It's Better In the Dark by LucidDreamer10

**Chapter Two: Piecing It All Back Together**

«·»

"Harry! Come on! You heard the man! We should be down there by now!" Dudley complained, holding the door open and waiting on Harry.

It was time for dinner, actually they were currently two minutes late, and Harry couldn't seem to tie his shoe lace any slower. Dudley seemed to be going into a state of fear and anxiety while Harry kept a straight face and focused all his attention on tying his shoe.

"Potter, come on!" Dudley whimpered, his piggy eyes widened as he watched Harry pull the lace a little to much and the whole bow became a loose knot.

Harry on the other hand gave a small frown and hummed a low tune and started over again. "Give me a second, Dudders, I wouldn't want to look un- presentable."

"For goodness sake! Ill do it! Give it here-"

A mantra of soft but firm footsteps thundered their way up the stairs and Dudley went as white as a sheet. As they approached the doorway Dudley scattered away and took stance behind his cousin.

Within a few more steps his long robes swept into the room and his cold eyes landed themselves on the boys sprawled before him.

"Boys." Snape started in a dangerous whisper, "You are six minutes late. Care to explain?"

"Sure sir." Harry said without a care in the world. "You see, I was tying my shoes. I wanted to look presentable."

"For six minutes?" Snape asked coldly with a raised eyebrow and his usual sneer plastered on his face.

Harry seemed to be having an internal battle concerning an answer before nodding at his professor, "Yes sir."

Snape glared and stalked out of the room and didn't mutter a word until he was stomping down the stairs. "Get down here. Now."

Harry's flinch at his tone didn't go unnoticed by Snape. They ate dinner in silence that night.

.

.oO-Oo.

After Dinner

"Mr. Potter, take a seat." Snape drawled and sat in his own armchair.

Harry sat down across from him on the couch and met Snapes glare. "Of course, sir." He met the professors glare with a glare of his own, and barely held back a flinch when the man's eyes flashed.

"Potter, the other evening I saw you in a horrid state.. Without any explanation from your person. Tell me why that is. And don't doubt for a moment that I don't know who the abusers are."

Okay, Harry thought, the man is going to be blunt and condescending. I can do the same, if he wants to play this game so can I. "Well sir. Regarding the fact that you have never been civil to me, why would I trust you? After all, you're the one who has always pointed out every flaw I possess, I'm sure they had reason in your mind."

Snape looked up and met Harry's eyes with a glare, "No one has any reason to hurt a child. Mentally, physically, sexually or emotionally. Don't you ever, even for a moment, think I would support abusers of any kind." His voice was stern and cold, showing nothing but the utmost seriousness.

Harry gave the man a shallow nod and waited for him to continue, his eyes darting from the man to various objects in the room.

"I'm only going go ask you this once, and you will answer me." Snape said with unsaid threats hanging in his tone. "What happened to you?"

Harry knew better than to completely ignore the man's wishes, but he already knew what happened, and Harry wasn't a fan of people playing dumb. Lying about knowledge without reason made no sense whatsoever.

"The Dursleys."

Snape snarled and replied in a voice that would chill a grown man to the core. "I didn't ask who was responsible-"

"I know you didn't, if you would've than I would've answered that it would be me. It was all my fault. Y'see, I'm a horrid burden." Harry interrupted in a matter-of-fact voice.

He watched as Snape ran a hand over his face and sighed, obviously annoyed. "What I asked was what happened. So tell me Potter, What happened?"

"And we come back to the fact that kind don't trust you. Why would I tell you about anything personal when you could use it all to your advantage?" Harry asked in a tone that implied that he was speaking to a young child.

"I, for one, will not be spoken to in that way again. Understand Mr. Potter?" Snape hissed and sat up staiter in his chair with a glare planted firmly on his face.

"Yes sir." Harry replied meekly.

"What happened Potter? Tell me the truth."

"Well, sir, I would do so gladly, however I need some sort of guidelines if you'd like a real answer." Harry answered, his voice going back to its emotionless, and uncaring state.

"Just tell me the truth." Snape said and ran a hand over his face, seemingly because of stress and anger.

Harry bit back a rude response and nodded, then said in a falsely cheery voice. "I screwed up. The Dursleys weren't happy. I got punished."

The potions master looked up at the boy before him and sighed. "You honestly believe that?"

Harry shrugged and thought about it for a moment. On one hand, he knew that the Dursleys were wrong and that they weren't supposed to hurt him like they had. On the other hand, he also realised that he was a burden, and unwanted in their home. They had reason to hate him. Without him they would have led perfectly normal lives. He ruined that chance for them.

"So then tell me Potter, did you deserve the punishments you received?"

Harry thought about it for a moment and eventually answered, "In some cases I did. In others I didn't."

Snape sighed ran a hand through his hair. He looked at the young man before him with confusion. The boy had been a horrid student of his and always seemed to take pride in making him angry. But he had never seen the vulnerable, small, and smart side of potter. As much as he hated to admit it, Potter had out smarted him many times in the past 24 hours, and all was due to the fact that he was trying to defend his pride. While, he, on the other hand was trying to rip Potters pride away, but for good reason.

"Let me correct you boy. (Harry's slight flinch at the name didn't go unnoticed) No child deserves what they did to you. Punishments should involve nothing physical or emotionally scarring. Once it becomes to emotional or physical it's abuse."

"Not always sir. I don't mean to be rude, but if it didn't leave a mark it couldn't have been all that bad."

"Untrue. And what the Dursleys did to you did leave marks." Snape chided and watched as the boy in front of him squirmed under his gaze.

"Can we go back to what you said earlier for a moment? If a punishment doesn't leave a physical mark, then I doubt it was bad."

Severus realized that the child was trying to change the topic, but also wrap his head around what he had been saying. He also knew that Potter truly believed what he was saying. So he rolled with it.

"Tell me Harry, did they ever yell at you? Or belittle you?" Severus asked and watched Harry's face carefully.

"Of course," Harry responded as if it was nothing and rolled his eyes, "I'm surprised you haven't heard them these past few days.."

"Now think back on that for a moment. Did their yelling ever leave marks?" Snape asked slowly.

Harry looked at Snape as if he had just told him that he liked to eat leather for dessert. "If you're gonna say some cheesy crap about how words leave marks too then you may as well just stop now."

"Are you saying they don't leave marks?" Snape questioned.

"Not any physical ones." Harry replied with a huff, watch the man start sprouting some optimistic hufflepuff nonsense. (A/N: I have nothing against Hufflepuffs, y'all are great!)

"That's were you're wrong." Snape said with a shadow of a sneer on his face.

"Prove it." Harry said without meeting his professors eyes.

"Why should I, boy?" Snape snapped and was happy to see Harry flinch at 'boy'.

"There was your evidence. You flinch at being called boy."

Harry flushed and glared at the older man.

"Whatever you say sir."

"Good. Now tell me about your abusers." Snape said as of it were that easy.

Harry met the man's eye and tried to portray what he was feeling and why he didn't want to explain. He couldn't. He wouldn't explain. It's just how it was. He took a deep breath and shook his head and decided he would take the path of vulnerability. "Please sir. I can't."

"You can!" Snape insisted and gestured for Harry to continue.

"Professor.. Please. I can't." Harry pleaded and looked down to fight with his hands. He could hear the frustration building in Snapes voice, but he didn't know how to stop it, he also knew he, himself was close to breaking, but he continued to fight.

"No Potter! You can! I know you can. Your Gryffindor dramatics won't work with me! I thought we had been over this! Explain!" Snape snapped and glared fiercely at the boy.

Harry didn't say a word.

"What is it Potter? Am I not good enough for you? Am I not as good as the mutt? Tell me Potter." Snape said icily with his sneer still plastered on his face.

Harry didn't look up and ignored the man sitting in front of him. Currently he was working on keeping control of his magic and not blowing up the neighborhood.

"You know one might think you actually enjoy what happened to you. Seeing how secretive you are." Snape said in a near whisper.

Within seconds of starting his sentence, Snape knew be had gone too far. He had forgotten that Potter wasn't one of his Slytherins and wouldn't respond well to what he said. Potter wouldn't spout the truth in a fit if anger. He wasn't one of his snakes.

His fears were confirmed when Snape felt the whole room begin to shake and the the coffee table burst into flames. Then Harry stood up. He gave Snape a cold glare and walked from the room without a word.

So much for that.

.

.oO-Oo.

Dudley Dursley

When the bed he was sitting on began to shake Dudley knew someone had hurt Harry. memories resurfaced in his mind of all the times his father had thrown Harry around and the house would start to shake. His parents hated it.

So when Dudley heard footsteps making their way upstairs he sprang off the bed and to the door. He quickly threw the door open to admit his cousin then slammed it shut again.

He watched as Harry paced across the room while fisting his hands for a few minutes before watching him run a hand through his hair and stop pacing by his bed. Thinking that his cousin had mostly calmed down, Dudley asked the question he'd been dying to ask since the house started shaking.

"What happened Potter?"

Harry, barely hiding a flinch, looked up a bit but didn't meet Dudley's questioning stare. "Nothing Dudders, don't worry about it."

Yeah definitely hiding something, Dudley thought.

Dudley thought it best to let that answer slide and went for a new question. "You okay?"

Harry nodded and climbed into his bed, clothes and all. "I'm tired, night Big D."

What the heck did that Snape guy do? Dudley questioned himself. Harry hadn't responded like that since he had broken 3 of his ribs last summer. He sounded dead and uncaring. It scared Dudley.

"Night Potter." Dudley returned and laid on his blankets in silence.

After awhile, Dudley heard his cousins breathing even out and decided it was safe to wander out for a bit.

After closing the door behind him, Dudley strolled downstairs and came face to face with Severus Snape. "What'd you do to him?" He asked without an ounce of hesitation. He was done letting others hurt Harry while he just stood aside.

Snape seemed suspicious but started to answer. "I did nothin-"

"Oh B.S.!" Dudley cried, "I know you did something to him! What'd you do?"

For a second Dudley had the urge to go into a full blown laugh. If he could hear himself saying this two months ago he would've thought himself crazy! A small part of him still questioned all the protectiveness spilling out when it came to Harry. But then again, he now didn't stand for bullying like he used to either..

"Language!" Snape chided then cleared his throat. "I was only trying to help him."

"Help him?! You call that helping him! He caused the house to shake! That's not helping!" He cried in outrage. Why couldn't the man see! Harry doesn't need to be bullied into submission, he needs to open up, sure. But by no means should he ever have to be forced to do something!

"In will not be spoken to in such a way." Snape said icily.

"And Harry will not be hurt! But you didn't abide by that either, huh?" Dudley spat.

Snape paled, "At least I am not a hypocrite! You allow your parents to beat him without reason!"

Dudley glared and held his ground, "We aren't talking about me! I have no say in my parents actions! I wasn't the one who hurt Harry! You are!"

Snape gained some color back and raised an eyebrow, "So you never have laid a hand on him?"

Dudley looked down but kept his head held high and said nothing.

"At least I didn't hurt him for my pleasure.." Snape drawled with a victorious sneer on his face.

Dudley looked up and met the cold glare of the potions bat and stormed back up the stairs. This was going to be harder than he thought.

.

.oO-Oo.

Harry Potter

The next morning Harry woke up feeling exhausted, even though he had just awoke from having seven hours of sleep without nightmares. He slowly sat up and crawled out of bed threw on a shirt and walked down stairs.

"Morning Mr Potter," Snape drawled as Harry entered the kitchen. Snape was sitting at the table with coffee and toast in front of him.

"Morning sir." Harry said shortly and stood at the edge of the counter. He looked for something to do before remembering Snape didn't need him to do chores.

Snape, seeing the boy just stand there awkwardly and stare off towards the sink, decided to speak up. "If you would like some food there is some in the pantry."

Harry turned towards him and nodded, "thank you sir, but I'm not hungry."

Snape glared at him and waved his toast towards the pantry. "Eat Potter, I refuse to let you starve under my care. There is plenty of food, pick something."

Harry rolled his eyes but wandered into the pantry. And Snape was right, there was tons of food. I mean, who doesn't want to have flour and Tabasco sauce for breakfast? And there was some stale bread, good stuff really.

"Oh and for breakfast foods turn the knob twice!" Snape said.

Harry rolled his eyes and found a small black knob and turned it twice. The shelves folded in on themselves and suddenly new shelves with new food appeared.

He grabbed some cereal and headed out of the pantry. After Snape pointed out where the milk and bowls were he sat himself at the counter and began eating his breakfast. Just when he was about done, Snape cleared his throat.

"Potter, I am sorry for the way I handled things last night. It will never escalate to that again. Again, I apologize for the things I said and I hope you will forgive me."

Harry nodded, "Thanks for your apology, sir." But he didn't forgive the man, not yet. Harry stood up and cleaned his bowl, and just before he left the kitchen he said, "And thank you sir, for showing me words can leave marks."

«·»

Snape held his head in his hands and groaned, Harry's words echoing in his head, "And thank you, sir, for showing me words can leave marks."

Severus let his hands reach into his hair and grab the locks by the roots, how could he have said those things? He lowered his hands and held his head, feeling guilt pool in his stomach. He vanished the crumbs he left and stood up, and walked out of the room. How on earth could he help the boy?

«·»

Harry wandered back up the stairs and found Dudley still asleep, so he walked to the window and looked outside, it was a beautiful day. He walked back over to his bed and sat down, for once enjoying the fact that the bed didn't creak and that he couldn't feel the beds frame beneath him.

Harry wondered what it would've been like if he would've lived with Sirius. He imagined a room with high ceilings and a comfy bed. Waking up each morning and just being in Sirius' company. Feeling his hugs full of warmth and love. Playing pranks on his godfather and laughing endlessly with him. The ache in his stomach doubled with each thought. If only I hadn't screwed that up, Harry thought. He felt the guilt way down in his stomach and felt like throwing up, how could he have killed him... Why? It just wasn't fair... Harry's thoughts wandered back to Sirius again and he then realized that his cheeks were soaked with tears.

He slowly stood up and walked down the hall to the bathroom. He turned on the lights and closed the door. A shower sounded amazing right now. Harry turned on the water and continued to let small sobs escape him as he thought more about Sirius.

He imagined Sirius giving him one of his warm, comforting hugs again and a new sob came followed by a fresh batch of tears. He would never experience one of those again. Why did he have to kill Sirius?

He thought back to that night. The bright green. Bellas twisted laugh. Remus's cry of hurt. Remus holding Harry while Sirius fell through the veil. Remus with tears rolling down his face.

Remus.

(Warning: Self Harm scene! May be triggering to some readers! Sorry guys!)

He had killed Remus's best friend. His last fiend alive. He had taken everything from the man. Now completely submerged in guilt, Harry fell to his knees and let out a cry of hurt. How did he screw everything up so bad? How on earth would he face Remus ever again. The water burned his back as Harry struggled to regain his composure, sobs still escaping his parted lips. Harry let the water run down his face and mix with his tears, just wishing for some type of escape. Something to blind him from the pain. Something to escape. Just for a bit. Something. Anything.

I'm so fucking tired.

There! Harry saw it. Dudley's razor. Could he do it? Harry reached for it and grabbed it. He ran his finger over the four thin blades and felt a small sting as he dug his finger in harder. Red blossomed on his finger tip and Harry bit back a grim smile. This could work. And best of all, he wasn't hurting anyone else.

It's not like I don't deserve it.

(Scene over)

.

.oO-Oo.

Severus Snape

Snape was sitting in his chair downstairs when he heard a pair of heavy footsteps start down the stairs. Soon enough the mammoth of a child stepped off the last step, causing the wood to creak and groan as he wandered into the kitchen.

After listening to the boy walk around a bit, Snape called out, "Anything you wanted?"

"Food." Was the answer he received.

"Very articulate, child." Snape sneered and rose from his chair, and walked into the kitchen.

"Have any donuts?"

Snape rolled his eyes in disgust and tossed the boy a single donut.

"Thank you sir!" Dudley squeaked as the older man walked back into the living room.

After Dudley scarfed down the donut, he walked into the living room and sat across from Snape. "Do you know where Harry is?"

Snape looked up from his book and sneered at the boy before him. "I assume he is still in the shower, since I haven't heard him turn off the water."

"Thank you sir." Dudley said as he started towards the stairs.

"Harry?!" Dudley called through the bathroom door, "When you're done do you wanna take a walk?"

Silence.

"Harry?" Dudley called again.

Silence.

"You okay?"

Dudley heard a muffled noise, then a small voice finally replied.

"Yeah Big D, give me a minute." Harry responded. Dudley wandered back downstairs.

.

.oO-Oo.

Harry Potter

(Warning: triggering scene, self harm.)

Stop, a small voice demanded in the back of his head.

It's only three cuts, I'm fine, a bigger, stronger sounding voice argued.

No more. The smaller voice said. Ever.

Sirius can't come back, ever. The other voice argued, mimicking the tone of the smaller voice, and Harry bit down on his fist. Sirius.

Sirius wouldn't wan-

"Sirius is dead." Harry whispered aloud, effectively clearing his mind of all but one thing, or rather, person.

Two heavy knocks banged on the door, then Dudley's voice rang out, "You okay?"

Harry took a deep breath and covered his mouth, trying not to let any more sobs emerge, then called back, "Yeah Big D, give me a minute!"

He heard Dudley's steps go away and Harry put the razor between two of the tiles on the wall where no one would suspect them. He glanced down at his left arm, three deep cuts slid through his flesh, stopping short of three inches. The best thing is, Harry thought, I feel a bit better.

(Scene over)

«·»

Dudley sat on the couch, by a silent Snape, waiting for Harry. When he finally heard Harry's steps groom down, he had already gotten up and was going to the door. When Harry reached him, Dudley shoved him out of the door and shut the door.

"Whats the rush?" Harry asked?

"Nothing! I just need out of the house, I'm going crazy!" Dudley complained, taking lead and walking down the street.

Harry followed without complaint and let Dudley complain a bit more, about how, "it's is boring there," and how he "swears the man looks into his soul." He continued doing so untill they had walked about three blocks and Harry finally cut him off. "Harry, the man is nothing like mum and dad, he seems so cruel and mean!"

"Snape's not all that bad." Harry snapped, anger sparking up in his gut, how dare Dudley say the man was cruel and mean, Snape may not always be fair, however, he was by no means cruel, and he had tried to help Harry. Compared to the elder Dursleys, Snape was nice.

Dudley looked down and rubbed his hands together, something Vernon always did before he hit Harry-Dudley noticed almost immediately with bulging eyes, and apologized. "Sorry Har, I forgot for a sec."

Harry felt his anger recede and he gave Dudley a lopsided grin, which actually looked more like a grimace. "No worries."

They continued their walk in relative silence, neither needing conversation, and returned just in time for lunch.

«·»

"Where did you boys walk to?" Snape asked with a raised eyebrow, they'd been out for hours for Pete's sake!

"We just went on a walk." Dudley answered, shoving his hands in his pockets and giving the older man a curious look. "Why? Are we in trouble?"

Snape sighed. "No, I was just curious and a bit worried."

Harry tried to hide his snort in faux coughs, however, he was noticed by Snape. The man stared him down with a cold look on his face, as if Harry had offended him on a person level.

"Why is that so amusing Mr. Potter?" Snape asked, his voice threatening to freeze the entire room.

"Its not sir, sorry." Harry mumbled, keeping his eyes on the floor.

Snape looked at the boy curiously, was it really so uncommon for someone to care for his well being? Maybe it was just the fact that it was him, the mean old professor, who cared for him... hmmm.

"Lunch is ready masters!" A small voice squealed.

Harry looked around for an elf, but found none, he gave his professor a questioning look, but only received a shrug in response.

Slightly annoyed, Harry followed the other two to the table and sat down besides Dudley. At least he wouldn't pick and prod at him the entire meal. Harry sent another glare at Snape and looked down at his plate. Yum, Harry thought sarcastically, I really love rice and meatloaf.

«·»

That night, Harry slid into bed quietly and went to sleep almost immediately, not even bothering to clear his mind like he usually tried to.

Harry stood in the graveyard from fourth year, all was silent and foggy, so foggy that Harry couldn't even see his feet.

"Harry?" A voice asked into the thick fog, sounding strained, as if just talking hurt. "Harry, come here."

Harry trembled and moved his feet slowly towards the source, when he reached out, his hand grabbed onto something cold and wet, pulling his hand back in horror, he saw black goo spreading up his arm.

Occupied with his arm, Harry didn't notice when Sirius and James stepped into the light, and suddenly the fog was gone, being replaced by dimmed lights and a hazy sky. "Harry!" James cried, and ran to his son, throwing his arms around him.

Harry looked at his father and trembled harder, was he dead? Why is James Potter being nice to me? Nonetheless, he stayed in his father's warm embrace, savoring the feeling of safety his father provided. He felt himself being released and took a step back reluctantly, he saw James' eyes light up as he looked behind harry.

"Crucio!" Screamed Sirius, a happy grin plastered on his face. He had forgotten about Sirius, or at least forgotten to keep an eye on him during the embrace. Harry soon realized that that was the point, to have his father distract him with a hug while Sirius got ready.

The pain hit him full force and slammed into his body. Fire licked his muscles and skin, threatening to burn him, slowly eating away at his flesh. Freezing icy coldness rushed through his veins, freezing them and yet rushing through him at the speed of light. Oww.

Harry felt the spell end and he noticed his cheeks were soaked with tears. Not caring enough to wipe them away, Harry stood and faced his father and godfather, "I'm sorry."

James Potter shook his head and clicked his tongue, "Sorry won't being us back, son." And with that, he shot another Crucio at his son and laughed as Harry lost consciousness.

Harry awoke in a cold sweat, his heart racing, his throat sore, and his breathing shallow. He looked up and flinched violently when he saw Snape hovering over him.

"Shush child." Snape soothed, running a slightly shaking hand through Harry's hair. "No one will hurt you here. I promise." He soothed, giving Harry a glass of water. Part of him questioned why he was being so nice to the boy, he could no doubt handle himself, but yet when he heard Harry's sobs he couldn't help but run into the room. The protective urge concerning the boy surprised him, he had never felt this way, concerning anyone. Well, anyone besides Lily... Snape broke out of his thoughts and handed Harry a glass if water.

Harry accepted the water gratefully, and sat up, with a little help from Snape. "I'm sorry sir. I didn't mean to wake you."

Severus was quick to reassure Harry, and even gave him a Dreamless Sleep potion. Quietly, he exited the room, and went back to his bed hoping to get a few more hours sleep.

«·»

Harry awoke the next morning in a relatively good mood. Well, really more like a not severely depressed mood, but hey, he was trying to be optimistic. He walked into the living room and sat down in the couch, deciding now was a good time to start on his transfiguration essay.

About halfway through his essay, Snape walked in the room with a cup of coffee. "Morning sir." Harry said absent mindedly.

"Morning Harry." Snape returned with a curious expression. "Are you doing homework?" He asked in obviously surprise.

Harry snorted at the man's tone but nodded, "Yup."

"Hmmm. Well, very well Mr. Potter, Ill leave you to it. When your ready to eat breakfast, call your cousin down as well." Snape said with a hidden smile.

About an hour later, when harry had deemed his essay good enough, he called Dudley down, effectively waking him up. They ate while quietly exchanging a few words with one another, then went their separate ways, Dudley back to the room, while Harry looked for Snape.

"Sir?" Harry asked from the doorway of the kitchen, "how many more days till the dursleys return?"

Snape looked up with an eyebrow raised, "Are you wanting to leave already Potter?"

"No. Definitely not."

Snape took silent satisfaction in the idea that Harry preferred being with him, although it was logical, of course, he still felt a small amount of happiness over the fact. "Four days." He answered bluntly.

"Hmmm, okay. Thanks sir." Harry hummed and went to leave, however, Snape stopped him.

"Harry? I would like to offer you a compromise, and apologize once again for a few nights ago. Not only was I overly pushy, I was rude and undignified. Mostly, I was wrong. I'm sorry Harry. You didn't-don't deserve to suffer through my mood swings."

Harry flushed a bit from the thorough apology and nodded. "It was hardly suffering, sir. And you're forgiven."

They stood in a semi awkward silence for a minute untill Harry cleared his throat. "What is the compromise?"

Snape stood starter and started speaking, "My idea is that, to help you recover, you tell me, or someone, about what you have suffered at the hands of your relatives. You need to talk about it Harry."

Harry sighed and looked away, "Talking? Really? I don't wanna talk sir..."

"What if I brought Remus here?" Snape tried, a gentle grimace on his face. He had noticed the way Harry's face momentarily showed only guilt and fear.

Harry paled and shook his head. "No! I'll be fine sir!"

"What's wrong with Lupin?" Severus asked, obviously confused.

"Oh, nothing sir!" Harry reassured the man, "I just don't want to bother him! I'm sure he's plenty busy." Harry explained, praying the man would fall for his excuses.

"Actually, he is just living in grimmauld alone, for now anyways." Snape told Harry, then added, "If you were open to the idea, he could maybe come and visit for a few days."

Harry shook his head, "Thats alright sir, really. There's no need to bother him, he probably needs some time alone after everything..."

"On the contrary, he was asking Dumbledore if he could see you just a few days ago." Snape retorted, arching an eyebrow.

Harry quickly changed his tactic. "Well, sir, after S-Sirius, I think I need some time. I love Remus and everything, but seeing him again... I don't think-

"Relax Harry." Snape soothed, "You don't need to explain yourself. I get it."

"Thanks sir."

Snape, confused from Harry's apparent worry concerning the wolf dropped it for the time being. "So you don't want to talk, which is understandable. Would you be open to showing me. With a pensive?"

Harry looked uncertain and seemed to play with the idea in his head, hoping to sway the boy along, Snape added, "It'll only help you."

He watched as Harry took a deep breath and nodded. "Alright. I guess."

Snape looked up, surprised again, then again he figured he would have to get used to expecting the inexplicable when it came to Harry. He smiled slightly, "We'll start tonight if that's alright with you."

After Harry's nod, Snape left the boy to his thoughts.

.

.oO-Oo.

Severus Snape

"Boys!" Snape called.

They bounded in the back door, Harry sweaty and breathing hard, Dudley just rubbed his eyes, as if wiping the sleepiness away.

"I'm going to be gone for the next hour or so, please behave. When I get back we'll have dinner."

Both boys nodded and went off in various directions, Snape went over to the fireplace and looked over his shoulder, no one there, good. While dropping a fistful of powder he muttered, "Grimmauld Place."

Severus quickly gained his valence and stood in the living room if Grimmauld. Remus was quick to rush in the room, wand out, and a fierce look on his face.

"Ah, Severus, just you. What brings you here?" Remus asked, worry lining his face.

"Do you still wish to see Harry?" Snape asked, his voice even and blunt. After Lupin's nod he continued. "Well, I am currently taking care of him and his cousin, for the next few days, and I think he needs to see someone familiar."

Remus shifted and nodded, "I'd love to. Why are you watching Harry? Did something happen?!"

Severus considered his words then replied, "No. They moved near me and I am watching them." He said calmly, hoping the wolf couldn't smell anything determining his lie.

"Them? You mean Harry and his cousin? I didn't think that they got on too well..." Remus wondered aloud, curiosity pacing his voice.

"Yes, well they seem to be getting on fine." Snape snapped, a sneer still present on his face.

Remus looked uncertainty at the potions bat, "Alright. When do you want me to come?"

"Tomorrow morning." Snape answered, looking across the room at a clock, he sighed, letting his sneer fall, "I better get going, can't have the boys burn the house down. See you tomorrow Lupin." Snape exited without a sound and left behind a dazed wolf.

«·»

"Snape is home." Harry said, watching as the flames turned green and Severus stumbled out of the fire, still looking pristine and aristocratic, reminding Harry of the elder Malfoy.

"Yay." Dudley said sarcastically, seemingly not caring that the man could easily hear him, seeing as he was standing not even two meters away.

Harry looked at his cousin and was surprised to feel a growl reverberating in his chest. Silencing himself immediately, he glared at his cousin, and was happy to see him pale under his gaze.

Snape looked between the two and smirked, it seemed as if Potter had finally learned to stand up for himself.

"Is there a problem boys?" Snape questioned, looking at Dudley for a moment before returning his gaze to Harry, who shook his head.

"No sir. We're fine."

"Good. I think dinners done, if you'll accompany me to the table."

«·»

"Harry." Snape rebutted, "You agreed, I don't want you hurting yourself, you need to let these memories out! I want to help."

Harry turned his gaze towards the floor, "I'm not hurting myself sir. I'm fine."

Severus kept his eyes in the child untill he looked up, "Potter, please."

Harry's eyes widened, "Begging doesn't suit you, Professor."

Snape glared fiercely at the boy, "Would you rather me test your occulumency shields?" He watched as Harry paled and shuddered, then shook his head. Severus wouldn't ever admit it aloud, but he knew he would never barge in on the boys memories and thoughts like that. Ever. However, Harry didn't know that.

His voice soft, sounding almost fragile, Harry responded, "No sir. What memories would you like."

Snape felt guilt race through him, and he vowed to apologise at another time. "How you became battered and bruised."

Harry nodded, and held Snapes wand to his head, (his was still locked up in the Dursleys house) and pulled the memory out of his mind, and waved the blue strand into the basin. He watched as Snape plunged Ingo the memory, while Harry remained behind, he had no desire to rematch all of it. His nightmares were close enough. With a sigh, Harry left the room and went upstairs, telling himself that he needed to go to sleep, if he wanted to get any sleep that night.

«·»

Severus looked around, he was standing in a kitchen, ugly wallpaper coated the walls and a light grey counter top snakes itself around the room. He turned his head and saw Harry doing the dishes with giant, dark bags under his eyes. He looked as if he hadn't slept in months, and, Snape realized with a start, he probably hadn't. He watched as Harry went to dry a dish and it suddenly fell from his grasp, shattering on the floor.

Harry suddenly paled and started trembling. Almost immediately, the plate reformed, the cracks gluing themselves together and Harry put the plate down gently on the counter. Snape heard heavy footfalls coming his way, so he wasnt surprised when the mammoth of a man stormed in before Harry.

"WHAT HAVE I TOLD YOU ABOUT USING YOUR FREAKINESS!" Vernon roared, his piggy eyes bulging with a purple face to accompany them.

"What do you mean?" Harry asked, his green eyes widened. Snape cringed as he heard the man begin to shout.

"BOY! YOU KNOW EXACTLY WHAT I MEAN!"

"Oh, that? If I remember correctly it's called magic." Harry flinched, but successfully his it behind a yawn. Snape looked on apprehensively and watched as Harry ran a hand through his messy hair, showing only a mask of raw innocence to match his casual, own-the-place, stance. A guilt ridden look suddenly broke through the teens mask for a moment, and Severus felt his gut clench.

"WHAT DID I TELL YOU ABOUT USING THAT WORD IN MY HOUSE!?" Snape, forgetting for a moment that he was in a memory, stepped in front of Harry trying to block the fat horror before him.

"Magic?" Harry asked.

With an outraged growl, Vernon swung his fat fist at the teens face. A dull crack followed after the fist had collided with Harry's cheek. Victorious, Vernon gave a smile that caused Snape shivered shivers run down his spine. Harry however, looked nonplussed and fiddled with his hands, cracking each of his knuckles carefully.

"DO NOT EVER USE IT IN MY HOME AGAIN!" Vernon yelled, grabbing Harry's shirt roughly and pulling him closer, waiting for confirmation. Snape grit his teeth and felt rage overcome him, how dare these muggles treat Harry this way. He had tried to help!

"Of course, Uncle. Next time I shatter your dishes I will leave them so." Harry replied. Snape was glad he hadn't been on the receiving side of the glare, for he felt a little unbalanced seeing it on Harry's face.

Severus watched as Vernon fisted his hands and Harry watched the fists without emotion. He was blocking his emotions, storing them all away, Snape idly wondered if Harry realized he was making occulumency shields to hide under.

Looking nefarious, Vernon shoved Harry back into the wall with as much force as he could muster, then stomped out of the room like an angered elephant. Snape ground his teeth and silently swore that he would punch the backyard one day.

Snape watched as Harry turned to the doorway and adressed his cousin. "Another good show, huh, Dudders?" Harry addressed his cousin, causing the baby whale to jump out of his hiding spot.

Snape watched as Harry smirked at his cousin with a faraway look in his eyes, as if he weren't all there. Snape watched as a questioning expression passed over Dudley's face, and he wondered what the boy was shrinking about. The moment passed and he turned his attention back to Harry.

He watched as his pupil lightly touched his swelling face and tensed from the light touch. For a split second, the youngest Dursleys face showed guilt, but in an instant, the look was gone.

Severus watched as Dudley sneered weakly at Harry before stomping back into his room and slamming the door. Harry just rolled his eyes and walked up the stairs.

The memory faded and another took its place, Snape now stood in a small bedroom, with nothing but a layer of dust and the bear minimum in the room. He saw Harry sleeping in a small cot made for a toddler, and watched as he opened his eyes and scolded at the light in the room.

Snape watched Harry maneuver himself downstairs and Snape followed with a bit if worry. What would happen now? The memory suddenly sped up and lightened drastically, Snape; being horribly confused as to what just happened, turned and saw he was in a well kept yard, and Harry sat shirtless, burning up in the hot sun, weeding the flowers.

Harry was sweating and had just finished weeding the garden when Vernon pulled into the drive, red with rage. Seeing the man glare at harry and gesture to go inside, Snape followed right on Harry's heel.

The Front door shut harshly, but not yet a slam. Snape snaked himself over and away from the door, so he could see both males.

"FREAK!" The man screamed, spitting a bit as he yelled. Snape cringed, no doubt in surprise over the sharp shout that left the house tense.

"Yes?" Harry answered coolly, throwing up a quick mask, Severus noticed and nodded slowly, he was glad that Harry had found some type of way to keep himself sane over breaks.

"WHAT DID YOU DO!?" Vernon shouted, breaking Snape out of his thoughts entirely.

Seeing the man clench his fist, he watched as Harry seemingly waited for the punch and then frowned slightly when it didn't come. Severus watched as Harry glanced around the room, as if looking for the reason of why Vernon hadn't hit him yet.

"I didn't do anything." Harry answered slowly, giving the statement a slight drawl. Snape would've chuckled in any other situation, Harry sounded just like his godson.

Snape watched as Harry tensed and he himself watched stiffly as Harry's uncle raised his right fist. In the corner of his eye he saw Dudley hover in the doorway, sticking his head in the door way a bit. Snape immediately sneered at the boy, knowing that if Harry had it his way, Dudley wouldn't be watching any of this.

"YOU WILL PAY!" Vernon raged.

Then the fist striked down, meeting Harry's temple as he heard Dudley shriek, but it sounded far away and distant. Snape watched as a look of self hatred broke through the boys mask and he knew in that moment that Harry was close to breaking. It wasn't any big surprise, really. After everything the boy had been through; 'well,' Snape thought, 'everything I know about so far...'

Snape cringed as another punch landed on Harry's stomach, knocking the air out of him and he stumbled to the ground, then started to scratch the hardwood floors for balance. Severus looked at the Dursley in rage, how dare he!

"YOU GOT ME FUCKING FIRED!" Vernon roared, kicking Harry back down as he tried to get up.

"Uncle Vernon-" Harry started to say before getting cut off. His breathing was rapid and he clutched at his ribs with unshed tears in his eyes.

"YOU WILL FUCKING PAY YOU FREAK!" The red faced whale of a man barked, causing his voice to echo and boom around the house. Snape wanted to grab Harry and run, he didn't want him to have to endure this for any longer.

Suddenly, Snape saw the all to familiar face of Petunia Dursley, who walked into the room, seemingly attempting to look graceful, but looking more like a drunk giraffe who didn't know what to do with its legs. "Vernon," she whispered hastily, "quiet down, the neighbors will hear!"

"NEIGHBORS!" He yelled gruffly, "WERE MOVING ANYWAYS! FREAKLING HERE GOT ME FIRED!"

Snape watched as Petunia stood dumbstruck for a moment before sneering at Harry. "My parents left me a house we can have." She suggested softly, as if trying to quell a wildabeast. 'So that's why they actually moved in.'

"HEAR THAT BOY?!" Vernon roared, Snape watched as Harry flinched a wrinkled his nose a bit, the the Dursley took a breath only to kick Harry in the stomach, "WERE LEAVING TOMORROW!"

Severus felt a protective urge overwhelm him as Harry whimpered and tried to crawl up to a standing position, but within a few moments, he was kicked back down with brute force, and clutched at his forming bruises and most likely broken ribs. Snape hurriedly bent down to try to help Harry, instinct taking over; not remembering he was in a memory. He quickly stood in front of Harry, and Vernon stomped right through him. With a kick aimed at his head, Harry soon lost consciousness. Snape felt anger rush through his veins, he was going to do more than just hurt the man. That was for sure.

The memory turned black and Snape watched as a new memories took its place, little snippets passed by, each more disturbing than the last.

"We're leaving, get in the car!" Snape watched as Petunia shrieked at her nephew before slamming the door shut, barely missing Harry's fingers. The memory flipped and suddenly Snape was elsewhere.

"All your fault Harry." A shadowy form said, and Snape realized it must be been part of Harry's dream, it quickly faded and now he stood in the kitchen if the Dursleys current residence.

"Well, looks like no food for you then!" Vernon snapped. And Harry paled, looking desperately around the room for some form of help.

The memory flickered and he watched as Harry walked back across the street, away from his own home with fear in his eyes. He watched as Harry told the Dursleys he wouldn't be coming for dinner. Guilt flooded in Snapes gut, and it worsened when he saw Vernon kick Harry down from behind, then slam the door shut, leaving Harry to pick himself up.

Severus watched as Harry's glamour fell and Harry scrunched up his face, letting the glamour fall gently back into place. He watched as Harry asked the past him again if he would come to dinner, then how the boy begged. Snape was disappointed in himself, if only he had known then... Suddenly the memory stopped and Snape felt himself being pulled from the basin, when he was back in the world of the living he looked at the clock, 11:27 PM. 'Well, at least that is finally over.' Snape thought. He silently vowed that he would get revenge on the Dursleys, in one way or another.

With a yawn, Severus walked to his room and fell into a restless sleep after two hours of tossing and turning.

.oO-Oo.

Harry sat up in his bed, eyes darting around the room and grabbed for his wand, forgetting again that he didn't have it. Tears leaked from his eyes as he remembered his nightmare that had only ended moments ago.

Guilt flooded him again, the feeling wasn't anything new, however it wasn't pleasant. Harry looked around at the room, hoping to see something that would distract him from his problems.

Trembling, Harry left the room and walked into the bathroom. A shower would distract him, right? He turned on the water, the knob all the way on hot, and stood under the water. Sirius' ghostly voice resurfaced in his mind, "You'll never be good enough! You don't even deserve to live! I died for you Harry, but now it's the biggest regret of my life."

Harry shuddered, ignoring the scorching hot water and choked on a sob. Once again, he found himself desperate to escape the pain, desperate to relieve the guilt, and most of all desperate to have Sirius back.

(WARNING: Next scene may be triggering to some viewers. I am horribly sorry!)

Harry silently sobbed as he reached for the razor he had his and held it in his hand, watching as it blunted in the light and how it looked so small, so incapable of doing any harm. He looked down at his healing forearm, the three lines were healing well and probably wouldn't even scar. Harry took a breath and blew out any anxiety. With a feeling of acceptance he slid the razor through his arm, hissing at the slight sting.

Again and again, Harry dragged the damned razor through his skin, each time a bit deeper, and he realized he had found his distraction. By the time he had finished, he had twelve new cuts lining his arm.

The first three for Sirius, Harry had taken his life without thought, and regretted it deeply, and always would.

The fourth one was for Remus, who he had hurt. Not only had he taken the man's best friend away, he had ruined the man's life.

The fifth and sixth were for his father, Harry had disappointed the man, and killed him, he no doubt deserved to be punished.

The seventh and eighth were for Lily. If only Harry had died she would still be around, happy and enjoying her Harry-free life.

The ninth was for Severus. The bat was forced to watch him, and the man hated him, although Harry could understand why. After all, why would anyone like him?

The tenth was for The Weasley's, who had taken him in, even though he was disgusting and tainted. They didn't need him to endanger their lives, yet he did, year after year.

The eleventh and Twelfth were for Ron and Hermione, who had to put up with him. He made their lives miserable, yet they never openly complained.

Feeling light headed, Harry hid the razor away and finished up his shower. He stumbled back into his room and fell onto a restless sleep, nightmares taking over once again.

(End scene)

«·»

Remus grabbed his bag and walked through the floo, ready to give Harry the biggest, longest and most lo ing big he had ever received. With a small smile on his lips, he threw the dust into the fire, "Snape Manner."

Remus stumbled out of the fireplace with dizziness and headed for the voices he heard. He walked into the kitchen and felt only joy when he saw Harry's face. Then the joy was pushed away, Harry, his cub looked scared for his life. Remus took a deep breath and could smell fear coming off him in waves, and blood. Was the boy hurt?

Worried, Remus rushed over to Harry, and scooped him up. Remus's fear doubled as he felt Harry stiffen in his arms and stay tense. He gently pulled his cub closer to his chest and sighed. It was just like Harry to get hurt and not tell anyone. He took a long inhale through his nose and identified the scent coming from his arm.

Remus narrowed his eyes and glared at the other two dumbstruck people in the room. "We'll be back."

He then spun on his heel and marched out of the room, and up the stairs, following Harry's scent untill he reached a room with two bed in each corner. He turned his worried eyes on to the trembling boy in his arms. "Harry, cub, what's wrong?"

Harry looked up and shook his head, then choked out, "I'm so sorry Moony." Tears trailed down his face and he buried his face in Remus's robes, clutching onto the man as if he were floating away, Harry apologized again. "Sorry Remy."

Remus shifted Harry's weight and sat down, still holding Harry and looked down at his broken cub, with only one thing on his mind. "Cub, where are you hurt?"

Harry paled and pulled away from Remus, "I-I'm not."

"I can smell blood on you Harry. Let me heal you, please." Remus said gently and was surprised when he saw Harry shake his head. What was so bad he couldn't let himself be healed.

Then it suddenly clicked. Harry, his cub, had hurt himself. Remus gasped and held his cub tighter, urging his eyes to stop watering. Harry looked up at him, tears still streaming down his face, and started mumbling more apologies.

"Shh Harry." Remus soothed, "Its okay, you're forgiven for whatever it is you think you did. Just please, can I see where your hurting?"

Harry tensed in his arms and stayed completely still. He then very slowly sat up and removed himself from Remus's lap. Slowly and stiffly, Harry pulled his left arm out and moved his sleeve up, showing three healing cuts then shoved the sleeve back down again.

Remus grabbed Harry's arm, gently but firmly and lifted the sleeve up higher, revealing fifteen cuts. The last one sitting on his mind arm, much deeper than it should be.

"Cub?" Remus asked , his voice breaking. "Why?"

"It... It took away the p-pain." Harry replied, arm shaking violently from being exposed. A new batch of tears started falling from his eyes and Remus pulled his cub back into his arms once more, sitting the young teen in his lap. He let Harry cry and tremble and whimper for a few moments before he started speaking again.

"Can I heal you? Please?"

Harry nodded and pulled his arm out of Remus's chest and clung on tighter to the man. Remus gently pulled his sleeve up again and healed them, leaving white scars in their place. With a sigh, he released Harry's arm and clung onto the teen tightly.

"Harry, are you going to be alright?" Remus asked, his eyes trailing to where he knew the scars were. He felt Harry shrug and pull away from him a bit, daring too look up at the man and brushed away his tears.

"Yeah, Ill be fine Remus. No worries." Harry said softly, looking anywhere besides at Remus.

"Why didn't you come to me? I would've helped you. I want to help you." Remus questioned gently, trying his best to not sound pushy.

Harry shifted, still in his embrace and shrugged. "I-I didn't want to be a bother... After the Ministry last year and everything... Oh didn't think you'd still want me to talk to you. Besides, I killed your best friend, and now-" Harry broke off his sentence because he was overtaken from a sob. Harry shook once again in Remus's arms and Remus felt his heart break.

They sat in silence for a bit longer and Remus cleared his throat. "Cub, I don't blame you for Sirius. You have done absolutely nothing wrong. I love you. Please believe me."

Harry remained silent and just continued to sob in Remus's chest. Eventually, his breathing evened out and he fell into a light sleep. Remus held him for another half an hour, just breathing in the scent of his cub and letting tears fall silently down his face, he was grateful that Harry wasn't awake to see them. After awhile later, he sat Harry on the bed and stood up. He walked out of the room after placing a protective charm on Harry. If he were to wake up or be in any discomfort, Remus would know.

Taking the steps two at a time, Remus went downstairs and came face to face with an angry looking Snape.

"Where's Harry? What did you do to the boy?" Snape snarled, eyes flashing as a sneer highlighted his face.

"He is sleeping." Remus answered, keeping his voice soft, "I didn't hurt him, no need to worry Severus."

"You better not!" Snape snapped, "He's already been through too much!"

Remus had a feeling that Severus didn't know about the cuts, and dread filled him. "What do you mean? What happened to Harry?"

Snape paled and seemed to realize what he let slip and his mask fell into place. "Nothing. It doesn't matter Wolf. It doesn't concern you. If Harry wanted you to know, he would've told you."

Remus growled, "If something else happened to my cub, you will tell me." Remus demanded, eyes flashing amber.

"Else? Anything else? What do you know of Wolf?" Snape questioned quickly, his eyes going wide for a second.

Remus sighed, "when harry wakes up he can tell you. I won't betray him like that."

Snape nodded and felt guilt pool in his stomach, he was readily, just moments ago to hand over Harry's secret without thought for more information. He sneered internally at himself, disgusted that he would do such a thing and decided that from now on, he would treat Harry better. Or at least try his damned hardest.

Remus watched the man, wondering what he was thinking then paled. His charm went off. He quickly turned in his feel and raced upstairs, hearing Severus follow him, he took a deep breath and pushed the door open slowly. He heard his heart beat rapidly in his chest, thump thump thump thump, and he looked to Harry.

Harry twisted atop the blankets and let out a small whimper. Remus felt his heart break as he stood, not able to move from his place, feeling paralyzed.

Snape pushed past him and gently placed a hand on the boys shoulder. Harry started to tremendous and whimper more, so Snape shook the boy lightly. Harry's eyes flew open as he scanned the room, seeing the obvious guilt on his face, Remus was able to break out of his paralysis. He rushed over to Harry and watched as Snape ran his hand through Harry's hair and muttered soothing words under his breath, effectively calming the distraught teen.

Harry eventually sat up and threw himself into Snape's arms. Snape sat shocked for a moment before he slowly hugged the teen back, a look of surprise evident on his face. Harry seemed to realize what he did and pulled away quickly, "sorry sir."

Severus frowned and brushed away the apology. "You're fine Harry, you can hug me whenever you'd like."

Harry's eyes found Remus and they widened, as if surprised the man was still there. He quickly looked down at his arm then at Severus and shot Remus a questioning look.

Remus, understanding the unasked question shook his head and sat down on the end of the bed. "You okay cub?"

Harry nodded but stayed silent. Snape stood up and Belgian to walk out of the room, just before he reached the door, he turned back and looked at Harry. "If you'd like, you may call me Severus. Or Sev. If not, that is fine as well."

Harry nodded gratefully and tried the name on his tongue. "Thank you, Sev."

And with that, Snape stalked out of the room with a smile on his face. A smile no one saw, but still a smile, nonetheless.