Severus' eyes snapped open and he rolled out of his bed, feet hitting the cold floor. His breath came in short, panicked gasps as he tried to free himself from the apparent restrictiveness of his sweat soaked nightclothes.

It had been one of his own ever increasing nightmares. Rather than getting better after the Dark Lord's demise, they were getting worse. You would have thought, after destroying all but one of the horcuxes, that he would have been more relieved than he was. Instead, there was always a little voice in the back of his head, reminding that he wasn't safe, wasn't free; the voice was never absent, and was loudest in the silence of night.

His dream had been more of a memory than a fabricated sequence of imagination. Perhaps that was the most horrifying part of all, knowing that it was real.

It was still pre-Hogwarts days, before Severus knew how to control his magic. Well, at least before he knew actual spells. He was probably ten. He was gifted in the areas of mental magic, and already could control the effects of his magic. Sometimes. Like this time, there was a beautiful vase of lilies on the table, which had wilted and died. Severus focused his magic on the flowers, and after wishing very, very hard, they sprung back with new life. Severus smiled at what he had done, but his father was furious.

Tobias grabbed Severus by the ear, and pulling dangerously hard, wordlessly dragged Severus to the cellar. He threw the boy against the wall with a sickening thud.

"I - I'm sorry," Severus whimpered, as he huddled down against the wall. "I was just fixing the flowers. I didn't want to see the lilies die."

"I've told you a million times that you're not supposed to do your God damned infernal magic around my house!" Tobias screamed at him. "I'm not going to have you go to hell too! Your mother is bad enough. No son of mine is going to be a Satan worshipper."

"But, Dad - " Severus began to argue. He wasn't a Satan worshipper! Tobias stepped close and drew his hand back, slapping Severus hard across the face.

"No back talk," Tobias hissed, grabbing Severus' shirt, pulling him to his feet. Severus didn't resist, but shook in fear. Tobias grabbed the collar and chain from a shelf within arm's reach. Roughly, he jerked the collar tight around Severus' throat. Too tight. Severus gasped for air as he pulled at the collar. His eyes grew wide as his brain screamed for more oxygen.

"Can't breathe," Severus mouthed, his panic mounting. Tobias laughed.

"What?" he said in a mocking tone. "You can't just summon a demon to get you out of this one?" If Severus could have breathed, he probably would have started to cry at that point. Instead, his vision began to tunnel. Just as he was sure he was going to pass out, Tobias loosened the collar one notch. Still not enough to be comfortable, but enough that if Severus worked at it, he could breathe. He filled his lungs a few times, experimentally, just to make sure.

"You're not worth the air you breathe," Tobias hissed in his ear. Severus winced, and Tobias took advantage of his distraction to yank the chain, making Severus fall to his hands and knees. Severus just waited there, knowing what would come next. It didn't take long, and there was a well-aimed kick to his torso. Nothing broke, but there would be a beautiful bruise there next morning. The wind was knocked from Severus as he rolled over onto his back, eyes closed, clutching his side. He groaned softly. Tobias unhooked the chain from his collar.

"No, no!" Severus begged, hysteria lacing his voice. "Please, no! Give me a belting, please!" He scrambled to his feet, his aching rib cage forgotten.

"You know I'm doing this for your own good," Tobias admonished. "Maybe if you suffer enough in this life, you'll still be able to escape hell in the hereafter. You know what you're supposed to do. Now do it!" Severus nodded, teary eyed, as he pulled his shirt off and braced himself against the wall. He swallowed and tried not to panic. He shoved all of his feelings behind a mental wall. He couldn't afford to feel anything in moments like these. Later, he would learn that this was called Occlumency.

Severus felt the chain hit his bare skin, and he shrieked as the rough edges of the metal cut him. He knew better than to move though, and so endured a second and a third lash from the chain. He could feel the blood trickling down his back.

Tobias was always careful to not push things too far. There were never going to be doctors involved with the discipline of his son, of that he made sure. There were no more than three lashes given that time, but that didn't mean they were any more bearable.

Severus was sobbing uncontrollably by the end, which was a terrible idea, considering the still-too-tight-for-comfort collar he was wearing. Tobias signaled Severus to stand up, and he did so, meekly. Tobias hooked the chain back on the collar and wrapped the other end around a post.

"Don't you so much as move a muscle to undo this, or you'll be ten times as worse off," Tobias growled. But it was too late. Severus had already passed out on the floor, the chain stretched to full length.

Severus stumbled forward, feeling an overwhelming sense of nausea, and his foot collided with something warm and soft, without so much as a thud. He lit his wand and saw Harry scrambling to his feet. The boy looked terrified and stepped aside.

Severus just gave Harry a pointed glare, hoping not to have to clean up any sick that night. He rushed past Harry, and darted into the bathroom, being sure to close the door behind himself.

He lifted the toilet seat and knelt down, not a moment too soon. He vomited the entire contents of his stomach. There was a soft knock on the door, and Severus, being preoccupied, was unable to answer.

Harry knocked on the door. He could hear Snape retching beyond it, and was unsure if he should offer any comfort or not. There was no answer. Obviously, there was no answer. Snape wasn't exactly in a position to reply. So Harry opened the door cautiously. He saw what he expected to see. Snape was kneeling in front of the toilet, gagging and vomiting at irregular intervals, as his hair fell over his face.

Harry stepped forward, still being extra cautious, and murmured something - he wasn't even sure what - softly, to alert Snape to his presence there. He put a comforting hand on Snape's back.

"It's alright," Harry said softly, beginning to rub circles on the older man's back. "Everything's alright." Harry held Snape's hair back from his face in an attempt to keep it out of his way. "Everything will be fine." He tried to use the same tone Snape did when comforting him. Perhaps he should use some of the same words too. "You're at Spinner's End, and no one will hurt you here. Not now. You-Know-Who won't be coming back. We sent the last horcrux with Sirius and he hid it somewhere. No one knows where. We reported it destroyed, remember? He can't come back if no one knows that anything of him still exists." Snape's heaves were becoming fewer, but Harry was still increasingly worried.

"You'll be fine!" Harry almost pleaded, suddenly kneeling next to Snape and putting his arms around the man. "You have to be." You can't leave me, Harry silently added.

Snape sighed.

"And I will be," he said, loosening Harry's grip and standing. He flushed the toilet, went over to the sink and cleaned up, before turning to Harry and meeting his gaze.

"I'll deal with you in the morning," Snape sighed, glancing at the doorway, where Harry's blanket and pillow lay, unceremoniously thrown in a heap.

"I'm sorry - " Harry began, but Snape cut him off.

"We'll talk about it tomorrow," he repeated, more sternly this time. "I don't want to discuss it now." Snape's shoulders slumped tiredly, and he shuffled back to his bed, where he lay down. Harry watched for a minute, to make sure the man made it alright, then started to pick up his blanket and pillow, prepared to spend the rest of the night awake, waiting for Snape to fully reprimand him. He turned to leave.

"And where do you think you're going?" Snape called back.

"Uh..." Harry stalled. "Nowhere."

"Good," Snape said. "I'll transfigure you a simple cot tonight. We'll sort things out more permanently tomorrow."

"Will you be alright with that, transfiguring something away from Hogwarts?"

"There's a big difference between transfiguring one simple thing for the duration of one night, and maintaining multiple transfigurations at a great distance for an indefinite amount of time," Snape said, and his eye roll was apparent in his tone. "I can monitor my own magic well enough. Put your pillow down." Harry did, and he flicked his wand, the pillow immediately turning into a cot identical to the one that he had made that first night that Harry spent in Snape's chambers.

"Thank you," Harry said.

"You have a blanket already," Snape continued, ignoring Harry's thanks. Harry was beginning to lie down on the bed, when something soft collided with his face. Snape had thrown him his own pillow instead.

"Oof," Harry moaned, pulling it away from his face. "What was that?" he laughed.

"Oh, just go to sleep," Snape chuckled back as he rolled over, using his arm as a pillow instead. "Good night, Harry."

"Good night," Harry whispered back.

Breakfast was a very quiet affair. Neither had said anything, save for greetings and the occasional request to pass something. Snape cleared his throat.

"Would you care to explain why you were sleeping in the doorway?" Harry shrugged.

"Not really," he declined candidly.

"Then explain even if you don't care to," Snape ordered in a no-nonsense tone. It was apparent that Snape was not in a very good mood at all. Harry was silent a minute, and a dark shadow passed over his face as he looked away. "We can move to the living room, if you prefer," Snape suggested quietly. Harry nodded. They left the kitchen and Snape magicked up some tea for them. He handed one mug to Harry. Well, at least Snape was trying to be civil.

"So explain," Snape prompted.

"It's hard sleeping without anyone near," Harry began, nervously sipping his tea as he settled himself on the couch. "Without someone I trust," he clarified. "Lots of bad things happen in the night; you've said so yourself. Sometimes things seem hopeless, and people make incredibly bad decisions then. Sometimes things happen really quietly, and no one knows they're happening until it's too late. Anything can happen, here, at Hogwarts, anywhere really. If I'm not near you, how will I know you'll be there in the morning?" Snape was silent, stunned.

"I'm rambling, aren't I?" Harry hastened. "Sorry."

"No," Snape denied. "No, you're not rambling at all. Do you really think that I would abandon you that readily?" Harry shrugged.

"People make bad decisions sometimes," he finally said. "I don't think you would if you thought about rationally but - "

"But you think that I might make a hasty, 'bad' decision," Snape finished. Harry shrugged again, and then gave a little nod. "Whatever gave you that idea?"

"You said once that you thought about it," Harry murmured, sipping his tea again. "I can't deal with you dying." Snape nodded.

"Understandable," Snape agreed coolly. "But somehow I don't think my assurances that I, in fact, will not die by my own hand in the middle of the night are something that will ease your mind, will it?"

"I know you won't kill yourself," Harry sighed, shaking his head at his own foolishness.

"You're simply afraid that I might," Snape supplied. Harry didn't react. "Well, in light of that fear, if you want to drag your bed frame into my room, I suppose we can arrange that. I want my pillow back tonight." Harry smiled at that.

"You've come a long way, Harry," Snape continued. "That doesn't mean there isn't a long way to go. You'll need to learn independence at some point; this isn't the sort of thing you can keep up forever. That doesn't mean you need to learn it now, though. I simply want you to realize that we can't keep this up forever."

"I know," Harry whispered.

"You'll grow to full maturity, become a man in every sense of the word, and I'll grow old and die of purely natural or accidental causes, and you'll have to fend for yourself."

"Please don't make me think of that," Harry whimpered, closing his eyes tightly, trying to keep the images of an older version of himself crying over Snape's deathbed out of his mind. "I can't deal with that."

"And you don't, not yet," Snape pointed out swiftly. "But everything in this life is passing. People, things, love, even ideologies. You have to either move on when life does, or get left behind. You seem oddly resigned to your own death, yet terrified of that for others."

"If I die," Harry began, "I know the world will go on without me. If someone else dies," he paused pointedly, "I know my world won't." Snape made a noncommittal grunting sound as he drank some of his own tea.

"I'm sorry you had to see me that way last night," Snape commented casually a few moments later.

"It's alright," Harry smiled wanly. "I've known about that for awhile now. I would wake up at Hogwarts. Being a heavy sleeper was never a good thing, you know?"

"Absolutely," Snape agreed. "My apologies for disturbing your sleep in the past then."

"That's fine," Harry dismissed. "I just never knew if you wanted me to acknowledge that I knew...I mean, I always pretended I didn't, because I didn't want to intrude...but last night - " Harry cut himself off. "Sorry." Snape waved the apology away.

"You may do whatever makes you the most comfortable," Snape said. Harry felt a wide smile creep onto his features as he heard Snape's real words, "I'm too proud to ask for your comfort, but if you're willing, it is appreciated."

"You had a nightmare then?" Harry continued, feeling a bit lost for conversation topics.

"Naturally," Snape replied snidely, and he hid his face behind his mug as he continued to drink.

"Is there - do you want to talk about it?" Harry stammered.

"About as much as you want to talk about yours," Snape replied casually. Harry shrugged.

"Makes sense," he agreed. "You just ask me every time, so I thought I'd return the favor."

"Mm, appreciated," Snape mumbled. Harry saw a slight pink tinge grace Snape's high cheekbones. "You never answer either."

"It's not like I have a good role-model," Harry smiled softly.

"Granted," Snape agreed after a moment. "You'll learn without a role-model eventually."

"Hypocrite," Harry chuckled.

"Absolutely," Snape agreed quickly. Harry sighed and rolled his eyes. "Harry, I want to know why I didn't hear my foot collide with you last night." Snape's voice grew stern. Harry's gaze fell, but he didn't say anything, at least not right away.

"I didn't want to wake you," Harry murmured. "I was afraid I might have a nightmare, and then you'd find out what I was doing if I woke you, so I tried to fix that."

"I told you not to do any magic this summer, and I told you not to use that damn silencing spell!" Snape hissed at him. Harry had actually lost count of the number of times Snape had caught him using the spell. It was reasonable, Harry supposed, that Snape would eventually lose his temper over it. The man wasn't one to take defiance easily. He made his position on the spell's use quite clear, and Harry knew he kept disregarding it anyway.

"You said the Ministry couldn't tell my magic from yours! I haven't heard from them expelling me or anything!" Harry argued.

"You're right. They can't tell. That doesn't make it any more acceptable! Aren't you supposed to be the honorable Gryffindor? Respect the laws that are in place, whether they can enforce them or not. It's customary for every parent to make such rules. And even if I didn't care about your magic habits over the summer, I've told you not to go silencing your nightmares! If you want a role-model, learn from my never using a silencing spell!" Snape was yelling by the end.

"Okay, fine!" Harry shouted back at Snape, bringing his hand down in emphasis on the arm of the chair. "I bet you used it a long time ago though!"

"Naturally!" Snape admitted loudly. "I didn't have anyone to learn from! My only friends were your mother and Lucius Malfoy. What do you expect? When your mother stopped speaking to me, it was only Lucius! I had no role-model or mentor. Damn it, I was happy when my father died, alright? You, on the other hand, are not alone. You don't have to suffer like I did!"

"You're still suffering!" Harry accused.

"Of course!" Snape replied. "And I will for the rest of my life! That doesn't mean you have to be a victim of the same fate, and by every power in heaven, I will do my best to see that that doesn't happen!"

"I don't see why a stupid silencing spell has gotten you so upset!" Harry shouted back. "It's not like I'm hurting myself with it!" He heard himself from six months ago shouting the same thing about the dreamless sleep, and wondered if it could be something similar. Snape narrowed his eyes at Harry, sighed, and leaned back into his chair, visibly relaxing his tense muscles. It didn't make him look any less angry though. Harry wondered if he had pushed the man too far.

"Fine," he said coolly. "You're not hurting yourself. You're simply trapping yourself in the world of your nightmares, letting your mind replay things best forgotten without anyone to help you escape that. I'm willing to wake you every time I hear you scream, but no, you'd rather stay there, wouldn't you? Maybe," Snape continued darkly, "I misunderstood the real cause of your screaming." Harry looked horror-struck, and couldn't bring himself to even properly deny the accusation.

"I - I - " he stammered stupidly. "No! It's not like that!" Harry felt a hot prickling behind his eyes. "I don't even know how you can say that!" He turned and rushed out of the room in one fluid motion, but not before Snape could hear a shuddering gasp.

Severus rose and followed Harry out of the room, immediately regretting his unimaginably hurtful words. The same impulse that had driven Lily away so many years ago. When he entered the kitchen, Harry was nowhere to be seen, but there were limited places he could be hiding. Severus approached the boy's room, where the door was closed, and knocked softly.

"Go away!" Harry called.

"I'm sorry, Harry," Severus called back. "May I come in?" There was silence, which Severus interpreted as a tacit approval, so he opened the door slowly, carefully listening for any objection.

"Harry?" Severus prompted. The boy was sprawled on his bed, face down, hiding his emotions in his pillow. "How about we move this bed into my room now?" Harry didn't react. Severus sighed. "You know apologies don't come to me easily," he ground out. "What can I do to make it up to you?"

"I don't know how you could say that!" Harry shouted, whirling on Severus. The boy stood and fisted his hands as his tear streaked face contorted into an angry grimace. "You should know. You should understand. I'm sorry I made you mad, okay? Why can't we even have a fight like a normal family?" Harry sank back on his bed, looking disheveled and disheartened. "Please, whatever you do, don't ever insinuate that." Severus lay a cautious hand on the boy's messy hair, and was pleased when Harry didn't shrink away.

"You are completely right," Severus agreed. "Shall we move this bed frame though?"

"No," Harry said, and Severus frowned, not willing to pressure Harry, still resting his hand on the boy's head.

"Alright," he agreed after a moment, somewhat stiffly. "That's fine." He moved his thumb slowly over Harry's temple. "Let me know if there's anything you need. I'll be in the kitchen preparing lessons for next year."