There. The deed was done. Unknown to Snape, Harry sank to the floor, leaning against his chamber door. His breath caught, but he didn't cry. He wouldn't cry. It was cruel, what he said to Snape, he knew. It was the cruelest thing he could think of. He needed Snape to stay away, and keep away forever. Harry had thought long and hard about this. If Draco was going to use Snape against him though, he needed to put distance between them. Even that one comfort, that there was an adult who cared about him, and had the ability to care for him, had been denied by the little prince of Slytherin.

Little did Snape know that his son sat outside his chambers, still trying to be close to him, and little did Harry know that his father was on the other side, feeling the guilt wash over him, knowing what a failure he had been with the boy.

After a few minutes, Harry collected himself and rose. He left Snape's chambers. Forever. He would never return, and he would never see Snape as anything outside of his potions teacher.

Once the deed with Malfoy was done, he wouldn't have to account for Snape anymore. He could return to being on his own again. Being alone. His last private act towards the man who had saved him was that of cruel love. He desperately wanted to run back and apologize to Snape, tell him he hadn't meant a word of it, tell him what Malfoy was doing, and tell him that he still loved him. Harry even turned and watched the door to Snape's chambers. If Snape had opened it at the moment and pursued him, Harry was sure he would have done just that. He almost expected the door to open and realized he was slightly disappointed when it didn't.

It didn't matter. Harry turned a cold shoulder and left the dungeons far behind him. What he had done, he did out of necessity. What he wanted didn't matter. It never mattered. He might be the Boy-Who-Lived, but that didn't mean that he got what he wanted.

He would always hold his memories with Snape - after the adoption of course - close, and they would be a source of comfort for him in future years. Presuming he lived that long.

Wednesday after class. The girls' bathroom. Second floor.

To say that Harry was nervous would have been the understatement of the century. His heart rate was unnaturally fast and his breathing was quick and shallow. Sweat coated his hands and rubbed them on his robes. He stood in front of the bathroom entrance and glanced around. No one was near. That was good. As far as he knew, no one in the school had heard about this, and Harry wanted to keep it that way. He wasn't convinced Draco wouldn't say something, but there was at least some hope that Draco wouldn't want to admit that he owed someone anything or that he had arranged this via blackmail.

Harry stepped into the bathroom, and saw Draco and another boy there already. Harry avoided both their eyes and set his books down.

"Hello, Potter," Malfoy greeted him.

"Hello, Malfoy," Harry muttered in response. "Hello, Nott."

"You could have confirmed that it was the famous Harry Potter," Nott remarked to Malfoy. "I had guessed, if you remember."

"What you do is your own business," Malfoy mumbled, suddenly not able to look at either Nott or Harry. It occurred to Harry that Malfoy was having second thoughts about putting him in this situation, but if Malfoy truly regretted it, he could always have called it off last minute. He began to prepare to leave.

"Malfoy?" Harry said quietly while the blond boy walked towards him. When Malfoy didn't acknowledge him, Harry put his hand out to intercept Malfoy's shoulder. That caused him to stop and meet Harry's eyes.

"Yes?" Malfoy replied, equally quietly.

"I'm going to tell you now that I forgive you," Harry said. "In case I go insane between now and the next time I see you. I hope you know what it feels like someday though, what you're putting me through. Not because I want to see you hurt like this, but because - because I want you not to do it again." For a moment, Malfoy looked as though Harry had just slapped him. Then his expression hardened, though Harry wondered if there wasn't a sort of sorrow in his eyes, (maybe it was just wishful thinking?) and Malfoy nodded once at him and stalked past.

"I'll wait outside, Nott," Malfoy said though he didn't turn back. "You won't be disturbed." And with that, Malfoy left the bathroom. Harry turned his gaze towards Nott, but quickly glanced away. Nott stepped close and Harry backed up until he was against the wall.

Nott proceeded to collect on his debt, the one that Harry was paying for Draco.  Harry's grip on reality faded, but he clung to the mantra "It's for Snape."  What seemed like a long time, and a completed act, later, Harry found himself sitting on the floor, crying, as Nott looked satisfied at him. 

"What's the meaning of this?" a new voice demanded.

Fred and George sauntered down the hallway. They were testing out a new item for their joke shop - an invisibility potion. They couldn't see each other, but they could see the vague outline of the other, something like the crinkled look objects took on through the rising air of a candle. Perhaps not true invisibility, but close enough for a joke shop.

They saw Draco sitting outside the girls' bathroom reading. Upon a consent that was simply the result of being able to read each others' minds rather than any actual communication, Fred and George stood on either side of Draco, who seemed to have tuned out the rest of the world.

George reached out and pulled the book away from Draco, dangling it in the air just beyond his reach. Draco gasped and looked up. He saw the crinkled form, but didn't know what to make of it.

"Don't hurt me," Draco hissed softly, terrified of this unknown threat. He stood up and then noticed there was another on the other side of him.

"We're ghosts," Geroge whispered in the creepiest voice he could muster. "James and Lily Potter," he continued. "Come back to haunt you, for what you did to Harry."

"What?" Draco squeaked, trying to press himself into the wall. "I'm sorry!"

"Are you?" George continued. Thankfully Fred realized he should keep quiet, since he couldn't do a convincing female voice. At that point, they heard Harry's frantic voice from inside the bathroom, begging someone to leave him alone. Fred quietly slipped into the bathroom. "Are you sorry you did it, or are you sorry you've been caught?"

"Both!" Draco replied, the panic raising in his voice. "Please don't hurt me!"

"Give us one good reason why we shouldn't," he said, placing his mostly invisible hand on Draco's throat.

"I can't!" Draco said. The fearful expression on Draco's face faded. His usual sneer came back and he visibly relaxed. George looked at his arm and saw that he was perfectly visible.

He swore. Fred rushed out of the bathroom, also visible, with a truly horrified expression on his face. That was all the confirmation George needed.

"What have you done, Malfoy?" George hissed. "Dragging Harry's name through the mud wasn't enough for you?"

"If you get any grand notions of saving him," Draco replied calmly, "I can always - inform - certain authorities about how you've been testing your products for your joke shop on minors, without parental consent."

"Fine," Fred said. "Fine. Have it your way." George looked confused for a moment, but decided to trust his brother. "We can't afford to get into that kind of trouble," Fred continued to George. "It would kill mother." George simply nodded.

"I hope you sleep well tonight," George hissed to Draco before they departed. When they rounded the corner, George began to let out a tirade of words.

"What was that all about?" George asked.

"We're going to Snape, now," Fred explained as he grabbed his brother's wrist and pulled him along. "That was just a line to convince Malfoy we were going to bend to him. If he splits before Snape gets there, it might end up as our word against his that he was involved. There's not much we can do to stop it in the meantime."

"Thinking ahead, dear brother," George said. "This has always been your weakness."

"What do you mean?" Fred replied.

"You could have ended up in Slytherin."

"What is the meaning of this?"

Harry's head shot up and his only thought was "Oh, crap." Snape and Sirius were both there. Harry marveled that the two of them weren't attacking each other at the moment. The shock of seeing both of them was enough that Harry was not inclined to cry at the moment. Nott looked horrified at seeing his Head of House and a convicted murderer standing in front of them.

"Perhaps you would like to explain," Snape continued pulling another figure from the shadows behind him.

"Ow, ow, leggo," Draco whined, as Snape pulled him by the ear and shoved him over close to Nott.

"Harry, come over here," Snape demanded curtly. Harry was terrified. How much trouble would he be in? It had all been for Snape, and he highly doubted that Snape would understand that. Harry shook his head, he let his head fall against the wall behind him in silent despair as his shoulders began to shake again and fresh tears rolled down his face.

"Harry, I need you to come now," Snape tried again, his voice sterner, but still gentle at some level. Slowly and painfully, Harry stood, figuring it would be better to do as Snape wanted than to make the man angrier at him. He was shaking, visibly, he knew, but he couldn't stop it. "It's alright," Snape then said, softer. "I'm here for you, Harry. You're my son now and nothing can change that." Harry stood a couple feet from the man, glancing at Sirius. Harry held his hands behind his back and looked at the ground.

Snape reached out and moved Harry around behind the too of them, a very protective gesture.

"I'm sorry," Harry began, his voice sounding odd to his own ears, but Snape hushed him and drew his wand, pointing it at Malfoy and Nott alternatively. "Sirius, why are you here?" Harry then asked.

"Take Harry and get out of here," Sirius said to Snape, ignoring Harry's question. "I've got this." Snape didn't reply, but the two of them made eye contact for a moment. Harry wondered if Snape had brushed Sirius' mind to say something that no one else would hear.

"You're not going to leave us with a murderer!" Draco shrieked suddenly. Snape simply looked at Malfoy with an expression that read "Try me." Then he turned, took Harry by the shoulder, and the two of them left the bathroom. No sooner had they left, then Harry and Snape both heard the distinct sound of growling. Snape looked down at Harry and seemed nervous, if Snape ever seemed nervous. Snape quickly dropped his gaze and shifted his weight. Without even stopping to think, Harry threw his arms around Snape and began to sob and speak almost incoherently.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry," Harry repeated over and over. "I didn't mean what I said earlier. What happened in Malfoy's dungeon wasn't your fault at all. You're always there to save me from my mistakes. I'm sorry. Please forgive me. Don't leave me alone, don't leave me, please. I'm sorry. It's all my fault. I'm sorry, don't leave, don't."

"Everything will be alright," Snape assured him once his stream of words and tears had calmed a bit. "We need to leave here."

"I'm sorry," Harry sobbed once more for good measure, but still didn't let go of Snape. Snape sighed.

"Harry, we need to go." Snape drew his wand and cast a disillusion charm on the two of them. Harry kept sobbing though, and he didn't seem able to gain control of himself. In the vague recesses of his mind, he thought he heard Snape say "You're hyperventilating. Calm down," but it was too late. His vision tunneled, and he collapsed in Snape's arms.

Severus caught Harry easily. Too easily. He would have to see to it that the boy ate more on a regular basis, but that would be another worry for another time. Right now, he just wanted to get Harry away from what havoc Black would reek in the bathroom. Severus wasn't sure what Black was planning; he wasn't sure he wanted to know what Black was planning. The less he knew, the less culpable he would be. He certainly wasn't going to step in to save the two poor excuses of human beings who now had to face Black's protective rage.

Severus shifted Harry, the easier to carry him, with one arm under his knees, the other supporting his shoulders, and carried Harry's limp form to his chambers. He spelled his door open and then kicked it closed behind them. Severus laid Harry out on his couch and sat near by, with a calming potion ready, waiting for when Harry would com around.

He didn't have to wait long. Not five minutes later, Harry's eyes fluttered open, and he moaned painfully. Severus was at his side with the potion in a moment, kneeling on one knee next to the couch.

"Here, drink this," Severus murmured. Harry tried to sit up on his elbows, and took the potion and drank it in one swallow.

"What was that?" Harry asked, his words slightly slurred.

"Calming potion," Severus replied.

"Professor," Harry began, sounding nervous.

"Stop," Severus cut him off. Harry obliged. "I think it's time for my own apology."

"Your - ?"

"Yes, for being absolutely blind to all the hints you left me," Severus continued. "And for not convincing you sooner that it is not your responsibility to protect me."

"What do you mean?" Harry asked, feigning his ignorance.

"You are actually not stupid," Snape began.

"Will wonders never cease," Harry muttered. Severus heard it, but let the comment pass.

"And you know what I'm talking about. You must have said enough last Saturday that Draco could put my secrets together, didn't you?"

"Yes, sir," Harry whispered, dropping his gaze. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to."

"I know you didn't," Severus replied. "Just like I didn't mean to tell the Dark Lord when he broke my mind. The two are not so different. Draco, on the other hand, decided to blackmail you, didn't he?"

"Yes, sir," Harry muttered again.

"You shouldn't have gone along with it."

"What do you mean?" Harry gasped, swinging his legs off the couch, sitting up.

"You should have let him do what he would."

"But - but - you - your secrets - everything - everyone - "

"Your judgment is abysmal," Severus continued. "The worst that happens if society finds out my secrets are that I feel bad for awhile. Your going to lose your sanity or your life, or both, trying to protect me." Harry bit his lip and nodded, looking away. Severus sighed and sat down on the couch next to Harry, putting his arm around the boy.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry," Harry repeated. "I'm sorry." Severus sighed again.

"It's alright, Harry," Severus said, holding Harry closely. Harry lost it and began to cry, continuing to repeat how sorry he was, as he hid his face in Severus' shoulder. Severus leaned his cheek on Harry's mop of hair, hoping it would be a comforting gesture. "It will be alright," Severus murmured. It spoke something about how stressed Harry was that he was still crying even after the calming potion had taken effect. "You're safe. No one will harm you here."

"I'm sorry," Harry sobbed once more.

"I know you are," Severus said patiently.

"You haven't forgiven me yet. Please forgive me," Harry finally begged.

"You're forgiven, Harry," Severus said. "There's very little to forgive. How are you doing?"

"Fine," Harry muttered, trying to wipe his tears and Severus loosened his grip.

"Now the honest answer," Severus prompted.

"Terrible," Harry admitted.

"I'm guessing it was Nott?" Severus asked.

"Yes, sir," Harry said, his voice tight, nodding slightly.

"I don't know what to do with you," Severus finally sighed.

"I'm sorry." Severus rolled his eyes. "Sorry," Harry muttered again. "I keep trying to get it together and it never happens. I don't know how you do it. You deal with it so much better than I do."

"I told you," Severus began, "I know how to act. I don't know how to cope though. You see an act."

"Then teach me how to act," Harry requested.

"No," Severus said. "It will hurt you in the long run." Severus dropped his gaze.

"How?" Harry demanded.

"You'll need crutches," Severus began. "Emotional crutches. Remember you were acting at the beginning of the school year. Your crutch was your dreamless sleep. When I took the crutch, you couldn't act anymore, and you've been forced to face what happened."

"Then teach me how to cope."

"I can't teach you something I don't know," Severus said sadly. "I know you need crutches to act. I don't want you to become like me."

"Then if you need crutches to act, and you're acting, what's your crutch?" Harry asked quietly. Severus reached into his pocket and pulled out a small vial of yellow liquid. He handed it to Harry, who took it and looked confused. "What is it?"

"It's a potion," Severus began. "It kills you in five minutes or less. As a spy I had to carry it. In case something went horribly wrong, I needed to be able to escape. It's also been a comfort of a sort, knowing that I can escape at any moment."

"What are you saying?" Harry hissed.

"I thought you would understand," Severus said as he swallowed hard and put the potion back in his pocket. He'd thought that Harry would understand the feeling of hopeless emptiness. Harry threw his arms around Severus.

"I do understand," Harry murmured. "I didn't know you understood."

"Of course I do," Severus whispered back, as he gently returned Harry to a normal sitting position.

"Please don't ever use that potion," Harry pleaded. "You don't have to spy anymore and - and if you did use it - "

"I won't," Severus assured him, breaking the grip Harry had on him. "I'm too scared of Death to want to meet him early."

"How close have you come to using it?" Harry asked quietly.

"Today," Snape admitted after a moment's hesitation. "It looked very tempting. Your dogfather made a convenient visit at that moment."

"I'm sorry," Harry said again. "I never meant to hurt you that much."

"I know," Severus replied quietly. "How far did it go?"

"All the way," Harry muttered. Severus just nodded and draped his arm around Harry again.

"I'm the one who should be saying I'm sorry," Severus finally said. "I wish I had gotten there sooner."

"Not your fault," Harry mumbled as he shrugged.

"But don't you see it is?" Severus insisted. "I'm the one supposed to look after you and I haven't! Everything that happens to you on my watch is my fault!"

"Can we just pretend this whole thing never happened?" Harry suggested. "The weekend was wonderful."

"It was," Severus agreed. "Will your subconscious pretend this whole thing never happened?"

"No," Harry whispered.

"You need to stop putting yourself in danger," Severus began. "Once and for all, let me be the adult here. It will go a long way, I think, if you simply allow yourself to heal. You keep reopening old wounds, and creating new ones, before you've had a chance to recover. I want to help you, Harry, but every time we make any progress, something happens to undo it all."

"I know," Harry said, looking at the floor as he nervous kicked at nonexistent dirt. "I'm sorry."

"Shh," Severus hushed him, as he ran his fingers through the boy's hair. "Harry, I need your word," he began, "that you will respect yourself as much as you respect others. Will you give that to me? Your word?"

"Yes, sir," Harry said.

"Good," Severus approved. "And I expect you to live like it too."

"Yes, sir," Harry repeated. "Are - are you mad at me?"

"No," Severus said after a moment. He couldn't say he was truly angry with Harry. The boy had acted out of what he thought was the best choice. It clearly wasn't, but that didn't change Harry's intentions. Severus couldn't very well be angry with someone who had paid the highest price to protect him. "But I am exasperated."

"You know I'm sorry."

"Are you?" Severus asked. "Why did you think my reputation was more important than your safety in the first place?"

"I've already lost everything," Harry muttered, and the despair in his voice was apparent. "I didn't want to see it happen to you too."

"I see," Severus replied. Harry leaned against him and closed his eyes. He was clearly exhausted. Severus didn't object. In fact, he felt almost proud that Harry could fall asleep against him like that. "You still have your friends. You still have your pitiful excuse for a father."

"Don't say that," Harry mumbled. "What more could I have asked for from you?"

"A decent last few years, for one," Severus pointed out.

"Mmmm," Harry sighed, as he neared a sleeping state. Severus sat with his arm still draped around Harry, as the boy's breathing evened out. They would talk more about what had happened that afternoon later. Severus' grading could wait. His lesson planning could wait. Sitting with Harry at the moment was the most important thing Severus had to do at the moment.