A Life Unplanned by TiffCutshall

Chapter 8

Harry stood on the front steps, just looking out over the beautifully manicured lawn. He was still trying to come to grasp with the fact that this was now his home. He turned when he felt Sirius lay a hand on his shoulder.

“Let’s take a walk. What do you say?” Sirius asked.

“Sure.” Harry nodded.

The two turned from front of the house and Harry led Sirius around toward the gardens in back. There was a comfortable silence between the two. It was several minutes before Sirius spoke, breaking the silence.

“Last night after you and Hermione went to bed, Remus and Sn…Severus showed me the letters that Lily wrote. They also filled me in on what the Oracle told him. Now, I agree with them about being here for you and helping train you. Like them, you will not be facing Voldemort alone. I will be there with you.” Sirius said.

“And what about you and dad? I mean, I know you two don’t get along.” Harry inquired.

“He and I have agreed that it’s time we put all that behind us. Now, I’m not saying it will be easy, but we both agree that for you we can do that. We both love you Harry, and hurting you is the last thing either of us want.” Sirius replied.

When they reached one of the fountains with a bench nearby, Harry moved over and slowly sat down. Sirius sat beside him. “Sirius, I’m nervous about telling the Weasley’s tomorrow. I’m glad Mr. and Mrs. Granger have allowed Hermione to stay until Wednesday morning, but I’m still nervous.”

“Harry, Remus told me about the nightmare you had the other night. I agree with him, Hermione, and Severus, you’re worrying about nothing. The Weasley’s adore you. If you’re worried about Ron’s reaction, I wouldn’t be.” Sirius said.

“But I am. I know he’s my best friend and all, but he doesn’t like dad. You know how he can get.”

“I do, as I’m guilty of that too. Having said that, it’s the same reason I know you have nothing to worry about. Ron would not hurt you. Once he’s been told everything, and seeing you and Hermione together, I think he will take the news fine.”

Harry sighed and stared out at the fountain. He desperately wanted to believe Sirius and the others, yet for some reason he could not shake his doubt. The two sat there for several minutes in complete silence.

~00000~

Hermione sat in the library with Harry. His head laying in her lap as they both read. A few feet away, Sirius and Severus sat at a chess table playing muggle chess and talking quietly. Sirius glanced at the two teens, smiling a little and looking back at Severus, who was also smiling.

“They look good together.” Sirius remarked, moving his rook.

“They do. They remind me a lot of me and Lily when we were that age. I just hope they have a much brighter future.” Severus nodded, his voice full of regret for the loss of a future with Lily.

“They will. We’ll make sure they do.”

Severus looked up and his eyes met his one time enemy. “Sirius, I know you’ve been staying at 12 Grimmauld Place, but well, would you consider staying here? At least for the summer.”

Sirius smiled, “You mean it? You’d be alright with this ‘mutt’ staying in your home?”

Severus chuckled, causing both Hermione and Harry to glance over. Once they saw both wizards smiling, they smiled too and returned to their books.
“Yes, I’d be alright with it.”

“Then I’d be happy to. Let’s face it, your place is a lot homier than 12 Grimmauld Place ever was or will be.” Sirius answered. After making another chess move, Sirius sighed, “Severus, earlier Harry admitted that he’s still nervous about telling the Weasleys tomorrow. I told him everything would be fine, but I don’t think he believes me.”

“Me, Remus and even Hermione have told him the same. His nightmare the other night really spooked him. That and I think he’s still struggling to believe he is finally safe. God, I wish I knew what those fucking muggles did to him before me and…Dumbledore took him from that house.”

“You mean you and Remy haven’t asked him?”

“We both feel it may be too soon for him.”

“Severus, listen to me. You and I both endured abuse at the hands of members of our family. We both know that the longer you say nothing, it only causes those fears to fester. You luckily had the Prince and Potter line to talk to. I had no one until I started at Hogwarts and James and Remy finally got me to talk.”

Severus sighed. “I just don’t want to ruin things. Me and Harry are getting along well. I guess I’m the one that’s scared. What if he won’t tell me?”
Sirius reached out and laid a hand on Severus’s forearm, “This sort of thing is never easy, but if Harry is ever going to have a chance to heal…it has to be done. Tell you what, I’ll take Hermione and Remus out of the house. Maybe a movie or something. That way, it is just you and Harry. We’ll be back in time for dinner.”

Severus just nodded. Sirius pushed away from the table and walked over to the nearby sofa. Severus could not hear what he said, but he saw that Hermione nodded, patted Harry’s shoulder and the two left the room. Taking a slow breath, Severus rose and moved toward his son. Harry marked his place in his book, laid it on the coffee table and just looked down at the floor.

~00000~

“Harry, I think…”

“You…you want me to talk about what…the Dur…what they did to me. Don’t you?” Harry interrupted, his voice wavering and also sounding resound.

“Yes. Harry, I know you don’t want to, but you need to. Sirius made a good point about something. Both he and I endured abuse by members of our family. Me by my father and him by not just his father, but his mother and several other family members. Keeping this silent, well, all it does it cause that fear and anger to fester. It still gives them power over you.”

Harry sighed. Yes, he knew his dad was right, but he was still scared to put voice to the things that happened at Number 4 Privet Drive. Afraid that once his dad knew, he would not love him and only see him as damaged and broken. As if he could read his mind, Severus spoke up.

“Harry, nothing you tell me will change my love for you. And no, I didn’t read your mind. I’ve been in your shoes. I didn’t want to talk about what me and my mother went through, but James and our grandparents told me I would feel better once I did. They were right.” Severus stated softly.

Harry continued to look down at the floor. After a few moments, he heard himself beginning to speak. “The first time…I was I don’t know maybe five. I…until I got my Hogwarts letter, my bedroom was the room under the stairs. Well, not a room really, more a crawl space. I was outside weeding Aunt Petunia’s flower beds. Dudley, he started calling me names and then he ripped up the rose bush I had just planted. When I didn’t react, he…he began kicking me and then punching me. That evening, Uncle Vernon beat me the first time.

“He said it was punishment for not finishing all my chores that day. After that, it was nothing for him to beat me once or twice a week. I was barley fed. But I didn’t know any different. Then I started primary school. I guess…I guess that’s when I started to see what I dealt with wasn’t…wasn’t normal. I would see other kids with their parents and they all looked so…happy.”

~00000~

Severus sat beside Harry, remaining silent. He could tell that now that the dam was cracking, Harry more than likely would not stop talking now. Severus schooled himself to not reveal the horror and anger he felt starting to build inside him.

“A month after I began school my class had a test. I got a 100%. I was excited and when I showed them, they just got angry. Seems Dudley had a test that day too, and he failed it. Uncle Vernon grabbed me. He shook me. He was gripping my arms so hard and shaking me so much my head was whipping back and forth.” Harry paused, shivering as he remembered the event. “Telling me how dare I embarrass Dudley like that. I was a freak and freak didn’t deserve anything that good and normal people do.”

“The next day, I had bruises on my arms and my teacher must have seen them. When me and Dudley got home, Vernon grabbed me by the hair and all but body slammed me against the wall. He…he demanded to know what lies I was telling. I was clueless until he said something about me lying to the teacher. I tried to argue saying I didn’t say anything.”

Severus studied Harry when the young man paused. He was still looking down at the floor, but he saw that Harry was clenching his fists now. Severus suspected what his son was feeling. Ashamed. Anger. Pain. Even embarrassment. Severus was about to speak, but Harry started talking first.

“This continued on for years. I only learned my birthdate when I started school. As I told you and Remus, Dudley made sure I didn’t have any friends. He was, well IS a bully and most of the other kids were scared of him. After that first school year is when I purposely did bad.

“Guess it carried over when I started at Hogwarts. The first summer back from Hogwarts, that first night back was the first beating I had by a belt.”

~00000~

Harry still recalled that night. Yet, instead of the fear he had felt then, he felt anger surging through him now. “No sooner had we got back to the house, Vernon drug me upstairs to my room. He threw me to the floor. Before I even registered what was happening, I felt the first hit from the belt.

“I could hear him yelling that I was nothing but a burden. How a freak like me didn’t deserve to live. I have no idea how long he stood over me hitting me. When he finally left, I could barely move. I felt blood oozing down my cheek.”

Harry suddenly surged to his feet and was now pacing. It was like he felt something building up inside. Almost like when he had used accidental magic on Marge his third summer. “Not long after that is when I met Dobby. Luckily that incident only led to bars being put on my window and Hedwig being caged. You remember what happened then?”

“I do.” Severus nodded, recalling Harry and Ron arriving to Hogwarts via Arthur’s flying car.

“I wasn’t at their house long enough the next two summers, but that summer after Fourth year, the year Voldemort returned, was the worst.” Harry said, pacing faster now. “I had nightmare almost every night. I still do, but that summer they were the worst. I watched over and over as Cedric was killed. I could hear mum…hear her scream and the flash of fucking green light from the curse that killed her.

“The first few nights, I managed to stay quiet. But the fifth night…I must have screamed or something. I was still asleep when I was suddenly jerked out of my bed. Vernon gripping my upper arms. He was furious. He threw me across the room into the wall. Then he was on me. Hitting me with his fists. Yelling at me. Then he was standing and kicking me. I cried out, pleading with him to stop. That I was sorry. But he didn’t. It was Petunia who got him to stop. She said I was unconscious and that he had to stop. I passed out and it was three days later when I woke up.”

“My god.” Severus breathed. “None of the neighbors…”

Harry laughed sardonically. “Yeah right. The neighbors never said a word. Hell they barely looked at me as it was.”

“And I didn’t make things easier for you when you were at Hogwarts.” Severus sighed, guilt eating at him more now.

“It’s not like you or anyone else knew what was happening. I tried to tell Dumble…” Harry sucked in a deep breath, trying to calm down. “I tried to tell him but he just cut me off and told me it was for my own good that I returned there every summer.”

“He what?” Severus hissed.

“Shortly after starting second year started, he asked me for tea. I told him that the Dursley’s hated me. That they mistreated me, but he simply brushed it off saying they were family and things couldn’t be that bad. After that, I never tried again.” Harry hissed.

“Damnit.” Severus cursed.

Harry suddenly spun around and faced his dad. Shoulders heaving now. “Why? Why the hell did they do that to me! Did they hate me that much? Huh? What did I ever do to them!”

“Harry…”

A scream suddenly erupted from Harry. Sixteen plus years of pain, humiliation, loneliness that he had kept bottled up for so long burst free. His body shook with a mixture of rage and sobs. Without even conscious of what he was doing, Harry suddenly reached out, his hand wrapping around some solid object, then whirled around and threw said object. The shattering of the window seemed fitting. Harry felt like that window. Shattered.

Harry could no longer stop the sobs. Just like the other night. He sank to his knees and buried his face in his hands and fought to stay silent. He trembled when someone’s arms wrapped around him.

“Sshh. Let it out Harry. You’re safe here. Let everything out son.” Severus whispered as he held him.

“Dad…” Harry sobbed brokenly.

“I’ve got you son. Just let it out.” Severus encouraged.

And that was all it took. Harry clung to Severus and just sobbed. He cried for everything he had lost. His mom, the family he could have had, for Cedric, hell for all the innocents that had suffered and died because of Voldemort.
Severus just sat there, on the floor of the library, rocking his son. His heart broke for Harry. If he could, he would go straight to Number 4 Privet Drive and throttle not just Vernon Dursley, but Petunia and that pig of a son, Dudley.
Hell, he wanted to just rip apart everyone who had ever hurt or harmed Harry.

“You’re safe now, Harry. Dad has you and I will do all I can to protect you and keep you safe.” Severus whispered as the sobs and trembling faded.

“I’m…I’m sorry. About…the…window.” Harry finally spoked, sniffling.

“Surely you haven’t forgot that I’m a wizard.” Severus chuckled.

“Huh?” Harry questioned, lifting his head.

With an exaggerated sigh and roll of his eyes, making sure Harry was watching, he waved his hand and the once broken window was now fixed. Severus looked down at his son. And winked.

Harry smiled softly and chuckled, “Ah. Um, do you think you could…maybe teach me.”

“Teach you what?” Severus asked confused.

“What you just did. Wandless magic. Hermione says not all witches and wizards can do it. I mean, I get that and I know it’s hard to learn, but…”

“If you want to, yes I can.”

“I know I kind of sucked at Occlumency…”

“Son, that situation was not ideal for learning that skill. I told Al…Albus that it wouldn’t work. You were not in the right frame of mind. Occlumency and Legilimency are difficult skills to learn, let alone master. And before you even think it, you didn’t fail at it. At least twice you managed to push through my barriers."

“Twice? I mean I knew of that one time, the last lesson right before I stupidly went to the Ministry.”

“Yes twice. The first time, I was sure it was just a fluke. But that second time, you ACTUALLY cast the spell on me and wanted to break into my mind. The simple fact that you succeeded at fifteen, I knew then that if trained properly, you would be a force to be reckoned with.”

Harry gently pulled out of his father’s arms and tugged a handkerchief from his pocket. Yes, he knew it was out of character nowadays, but after more than one bloody nose from Dudley, he began carrying one. He wiped his nose and once more looked at Severus.

“You really think I could one day master Occlumency and Legilimency?”

“I don’t think Harry, I know. I tell you what, for the rest of this summer, what do you say that you and I work on that along with wandless magic? For that part, we can even include Remus and Sirius, as they both can use it.”

“Really? I’d like that.” Harry smiled softly.

“Alright then, we can start next week. You’re still healing from what happened. And, if you wouldn’t be opposed to the idea, I would like to tutor you. When you return in September, I want you to be top of your game.” Severus suggested.

Harry mulled that over for a moment, “I would like that. I hated when I got papers back and knowing I could have easily aced it.” Harry then frowned,
“What WILL happen when I go back? I mean, I’m not even going to look the same and only Hermione and Ron will know.”

Severus sighed, “I’ve been wondering that myself. Tell you want, I will talk with Remus and Sirius about it. After all, they are your Godfathers. Once we have an idea I can go to Hogwarts and talk to Minerva and…Albus.”

“Alright. Alright dad, that sounds like a plan. So, next week summer school begins?” Harry teased.

Severus chuckled, “I guess you could say that. The rest of this week, just get used to two things. One, you’re safe and protected now. Two, you’re loved and wanted. Can you do that for me son?”

Harry felt a relief blanket him and lay his head on Severus’s shoulder. “I think I can do that. Thanks, dad.”

“You never have to thank me for that. Never.” Severus smiled, resting his head on Harry’s head.