A World Of Grey Clouds by Livia Ethelind

“Explain.” The word sent chills down Harry's spine and she unknowingly took a step backwards. Snape was looming over her like a panther, ready to pounce. “Interesting. You insisted you could explain your behavior yet now you have nothing to say?” Snape was glaring daggers at her and seemed to tremble with either rage, energy or both. Sure enough, when Harry's reaction was to look at her muddy shoes, he turned and began pacing furiously in front of his desk.

“I just,” Harry started when suddenly there was a loud knock on the door. Snape gave her one glare before he touched the book and sneered: “Get in!”

He shut the door behind her and Harry found herself in Snape's living room all by herself. At least now she would have a chance to prepare some kind of explanation. Well, honestly, wasn't her only fault here that she got lost? And how was she supposed to know she would get lost? But then Snape had told her not to wander off.

“What do you think?!” she suddenly heard Snape's voice roar behind the door. She gasped in surprised and turned to face it. Seeing as the door was only permanently visible from this side it had never occurred to her that she would be able to hear anything through it. Who was Snape talking to anyway? He sounded like he was about to murder them and Harry gulped since she had no way of knowing if all that fury was really meant for her. In any case she was glad she wasn't the first person trying to have a conversation with Snape after their return. Curious and more than a little afraid she crept closer and put her ear against the door.

“Calm down! I'm certain it isn't like that!” she heard McGonagall's stern voice say.

“Any suggestions?” Snape huffed. When silence followed he continued: “My, my, Minerva! Have you no clever answers? Seeing as you claim to be such an expert I would have thought...”

“Severus, that was uncalled for,” McGonagall replied stiffly. “All I'm saying is you might want to keep it in mind. I will return later when you are able to have a civil conversation.” Then Harry could hear Snape replying something but it was too muffled by the door to be understandable. “Oh?” she heard McGonagall exclaim and then she too lowered her voice. Harry pressed her ear harder against the door. There were sounds but she couldn't make them out. The next moment she flew backwards and landed on the carpet as the door was flung open.

Snape was towering over her. It took a moment for Harry to register what had happened. She saw Snape's scowl deepen as he looked down at her. Then he leaned forward and reached for her. She assumed he was going to help her up and began trying to get up herself. Her suspicion was confirmed when she felt Snape's hand grabbing her upper arm as he swiftly pulled her to her feet. He released her for just a moment then Harry let out a soft whimper as she felt Snape's fingers pinching her ear.

“Do not ever let me find you eavesdropping on my private conversations again,” Snape near whispered.

“N-no, professor,” was all she managed to get out.

“Good,” Snape replied. He gave her poor ear one final tug before he released her and pointed to the couch. “Sit down.”

Harry didn't need to be told twice. How could she be that stupid? He was already furious with her and she had to go and make it worse? And for what?

Severus watched as the girl stumbled over to the couch. He was livid to say the least. How much of his conversation with Minerva had the girl heard? There was nothing to be done for that now. What was he going to do about her behavior in Kitty's Creek? Minerva had dared to suggest that he 'shouldn't be too hard on her'. As if he would be. From Severus' point of view anything he had considered so far was lenient. If he had done such a thing at her age his father would have given him a whipping right then and there. He walked across the room and stood in front of the girl.

“I believe you were about to say something before we were interrupted?” he stated.

“I just wanted to talk to them,” the girl mumbled as she studied her knees.

“Who?”

“Fred and George. They were there. I saw them, I think it was their mum with them.”

“Look at me,” Severus demanded. Slowly the girl raised her eyes and blinked. “Did I not tell you not to wander off?”

“I didn't think I would be gone for long! I just wanted to say hi!” she replied.

“Are you not supposed to remain hidden for now? Did you not stop to think that they would not recognize you?”

“I could have explained it to them! Isn't it supposed to be known soon anyway? They are my friends! They wouldn't tell!” she protested.

Severus sighed and began pacing again. “And so you would simply begin explaining everything in an open street would you? Think! Use that brain of yours for once! If you had said a word publicly it would be all over the news by tomorrow!” he hissed.

“Oh,” mumbled the girl and once again lowered her head.

“And that is not even the worst of it! You ran off into the streets of a town you did not know! Harry Potter or not! Have you any idea how dangerous that is? Have you any idea what could have happened to you? A lost child alone?” Severus was borderline yelling at this point. Of course she didn't. To his knowledge no one had ever cared enough about her life to tell her that before she arrived at school and while at Hogwarts she had been allowed to roam the hallways after curfew and far more dangerous places with minimal consequences.

“It's not like I meant to get lost,” the girl said in small voice.

“You are lucky I saw you go or I would still be searching the village for you! You are currently my responsibility and I will not allow you to endanger yourself so foolishly. How do you think I felt watching you storm out of that door?”

“I don't know,” sneered the girl, now audibly upset. “How did you feel?”

“Do not take that tone with me!” Severus replied.

“I don't know what you think! I can't read your bloody mind!” cried the girl as she jumped off the couch. “What do you care anyway? What's it to you if I die? Why should it matter?”

Was it the fury in her voice? The way she spat out the words? The amount of anger he was trying to control? The accusation she was indirectly making? The cursing? Severus didn't know. Time seemed to slow down. Something sent him over the edge. At that moment it somehow felt exactly right to him.

I hate you, I hate you, I hate you! This was all Harry could think as she attempted to stare down a man more than three times her size. However, the moment the last of her words left her mouth she saw something flash in Snape's eyes. Now she was frightened. She didn't know what it meant but she was pretty sure it signaled Snape's transcension from furious to murderous. She opened her mouth to speak – what she meant to say she did not know. However, in the next moment everything became wrong as Snape grabbed her arm and Harry was spun to the side. She didn't have time to think a single thought before a hard smack landed on her backside. Harry gasped but was otherwise too dazed to react. Did he just...? He didn't really...? But confirmation came in the form of another smack and then Harry was spun back to face Snape. She couldn't say anything. She just stood there with wide, watery eyes and tried to comprehend what had just happened.

“I trust I have your attention? Don't you ever say such things again, do you hear me?” Snape hissed at her. “Have you any idea how hard we are trying to protect you? Do you not understand how important your safety is? I did not spend a year protecting you to have you die foolishly because you will not listen!”

“I...” Harry choked out in a small voice. Tears were already running silently down her cheeks. She wanted to run into her room and hide but Snape was still holding onto her. Her backside was still stinging slightly and reminding her of what had just happened. How could he do that? No one had ever done that to her before! What was she – five? Greasy git!

Snape sighed somewhere above her. “Sit down.” He guided her over to the couch. Harry sat down slowly, careful to keep an eye on him as she did so. Snape joined her on the couch but did not look at her. Instead he steepled his fingers and stared at the wall opposite them. “I had thought...” Snape suddenly broke the silence. “...that we might be able to get through this without you throwing yourself in harms way. Clearly I was mistaken. I did not know you had any close friendship with the Weasley twins?” Snape said this as though he was simultaneously doubting that she did and annoyed that she did.

“They are Ron's brothers,” Harry sniffed. What else could she say? She knew them. She had spoken to them often but she only really had two friends – Ron and Hermione. Because they knew her secret and they hadn't rejected her for it. Well, they knew one secret. “I just needed to talk to someone. I'm sorry, sir,” Harry offered. Her face was wet with tears by now and she was sniffing repeatedly, trying in vain to prevent a large amount of snot from running down her face. She was angry but above all she was embarrassed and sad. She was embarrassed that Snape had smacked her and that she had made him angry enough to do so. She was angry because he thought he had the right to. She was sad because...

“I don't believe professor McGonagall or Madam Pomfrey are refusing to speak to you. I know for a fact the Headmaster would like nothing more than to speak to you,” Snape said and interrupted her train of thought.

“They don't really talk to me and neither do you,” Harry sniffed before she could think. She had now resorted to crying into her hand and there was no stopping the flow of liquids.

“Then what am I doing at the moment?” said Snape as he turned to face her.

“You don't! None of you tell me anything! Not really!” Harry sobbed with embarrassment as she realized Snape had noticed how yucky she was.

“Oh, for goodness sake! Here! Take care of your face! I cannot understand you when you are speaking into your hand.” Snape handed her a handkerchief from a pocket within his robes.

Harry picked it up but she hesitated to use it. It was fabric and completely white and Harry never had understood why people would use anything other than paper ones. If she dried her face with this it would surely be ready for the bin. However, the situation was becoming dire and so she blew her nose and wiped her face before it got any worse. A moment later the handkerchief disappeared and Harry looked up to see Snape watching her. He didn't look as furious as he had just a moment earlier. He looked displeased but almost exhausted. She glared at him the best she could.

“You... You can't do that,” Harry protested as she found her courage now that Snape didn't seem as ready to kill her.

“Do what? Offer you a handkerchief?” Snape replied sarcastically.

“You hit me,” she stated. Snape stared at her. She could have sworn he looked sad for a moment but then his expression changed and he was clearly offended.

“I did not,” Snape slowly replied. “I smacked you and don't you dare say you didn't deserve it! I will admit I might have warned you but perhaps you might pay attention now.”

Harry huffed and turned her back on him. She wanted to scream at him but she didn't dare. She wasn't entirely sure he wouldn't do it again. Well, I'm not going to apologize to him! Mean old bat! Then Harry froze. Something had landed on her shoulder and Harry had to turn her head ever so slightly to confirm what just happened. Snape squeezed her shoulder gently but Harry did not look at him. She simply stared at his hand.

“Do you have anything to say to me?” said Snape calmly.

Harry couldn't help it. The tears came back as she endlessly repeated the word 'why' in her mind. Why would he make it out as though she mattered? To whom? And why? Even if McGonagall had told her that she would still wonder why. Here was a man who had done nothing but belittle her in public for a year who turned out to have protected her due to something with James. Then he turns out to be her actual father, takes her away and then doesn't mention it at all afterwards? Now he smacked her and told her her life matters. She felt conflicted and she had been ready to hate him for it just a moment ago. It was a small gesture but somehow Harry felt this was the kindest thing he had ever done for her – regardless of saving her life. When McGonagall did kind things for her she didn't put much into it. She had with Ron and Hermione at first but they were friends. Snape had always hated her so it had to be a lot from him, right? It had to mean something, right?

“I'm sorry,” she mumbled and closed her eyes. He would let go of her now. Surprisingly he didn't right away. They just sat there for a long silent moment until he spoke:

“Very well, I suggest you go to your room, change your shoes and put away the clothes.”

With that he rose from the couch and took the parcels out of his pockets before enlarging them and sending them to her room. Then he moved towards the door to his office. She stumbled onto her feet. Was that all he had to say? Harry couldn't help but feel at little slighted that he hadn't acknowledged her apology more. She paused before the door leading to the hallway.

“I really am sorry,” she mumbled and waited for something – anything. “I know it was stupid.”

“Next time we go out you had better remember that,” Snape said coldly.

“Next time?” Harry couldn't believe her ears.

“We had to cut our trip short today due to your little misadventure, did we not? But I am warning you,” replied the man as he turned to give her a pointed look. “If I cannot trust you there will not be a next time. When you have finished putting the clothes away you may come out for lunch and we can discuss your punishment for what you did today.”

“But you already...” Harry protested.

“That was for putting no value in your life and accusing us of doing the same. I don't believe we've addressed running off in unfamiliar places – risking your life.”

With that he turned and opened the door to the office. Harry headed for her room, rolling her eyes and muttering something about old bats who were completely impossible.

“This is torture!” Harry muttered, glancing back at Snape who was sitting at his desk looking infuriatingly pleased with himself.

“Indeed?” replied Snape. “If you spent as much time on your work as you do complaining about it I dare say you might be finished by now.”

“Not fair. Mean old...” Harry muttered into her book.

“I heard that!” Snape cut her off. Harry sighed dramatically. She didn't for a moment think he might take pity on her if she looked miserable enough but it wasn't for lack of trying. She chewed the end of her quill in annoyance. Harry really didn't think she deserved this. Wasn't it enough that Snape had yelled at her, pulled her ear and smacked her? She blushed with embarrassment just thinking about that. It's not like she approved of that either but she could see why he might not be pleased with what she did. If she had to be honest it was pretty stupid.

“I cannot hear you working,” a low voice said from the desk.

“I'm thinking!” she replied as she once again looked up at the man who was reading something of his own.

“That will be a first,” he smirked and for a moment locked eyes with her, causing Harry to hastily return her gaze to her book. “Now, stop your whining and finish up. I have something important to show you when you are finished.”

Harry's ears perked at that. What could it be? Had it something to do with school? She was brought back from her thoughts by Snape clearing his throat. She sighed and looked down at her ink covered hand. Who even gave lines this way? Crazy Potions Masters, that's who! Her copy of A History of Wizarding Communities in Britain lay open before her. Snape had demanded that since she clearly was interested in wizarding communities and couldn't be bothered to do her homework he would 'help' her in that regard. She huffed. Now she was stuck writing down the name and founding year of every magical village in England since Merlin knows when. She was actually quite appreciative he had limited it to the English ones. The ridiculous part of this punishment was that the names and years were not listed in some easily copied list but rather she had to skim every page in search of them – and Snape knew this very well! At this point she had been at it for hours!

... near Oak Hills. The signing of this agreement took place in Kitty's Creek which as this point housed the court of the region. Kitty's Creek had been connected to the legal system since its founding in 1672 due to its connection with the Leseley family. It ceased to be a center of power due to the surge in prejudice against muggleborns in the early 18th century but remained a center for trade due to the influence of the Leseley family. Kitty's Creek was named for Kitty Miller, a muggleborn witch from the no longer existing village of Grenning, not two miles from the location of Kitty's Creek in Somerset. Not much is known about Kitty Miller except for the fact that she was the daughter of a local clerk, one out of six siblings and 14 at the time of her death. In mid 1662 it is known from a surviving letter that Sir Fagus Leseley wrote to the local priest, making inquiries about Kitty Miller and rumors that strange accidents had been happening around the girl. He requested that the girl be sent to Leseley manor so that he might look into the matter himself. However, this never came to pass as on the 18th of August 1662 Kitty Miller got into a heated argument with her parents, reportedly over the price of the fish she had brought home and by way of accidental magic the Miller home caught fire. The fire managed to spread to several other buildings before it was stopped at which point the villagers chased the Miller girl out of the village. The girl fled into the forest and managed to travel near two miles until she came to a creek near Leseley manor. It is assumed that the manor was her intended destination but whether the girl was aware that the Leseleys were a magical family remains unknown. Hearing the villagers closing in on her she attempted to cross the creek but slipped on the wet stones and was captured. She was hanged in Grenning later the same day. A memorial was later built near the creek, commissioned by Magnolia Leseley, Sir Leseley's eldest daughter. This was later rebuilt into a chapel which drew many visitors from the magical world as it was believed that Kitty Miller's spirit would protect travelers who lit candles there from persecution. A decade later the area was cleared by Sir Ulmus Leseley and inns were built to accommodate the many travelers and from this the village grew. The creek survives to this day in form of a channel running through the center of town.

Harry took a deep breath. She wondered whether Hermione had read all this. Of course she has! She would like Kitty, Harry knew she did anyway. She knew what it was like to feel wrong for being magical. She could only imagine what it would have been like for her had her aunt and uncle not known about magic and feared the anger of the wizards more than they hated her.

“What are you doing?” The sound of Snape's voice made her jump slightly. She looked up at the professor.

“I was just thinking... About something I read,” she answered. “About Kitty's Creek.”

“I see,” Snape nodded.

“Can I ask you something?”

“If you must,” Snape said in a detached manner and gestured for her to continue.

“Is that why the muggles can't know?”

“Partly,” replied Snape as he studied her.

“It said... It said that people hated muggleborns more later on.” Harry didn't really know how to phrase this question. She hadn't really given any thought to it at all but Snape was the head of Slytherin. Harry suddenly felt slightly unwell. Then he was most likely a pureblood and he most likely disliked muggleborns every bit as much as Malfoy. She had never actually asked. But then she had another thought. If Snape was her father he had to have liked her mum didn't he? And had they not said Snape and her mother had been very close at some point? Harry chose to believe this and dismissed the thought that Snape might dislike muggleborns. She didn't think she could bear it if that was true.

“It wasn't always bad? I thought it was very bad in the past. And weren't the Leseley's purebloods then? They sounded like that!”

“They are purebloods, but the general attitude to blood has not always been the same. During the Commonwealth of England and in the years following witches and wizards had to be especially careful and thus there was a greater sense of community and solidarity. These things change over time. As for the Leseley's, they have never been very concerned with blood purity. Their interests lie in different places. You will find them in all corners of the legal system throughout the last five centuries. There is currently a Ravenclaw by the name of Leseley at Hogwarts. I believe he is in his fifth year.”

“Oh,” was all Harry could say. The Leseley's weren't like Malfoy then. Not that she thought they were like the Weasleys but at least they were more like that.

“I think that is enough. It will be time for dinner soon and I will not be accused of starving you. How far have you gotten?” said Snape as he rose from his chair and made his way over to Harry.

“About 200,” shrugged Harry. She honestly hadn't been keeping count for the last hour.

“That will do. I suggest you go and wash your hands,” replied Snape as he tapped Harry's ink stained hand with a long thin finger.

“What is that?”

A pair of large green eyes looked at him questioningly and Severus took a deep breath. It had been a long day and he was pretty sure he had aged a decade. As he looked down at the girl he couldn't help but feel both disgusted and powerless. He was itching to know exactly what had happened to her in that muggle home. What's it to you if I die? Why should it matter? He heard her words again and again in his mind. These were possibly just the words of an upset child and Severus might have taken them as such had she not just proven by her actions that she meant something by it. He would never admit it but perhaps he had been too hard on her. After all she couldn't be blamed for what she was raised to believe. But no! Allowing her to think and act this way would be unacceptable. He had not been prepared for her reaction. How she completely and utterly fell apart. That wasn't about two smacks that was for certain. He had not known what to do. Usually when he had a weeping child on his hands he would send them to Pomfrey or let the prefects handle it. He was not good with crying children but this was no ordinary child. This was his child. Should he hug her? Leave her alone? He didn't know but eventually settled for touching her shoulder in what he hoped was a reassuring way. It had done something.

Severus Snape had never expected to grow old. The only times he had dared to dream of some form of decent life was when he was with Lily Evans. It was a miracle in fact that he was still around. He came out on the other side of the war unharmed and free when by all rights he should be dead or in Azkaban. If Dumbledore's instinct was correct and the Dark Lord would rise again he was unlikely to be as lucky a second time. But there was the girl now. She was every bit as cheeky and reckless as he had always known her to be but he no longer saw James when he looked at her. He saw no arrogance only fear and defensiveness. In fact what he saw and what he realized had always been there was a troubled child with a good heart. She was everything he would leave behind and she was the purest thing he had ever created. How could he let that light die? Even if he couldn't be there to see her grow he would at least ensure that she came out on the other side of this victorious.

“This is what I wanted to talk to you about,” Severus replied and gave her a pointed look.

She quickly put her feet back on the floor. Not ten minutes ago she had decided to question the need for the nutrient potion yet again. She had quickly obeyed once he reminded her that there were plenty more village names for her to write down. She had been sulking ever since lunch but Severus chose to ignore it. She was sitting in one of the armchairs in the living room. To Severus' annoyance she continued to draw up her legs, resting her feet in the chair.

“No shoes in the furniture,” he reminded her and sat in the other armchair. He placed the papers on the small table between them but hesitated before pushing them towards her. “I've discussed your objections concerning your name with the Headmaster and he agreed that you may legally change your name if you should wish to do so. This is the official form needed.” He waited for the girl to speak but she remained completely silent with her eyes glued to the papers in front of him.

“This will be sent in on Monday. I will need to send them back for the Headmaster to sign before then so you have until Sunday to make a decision.”

She looked up at that. “D... Professor Dumbledore has to sign?” she grimaced.

“Yes,” Severus replied. “He is still your magical guardian and his signature is required for this to be legal. I should mention that while this is your decision we do have some suggestions.”

“Suggestions,” repeated the girl, rolling her eyes.

“Our suggestions,” Severus continued as he raised his voice slightly. “Are in regards to your middle and surname.”

“Why can't I just be Harry? Just Harry?” inquired the girl as a soft ringing from the wards told Severus that someone was requesting entrance to his chambers.

“Quiet!” Snape hissed as he got up and immediately flew into the hallway. Harry was left looking in the direction he had disappeared and wondering what on earth she had said to offend him. However a moment later he reappeared and Harry breathed a sigh of relief when he spoke:

“All is well. We have company.”

The next moment McGonagall stepped in behind him.

“Good evening, Harry, how are you?” McGonagall greeted her. Harry was about to get up from the chair when Snape gestured for her to remain seated. McGonagall stopped in the doorway and looked Harry over as though she was an essay. Satisfied with whatever she saw, she turned to Snape and continued:

“I trust I am not interrupting something important, Severus?”

“As a matter of fact we were just discussing her name,” he replied and when McGonagall neither spoke nor moved he continued: “Perhaps, you would care to join us?”

“I would,” replied McGonagall sternly and moved to sit on the couch. Harry wasn't quite sure what but clearly something was going on because Snape sounded uncomfortable and McGonagall was using a tone Harry had only heard in connection with the words 'Mr Potter, I am deeply disappointed'. “Do not pay attention to me, Severus, continue as you were – although a cup of tea would be appreciated, would it not, Harry?” the witch smirked. Snape glared at the elder professor but not a moment later tea appeared on the small mahogany table. McGonagall grabbed a floating cup and saucer and looked at Snape as though she was daring him to say something.

“As... I was saying,” Snape continued as he turned his attention towards Harry. “The Headmaster is going to argue that your gender mix-up is due to a mistake in your birth certificate and that you were meant to be named Harriet but...” Snape continued, raising his hand when Harry opened her mouth to protest. “You have expressed you do not wish to take that name although it would be the most logical solution.”

“It doesn't matter whether I tell them to call me Harry! I'll hear it every time someone sees my name written and... and...” How could she explain it? How could she explain hearing Petunia's shrill voice every time that name was applied to her.

“No one will make you take that name if you do not wish to,” McGonagall promised.

“It was suggested that you might consider taking it as a middle name,” Snape said and ignored McGonagall. “That way you might avoid such a problem.”

Harry paused to consider this. Would that really be okay? She would still technically be named it but people would see something else first if they saw her full name.

“So I... Would have another first name?” she inquired. A first name that would technically be like a middle name too since she was still Harry as far as she was concerned.

“That is the general idea,” Snape replied shortly.

“I'll... think about it.”

“As for your surname, I believe you voiced some concerns there?” Snape continued.

“Now, Harry, there's nothing wrong with having James' surname. I don't want you to feel you need to do anything. I know he viewed you as his and...” McGonagall began.

Harry huffed. “Well, I'm not! And you told me yourself what he did to mum!” she said crossing her arms.

“I understand. I just think you should give it some thought before you make a decision,” replied McGonagall and glared at a smirking Snape.

“You cannot have the same amount of freedom with your surname,” added Snape. “Some are protected by law and furthermore it would be difficult to explain you taking a name with no connection to you.”

“So I'm stuck with this, is that it?” Harry replied.

“Have you considered your mother's name? Have you considered Evans?” inquired Snape and McGonagall's teacup clinked.

“I don't know. I guess not,” mumbled Harry. She really hadn't considered that. If she was honest she was still a bit upset with her mother about the whole thing but she had to admit that her mother was probably the person involved in this she had the least bones to pick with. Would it be so weird then to be an Evans? Harry didn't know. It was all a bit much. Then she realized something.

“Uhm, professor?” she said, looking at Snape. “What day of the week is it? How long until Sunday? I kind of lost track of the days.”

“It's Thursday, Harry,” replied McGonagall on Snape's behalf.

“I will leave the papers here for you. You may fill them out when you have made a decision. Now, Professor McGonagall and I have some things to discuss and I believe it might do you well to go to bed early tonight,” Snape said with a commanding air and looked at Harry.

“But it can't be more than eight o'clock!” Harry protested, momentarily forgetting that McGonagall was present.

“It is half past eight. Go to bed,” Snape commanded in a low voice.

Annoyed and more than a little embarrassed to be sent to bed early in front of McGonagall but not wanting to risk getting into a fight with Snape in front of her either, Harry got up and made her way into the hallway, hastily wishing McGonagall a good night as she passed her. The last thing she heard before the door closed behind her was McGonagall's voice:

“Well, I'm surprised, Severus.”