A World Of Grey Clouds by Livia Ethelind

Severus Snape liked control and he knew that the only true control was control of yourself. You could plan and you could calculate all you wished but it is your own discipline that determines whether you are victorious in your undertakings. This was what he had been trying to do in the short time he had been in Surrey – maintain control of himself. He had not always succeeded but there were always times where even he would struggle. Now was such a time. Before he could surrender to his anger and start yelling he looked towards the door. They waited in silence until they heard the girl's footsteps as she ran up the stairs. However, knowing that particular child he said:

“Silencing spell?”

“I'll do it,” said Minerva and wordlessly flicked her wand at the door.

She turned around and gave Severus a smile which he wasn't quite sure whether he should take as an attempt at reassuring him or encouraging him.

“What on earth are you thinking?” Snape hissed at the Headmaster. “Don't you realize what it would do to that girl if you forced her be a boy again?”

“My dear boy, I have no intention of forcing any gender on her, I can assure you. However, it would have been the easiest solution and if she should have wished that herself and I would worry less. I respect her choice of course which was also what I expected her to say. I will find a way to work around it.”

“The easiest solution to what exactly? What am I missing here?” mumbled Petunia.

“You must understand that Harry Potter is a figure of a certain... not only symbolical but political value in our society. This will most definitely negatively impact the image of the Boy-Who-Lived.”

“Image? Albus is that your primary concern? Your primary concern should be Harry!” cried McGonagall.

“Is this about the prophecy?” said Severus.

He had thought about it earlier but dismissed it as 'that horrible feeling'. On a night many years ago Dumbledore had reminded him that the prophecy specifically referred to a boy and ever since he first heard of Poppy's discovery a thought had been haunting him. If she is a girl the prophecy does not refer to her. That meant three things: 1) If this was known the girl might cease to be hunted by the Dark Lord with such determination. 2) If it did not refer to her then they had no prophesied savior. 3) If they had no such savior Lily's death seemed even more pointless.

“It is. But we will discuss that later,” replied Dumbledore.

“The girl cannot stay here. You must agree that...” began Poppy.

“I agree! We won't keep her!” growled Vernon.

“Mr Dursley, surely you know the bloodwards also protect you? Your wife gave me her word and I intend to keep Harry here.”

“We will find someone else!” cried Severus.

“There is no one else, Severus! Who would you suggest?”

“Lupin?”

“You know too well why that isn't possible,” replied the Headmaster.

“The Weasleys? Ronald Weasley is one of her best friends and they were both members of the...” began McGonagall.

“They have seven children who would be endangered by Harry's presence. Do you really believe that is a good idea? Not to mention their financial situation.”

“Will you not even give us the time to search?” said Severus.

His blood was boiling. It was unbelievable. He remembered only too well when he was in Harry's shoes and had begged the Headmaster to let him stay at school over the summer and being told that he must return home because there was no other option.

“I have made a decision so fueling your hopes would be pointless.”

“You cannot simply dictate her life in this manner!” roared Severus and threw his hands in the air.

“I can. I am her magical guardian and she is my responsibility.”

“She is my daughter!” hissed Severus.

The ladies gasped in surprise and Severus froze. How did that slip out? Dumbledore was looking at him like he was a stubborn child throwing a fit.

“She is! And I agree with Severus!” said Petunia.

“I am sorry but it is for the best. She must remain here during the summer.”

Severus felt empty. It was like yelling at a rock. He looked up and locked eyes with Minerva. The witch seemed sorrowful and worried. Was Dumbledore really willing to disregard the neglect of the Dursleys? And for what? Yes, bloodwards were the best protection around but if only he would not insist on her resuming the position of the Boy-Who-Lived-With-A-Giant-Target-On-His-Back then would she really need it? He could feel desperation take hold. He would not, could not leave the girl here. Not after the disappointment he had been to Lily. What would she say? What would she do? A suspicion emerged. Was this about Potter? Was Dumbledore protecting one of his golden boys' reputation this way? Surely he was not! Whatever the reason Severus couldn't let him. And he knew he had the rest of the room backing him. He had to do something. For Lily.

“I will take her!” he stated calmly.

Albus Dumbledore liked control and he knew that true control was control of your surroundings. If you did not maintain your allies and watch your foes you had already lost. People were not stationary but in the grand scheme of things the situation was only ever under control when many people stood together, fought together and held their positions. In truth there was no such thing as a one man army and therefore it was important to consider every pawn before making a move.

Silence fell as soon as the words escaped Snape's mouth. Albus calmly studied the man. He had rarely seen Severus so out of sorts. Of course the man could rarely hide his emotions from him but none the less it was odd to see him this visibly emotional. He hadn't seen him like this since... And he understood. He really did. But how could he explain this to them? The fewer people who knew the better. Voldemort had still marked Harry Potter as his equal. Harry Potter was an identity and a symbol and it didn't matter that Harry was a girl, Harry Potter existed as long as people accepted him as real. It did not matter if she believed she was Harry Potter, it mattered whether Voldemort believed that.

“No.”

It was all he could say. He knew how hurtful the word had to be. He wished he could say something else. He wished he could tell them it would be alright. But he couldn't do that, there were too many uncertainties. Not only would that be risking Harry but it would be risking Severus as well. After what had happened with Quirrel, Albus had had his suspicions confirmed. Voldemort would rise again. When he did they would all need Harry Potter but he would need Severus Snape. The best thing Severus could do for Harry was to stay in the background protecting her and when the time came resume his old position as spy for the Order.

“No?” whispered Severus and fell back into his chair.

“This is ridiculous! Can't you see what you are doing to Harry? To Severus? Why can't he take her?” said Poppy.

“You know why. Severus, you cannot claim her publicly and even if you took her secretly, should you be found to have her there would be questions and you would have signed your own death warrant! Not to mention the danger that would put Harry in!”

Albus was getting tired. Their reactions were what he expected but they needed to see sense and soon. Things were not always easy.

“We could all help! It would be safe!” cried Minerva.

Albus locked eyes with his old friend. He recognized the fury in her eyes. It was normally only reserved for her enemies but this time it was for him.

“It would not. That's all I have to say upon the matter. You will respect that,” he replied for the first time letting his displeasure seep into his voice.

“You told me to protect her!” Severus suddenly said.

“I did,” admitted Albus. “And I still mean to hold you to that promise!”

“If that is the case...”

What was this? What was Severus up to now? Albus held his gaze. What would it take for him to understand? He had hoped Severus of all people would see the tactical advantage to this.

“I demand she is resorted,” continued Severus without a hint of emotion.

“What? Resorted? What do you mean?” cried Minerva.

At this point the Dursleys were simply watching the show and Poppy was looking confused.

“Severus? What manner of suggestion is that?” demanded Albus.

“She told me herself that the hat preferred her in Slytherin. You all witnessed the length of her sorting. She was arguing with the hat and even threatened it. She belongs in my house.”

“Regardless of whether that is true or not, she was placed in Gryffindor and that's the end of it,” replied Albus.

“You asked me to protect her! How can I protect her from afar? Say a resorting is necessary after the her sex has been revealed. Say what you want but place her near me. It is the only way I can guarantee her safety!”

Albus studied the dark-clad man. He knew what he was doing. Albus had stressed the political and strategic aspects of the situation and Severus was now fighting him on the battlefield he himself had chosen. He didn't doubt his words. He himself had feared Harry being placed in Slytherin. Gryffindor was a much safer platform to gather support from.

“While that is true I am afraid that will not be possible. The Slytherin reputation will do her no good.”

“You yourself have repeatedly wished for better relations between the houses. You have expressed concern about the deatheaterchildren in my house and discussed possible ways to lead them towards the light. What better way than placing your savior there? What better place for her to gather support? You would have your allies – powerful allies and she would rescue her friends there from life in the Dark Lord's ranks.”

“Hmm,” Albus said and stroked his beard as he considered this. He had to admit Severus was making a good point.

“You can't be serious! All her friends are in Gryffindor! Everything she knows! You can't do that!” cried Minerva.

“Severus makes an excellent point,” confirmed Albus.

“I agree with Minerva!” said Poppy.

“I will consider it, Severus!”

“Headmaster you have already made several definitive decisions about her life tonight, I would ask for one more. I believe this is in her best interest as well as everyone else's.”

“Very well,” mumbled Albus.

He would give him that. After what Severus had been through he would give him that. And he was right, it was a good idea.

“Did... Did you just? Albus! You're not seriously agreeing to that?” gasped Minerva.

“I am.”

Minerva McGonagall liked control but she knew that control was only an illusion. In the end all you could do was your best and in return hope for the best. She looked from Albus to Severus. She understood perfectly well what Severus was doing and she was happy that he was willing to fight for Harry. But surely this couldn't be the way to go? Harry had few friends despite what Severus might believe of her 'fans', at least few true friends and she would be cut off from them if she left Gryffindor. Of course, when Minerva thought about it she had no reason to doubt Weasley and Granger's loyalty. They would surely stand by her but how would the Slytherins react to that? It was going to be hard enough for Harry to settle in there without being associated with what many Slytherins would consider a 'bloodtraitor' and a girl of inferior blood.

Minerva looked at Severus and for a moment they stared at each other. It was only a glimpse in his eyes and small nod of his head but Minerva understood what he was saying. Please, help me with this.

“I see my objections would do little to sway you,” she said and nodded to the Headmaster.

In reality she would fight for her just as ferociously as Severus was if she believed she was right. But she couldn't ignore that Severus had actually called Harry his daughter and asked for her. Maybe it was desperation causing him to speak but to Minerva the words were no less important and the emotions that caused them no less true. They would pick their battles. One way or another they would remove Harry from Privet Drive but now was not the time. They could not confront Albus again until they had discussed things and planned their approach. Severus wanted her close to him and given that he could not claim her publicly she could not deny him that.

“Indeed,” agreed Dumbledore. “As for her remaining at Privet Drive, I trust you understand I placed her here for a good reason and I believe we may overcome any disagreement about Harry's treatment here.”

“Well, we disagree with the notion that she has to stay here!” huffed Petunia.

“I am afraid you do not have a choice. You need only to house her and see that she is well, which should not have been a problem with the money you have received monthly for her upkeep. I am not asking you to love her but I am asking you to keep her here – for her protection and your own.”

“They have done more damage to her than any deatheater has,” muttered Minerva.

“Even so it is what I have decided,” said Albus.

Harry Potter hated control because she knew control meant control over her by someone else. She sat against the door wiping the tears off her face. She felt cold inside. She had gone through so many emotions she didn't understand and her brain was full of fluffy grey clouds. When she had returned and put her ear to the door she had heard Pomfrey stating that she could not stay with her aunt and uncle.

They will find someone else? Who is Lupin? What.. Yes! She could ask Ron! They could ask Ron! Will they... She would be dangerous to Ron? What?

Her heart then did a backwards flip. The absolute mortification when she heard Dumbledore refer to himself as her guardian! What on earth did that mean? She'd never seen him before she started at Hogwarts. But she didn't get finish that trail of thought for then she loudly and clearly heard Snape call her his daughter. The discussion that followed was not any better. There were things she'd already expected to hear. The Dursleys didn't want her and McGonagall wanted her taken away. However when she heard Snape actually offer to take her himself she gasped so loudly she was sure they would have heard on the other side. But no one came out to find her.

It was odd. She had felt so happy during parts of the conversation. Every time McGonagall, Snape or Pomfrey said exactly what she wanted to scream. Oddly enough she had not felt disgusted when Snape called her his child and when he actually offered to take she was praying for the Headmaster to agree. Not that she wanted to live with Snape. She didn't actually think about that at all. All she wanted was to leave Privet Drive! Hell, she might even have spent the summer with Malfoy if it meant never coming back to this place.

But clearly they didn't fight hard enough for her. Now she only felt angry and betrayed. She was angry with Snape for demanding she be moved to Slytherin! How could he? She told him about the hat to shock him not so that he'd actually ruin her life with it! She was a Gryffindor! Wasn't she? Well, all her friends were and she wasn't ever going to be a Slytherin! They might say that but she wasn't going to let them make her one! And why would he want her there anyway? To protect her? Granted, he had apparently saved her life this year but that was because he had to. He didn't need her to be in Slytherin for that so why now? She was angry with McGonagall. How could she agree to this? Why wasn't she telling them no? She was absolutely certain she hated Dumbledore. His was the greatest betrayal. He had placed her here? Why? And he was her guardian but he never said a word to her! He was just deciding everything? Why wasn't he asking her what she wanted?

Well, she had had enough! She wasn't going to let them control her! Harry wiped the remaining tears from her face and rose from the floor. She felt her fury strengthen her. Just then she heard Dumbledore say:

“Even so it is what I have decided.”

Harry grabbed the doorhandle and flung open the door.

“Well, you bloody well don't get to decide!” she yelled.

Everyone inside the room looked stunned. Harry was huffing and puffing and trying her very best to incinerate the Headmaster with her glare.

“Minerva... Your silencing spell appears to be... ineffective,” Snape suddenly said.

“I disagree. It worked perfectly. None of you ever heard she was there!” smirked McGonagall.

“Minerva!” said Dumbledore sternly and gave her a look.

“I believed she deserved more information and besides did you really think she would react well to finding the door silenced when she came down?” argued McGonagall.

“Harry. Calm down. You have to understand,” tried Dumbledore.

“I understand! I understand that you all think you can just boss me around!”

“Well, Harry, we technically can since you are only a child, but we are willing to listen to you,” continued the Headmaster.

“You say you listen but you never do anything!”

“It's only during the summer, Harry, you will be fine. And then you will return to Hogwarts.”

“Well, I don't want to stay here and I don't want to go back to school either!” she cried.

“Harry,” said McGonagall and reached out to touch her arm.

“Don't touch me! If that's how you are you should just go! Leave! I never want to see you again!” cried Harry unaware that her tears had begun flowing once again.

“Sit down with us, Harry. We can talk about this! Calm down, you'll make yourself ill,” said Pomfrey in a soothing tone.

“Just get away from me!” sobbed Harry and ran out of the room slamming the door shut behind her.

“What on earth were you thinking Minerva?” hissed Severus.

“What did you expect her to do?”

Well, Severus had expected the girl to eavesdrop but he hadn't considered Minerva actually helping her do it. He felt horrible. This entire conversation had been a bad experience. Not only was the Headmaster intent on leaving the girl with unfit guardians he had also forbidden Severus to help her. It hurt more than he would care to admit. Yes, he knew perfectly well that it would be a risk but if he could not take her himself he wanted to at least give her through others what he could not provide. Albus Dumbledore clearly disagreed with that. He knew he couldn't leave her. He would find a way. Somehow. He had seen in Minerva's eyes that she thought the same. Therefore he did not point out how irresponsible her actions were. He needed an ally.

“She will eventually come to terms with it,” said Dumbledore. “It is not pleasant but it is the way things must be.”

“Is she still out there?” asked Petunia.

“She's likely in her room but the silencing spell is still in effect,” said Minerva and raised her wand to cancel it.

“I don't understand how you can all just sit there! I am going to check on her! Poor thing is heartbroken!” cried Pomfrey.

“Up the stairs. The door with the excess of locks,” said Severus and turned to give the Headmaster a glare.

Poppy nodded and left the room. She had only disappeared up the stairs when they suddenly heard a voice from the hallway.

“MUM! I'm home! Guess who I just saw!” cried the Dursley boy.

The elder Dursleys shot up and exited the room. Severus could hear them ushering their son into the dining room and Vernon growling something about 'keeping the freaks away from him'. Then Poppy came running down the stairs again.

“She's gone!” she gasped.

“What?” asked Dumbledore.

“I checked the room, then all the other ones just to be sure! She's not there!”

“The kitchen!” cried Minerva and ran out of the room.

Severus quickly went into the hallway followed by Poppy and Dumbledore. Minerva returned with a terrified look on her face.

“She's not in the kitchen! I looked into the backyard as well! Nothing!”

“She didn't...?” suggested Poppy.

“She did,” replied Severus and opened the front door.

The street outside was calm. There was no sign of the girl.

“Young Mr Dursley, did you see your cousin?” cried Minerva as she opened the door to the dining room.

Severus didn't hear any reply but clearly the boy had communicated to her that she was correct because Minerva ran past Severus and flew out of the door. Within a minute Severus, Minerva, and Poppy had taken off in separate directions leaving the Headmaster in the doorway with a puzzled look on his face.

Harry found that climbing a tree in a dress and without shoes was easier said than done. It was an old oak on the playground. She was far enough from the house but she had wanted to run a lot further – to the end of the world. But she had taken off without any shoes and the thin white stockings weren't good protection for her feet. They ached especially after she had crossed a gravel path. The branches were pulling at her as she carefully ascended.

She needed to get out of sight. She had her eyes on two branches further up. They were close enough together that she could sit on one and lean against the other. She finally reached the branches and sat on the first branch, dangling her feet. The feet of the white stockings were now completely grey with dirt. Her left foot still throbbed slightly. She raised it and grabbed it with her hand to get better look. Grey and red. She was bleeding.

What was she going to do now? Where would she go? Would they even look for her? She really wished she could have taken her wand but the cupboard had been locked. She knew she couldn't use it but she just felt safer with it. She didn't care what they said! She was never coming back! She could handle herself! She could live right here in this tree! She could!

Harry picked a handful of evolving acorns and began tossing them at the ground below her. It created tiny grey dustclouds and Harry imagined she was throwing bombs. She was bombing all of them from above. Privet Drive and Hogwarts! Of course not her friends, they could come and sit in her tree whenever they felt liked it. She knew it was childish but she felt so angry and there was nothing to punch or tear apart. She closed her eyes. She was an idiot! How could she have ever trusted them? She should have known! She did know! Somehow she had still managed to place some trust in them otherwise it wouldn't hurt so much. Well, they could all just go to hell! She sighed and tossed the last acorn. However she when she didn't hear it hit the dusty ground she opened her eyes and looked down. There, below her, was a very familiar and very displeased face.

“I suggest you come down at once,” said Snape sternly.

“No!” cried Harry.

“Excuse me? You do not say no to me! Come down here!”

Harry stuck out her tongue at the man. She hadn't expected them to find her this quickly and how could he even see her up in the tree? Of course her tossing acorns would have given her away. Snape sighed below her.

“Come down. We need to talk.”

“I'm done with talking! I told you to leave me alone!” cried Harry.

“I'm not going to stand here and converse with a squirrel! Come down here! I wish to speak to you. Privately,” commanded Snape.

Harry considered this. Snape wanted to speak to her alone? About what?

“You'll just make me go back there!” argued Harry.

“If I wanted to force you I would have already done that! Now come down here!”

If he wanted to force me? So he isn't going to? He won't make me go back there? Either way Harry figured she didn't have much of a choice. He could probably force her. Harry shrugged and made a decision. Then she jumped off the branch. She whirled through the air for a few seconds before she suddenly stopped midair. But she wasn't flying. No, Snape had caught her. She grimaced when she realized that Snape was holding her. Then she was unceremoniously dumped back onto the ground. She winced as her injured foot made contact with it.

“What on earth were you thinking?” hissed Snape as he grabbed her shoulders.

“It wasn't that far,” protested Harry.

“You could have broken your neck!”

“It always looks further than it is!” argued Harry.

Snape closed his eyes for a moment and pressed his lips together as if he was fighting the urge to say something. He opened his eyes again and glared at her.

“Come with me,” he said and pulled her with him over to a bench where he sat down. Harry sat as well. She didn't understand what was going on.

“I need to tell you something and I may not get another chance to say this in a while so it is important that you listen!” said Snape and gave her a look as if to see if she was already ignoring him. Satisfied that he had her attention he continued:

“I want you to understand once and for all that professor McGonagall and I disagree with the Headmaster and will not allow him to send you back next summer – even if it might have seemed that way to you. I know you don't feel you have any reason to trust us but it is important that you do. Under no circumstances may you share this with anyone. Professor Dumbledore must not know.”

“But,” said Harry. “You agreed with him! And you said you would put me in Slytherin!”

“We need time to plan this properly. We have no good alternatives to present him with and he is using that against us. That doesn't mean we are going to stop trying. And we will win this. As for resorting you, that would give me more control over you and may help us.”

Harry studied the man. That had to be a lie. She couldn't see how this would do anything besides allow Snape to boss her around. Still, she nodded.

“If you are in Slytherin I can better protect your person – and your rights,” continued Snape.

“Besides,” he smirked. “Did we not agree you look good in green?”

Harry huffed.

“So what do you want me to do then?” she asked.

“Return with me to Privet Drive. Let us handle it. Say as little as possible to the Headmaster and do not speak of this conversation. I promise you, you will not have to go back here!”

“Okay,” said Harry silently. It wasn't like she had much of a choice. She would have to go back she knew that. She didn't believe for a second that Snape actually could do something and she was certain she would have to run away again – still it was nice to hear him say it.

“I mean it. I do not break my promises. Don't do anything stupid,” Snape said sternly and tapped his finger on her shoulder for emphasis.

“I promise, sir,” replied Harry.

“Very well, then shall we go? How on earth did you run this far without shoes?” said Snape and raised an eyebrow.

Harry moved her injured foot under the bench but not fast enough.

“Are you hurt? Let me see!” commanded Snape and reached for her foot.

Harry whimpered in response but he still raised it and looked at the grey and red mess.

“By Merlin, you are really more trouble than you are worth!” stated Snape before he got up.

Harry was about to get up and follow him but she never got that far as Snape effortlessly picked her up and flung her over his shoulder.

“Hey, I can walk by myself!”

“You are not making that cut worse and I am not levitating you down a muggle street!”

With that Snape turned and began walking back towards Privet Drive. Harry hung limply over his shoulder and watched as the distance between her and the oak became greater with each step Snape took.