Finally, exhausted from the long day he allows himself to collapse back into one of the chairs in relief, it's been an exhausting few hours he thinks glad that he's managed to get to Harry in time to get him the help he needed to recover. He examines the precious vial of elixir, grateful that he hasn't had to use it after seeing the malicious spirit inside the boy.
He makes a note that if he makes a full recovery from the horrendous treatment he's received at the hands of his cursed muggle relatives one of the first things he'll do other than to fight for him to never go back there is to research what that thing could have been and perhaps more importantly how he can safely exorcise it from him in which case he might still need the elixir until then he'll have to make sure no one knows he has it and find somewhere to keep it safe from prying eyes. He checks his watch, time to go back to the present he thinks.
He spins the time turner back and is momentarily surprised to find himself sitting at his desk watching a class of nervous students preparing their first potions. He muses that this return to the normal mundane routine must mean that he'd been successful otherwise he would presumably have found himself back in the bathroom clutching a dying boy.
He glanced down again at his watch, it was almost lunchtime he thought before checking the details of the lesson and dismissing the class absent-mindedly making sure to assign them their homework assignment. He waited impatiently for the last students to trail out before making his way hurriedly up to the hospital keen to check for himself that Harry was indeed alright.
He looked around before spotting the headmaster seated by Harry's bed. He schooled his expression into his normal face of cold indifference and striding purposely across to them. Albus turned to him with a warm smile before summoning an extra chair next to him.
"Ah Severus, I was wondering when you'd be stopping by. I hear that we have you to thank for rescuing young Harry" he said softly, indicating the sleeping boy. He looked more at peace now, his skin had more colour yet he still looked so small and vulnerable, it made his heart clench and the anger rise inside him to think of the deplorable state he'd found him in but he still had a chance he reminded himself not like the other Harry he'd left in the bathroom, this boy would survive, he had to.
"Yes, well, kindly keep that fact to yourself, it would not do for word to get out that I care about Potter of all people" he snapped back with a slight sneer. The two men exchanged a knowing look before the older man nodded with a sigh.
"Yes, I suppose you're quite right my boy, it could be quite problematic for someone in your position if word got out. Don't worry my boy, I will ensure that no one knows how much you care for young Harry"
He held his mentor's gaze for another long moment before Severus glanced down at the fragile young boy trying to control the heightened feelings of relief he felt at seeing him sleeping peacefully, a contented look on his face. "how is he?" he enquires quietly.
"Oh I believe there is still a way to go but it seems like he is doing much better. It seems that he was most worried when he woke up to find you gone, Poppy informs me that she had quite a job calming him down" he told him eyes twinkling.
"Really, he was asking for me?" he asks stunned into disbelief at the thought that someone else could be so worried by his absence.
Just as he is pondering this the boy begins to stir, his green eyes blinking as he looks around him groggily before settling on Severus and taking him in as if not believing he is real, he reaches out a hand to carefully touch his cheek as though to check he's not an illusion "you came back!" he cried excitedly.
"Of course, I would not abandon you" he assures him softly, feeling shivers run through him at the child's gentle touch and running a finger gently over his hair, pushing it back off his face.
"I wondered, that is to say, are you my Dad is that why you came back for me?" he asked shyly, eyes full of hope.
Severus looks at him in shock, before smiling, remembering how another Harry asked him that before "what's so funny?" Harry asked, looking confused and annoyed at not understanding the joke.
"It is nothing, simply that you asked me that before" at his confused expression he explains "you probably don't remember as you were quite ill and feverish. I'm not your Dad, at least not your real Dad" James would be horrified at the idea he thought feeling more than a little smug satisfaction at the thought before noting how Harry's whole posture changed sagging with disappointment.
"But I would very much like to be your Dad if you will have me that is" he holds up a hand to interrupt his excited response. I don't need you to respond now in fact I would prefer it if you would take your time to think about it and get to know me first so you can be sure that this is what you really want"
"Severus are you sure that's wise?" Dumbledore interjects startling Harry, Severus however appears unfazed and doesn't even turn to face him.
He gritted his teeth trying not to display his anger in front of Harry "yes I am and I refuse to discuss this now in front of Harry. The boy has been through enough, he needs rest and assurance that he is safe and loved, not the stress of listening to the two of us arguing over his future"
The old man has the decency to look abashed at this dressing down "yes very well Severus I suppose you are quite right, it would perhaps be best discussed in private instead of distressing Harry unnecessarily"
"But I'm fine, I'm feeling much better honest, besides it concerns me"
"You are most assuredly not fine, you were very ill and emaciated when I found you and I guarantee that you would be dead now if I had not rescued you. Right now the only thing you need to be concerning yourself with is getting better" he says expression softening "besides, I will make sure to inform you of the outcome of our discussion when you have recovered, your opinion is very important to me and I will not make any decisions about your future without your consent alright?" Harry stared at him for a minute angrily before nodding begrudgingly.
"Good well now that's sorted I think I should leave you two alone to talk, I'm certain Harry has plenty of questions for you, Severus I will expect you this evening in my office. Harry, I wish you a speedy recovery, I hope it won't be long before you're enjoying Hogwarts for yourself " Dumbledore said smiling and winking at Harry, Severus merely inclined his head to indicate that was agreeable before turning back to face the nervous child expectantly.
Severus focused his attention again on the child who was now beginning to look drowsy. He decided that this conversation may be best left till the evening when he had rested more particularly since he would have classes to teach soon "I have to go soon to teach classes and you need to rest"
"But I'm not tired and he said you'd answer my questions" he complained trying to suppress a yawn.
"I will this evening, I will come as soon as I can" he said pointedly "but first you need to rest otherwise Madam Pomfrey will surely have my hide, she takes the health of her patients very seriously and does not stand for anyone tiring them out besides it will give you a chance to think what you wish to ask me. First, though I heard that you were worried about me, did you really think that I would abandon you?"
The boy blushes with embarrassment and looks at him, unable to hold his gaze long before nodding nervously "well yeah kind of. I woke up and everything was strange and scary. I didn't know where I was or where you were. I thought you'd abandoned me, everyone else does. I thought I was back there" he manages, beginning to shed tears.
Severus watches in shock, of course, how could he have been so stupid as to think that he wouldn't suffer from abandonment issues particularly after waking up in a strange place, this only reinforced the need for him to have a guardian who would understand his needs and provide him with reassurances. He still wasn't sure someone with his past would make a good parent but his own childhood had in many ways mirrored Harry's he could understand how he had suffered and he felt that he could help him heal.
He reaches out, gently drawing him close to him, allowing him to sob into his chest, sensing he needs the reassuring contact. He gives him a moment, rubbing the small of his back carefully over the dressings, he can feel, "I see. I'm sorry Harry. I didn't mean to upset you or worry you, circumstances would not allow me to visit sooner. I should have realized though how scared you'd be waking up here on your own. You know I wouldn't have left you without a good reason?" Harry shrugged refusing to look him in the eye.
He pauses, allowing him to calm a bit more "Harry didn't the nurse tell you where I was?" he asks.
The boy looks up at him still sniffling and wipes a hand across his eyes, Severus summons a hanky helping him to wipe the tears and snot from his face before instructing him to blow his nose. Looking a bit more composed, Harry thinks for a moment before replying timidly "she said you were making potions Sir"
"That's right, I was making potions. You know why?" he shakes his head "I was making some very special potions to make you feel better. I was worried about you and wanted to make sure that we had everything we needed and that we didn't run out, that's why I had to leave you. I wanted to come and visit you sooner but things have been well busy with school starting. I had to deal with settling in all the new students and teaching classes this morning. I'm sorry I couldn't come sooner, I would never abandon you or leave you without good reason ok?"
He nods "you were making potions just for me?" he says shocked that anyone would be worried about him or care so much about him to make potions just for him, the strange-looking man nods sincerely "will you teach me how to make potions?"
"Yes, I was making special potions to help you get better and yes I will teach you to make potions when you're better, I'm sure you'll be a natural just like your Mother. Which reminds me that you need your rest young man. Be good and sleep, I will be back shortly" he said pointedly to the boy who was now staring at him in wide-eyed astonishment, adjusting his blankets for him and setting his glasses on the cabinet before gently running a hand through his messy hair as he laid back against the pillow. He stayed like that for a minute, green eyes staring up at him watching as he slowly drifted to sleep no doubt dreaming of his Mother and brewing potions he mused as he reluctantly he left him with the silent promise that he would return.
Later:
"Sir!"
"Harry, I see you are excited to see me, did you sleep well" he nodded in response. He considered asking if the boy had eaten much but given his emaciated state it seemed like a redundant question as it would take time for him to build his appetite up hence why he was making up special nutrient potions to supplement his meals.
"So what did you want to know?" he asked uneasily "Why?" "You will have to be more specific" "Oh, I mean, uh why did you come to rescue me when no one else cared?"
"Ah, I see. Well you see I made a promise to protect you" he says simply, Harry looks at him blankly, he realised he's going to have to explain it further "I realised I'd been neglecting my duties towards you. I was unable to offer you the home you needed when your parents died and the Headmaster said he'd found you a loving home, I'd always assumed you were safe and that your family loved you and spoilt you we all thought you were safe and loved. When I found you living in those conditions it tore me up, it made me so angry that they'd been treating you so badly. I want to make things right"
"Ok, but I still don't get why" he said looking confused.
Severus sighed, he wasn't sure how much he was ready to share with him but he supposed he'd have to tell him at some point, if he was going to adopt Harry he wanted to be honest with him and that meant telling him everything even about his dark past and hope that Harry could forgive him his mistakes.
"Your Mother and I were friends, best friends. She was the only one who truly cared about me, unfortunately, I made a lot of bad choices, I upset her greatly and we parted ways, I made the wrong choice but I never forgot her. I made a grave mistake, I chose to follow the man who would kill your parents, he offered me what I thought I wanted power, recognition and acceptance, it was not what I anticipated. When I realised my mistake it was too late, he had heard a prophecy that a child would be his downfall and he believed you to be the child. When I learnt this I felt responsible so I appealed to the Headmaster for forgiveness and begged him to save your Mother, all of you whatever it took, I agreed to be a spy for the light, anything to make amends for my past. When she died I was distraught, I agreed to protect you but I had no say in where you were placed nor did I anticipate that you would be treated so deplorably, I apologise for my mistakes, I should have done more for you"
Harry stares at him with wide green eyes looking shocked "I'm sorry, I didn't intend to say all that I have made a lot of mistakes and I'd understand if you hate me but I want you to know the whole truth, nothing hidden" he reassures him.
He looks thoughtful for a minute "you said you supported Voldemort, you don't support him now, do you?"
Severus winces at the name "no I do not, I have not done for a long time and I would prefer it if you did not call him by that name. A lot of my housemates were loyal, they shared his beliefs, they were very persuasive. However, I realised quite quickly I had made a mistake, I did not, I could not share his visions for the wizarding world nor could I kill in cold blood. When I learned he was targeting you and your parents it was the last straw. However, and this is important, none of his followers know that I switched sides although some doubted my loyalty"
He paused bracing himself for the difficult part of the conversation "there are those who believe that the Dark Lord is not truly gone that he is only waiting, gathering strength and biding his time till he finds a way to return. I do not say this to scare you but if he does and he or his followers learnt of my true loyalty it could put my life and yours in danger that is why I can not be seen to care for you in public, you must remember that if I appear cold or even cruel to you it is only an act" he said dark eyes boring intensely into Harry'sown until he nodded his understanding before he relaxed his gaze and gently ruffled his hair.
"You knew my parents what were they like?" Harry asked nervously.
"Your Mother was kind and gentle, but also brave and fierce, she did not judge people. She was very talented particularly with charms and she shared my passion for potions. Your Father and I did not get along, he was not kind to me but he was brave and popular and cared about his friends. He was skilled with Transfigurations and played as Seeker for his house team. They loved you very much"
"You cared a lot about my Mother didn't you?"
"Yes, she was my first friend, my best friend, perhaps even my only friend. I cared deeply for her, I still do, she stood by me when no one else would, she tried to warn me I was on the wrong path but I thought I knew best, I realise now she was right. I regret hurting her, death devastated me. I cared about her and I care about you very much, never doubt that"
"Will you tell me more about her?"
"Yes, when you are feeling better"
"And you want me to be your son?"
"Yes, if that's what you want? I could be your guardian if you prefer, or we can look at finding someone else if you don't want me, but I would very much like to be the one to take care of you. I have never had a chance to be a Father, I have wasted enough time, I would very much like to rectify that, I think it is what Lily would have wanted as well" he thinks hoping he's right wondering if she ever forgave him. In another life it could have been him and Lily raising Harry as their child if he hand't been such an idiot.
"My Mother?" he nods.
"I think you're right, I'd like that too, to be your son, and to have a real Father, I don't remember what it's like to have a real family or parents, I'd like to though" he clarifies.
Harry looked thoughtful for a minute then out of the blue "I forgive you"
"What?" Severus looked up stunned, thinking he must have heard wrong.
"Well it's like you said you made a lot of mistakes but you also changed, you're doing your best to make up for your bad choices. You cared a lot about my Mum even when you hurt her and you rescued me and promised to protect me, you're even willing to make me you way I see it is that someone who does all that can't be right? I'd rather have a real Dad who has to pretend to hate me than live with the Dursley's who I know truly hated me for existing and having magic" he said smiling innocently at him.
It takes time for the words to penetrate, Harry wants this, he wants him perhaps as much as he does. What is happening to him he wonders in disbelief, only a day ago he hated the boy on sight because he assumed that he would mirror his Father in more than just looks now he sees more of himself than Potter in the boy to the point that he wants to adopt him
"I don't believe it, thank you, it means a lot that you've accepted me and trust me to look after you, I would be honoured to do so and I will do everything I can to make it happen" he says numbly "but I still think you need to take your time to think about this and make sure it's what you really want" he sees the look of disappointment in his face and gently lifts his chin up so he is looking into is eyes "I promise you that I am not going anywhere, I will always care for you no matter what decision you make, I merely want to make sure that you are certain in your decision and not rushing into anything simply because I am the first one to care about you alright"
He gazed into the black eyes and slowly nodded "there's still one thing I don't understand though"
"Go on"
"Well, I still don't get how you knew to find me"
"That is something I'm not sure I can explain to you, I don't even know the answer myself. I guess I simply had a feeling or a vision that there was something wrong, that you needed help and that I needed to check on you if only to satisfy myself that you were ok"
"Kind of like a wizard sense?"
He had to smile at that, children and their imaginations "yes I suppose you could call it that if you wish, the important thing is that I found you before it was too late"
"I'm glad you found me too" Harry said smiling.
Chapter 4
The End.