Severus didn't know how long he stayed there, collapsed on the settee, his body still slightly trembling after he withdrew from the Pensieve. With deep, shuddering breaths, Severus slumped forward, burying his face in his hands as he tried to collect his thoughts, attempting to organize the jumble of overwhelming emotions behind his shields.

He remembered now; all those memories returning to him, flitting across his mind and fitting neatly into place like long lost puzzle pieces.

Everything finally sunk in, so much more than when Severus first received Lily's letter. He hadn't exactly doubted her then, but after seeing everything they had been— everything they could have still been— it suddenly felt much more… real.

Seeing Lily again after all these years... alive, right in front of him, close enough to touch and hold in his arms... All those precious moments they had spent together as a family with their son...

It was a life with a wife and a child that in all these years Severus never allowed himself to imagine having. Ever since he'd taken the mark and sworn loyalty to the Dark Lord, having a family had been deemed unattainable for him…

But he did have a family. Lily had been there. She had been his anchor; the beacon of light that had led him out of the darkness he'd been rapidly descending towards, and Severus' miserable existence had held no meaning until Lily gave him a new purpose, something to fight for. She had been determined to make this work, to not allow the war to govern their lives as much as possible.

If only he had decided to stay with them… If he had just considered another option…

He should have listened to her— Severus should have taken his family and fled the country the first chance he got. Even if they ended up on the run for the rest of their lives, at least he would have been right there with them, to protect them, like he should have been all along.

To hell with the war; Severus should have quit this charade he'd been playing for Dumbledore. No matter how valuable his position was to the cause, his family should have been his priority first and foremost.

Then, perhaps, Lily would be alive now, his family would still be whole, and their son would not have been marked or damaged by a childhood with those filthy Muggles. Harry would have been cherished, loved by his family, not neglected and abused, and burdened by the weight of the wizarding world on his thin shoulders.

Severus released a long, trembling breath, recalling the moment Lily had announced her pregnancy. Time had seemed to stand still for a few seconds, a swell of emotions coursing through him as Severus attempted to process the news. Lily had smiled expectantly at him, her green eyes sparkling as she waited for his reaction, and Severus tried to focus on the initial joy and exhilaration that her words brought up, but he couldn't suppress the sliver of fear that also crept up from within. A fear that he would be no better a father to their child than his own drunken one had been to him.

There was simply too much darkness inside him with everything he'd seen and done, and Severus never wanted their child to emulate him, afraid his mere presence could taint them. Lily had apparently thought otherwise, and it was nothing short of a miracle that Harry had inherited his mother's inherent goodness and kind heart.

Of course, they had also been in the midst of a losing war at the time, and the prospect of bringing up a child in this uncertain world was terrifying, but Severus had vowed he would do anything to keep his family safe...

You failed. This is all your fault...

Severus' breath hitched, the guilt tearing through his insides, his throat much too tight as the memory of that awful night replayed in his mind. Lily's lifeless body crumpled on the floor, her face deathly pale against her vibrant red hair that spread out around her like a pool of blood… No matter how hard Severus tried, he couldn't stifle the gut-wrenching sobs that erupted from his chest, making it nearly impossible to draw breath as the image burned itself behind his eyelids.

He'd do anything for the chance to undo his mistakes, to beg for her forgiveness and apologize for leaving…

I'm so sorry, Lily. Everything is my fault…

And then, in all these years that his mind had tortured him with images of Lily's crumpled body, Severus realized there had been someone else in the memory that he'd never acknowledged before.

Harry...

Severus now remembered glancing in the direction of the broken crib, seeing a mop of dark hair, and a thin trickle of blood oozing from the wound on his son's forehead. Small hands clutched at the splintered wood, reaching through the bars, grasping the empty air as he cried out for his mother. And then when Harry's terrified green eyes settled on Severus, his son had immediately called out to him, desperately turning to him for comfort. But Severus had completely ignored him, his attention entirely focused on Lily at the time…

If only he'd known then. How different their lives would be now…

But Severus had sealed their fates, had destined his son to this life— a life of being constantly targeted by a mad man and held as the savior of the wizarding world. Not to mention a neglectful childhood growing up with those despicable Muggles.

And all these years, Severus realized he had only contributed to the boy's sufferings. He had taken every possible opportunity to exact his hurt and revenge from a pathetic childhood rivalry on the boy who was his own son all along, making Harry's life more difficult than it already was.

Another ripple of guilt coursed through him. His fear had come true. Severus had essentially become his father, and ultimately, his son had it worse, much worse than Severus had growing up.

How could Severus possibly hope to make it up to his son, given all the damage he'd caused? Harry certainly deserved more, so much more than anything Severus could ever hope to provide him…

A small knock on his door jolted Severus from his self-loathing then, and he froze when he heard Harry's voice coming from the doorway. Severus kept his face buried in his hands, unable to respond. He didn't think he was composed enough to keep his voice steady anyway.

Severus heard Harry take a few steps into the room, then the footsteps paused, and Severus assumed his son must have spotted the Pensieve on his desk. Harry must be curious about the contents, just as he was last year in Severus' office during those Occlumency lessons. Severus' thoughts were confirmed when his son hesitantly asked for permission to view the memories, and after a brief moment, Severus gave a small nod of his head in response.

Harry had as much right to see the memories as Severus did.

And Severus couldn't even begin to imagine what his son would think of them…

For several moments, Harry stayed sitting on the floor, not bothering to get up just yet.

Everything he had seen continued to flash through his mind, his parents' voices echoing inside his head. They were glimpses into a life he could have had, and all those times he'd spent locked in his cupboard, fantasizing about his parents and wondering what they were like…

Now, he knew for certain that they had been so happy together as a family... His mother and father…

Harry drew in a steadying breath, then raised his head and glanced around the room, hoping to find the one person he wanted to see the most right now.

It didn't take long for Harry to spot him. His father was still slumped forward on the settee, in exactly the same position as when Harry had entered the Pensieve. Though it felt as if a lifetime had already passed in the mere minutes he'd been gone.

A bit shakily, Harry pushed himself to his feet and made his way over to his father. There was no immediate response from Severus when Harry gently lowered himself down onto the settee beside him, and for a few moments, they simply sat there in silence. After everything that Harry had seen, there was so much that he wanted to talk to his father about, but now, he wasn't sure how to start.

Harry fidgeted absently with the hem of his shirt, wondering what his father must be thinking about the memories. He couldn't tell at the moment; Severus still had not moved, his elbows resting upon his knees and his face buried in his hands, his dark hair concealing him like a curtain. And just as Harry was about to break the silence, his father beat him to it.

"I should have listened to her…" Severus said softly, an unusual quiver in his voice as he rubbed a hand down his face and finally raised his head. Though he didn't turn towards Harry, and in the next moment, he was on his feet, beginning to pace the length of the room.

Harry didn't know how to respond to that as he watched his father's movements back and forth, noticing the redness around the man's dark eyes.

"I should have done more, should have considered more options," Severus continued, his hands clenched into fists at his side, looking everywhere but at Harry. He ran an agitated hand through his hair, releasing a long breath. "If only I didn't overhear that god forsaken prophecy..."

"But you didn't know who it was referring to," Harry said when Severus trailed off, remembering his father's reaction to that in the memories. That new piece of information had come as a surprise to him, but he hadn't lingered over it. Instead, Harry had been more focused on his father's frantic reaction and guilt over what he had unknowingly done.

Severus sighed, pausing in front of the fireplace. "Even afterwards, I should have spelled Lucius to keep quiet or... anything to prevent the information from reaching the Dark Lord." He turned his back on Harry and clutched the mantelpiece as if to help steady himself. Then in a softer voice, he said, "I shouldn't have left…"

"You just did what you thought was best for your family," Harry said empathetically, feeling the need to defend his father's decision. "I mean— I can understand that—"

"I'm the reason the Dark Lord decided to target you," Severus cut in, scowling as he sharply spun around, finally facing Harry. "I'm the reason you were sent to live with your despicable relatives!"

There was an indistinguishable gleam in his father's dark eyes, and Harry could do nothing but stare back at him, a bit at a loss for words at the moment.

Was his father anticipating Harry to blame him for everything that went wrong in his life?

But Harry didn't, not at all. Perhaps, if he'd found out a few months ago his thoughts on the matter would be entirely different, but at this moment, after everything he'd seen in those memories, Harry couldn't hold it against the man. Of course, his life would be completely different if it wasn't for the prophecy, but to Harry, the blame rested solely on Voldemort who had been the one to decide to target Harry after hearing it.

"That's not your fault, it was all Voldemort's," Harry said with conviction. He shook his head, clearing his throat, before continuing, "Like mum said— you shouldn't blame yourself. Maybe it was just meant to be this way..."

Severus stared at him as if just seeing him for the first time, and the look on his usually stoic face made Harry's chest tighten.

"And you don't know what would have happened if you stayed— Voldemort could have killed you too…" Harry added, when his father didn't respond for several moments. "At least I still have one parent alive…"

There was a deep sigh from Severus, grief etched on his features, his shoulders drooping slightly.

"You deserve better," his father said softly.

Harry swallowed past the lump forming in his throat, his chest suddenly feeling much too tight.

Was his father expecting Harry to reject him?

But after everything Harry had just seen, how could he?

Of course the man had been awful, cruel, and a downright git the past five years at school, but this was also the same man who had loved Harry when he was a baby, and had recently done so much for him, so much more than anyone else ever had before. He had bought Harry new clothes and school supplies, gave him his own room, helped him with his schoolwork, and even spent time flying with him… It was everything Harry had dreamed of in having a caring parent.

And now he finally had it. What more could he ask for?

Before he knew it, Harry was on his feet, quickly closing the distance between them. And without another thought, Harry wrapped his arms around Severus' middle, burying his face in his father's dark robes.

"No, I'm happy here with you," Harry whispered, and after just a moment's hesitation, he murmured, "Dad."

The response was immediate.

Strong arms embraced Harry in return, his father's hand coming up to cup the back of Harry's head, holding him crushingly against a firm chest. The comforting scent of herbs and spices filled his senses, and Harry clutched the back of Severus' robes with everything he had, just as tightly as his father was holding onto him. Closing his eyes, Harry relished the warmth that enveloped him, feeling as if he'd finally found home.

Harry savored the feeling, stashing it away in his mind, wanting to commit it to memory.

"You are like your mother in that regard," Severus whispered after several quiet moments, running his fingers gently through Harry's hair. "Entirely too forgiving for your own good."

"There's nothing to forgive," Harry mumbled against his father's chest, giving a small shake of his head. "At least I have my dad back now, if nothing else."

After lunch, Harry followed his father as they made their way through the manor. It was the second door past the potions lab, which Harry had never opened before that Severus stopped in front of. He didn't exactly know what to expect as his father twisted the knob and led him down a dark and narrow set of stone steps.

Once they reached the bottom, his father flicked his wand, and the torches fixed on the walls flared to life. The sudden light was blinding at first, and Harry had to squint, waiting for his eyes to adjust. When they finally did, he found that he was now in a large, rather spacious room.

There were worn cushions piled in a corner of the room and a few various mobile targets stacked next to what appeared to be a rather life-like looking dummy. Columns and barriers made of stone— what Harry assumed to be used as obstacles or objects to dodge behind— were scattered around the room, and Harry watched as his father waved his hand, causing them to move from the center of the room and organize themselves neatly against a wall. In another corner, there was a towering wooden bookshelf, overstuffed with books, and as Harry moved closer, he noticed they were mostly books about defensive spells, everything from theory to application, and even a few on dark curses.

Harry looked around in a slow circle, examining his surroundings in amazement. It reminded him of the space that the Room of Requirement provided when they had needed a place to practice Defense. His father had told him he would start their Defense lessons today, and now, Harry was rather looking forward to it.

"This room is brilliant," Harry said, amazed. There was another door he just noticed to his right beside the bookcase, and he wondered what was beyond there.

"More equipment is stored in there," his father told him, noticing Harry's inquiring look. "I believe my great grandfather designed this room to have optimal dueling features."

Harry smiled. "I mean— It looks like you really do have everything here."

Severus nodded. "Well then, let's begin with a duel, shall we?" his father said, withdrawing his wand.

Harry did the same, then they both took a few steps back, giving each other enough distance between them.

"Show me what you're capable of," his father said, indicating for Harry to make the first move.

"Expelliarmus!" Harry shouted.

With a flick of his wrist, Severus effortlessly deflected it, as if he was swatting away an annoying insect, and in response, he cast a Stinging Hex.

Harry just barely managed to block it with a Protego.

"Stupefy!" he tried next.

Again, his father easily blocked it, and for the next several minutes, they continued to fire spells at each other. At one point, Harry tried sending a quick succession of any jinxes and hexes that came to mind in an attempt to catch his father off guard. Each one missed their target, and Harry couldn't help but watch in awe as Severus smoothly sidestepped out of the way, effectively dodging the oncoming spells. Then with a well placed Shield Charm, his father sent the last few flying back at Harry.

Just as Harry managed to conjure a shield to block those spells, his father sent out his own spells in such a rapid succession that Harry had to lunge to the right, duck down, and dive to the left to avoid being hit. Some of the spells Severus was using were unfamiliar to him, and as the duel continued, Harry realized that his father no longer said the incantations anymore.

They were much more difficult to block, Harry found, noticing how quickly his father seemed to be able to cast them. It had been a while since Harry had been this active, and he soon found himself quickly becoming tired from the constant dodging back and forth.

Another stream of spells sped towards him, and Harry tried to cast a strong enough Shield Charm to block them. It was not enough. As an orange jet of light slammed into his shield, Harry felt a painful tingle shoot up his arm before his shield shattered like glass, the force knocking him off his feet.

Harry gasped, feeling the wind knocked out of him as he landed heavily against the unforgiving stone floor. For a few moments, he simply laid there, trying to catch his breath.

No wonder his father was rumored to want the Defense position so badly; the man was a skilled duelist that was for sure. Certainly someone not to be messed with, Harry thought. Severus was a powerful wizard, and Harry hoped that one day, spells could come as effortlessly to him as it does for his father.

"Are you hurt?" Severus asked, gazing down at him with a look of concern.

Harry shook his head. "I'm fine," he replied, giving a grateful smile as he accepted his father's outstretched hand and pulled himself back to his feet.

"You are certain?" Severus said, checking him up and down, as if looking for any hidden bruises or broken bones.

Harry nodded, trying to calm his heavy breathing as he brushed himself off. "How are you able to cast spells so quickly without saying anything?"

"Practice," his father responded simply, smirking.

"Can you teach me?"

"Of course," said Severus, "I believe it is a skill you need to master." He retrieved Harry's wand from across the room and handed it back to him. "Do you know what is the advantage of using nonverbal spellcasting?"

Harry swiped at his glistening face, taking a moment to formulate a response, before he answered, "I suppose it gives an element of surprise. Your opponent won't know what spell you're using so they can't easily defend themselves."

"Correct," his father replied, the corners of his lips pulling upwards briefly. "Quite beneficial, however, it requires focus and concentration, not unlike Occlumency."

Harry nodded, determined to try extra hard to master this. Well, hopefully, he would have more success with this than he did with Occlumency.

"Now, try to disarm me without speaking," said Severus, backing away a few steps.

Harry raised his wand, focusing on the incantation in his mind.

Expelliarmus!

He kept repeating the incantation in his mind, shouting it, waiting for the spell to erupt from his wand. He thought he was rather good at this spell, though he had never cast it without speaking before. Harry had to bite down on his lip, using every effort to not let the words slip out. Nothing happened for several moments, and his father waited, his dark eyes watching Harry closely. The most that Harry could produce were a few sparks that flitted out from the tip of his wand.

"Expelliarmus," Harry couldn't help but whisper, growing slightly frustrated with himself, and a jet of red light shot towards his father, who blocked it with a short wave of his wand.

Apparently, his father also had an acute sense of hearing as well.

Severus raised an eyebrow. "I believe I said nonverbally?"

Harry sighed. "Sorry, I couldn't help it."

"What were you thinking?" his father asked. He didn't seem irritated, merely curious as he looked at Harry with narrowed eyes.

"I suppose I'm just thinking the incantation in my head... well, actually shouting it more like."

Severus nodded. "Imagine the spell leaving your wand," he said patiently. "Concentrate on your intent."

Taking his father's advice, Harry concentrated hard on what he wanted to happen instead of the incantation this time. For several moments, he tried to imagine his father's wand flying out of his hand...

Then to Harry's surprise, a bright red jet of light actually left his wand and sped towards his father. Granted, it only caused Severus' wand to slightly twitch, but at least something happened.

Harry blinked. "I actually did it," he murmured.

"It's a start," his father said, looking oddly impressed. "Most people are not able to achieve that on their second attempt."

Harry smiled, feeling a newfound sense of confidence as he practiced it a few more times. Eventually, he was able to cast it more quickly and without thinking too hard.

"Now, try to repel me," Severus said after a while, aiming his wand at Harry.

Harry tensed, waiting for whatever spell his father was about to launch at him.

"Expelliarmus!"

"Protego!" Harry shouted, out of instinct.

Severus raised an eyebrow. "Without speaking," his father reminded him.

"Sorry," Harry said, swiping his hair away from his eyes.

His father jerked his head, dismissing the apology before sending another spell at Harry.

After a while, Harry lost count of how many failed attempts he'd made already, and he fully expected his father to become impatient at his slow progress, but Severus didn't stop, continuing to fire spells at him without missing a beat.

"Protego."

This time, it was a whisper rather than a shout, though Harry still felt like a failure.

Severus finally paused, appearing thoughtful for a few moments. "Let me see…"

Harry furrowed his brows and waited.

What is he—

"Silencio!"

It happened so quickly, Harry wouldn't have been able to block it, even with a verbal spell, and he suddenly found himself unable to make a sound as his father lifted his wand again.

"Expelliarmus!"

Harry's wand flew out of his hand, landing with a clatter several feet away. Severus retrieved it with a quick summoning spell, then tossed it back to him.

"Concentrate," his father said, giving Harry a moment to prepare before taking aim again.

"Expelliarmus!"

Protego!

Harry focused as hard as he could, unable to help mouthing the incantation. Somehow, he managed to conjure a partial shield this time, catching his wand just before it hit the floor.

"Making progress," Severus said, giving a small nod of approval. "Again."

Harry didn't know how he did it, but this time, the strength of his Shield Charm was actually powerful enough to rebound his father's Disarming Charm.

"Well done," his father said, a look of pride flashing across his features. With a swish of his wand, he canceled the Silencing Charm.

Harry smiled, feeling that familiar warmth flowing through him as he lifted his wand again, ready for his father to cast another spell his way.