirking Remus and tapped Harry on the head.

“What are you drawing, Hare-bear?” Severus asked, easily changing the subject from something that he’d rather not discuss with a 2-year-old.

“Werewolf, like Uncle Remus” he said happily, handing the picture to Remus who took it with hesitant fingers after a moment of shock. “They’re my favowite.”

Remus studied the picture for a long moment folded it up gently, and put into his pocket as though it was some sort of rare heirloom. He cleared his throat and held his arms opened for the toddler.

“Come here, love. Give me a kiss,” said Remus. Obediently, Harry sprung up to his feet, clamoured up on to Remus’ lap and kissed the man on the cheek.

“Are you excited to be a big brother?” Remus asked as the little boy settled into his lap. Harry nodded enthusiastically.

“Mhmm, I’m gonna be a good big brother. I’m gonna share,” said Harry with a wide grin. Remus tousled the little boy’s hair with a smile. At that moment, the door to the patient rooms slammed open, and James emerged looking white-faced and quasi-petrified. With a swoop of horror, Severus jumped to his feet, followed by Remus who was still holding Harry on his hip. There was a horrible moment of tense silence, then James grinned broadly.

“Amelia Louise Potter, born at 4:36 pm, 7 pounds 3 ounces. Full-head of unruly black hair, healthy as a horse, and as as gorgeous as her mother, who, by the way is doing wonderfully,” said James, beaming at them. Tension drained from Severus’ shoulders. Remus laughed and stepped forward to hug James who hugged him back tightly. After he hugged Remus, he turned his bright smile to Severus expectantly.

“Congratulations, Potter,” Severus said formally, sticking his hand out to the man. James regarded the hand for a moment then raised his eyebrows incredulously.

“This is not a handshake time, Sev,” said James, his lips quirking up in a smile. Without further comment, he stepped forward and hugged Severus tightly around the neck. Reluctantly, Severus brought his arms up to pat James on the back a few times.

“Is the baby here?” Harry asked excitedly from Remus’ arms. James let go and turned to his son with a broad smile.

“Yes. Yes she is. Wanna go say hi?” Harry nodded and reached his arms out for his father who took him quickly.

“Alright then! Come on,” James said walking toward the patient rooms. Remus followed right behind them, but feeling suddenly uncertain, Severus held back prepared to wait in the waiting room.

“Sev?” James said apparently realizing that a second set of footsteps were missing. “What are you doing? Come on.” James, Remus and Harry all looked at him expectantly, with a sharp nod Severus followed the crowd past the doors and a couple patient rooms to Lily’s single-patient suite.

She was sitting on her bed in a white, floral nightgown. Her hair was pulled up in a messy bun and her face was pale and tired, but somehow still radiant as she looked down at the tiny bundle of blankets in her arms. When they walked in, she looked up and grinned.

“Mommy!” yelped Harry, wiggling down from James’ arms to run over to her. Severus didn’t follow the greetings, he was too busy trying to understand how a human being could be so small as to fit into the little space between Lily’s arms.

James sat on the side of Lily’s bed and pulled Harry up onto his lap.

“Harry, this is your sister, Amelia,” Lily said, lowering the baby down so Harry could see her properly. Harry peered curiously at the baby, then raised a hand up to prod at her, which James caught quickly.

“Gentle, ok buddy? She’s very little.” Harry nodded seriously, leaned forward and gently kissed the baby on the forehead. It was sweet enough that even Severus found himself smiling. and James, Lily and Remus all aww’d in approval.

Remus, Harry and James fawned over the baby, but after kissing Lily on the cheek and offering his congratulations, Severus stayed on the opposite end of the hospital room. He knew if he went near it, he’d have to hold it, which could lead to dropping it, which could maim or kill it.

Harry was too little to be fascinated by the baby for long, and soon Severus was so embarrassingly immersed in reading him a story that he didn’t notice James walk over from Remus and Lily holding the baby.

“Do you want to hold her?” asked James, jerking Severus out of the book. Severus looked up at James with wide-eyes.

“Uhmm…” James smiled understandingly.

“It’s alright, put out your arms,” James said, holding out the baby with unnerving ease. Severus had never held a newborn before, and he sure as hell did not want to practice with the Potters’ child.

“Uh, I don’t know, Potter…” muttered Severus, as Harry jumped off of his lap to make way.

“Come on, they’re surprisingly durable. You won’t break her,” James said, moving to hand her over. As though James would ever drop his baby, Severus instinctively raised his arms to catch her. Without further warning, James lowered the sleeping baby into Severus’ arms.

She weighed almost nothing and was wrapped in a knit, lavender blanket. A little black tuft of hair, already uncontrollable, stood up on her head and her skin was pink and new. One tiny, little hand grasped the blanket and was about as long as Severus’ pinky. Her little nose was so cute that even Severus, who until then had never thought of a baby as anything but loud and annoying, sucked in a gasp of air.

“She’s very little, you gotta be careful,” whispered Harry looking over Amelia’s face. He reached up and gently petted her head. Severus looked up and smiled at the little boy who was staring at the baby with a deadly serious expression. Protective big brother it was then.

“That’s right,” said Severus softly, smiling at Harry who looked him over for a moment, then nodded in apparent approval.

“Hare-bear, come give me a hug,” Lily said with a smile. Harry ran over to the hospital bed and Remus lifted him up to cuddle with his mother. She pulled him close to her and kissed him on the head.

The baby began to fuss, bringing Severus’ attention back to the light bundle in his arms.

“James!” said Severus in panic, holding the baby back out to him.

“They like to be held close,” said James, not moving to take Amelia. “Right to your chest.” Severus looked at James like he was crazy, but hesitantly shifted his grip to draw Amelia closer to him. Suddenly, the baby’s eyes opened, and she blearily looked up at him. He froze and stared back.

“Don’t be rude. Introduce yourself,” James said after a moment, a hint of laughter in his voice.

“She can’t understand me,” said Severus defensively. James pulled up on the chair beside Severus and gently flattened Amelia’s tuft of hair.

“She understand who loves her”, said James softly. “Come on, you’re gonna have to tell her your name soon enough.”

“Potter,” grumbled Severus. He wasn’t going to fawn over a baby like some crazy person. James smiled placidly back, and Severus rolled his eyes.

“Severus Snape, pleased to meet you,” muttered Severus, with a hint of a smile on his face. The baby googled up and him, her eyes not entirely able to focus. Because he had been leafing through some of Lily’s pregnancy books, panicked in the knowledge that he was going to live with a newborn, he knew that Amelia was too young to smile, but he swore he could see her trying as she stared up at him.

“Lily, told me she asked you to take Harry and Amelia if anything happens to us,” James whispered, looking over to where Remus was fussily pulling blankets up over Lily. Severus turned his attention away from Amelia’s little nose and looked at James’ eyes. The man had the same deadly serious expression Harry had on a few minutes earlier, except it was incredibly more intense. Clearly, Potter didn’t want Severus to raise his kids, which was perfectly fine with Severus, especially thinking the whole thing was ridiculous and melodramatic. Screw the war. Noone was dying.

“Potter…she was upset,” muttered Severus, adjusting his grip on the baby who was starting to fuss again. “I was just trying to make her feel better. I don’t think she actually expects you to agree to that.” James looked Severus critically.

“Why wouldn’t she expect me to agree?” asked James. Severus gave James a look, there were many reasons he could think of. Not the least of which was the fact that they had hated each other for years. They may be friends now, but that was a far cry from being the person to raise his children.

“Well, I do, but if you don’t want to do it, that’s ok,” James said. Severus looked away and studied a crack on the floor. It was absurd to think that he was actually considering agreeing to raise Potter’s child. It was even more absurd to think that he wasn’t really considering it. He had already given his word, the decision had been made the second Lily had asked him. She hadn’t phrased it in terms of wanting to take them though. Saying that seemed to admit more than he was willing to. Severus swallowed and looked back at James.

“If you want me to, then yes, of course,” Severus muttered. James smiled and clapped him on the shoulder. The motion gave him the sickening feeling that he was about to drop the baby, and he curled forward protectively, scowling at James.

“Well then it’s settled. Meet your goddaughter,” said James, wiggling a finger over Amelia’s face. “You and Remus are splitting the honour by the way, for Harry as well, if you’re willing.” The baby’s eye’s started to flutter shut, and Severus nodded, wondering how he could feel so much for such something so tiny and non-communicative.

“She’s beautiful, James, really,” Severus muttered as the baby dropped deeper off into sleep.

“Alright, alright,” said James reaching his arms out for the baby. “We’re not dead yet! I want her back.” With a laugh, Severus carefully deposited the baby back in James’ arms, feeling a little gratified when she started to cry.

XXXxxxxxXXXXXxxxx

Living up in the quiet country suited Severus beautifully. Ottery St. Catchpole had a pub to share a pint with James and Lily, a park for the children to run around in and an abundance of space and solitude. Still, sometimes one needed the bustle of the city, and new books, and had to make their way to Diagon Alley. This brilliant train of thought was what made Severus decide to drag Harry and Amelia down to the crowded, hot Diagon Alley at the end of summer when all the children were buying their books and supplies for Hogwarts.

Amelia, at four months, was strapped into a cumbersome stroller, beginning to cry and fuss. Harry, who had enthusiastically ran around the toy and book store had immediately started to flag when Severus dragged him to the apothecary, and by the time he had taken them out of Flourish and Blotts, both children were holding on to their tempers with tenterhooks. Amelia was sobbing in her stroller and Harry was grumpily stomping behind.

Finally, Severus knelt down and lifted Amelia out of of the stroller and held her on his chest.

“Come here, love. You’re ok,” Severus soothed, rubbing her back. Her tears started to quell to hiccups almost immediately.

“Uncle Sev, I’m tired,” whimpered Harry, tugging at Severus’ pant-leg. They were all hot, tired and completely over their limit for the day.

“Alright,” he said gently, ghosting his hand over the toddler’s head. Mercifully, a bakery sign caught Severus’ eye and he turned to the one thing that never failed to cheer Harry up.

“Do you want some cake, monkey?” he asked. Harry’s face brightened, and he nodded enthusiastically. With extreme difficulty, Severus navigated the bulky stroller, one-handed to the cafe while still carrying Amelia, and keeping Harry, who had run ahead excitedly, in his sights.

“Harry, wait,” Severus said, catching the wheel of the stroller on the sidewalk. The second he said it, Harry turned to look at him and ran full-force into the doorframe with a dramatic splat and ended up on his backside on the entrance. Severus’ heart jumped to his throat, and he quickly put the baby in the stroller and ran the few paces to where Harry was slowly sitting up. Harry turned his bloody nose and red cheek to Severus with wide-shocked eyes, then the realization that he was in pain hit him and he started to wail.

“Let me see. Let me see,” Severus said trying to sound both firm and comforting as the boy’s hands flew up to his face. Amelia was crying now too, and aside from being completely petrified Harry had just lost all his teeth, Severus was vaguely aware of all the attention he was drawing on himself from the other people in the bakery.

Pretending not to notice, Severus dragged them towards the nearest table and pulled Harry up onto his lap. Harry continued to sob with the voracious insistence that only a toddler could manage, and Severus conjured a washcloth, and pressed it against the boy’s nose.

“It’s ok,” he muttered, cuddling Harry closer and kissing him on the head. After a moment, Harry’s sobs quieted to sniffles and the bleeding stopped.

“It hurts,” whispered Harry. This was not the kind of thing Severus excelled at. He was far better at playing games and reading stories than actual comforting, but Harry was at that age where every other step seemed to involve an injury of some kind, so he had gotten some practice.

“I know,” said Severus, stroking a thumb over the bruising skin, thinking of the look on James and Lily’s face when he delivered them a black-and-blue swollen mess where their son used to be.

“You are very brave,” said Severus gently as the toddler buried his wet nose in Severus’ collarbone.

“Are you alright?” a feminine voice asked. Severus had been so busy trying to calm Harry that he didn’t notice the pretty, fine-featured waitress knelt down in front of them. Harry looked up shyly from where he had buried his head in Severus’ shoulder to look at the owner of the voice.

“Did you hit the door?” she asked Harry gently, handing Severus a package of ice. Harry nodded, wincing as Severus pressed the ice to his face.

“Well, just so you know, girls are all about the tough guys, the more blood the better” she said earning a confused look from Harry.

“Why?” he asked softly.

“That is a very good question,” she said with a tinkling little laugh. “Now, do you want a piece of cake? Everyone who runs headlong into the door gets a free slice.” Harry smiled and nodded enthusiastically as the woman made a large slice of chocolate cake soar through the air with a flick of her wand.

“You look like a chocolate cake fan,” she said with a smiling, catching the plate and handing it out to Severus. He reached out and accepted it, blushing as their pinkies grazed one another. Another plate followed right behind and she caught it and handed it out to him as well.

“For you,” she said with a half-smile.

“Oh I don’t - I’m not really a cake person,” he said, too surprised at her handing him a piece of cake to respond normally.

“Everyone’s a cake person,” she said with a laugh. “You look like the sort of person who would like peppermint.” Severus blinked at her over the top of Harry’s head. She smiled at him and look a large bite of licorice.

“How does one look like someone who would like peppermint?” asked Severus with a bit of a smile playing at his lips.

“I don’t know. I have a sense about these things,” she said. Reluctantly, Severus took a bite of the cake. He really did like peppermint. It exceeded his expectations: sharp and sweet, the perfect combination.

“It’s very good,” Snape said through a bite, getting some of the crust on Harry head. He brushed it off in a quick, embarrassed motion, causing Harry to turn and look up at him quizzically. For some reason, this conversation was making him feel exceedingly anxious. The baby started to fuss a little, and he happily jumped on the excuse to look away and conjure a bunch of twinkling stars over her head. She giggled and batted aimlessly at them.

“You’re a good father,” the waitress said. He blushed furiously for some reason and looked back at her.

“Oh - they’re not mine. I’m - they’re - I’m their Uncle,” Severus said, sputtering the most incoherent sentence of his life. She smiled again.

“Then you’re a good Uncle.”

“Thank you,” Severus said lamely, feeling more heat rise up his cheeks. There was a moment of silence between them, then she thrust out her hand.

“I’m Pauline Walker,” she said suddenly. “My friends call me Polly.” He returned her surprisingly firm handshake.

“Severus - Severus Snape.” Her lips quirked in to a smile.

“It’s nice to meet you, Severus Severus Snape,” she replied with a smile before turning around and sashaying back to the kitchen.

“She’s pretty,” Harry whispered in approval.

“Eat your cake” said Severus, earning an impish little grin in response.

XXXxxxXXXX

“I don’t think this is a good idea,” Severus said again as he walked across the highly polished marble floor of the Ministry beside James.

“You never think I have good ideas,” James replied with a little smile. Severus wouldn’t go that far, but they were currently walking towards the bowels of the Ministry to watch Peter get his soul sucked out. No one but James thought this was a good idea. Remus had refused to so much as be in the country while it was happening. Lily, who had seen the Dementor’s Kiss performed more than once during her time as a prosecutor, admitted she couldn’t go, and had so strongly objected to James going that the two of them had had a row. Severus didn’t want to go, but knew James well enough to not send him alone.

Only a few other people were sitting in the small courtroom: Gideon, staring fixedly at his notes, a few lookey-loos, Rita Skeeter. When they entered, Dumbledore, who was sitting with the rest of the Wizamagot caught Severus’ eye and frowned slightly. Another person who knew this was a bad idea. A golden throne sat imposingly in the middle of the room.

“Ladies and Gentleman,” said Gideon the moment Severus and James sat down. “The accused Peter Pettigrew has been sentenced to the Dementor’s Kiss this March 13th, 1983. Anyone who does not wish to witness the Kiss should leave the vicinity immediately.” Severus observed James out of the corner of his his eye, hoping he would come to his senses. The man’s jaw remained wound in tight determination, and his hands clenched together.

The doors opened and two Dementors entered, dragging Peter between them. He had lost a significant amount of weight and his skin had taken on an odd, yellow colour. Skin and wasted muscle hung of off him like rags. He whimpered and begged, but his pleas were so desperate, they were virtually non-sensical. Severus blinked and looked away to consider the detailing on the wall.

“Peter Pettigrew, you are hereby sentenced to the Dementor’s Kiss, in punishment for your crimes against Muggles and Muggle-borns. Do you have anything to say for yourself?” Gideon asked. The man’s professionalism wound around his skin like a thick blanket, and he was the only person in the room unaffected by Peter’s pleas.

“Do you have anything to say for yourself,” asked Gideon again harshly after the coils of the chair wrapped themselves around Peter’s arms. Peter’s eyes flickered all over the room.

“I’m sorry,” he whimpered. “Please, don’t - please, I’ll do anything -”

Severus felt James stiffen besides him. As though Peter could sense it too, he found James’ eyes and latched onto them desperately.

“Please Prongs, you can’t let them take my soul,” yelped Peter desperately. The Dementors were circling over head, whipping themselves up into a frenzy. James’ mouth opened, and for a moment, Severus thought the man was actually going to speak on Pettigrew’s behalf, but before anyone had a chance to do anything, the Dementors descended on to Peter’s face.

There was a scream, but the intensity of it decreased horribly as Peter’s soul and fight was siphoned out of his body. Finally, the Dementors pulled away. Peter’s face stared back, his eyes were glazed with sightlessness, and his face was slack. Drool dribbled pathetically from the corner of his mouth.

They led Pettigrew away through the doors, back to Azkaban or St. Mungo’s, Severus wasn’t sure, but it wasn’t pretty. The whole thing had been vaguely unsettling, and he didn’t even care about Pettigrew. Hesitantly, he stole a glance at Potter out of the corner of his eye. The man was chalk white and his jaw was tight, but besides that, he showed no emotion. They exited the courtroom in silence, and Severus turned to follow the crowd towards the elevator so they could floo home, away from the Ministry and end this horrible day. Potter, however, turned the opposite direction and stumbled down a small, rarely-used corridor. Severus’ forehead creased in concern, and he followed a few paces behind.

There was a small rubbish bin half-way down the hall, and Potter walk-ran to it. The moment he touched it, he puked. This was exactly why no one thought it was a good idea for him to come to this stupid thing. As though watching Pettigrew get his soul sucked out was really going to do anyone any good. With a sigh of frustration, Severus strode over purposefully and handed the man a handkerchief. James was clinging to the garbage can, but he took with a low murmur of thanks and wiped his face, still breathing heavily.

Despite his years with the Potters, Severus still was still not overly comfortable with dealing with emotions unless those emotions came from one of the babies. Still, if the roles were reversed Potter would be hugging him saying all sorts of over-supportive things, and although Severus wasn’t much of a hugger, it was wrong to do nothing. He reached over and hesitantly put a hand between James’ shoulder blades. James tensed, and for a moment Severus was certain he had done the wrong thing until he felt shoulders start to shake under his hand. With a mix of horror and uncertainty, Severus realized the man was crying. After a moment of hesitation, he squeezed James’ shoulder.

“You were right,” muttered Potter, finally letting go of the garbage can and standing up. “I shouldn’t have come.” He quickly wiped his face with his hands.

“He deserved it,” muttered Severus, because ‘I told you so’ seemed insensitive.

“Does anyone deserve that?” asked James, leaning heavily against the wall and running a hand through his hair. For a moment, Severus thought about the snivelling weak fool who had almost killed Lily, almost cost Severus his redemption.

“Yes,” Severus said simply. James looked up at him through a haze of pain and uncertainty. “Regardless of what Peter does or does not deserve, you are not to blame. James - it’s done. It’s over. Don’t carry it around with you.” James looked uncertain then kicked at the molding with surprising force.

“He is - was - my friend,” said James angrily. “I can’t just - ”

“You aren’t responsible for everyone, Potter. He made his own decisions,” said Severus softly. The fire blazing angrily in James’ eyes started to flare out, and a long moment, he nodded.

“Come on, it’s time to go home.” James nodded tiredly, and allowed Severus to lead him around the corner and up the stairwell to where the public floo was without another word.

XXXXXXxxxxxXXXXXX

James Potter was literally the most annoyingly person Severus Snape had ever met. Every morning, he greeted both Severus and Lily, neither of whom were morning people, with large cups of coffee and peppy discussion. This occurred no matter how many times he was woken in the middle of the night by one of the babies, regardless of the weather and despite any bad politics. When they came home at night, James always had dinner or the table, words of cheerful consolation for a bad day and jubilant celebrations for something as simple as a successful guilty plea. He was happy, and he clearly loved his life.

Severus didn’t realize how much he admired, relied on, and slightly envied that quality until Pettigrew’s soul was sucked out. After that, the James Potter he knew vanished. Gone were the early morning pancakes and the incessant flood of support. Instead of playing with the children, he snapped at them, his hold on his temper was shorter than Severus’ and when Lily concluded a huge deal to ensure Malaysian wizards had access to functioning wands, James barely cracked a smile let alone a bottle of champagne.

The attitude had dragged everyone else down: Amelia cried more, Harry spent much of his time throwing spectacular tantrums, and when Lily was home she tended to simply observe James through narrowed eyes with pursed lips. It was not the happiest of times in the Potter household.

“Why don’t you take him out for a pint or something?” Remus had suggested after Severus had divulged this unwelcome development.

“Isn’t that what Lily’s for?” asked Severus dryly. If anyone dragged anyone to get a pint, James dragged Severus. Their relationship was built on the fact that James was outgoing, personable and determined to insert himself into Severus’ life, while Severus was content to allow the friendship to develop as long as he didn’t have to do anything like take the man out for drinks and talk about his feelings.

“A man needs more than just his wife, Sev,” Remus said. “Just talk to him. I’m sure that’s all he needs.”

Severus was going to dismiss this idea out of hand until the great World Cup debacle. It had cost James many favours and a load of Galleons to get him, Severus, Lily, Arthur and Remus tickets to the game. Molly was going to watch the children for the weekend, and they were going to have some adult time drinking Firewhiskey in China and cheering inappropriately loudly for England, who had made the finals for the first time in eight years. It was all anyone in London could talk about, and even Severus was excited, until the week before the match.

James, who had been particularly sullen all day and was now sporting the beginnings of a beard, sat by the fire reading across from where Severus was stacking blocks with Amelia. Lily, in a rare display of housewifery, was making what promised to be meatloaf but smelled more like old fish.

“I’ve never been Bejing,” Lily said causally as she poked a boiling potato in the pot. “Do you think we’ll have time to see the Great Wall?”

“See whatever you want,” James muttered from his chair, turning the page on his book.

“Daddy - Daddy look,” Harry said, running into the room proudly showing off a large dragon drawing. James raised his eyebrows at it, far from the usual cooing and exclamations of amazing artistic ability that even the saddest scribbles usually wrought, and went back to his book, leaving Harry to blink stunned.

“Let me see,” Severus said, taking pity on the poor toddler who looked at though he was about to cry. Harry despondently walked over and handed Severus the picture.

“That’s a very scary dragon, pet,” Severus said patting his lap for the boy to sit on. Harry sat down in his lap with a lethargic sigh that suited him as much as James’ was suited to his new ill-temper.

“James, honey, do you know if we still have that tent downstairs? Maybe we ought to get a new one. That one hasn’t smelled right since Sirius took it fishing,” Lily said taking the suspicious looking loaf out of the oven.

“I’m not going,” James said not looking up from his book. Lily paused preparing dinner, and Severus looked up from Amelia’s blocks.

“What are you talking about?” Lily said, sounding more like she did when discussing legal matters.

“I’m not going to the World Cup,” Lily blinked back at her husband, uncomprehending.

“Why?” asked Harry curiously from Severus lap, asking what none else dared to.

“Because I don’t want to,” James said, throwing down his book, “I’m going out.” Without further elaboration, he summoned his coat with the crack of his wand.

“James!” yelled Lily, “What - Where are you going?” She followed him out into the entrance way and Harry turned his wide-eyes to Severus. Blinking back his shock, Severus forced a smile for the little boy in front of him.

“It’s alright, love. Why don’t you go wash your hands for dinner?” Harry nodded and got to his feet.

When he was safely out of sight, Severus picked up the baby and slowly walked to the front door in search of either Lily or James. He only found Lily swaying back and forth on the front porch swing, her cheek resting on her knee.

“Lily?” he called softly from the doorway. “Are you ok?” She wiped her face quickly and offered an unconvincing, watery smile.

“Yes,” she said, reaching her arms up for Amelia. Severus handed the baby over and the three of them sat in silence.

“I just want to know why he’s being like this,” she said finally after a moment. “He has bad days like anyone, but he’s never been…he’s always talked to me.” She sighed and adjusted her grip on Amelia, who was looking at her curiously.

Severus nodded and cleared his throat.

“It’s going to be ok,” he promised lamely. She nodded absently, still lost in though. Reluctantly, Severus knew what he had to do. He got to his feet and started to walk towards the garden gate that connected the Potter Estate to the rest of the village.

“Sev? Where are you going?” Lily asked.

“I’ll be back in a bit,” he replied, not turning back.

Finding James was an easy task. Severus found him in the most predictable position possible, sitting at the end of the bar in front of three fingers worth of Firewhiskey. With a sigh, Severus walked over and slid onto the chair beside him.

“Elf-made wine, please,” Severus said to young woman behind the bar. She nodded and poured a large glass of wine in front of him. James looked up at him, then turned back to his whiskey. Apparently, Severus was going to have to start this whole thing.

“What’s the matter with you?” Severus asked finally, unable to think of a way to subtly lead up to the main point of the conversation. James looked up from his drink.

“Nothing,” he said defensively. Severus nodded and looked down at the bar.

“When I was eight, my father came home from a bar, completely drunk out of his mind,” Severus started softly. James, who had been swilling his drink, stilled his hand and looked up at Severus, frozen. Severus looked back at the bar, knowing he wouldn’t be able to continue speaking with James’ intense stare on him.

“This wasn’t an uncommon occurrence mind you, but he had just lost his job at the mill and was doing more and more often,” Severus continued, taking a swig of his drink, noting that James still hadn’t moved his.

“Two nights before, he had broken my Mother’s nose. He had treated her so badly since he lost his job, that she barely got out of bed in the morning. So when he came stumbling in, I decided that this time, he wasn’t going to touch her,” Severus swallowed and looked back at the bar, an old pain flaring through his arm.

“Sev…” James said softly, sounding concerned.

“He started yelling at her, about something, I don’t even remember. I told him to leave her alone, or I’d make him leave her alone,” Severus gave a ghost of a smile to James, but the man was watching him with a serious, ashen face.

“He told me to give it my best shot. He broke my arm in two places, then put a cigarette out on the inside my elbow.” James dropped his head and pinched the bridge of his nose, a sure sign of distress, and looked back at Severus.

“Fuck Sev,” James said quietly. After a moment he groaned and put his head into his hands. “Merlin, I shouldn’t have been such a prat when we were at school. I should’ve -”

“I’m not telling you this to elicit sympathy,” Severus said silkily. He leaned closer and adopted a tone that was almost menacing. “Amelia and Harry are my Godchildren, Potter. No one mistreats them. Especially not their Father.”

James raised his face to look at Severus. His expression was coldly impassive, a look Severus had never seen before and was almost frightening.

“I never have and never will raise a hand to my children, Snape,” James said tautly, as though he was ready for a fight.

“There is more than one way to mistreat a child,” Severus replied, stiffening up as well. He didn’t want it to come to wands between them, but then again maybe Potter could use a good cursing.

“You’ve been ignoring them for weeks, dismissing them out of hand. Millie might be too young to notice, but Harry certainly does or have you been so wrapped up in your self-pity that you haven’t noticed he’s bending over backwards trying to get your attention.” James opened his mouth to retort than shut it again, looking away guiltily.

“It won’t happen again,” James barely whispered.

“It better not.” A long, not uncomfortable silence stretched out before them.

“Pettigrew’s dead,” whispered James softly. “Died last week”. Severus sighed and sat further back into his chair. Peter Pettigrew was no great loss, but for some reason, James couldn’t get that damned rat out of his mind. It would be useless to press the point.

“I’m sorry, Potter,” Severus replied softly. James smirked and laughed a little harshly.

“No, you’re not,” responded James. Severus regarded the man’s ashen face for a long moment. Dealing with Potter at the moment was like walking through a minefield, and Severus was fairly certain he did not have the social skills to make it through unscathed.

“No, I suppose I’m not sorry he’s dead,” conceded Severus, swilling his wine around his glass. This didn’t get a reaction from James, who just continued to stare at the polished bar, in his own maudlin world.

“I am sorry that you seem to feel some misguided sense of responsibility for it and are now wallowing,” Severus said, trying to keep voice light.

“I’m not wallowing!” James said indignantly, but there was hint of a smile in his face.

“You’re wallowing,” Severus responded. “You’ve been wallowing for a while.” The smile faded from James face.

“When we were at Hogwarts, Remus, Sirius, Peter and I decided to raid the Slytherin common room,” James said almost at a whisper. Severus raised his eyebrows in a spurt of indignity, and James looked up from the bar with the ghost of a smile.

“Relax, we didn’t make it. Slughorn caught Peter, rounding the corner. The rest of us were fast enough to dive into a classroom, but Petey just stood there in the hallway. Slughorn was just railing on him. He got detention for a week, but he never said anything, never gave us up.” James took a large swig of his beer. “You know the funny thing? He never wanted to sneak out in the first place. It was my idea.” James’ smile was twisted and bitter when he looked up at Severus and he was surprised to see the beginning of unshed tears.

“I’m going to say this once, because I honestly don’t think I could manage to do it twice. You are a good person, very good, in fact. Pettigrew was an adult, he was responsible for his own decisions. You can’t fix everything, Potter, no matter how badly you want to. It’s not your fault.” James sighed, still looking unconvinced.

“Have I ever lied to you, Potter?” Severus asked, peevishly. James reluctantly shook his head.

“Do you think I have tried to spare your feelings?” James lips quirked up, the beginnings of a smile.

“Perhaps once or twice,” James replied softly. Severus smirked at that, and leaned forward.

“Let it go, forgive yourself, whatever you need to do, but you need to stop being an ass to Harry, Lily and Millie, Potter. That’s not who you are.” A flash of guilt, and almost indignation flashed across James’ face, but then it fell off and just look defeated. Finally, he nodded.

“And if I’m going to the bloody Quiddich Cup, so are you,” Severus continued. For the first time that night, James let out a true laugh and nodded.

“Thanks,” James said, looking like he had returned to his usual state between happiness and exuberance, and as far as Severus was concerned, his job was done.

“Come on, let’s go home.” James nodded and threw down a few bills and they both turned to apparate into the living room.

“Daddy!” yelled Harry excitedly. The smile James usually got when he saw his children: wide and open, finally returned to the man’s face and he knelt down and opened his arms”

“Bug! What are you doing up?” James said jovially. Happily, Harry ran into the embrace with a shrill giggle, wrapping his arms firmly around his father. James kissed the boy on the head, locking eyes with Snape over the toddler’s tossled hair. A small flicker of approval passed across Severus’ face as he watched Harry gleefully melt into his fathers arms.

“I wanna story,” Harry said. James laughed and picked the boy up.

“Alright, let’s go pick one out,” said James.

“Can we read it in your bed?” Harry asked.

“Of course, pet,” James said walking up the stairs. He turned around and smiled down at Severus.

“‘Night, Sev,” James said.

“Night Uncle Sev!” Harry chorused, waving at him.

“Goodnight,”said Severus smiling to himself as he watched them climb the stairs.