Where I belong by Handa

It was early morning on the 1st of December and Harry hopped from foot to foot in the Slytherin common room, fiddling nervously with his robe sleeves, as he waited.

“Ssssssstop that” The huge stone snake that hung above the fireplace hissed at Harry. “I’m trying to sssssleep”

Harry jumped, forgetting the stone snake, who had introduced himself as Solas, sometimes spoke to him now, since finding out there was a parcel mouth in its house once again. He wasn’t particularly chatty but seemed to enjoy being able to communicate with a student and he definitely didn’t hesitate to tell Harry what to do. Harry guessed he understandably didn’t have much patience after being hung in the Slytherin common room for hundreds of years.

“Sssssorry Solas.” he hissed back, using his parcel tongue ability. Solas let out what Harry only guessed as his version of a scoff and he lowered his stone head and closed his eyes.

He’d read that book Hermione found him and although he still felt a little reserved about his newfound ability, after Snape’s words he’d decided there wasn’t anything wrong about parcel tongue itself, but he just had to be cautious about the way he used it. He tended to only chat to Zach’s snake, Rocko and now Solas, and he only spoke in front of Slytherins. He never would speak it in front of the Gryffindors, he didn’t want to chance ruining those friendships.

Those friendships were precious to Harry, they were the only ones there for him when he first started at Hogwarts, his first ever friends. Just because he now had the fourth years looking out for him, and the Slytherin quidditch team didn’t mean he cherished his Gryffindor friendships any less.

He even began spending a few mealtimes with the Slytherins, after Lucas’s request, but didn’t miss the glares from Draco and the other first years. It seemed like Draco, although had heeded Snape’s warning, still hated Harry’s guts.

Harry looked at the clock, it read two minutes to five am, Snape should be here soon, Harry never knew the man not to be punctual.

“You sssshould be assssleep too, young one.” Solas hissed again, one of his old stone carved eyelids opened as he flicked his tongue out in, what Harry guessed was, annoyance.

“I couldn’t ssssleep. And I’m waiting for Sssssnape.” Harry replied, shrugging, hopping from foot to foot again nervously.

“I sssaid to ssstop that.” The grumpy snake hissed in response. Another apology was on Harry’s lips until he heard the familiar fast and purposeful steps of his head of house and potion’s teacher.

Right on time, Snape rounded the corner, holding the very parchment Harry was waiting for, and his eyebrows rose when he noticed Harry waiting by the notice board.

“Potter.” He nodded, but his eyes narrowed. “You should be asleep.”

Harry heard Solas let out a hiss, in what Harry assumed was meant to say ‘I told you so’. Harry glanced quickly at the snake before looking back at his professor.

“Yes sir, but I was waiting for …. the Christmas sign-up list...” Harry said his voice trailing off to the end. “Lucas said you always post it up on the first of December…”

“Indeed. While Mr Moore is correct, I am posting the list today.” Snape drawled, his hands tapping his parchment. “You do realise the list stays up until the end of term, Potter. It is not a race. You should be in bed until breakfast like the rest of the school.”

“Yes sir…” Harry’s eyes glued themselves to the papers he knew contained the sign-up sheet to stay at Hogwarts for the holidays. “I only wished to make sure I definitely make it on the list.”

Snape rolled his eyes and walked past Harry to the notice board where he pinned up a few sheets of parchment, detailing a notice about library book loans overdue, the quidditch practise times this week, and then finally the one Harry had been waiting for: The sign-up sheet to stay at Hogwarts over the Christmas holidays.

Harry hurriedly fished the self-inking quill he’d brought with him out his pocket and once Snape moved, he reached up to neatly write his full name on the first line. Harry Potter

Once finished he stared at it, feeling much more relieved than before. He didn’t have to go back to them. Not yet. It felt like a huge weight off his shoulders.

“Not eager to get back to your adoring family then, Potter?” Snape drawled, Harry jumped, he’d almost forgotten he was there. He turned around to see his potion’s teacher still looming behind him, looking at him with an unreadable expression, his arms crossed across his chest.

“Um no, I’d like to stay at Hogwarts this year.” Harry stuttered.

“And they aren’t going to …miss you terribly in this festive period?” Snape’s eyes narrowed, as if this question was one of his potion’s tests.

Harry stayed silent and bit his lip instead, looking away. He always felt like Snape could read his mind, it put him on edge around the Professor. Snape's eyes softened sightly.

“You are aware that all students have the option to stay at Hogwarts over Christmas, if they wish.” Snape said. “There is no... limited capacity for the holidays.”

“I only wanted to be sure…Sir.” Harry mumbled.

“You’ll always have a safe place at Hogwarts, Harry.” Snape said, Harry’s breath hitched when he said his first name. “Do well to remember that.”

“Yes sir.” Harry whispered; his voice seemingly disappeared as he stared at his head of house. It was odd that this was the same Professor who was so cruel to him at the start of term, yet recently, it felt like his professor was almost looking out for him. And it felt nice.

“Get back to your dorm, Potter.” Snape eventually drawled, shaking his head a little. “Breakfast doesn’t start for another hour.” He was still staring at Harry like he was potion’s puzzle to figure out, but his firm head of house voice had returned.

“Yes sir.” Harry scurried away, and left to go back to his dorm, where the other fourth years still slept peacefully.

He sat on his bed and let out a breath he’s been holding and remembered his name neatly written on the first line of the sign-up sheet. He didn’t have to go back yet. The relief was enough to bring a grin to his face.

----

“You sure you don’t want me to ask to stay with you at Hogwarts mate? Or maybe mum will let you come to ours?” Ron asked him once he told his friends about his holiday plans. “No one should spend Christmas alone.”

Harry smiled at his friend across the lunch table. “Thanks Ron, but you should go with your family. Besides, I won’t be alone, Lucas is staying for the holidays too.”

His Gryffindor friends all looked at him like he should be upset to have to stay at Hogwarts for Christmas, but he couldn’t be more excited.

For once his Christmas wouldn’t be plagued with watching Dudley open gift after gift and receive nothing himself and slaving over the Christmas lunch just to be told it wasn’t good enough and being locked in his cupboard for the rest of the holiday without any food. And that was if he was lucky, last year Aunt Marge had released her dog Ripper on him, and he had bitten Harry’s leg making it bleed.

“Are you sure… about him, Harry?” Neville asked, hesitantly. “I know he’s been nice to you so far and all, but he’s still a Slytherin.”

Harry shrugged uncomfortably and gritted his teeth. “So am I…if you haven’t noticed...” He mumbled.

Ron took a bite out of his chicken leg, splashing some onto Hermione who grimaced. “Yeah, but you hardly count.” He shrugged with a grin.

“What do you mean, I don’t count?” Harry asked slowly.

“You’re an honorary Gryffindor, remember?” Ron laughed in response, and the conversation then turned to their History of Magic exam due that afternoon but Harry continued to think about his words.

Months ago, maybe even weeks ago, being called an honorary Gryffindor would’ve warmed his heart, but now it felt different. Similar to when Ron had proclaimed he wished Harry was the Gryffindor Seeker at the quidditch game.

He felt almost protective of his house now, and it was a strange thought considering it had shown him nothing but cruelty when he started at Hogwarts. But Lucas and the other fourth year Slytherins didn’t deserve to be lumped with someone like Draco, it didn’t make sense.

He shook his head to stop himself overthinking. He had the History of Magic exam to worry about anyway. And then tomorrow most of the students would be going home for the holidays. He focussed on being excited for Christmas, Hagrid had even said he could help decorate the castle.

“Harry?” Hermione asked just as Harry had decided not to give his worries a second thought and they began to walk to their History of Magic exam. “I think Neville is right.”

“What?” Harry asked softly, as they paused, waiting for a moving staircase to stop.

“Be careful over Christmas. With the Slytherins.” She said, casting a nervous look over her shoulder before continuing. “We still don’t know who cursed your broom in the quidditch match.” She explained, her eyes full of concern.

Harry had almost forgot about the strange curse that nearly killed him in his first quidditch match. He’d just been so happy he made the Slytherin team proud.

Harry shrugged uncomfortably as they started walking again. “I’ll be fine. The Slytherins wouldn’t do that, they wanted me to help Slytherin win, remember?”

Harry felt like he was also trying to convince himself just as much as Hermione.

They wouldn’t, would they?

“Maybe not the students…” Hermione mumbled, her voice trailing off. “Look Harry, I saw something at the match.”

“What? About who cursed my broom?” Harry asked, his eyes widening.

“I think I know who it was. To hold a curse like that you must have complete focus and not lose eye contact.” She explained slowly, her eyes watching Harry nervously.

“So? Who do you think it was?” Harry bit his lip, nervously.

“I think it was Professor Snape, Harry.” She said and Harry stopped walking, staring at his first ever friend with shock.

“Snape?” He repeated, dumbfounded.

“I know he’s been a little better to you lately but remember him at the beginning of term? He hated you, Harry.” Hermione stopped too, talking to Harry slowly.

“But…” Harry couldn’t speak as he remembered his recent interactions with the man.

He had finally believed Harry about the bullying, and he had done something about it. That was more than any teacher Harry had had before Hogwarts. And the bruise balm for his hands, and his steady hand on his shoulder before the quidditch match to calm him down. Surely, he wouldn’t have calmed him, only to try and kill him on the pitch? Even their conversation about parcel tongue where he had assured Harry, he wasn’t dark… it didn’t make sense. And even his words on the day he saw Harry with the Christmas list, about how Hogwarts would always be a safe place for him.

Snape wouldn't do that, he thought. Would he?

“I’m sorry Harry.” Hermione said softly. “I know what I saw. But I thought you should know.”

Harry looked away. He was clearly becoming too trusting. Just because someone showed some kindness didn’t mean he should let his guard down.

“I know. Thanks Hermione.” Harry finally replied and they resumed their walk to History of Magic.

He tried to concentrate. He really did, but the new information Hermione had told him burned in his brain throughout the exam as he tried to focus.

This was why he couldn’t let himself be too trusting.

Snape’s newfound concern for him could just be another tactic to break him, if he became too comfortable. He didn’t want to believe Snape had tried to kill him, but since when had his opinion of Snape changed so much? He had gone from a man he feared and who was cruel, to a man who he almost looked up to…

He cursed himself for being so easily led.

No, he couldn’t rely on any adult. It had never worked for him before.